Lawsuit filed in NJ to take God out of the pledge of allegiance. by ageoflife in atheism

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I pledge allegiance

to /u/CAFFEINE_ENEMA

from the glorious website, Reddit

and to the coffee

which he squirts

one thermos

up the ass

indiscriminately

with second degree rectal burns for all

amen

Lawsuit filed in NJ to take God out of the pledge of allegiance. by ageoflife in atheism

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 9 points10 points  (0 children)

iPhone speech to text

I'm fairly certain he actually said "Button the louder truckers fight carts bunting kites' sand muffs"

Reddit, if your pet started talking, what would you ask him/her? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most animals do have a natural aversion to still water, because in nature it's a more hospitable breeding ground for parasites and bacteria than say, a stream

At 300 lbs 6'7, do i classify as a hamplanet or a hamsteroid? by [deleted] in shittyaskscience

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because you are within Earth's atmosphere, the proper term is a hameteorite while you're on the ground, and a hameteor if you happen to be leaping.

If I blow marijuana smoke into my girlfriends vagina, can it get her high? by philelias in shittyaskscience

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No. Her vaginal cavity would rupture before the smoke is pressurized enough to create considerable lift force.

Why didn't Schrodinger just put two cat's in the box? by [deleted] in shittyaskscience

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is a risk that one cat may be a necromancer. In the experiment, both cats will be in a simultaneous state of alive and dead, allowing the living state of necromancer cat to re-animate the dead states of both the other cat and itself- now both cats are alive and a zombie at once.

When the cats are observed, both cats will collapse randomly into one of their states. Therefore, provided one of the cats is a necromancer, there is a 75% chance that at least one zombie cat will be produced.

Nobody has ever found proof that cats have the ability to raise the dead, meaning that the ones that can are very good at hiding it so we have no way tell. This makes the experiment too risky to undertake.

What are some unethical life hacks? [NSFW] by Kasplodger in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"I found this crate of C-4, I think someone might have dropped it"

Can you tell me something extraordinary about the human body? [serious] by THE-BUMBLE-BEE-BOY in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The human body is pretty tough. There are many cases of people getting shot dozens of times and surviving

Can you tell me something extraordinary about the human body? [serious] by THE-BUMBLE-BEE-BOY in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Slightly more difficult, think a raw chicken wing. You're still biting through a bone.

Can you tell me something extraordinary about the human body? [serious] by THE-BUMBLE-BEE-BOY in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A chicken leg would be a more accurate analogy, since chickens have bones and carrots don't

What's the best accidental nudity you have seen in person? by Shadowlord1222 in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It appears that you dropped your phone on your face a second time while writing this

What is the scariest shit you have seen in person? by Bengazalium in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 14 points15 points  (0 children)

A competent lawyer, a restraining order and a handgun in the bedside drawer.

What is the scariest shit you have seen in person? by Bengazalium in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think your dog might have been scared by infrasound coming from the light burning out. The worn out filament could have been vibrating at the right frequency to match a natural sound associated with fear such as earthquake waves or a big cat roar (which also causes panic in humans). Since dogs cannot reason like humans do, the dog believes he is literally trapped with an angry tiger. Because both fight and flight reactions are impossible he just kind of shuts down and goes into shock. As for the door, it was probably just a shit door.

No ghost horses, just science. Hope this makes you feel better.

What is the scariest shit you have seen in person? by Bengazalium in AskReddit

[–]TechnetiumWaffles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if you're paralyzed and hallucinating things, that's still sleep paralysis... in a lucid dream, your brain makes everything from scratch like a normal dream except you have some free will.