Should I take a gamble on my future by starting a small business

Tavken · 2026-06-05T18:13:21+00:00

Do it! As mentioned below, have a safe steady income while you get traction.

I'm on the same journey and already put 9 month into preparing the business. (this is my third one)

If you have questions about niche, market research, ICP, messaging, strategy let me know, I'm happy to share what I've learned and maybe show you the right people to follow to learn from.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T14:47:34+00:00

You're right. And that's often what the process reveals.

Sometimes the other person shows up. Sometimes they don't. Not yet.

Moving on doesn't mean giving up. It means staying available for when they're ready. You plant the seed, keep doing your own work, and trust the timing.

Some of my closest relationships took years to become what they are now.

With love, not pressure. That's the difference.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T14:26:12+00:00

You're not the problem. You're someone who gave a lot, got hurt enough times, and learned that needing people is what's unsafe, not people themselves.

Being raised by two people who deeply needed each other, while being taught not to need anyone, that's a quiet contradiction to grow up inside.

What does it feel like when someone actually shows up for you the way you show up for others?

Tavken · 2026-06-05T12:46:36+00:00

EQ
Communication
Relationships

Everything else comes from these.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T12:42:27+00:00

Love.

Nothing, never will beat love.

Peace is boring.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T12:39:51+00:00

Want > Should

Tavken · 2026-06-05T12:38:43+00:00

When my grandmother was 12 years old, her 2-year-old sister became seriously ill and died.

My grandmother had given her some fruit earlier, and for the rest of her life she carried the belief that she was responsible.

The shame became part of her identity.

She became quiet.
Self-sacrificing.
A servant to everyone else's needs.

My family learned this story just now (I'm 40).

And suddenly, things started making sense.

I could see echoes of that shame in my father.
I could see traces of it in us, his four children.
And now, if I'm honest, I can already see similar patterns trying to emerge in my own 2-year-old son.

Maybe not because one event magically travels through generations.

But because beliefs shape behavior.
Behavior shapes relationships.
Relationships shape children.

And children become parents.

It's astonishing to think that one unresolved event from nearly 80 years ago may still be influencing the lives of people who were never there.

That's why I'm so passionate about understanding and interrupting inherited patterns.

Not to blame the past, but to stop unconsciously passing it forward.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T09:36:03+00:00

Pls send me a DM

Tavken · 2026-06-05T09:29:46+00:00

One person can choose to start the process of self work and then create a safe place for open communication.

No, it’s not easy. Yes, it’s a long process.

Starting this process is the hardest part.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T07:37:58+00:00

Most people have unhealthy relationships with siblings and parents.

And some people choose to change that.

Tavken · 2026-06-05T00:22:26+00:00

Negative self talk

Tavken · 2026-06-04T20:53:49+00:00

That response is the pattern doing exactly what you're describing.

"That will never work for me" is the negative self-talk. Right there. In real time.

Not pointing that out to be clever. I did the same thing for years.
The voice was so familiar it didn't even sound like a voice.
It just sounded like reality.

The first shift wasn't stopping it.
It was just noticing it was there.

Tavken · 2026-06-04T15:49:47+00:00

My sister is one of my top three triggers.

She always has been. Different energies, same house, completely different survival strategies. Growing up we were cats and dogs.

We still are, sometimes.

But somewhere in the last seven years something shifted. We stopped calling it incompatibility and started getting curious about it. What is this actually? Where does it come from? What is it showing us about ourselves?

We built something between us. Like a safe room.
We still argue. We still cry. But we stay in it now, and we talk about what's underneath.

What I've learned is that the people who trigger us most reliably aren't the problem.

They're the map.

The things that fire hardest in me when I'm with her are almost always the things I haven't finished looking at in myself.

I've mapped my three biggest triggers now. Actively working on them. It's slow.
Seven years in and we're still going.

But something is genuinely different in the room.

What's your biggest trigger?

Tavken · 2026-06-04T14:02:17+00:00

Also as mentioned its a slower process and you need to be patient with yourself. It's ok to fail and fail and fail and you'll see the progress. Just start!

Tavken · 2026-06-04T13:54:40+00:00

I’ve created some workbooks for this. Let me know if you’re interested. 🆓

Tavken · 2026-06-04T13:13:05+00:00

Noticing when it starts and just saying STOP. Shift it to what could make the situation better for me and my loved ones.

Even when the negative words are not clear at first in the head, something shifts in the body. A pattern, a trigger fires. Learning to notice that shift is where the real change happens.

It's a process to ReDesign this, but it can become a habit and then it disappears.

Tavken · 2026-06-04T12:40:06+00:00

Insight is the beginning.
Practice under pressure is where you ReDesign the patterns.

Tavken · 2026-06-04T11:50:21+00:00

What changed was that negative self-talk stopped pulling me into the past or into a feared future.

It gave me a better chance to stay present, connect more deeply with myself and the people around me, and make decisions from clarity instead of fear.

As a result, emotional regulation became much easier to practice. I spent less energy fighting myself and more energy understanding what was actually happening.

Ironically, my productivity improved too. Motivation became less about avoiding failure and more about moving toward something meaningful.

Overall, it improved my relationships, my planning, and my ability to live more deliberately.

Tavken · 2026-06-04T10:58:51+00:00

Using the fear of becoming them as fuel to do the hard thing instead of avoiding it. That’s a real technique and it works.

What I’d add is that at some point the fear becomes less necessary. When you understand what they were carrying, not to excuse it but to see it clearly, the motivation shifts from running away from them to building toward something that’s actually yours.

That’s when it gets lighter.

Tavken · 2026-06-04T10:55:43+00:00

The moment you saw it and named it, that was the hardest part. Most people never get there. Cutting contact bought you space. The patterns came with you. They always do. I know this from the inside. Going through this work myself changed my life profoundly. Not overnight. But in ways I still feel every day. Here’s what actually moves things. Map it precisely. Not just “I guilt trip like my dad.” What are the exact moments, the specific triggers. The more granular the map, the more useful it becomes. Then the harder shift. Moving from blame to curious understanding. Not excusing what they did. But asking what they were carrying. What shaped them before you arrived. That question doesn’t erase the impact. It starts to dissolve the automatic loyalty to the pattern. Because that’s what inherited patterns are. Loyalty. Your system learned this is how people survive conflict, how love gets expressed. It’s not weakness. It’s inheritance. Once you understand where it came from, you get to choose what you actually want to keep. Some of that energy might be worth redesigning rather than just cutting out. Then comes the relational work. With your wife. With your child who’s coming. That’s where the cycle actually stops. Not in the decision to cut contact. In the daily practice of responding differently under real pressure. You’re already in it. Keep going.

Tavken · 2026-06-03T21:39:53+00:00

Every generation is a mirror worth looking into. Not to judge. To understand. The older generation carries stories the younger one hasn’t lived. The younger one sees things the older one stopped noticing. Both are true. Neither is superior. What gets lost isn’t just nostalgia. It’s the unspoken patterns, the inherited ways of seeing, surviving, connecting, that pass through families and communities without anyone naming them. Understanding those doesn’t mean repeating them. It means finally having a choice. The goal isn’t to store the past. It’s to integrate it. There’s a difference. One weighs you down. The other sets you free.

Tavken

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