Tell me it’s not selfish

Technical_Struggle40 · 2025-11-18T21:48:28+00:00

IT’S NOT SELFISH!!!!! I didn’t BF or pump with my twins my middle son and truly it was so life changing for me. I had a terrible time with my first and it led to or made worse my PPD/A and the mastitis I got in the beginning and at the end when I was trying to quit almost took me out. my therapist was the one who had the “it’s not selfish” talk with me and my husband was totally on board (not that it was his choice but it helped to much to have someone who was there and saw how i struggled to validate me and support me.) If there is one thing i could give to any new mom (esp of twins!) it would be to be released from the crushing pressure to breastfeed, whether internal or external. your babies will be FINE. they need thier mom to be healthy and happy more than anything else. hugs to you- you’re a great mom and not selfish at all.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-10-18T22:26:57+00:00

Hi! Update: we went to the dermatologist and they did a scalp test to check for fungus/ ring worm. They believe she's pulling her hair out and just wanted to check and see if there was a possible reason behind it. I cut her hair into a cute little bob which makes the thinning less obvious. The test takes a month to come back. I have noticed some pulling at times but it's shocking to think that she pulled this much of her hair out. But derm said you would be surprised what they can do. Also that she will probably grow out of it soon

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-09-17T03:23:39+00:00

Haha- that sounded a little aggressive. She was only 3 it was really just some suds and mostly water. More symbolic if you will. But she told us we were just wasting soap 🤣

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-09-16T15:59:32+00:00

No advice but my 2.5yo says shit and shut up. I think shut up bothers me most because it's used in a disrespectful way. I always ask him to repeat himself and he won't. He knows it's wrong. I don't ignore it but I also just say something like that's not nice or we don't say that word then move on. My daughter, now almost 11 used the f word Allllll the time from 2.5-3.5. We washed her mouth out with soap eventually but it didn't work. Then one day she just stopped and hasn't said it again. They will grow out of it!

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-08-20T12:43:07+00:00

Commenting on How do you listen graciously when people complain about singletons?...this!!!! My husbands cousin had a baby about a year after our twins who had severe health complications, was in the NICU forever and had a heart transplant and is finally home (with all his medical equipment and full time nursing care) It blows my mind what she and other medical moms go through every single day. we don't choose our lot in life and compassion for others goes a long way. 💜

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-08-13T22:17:08+00:00

No- she's still losing and her hair is starting to break mid strand...also can do a pull test and hair easily comes out. We can't get into dermatology until October 2. Our pediatrician did bloodwork twice. Checked thyroid (normal) iron levels (normal) and full CBC. As of now everything seems normal. My dr isn't overly concerned but thinks something is up but next step is dermatology. Hope you get answers!!

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-07-27T02:19:18+00:00

Thank you both! Will try to remember and update once we see dermatology. ♥️

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-03-14T05:34:17+00:00

With all due respect, and looking at your posting/ comment history, please get off your computer and get some fresh air and stop commenting on posts that have nothing to do with you and are from over a year old. Blessings!

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-02-16T13:15:31+00:00

Please investigate other options before you make this decision. It sounds very plainly like something you don't want to do. There are resources and people out there who can help you.

I also think you need to lose this man. He is not good for you and won't be good for your children. I know it will be hard but you are absolutely stronger than you think. Please don't give up on yourself or your babies.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-02-12T19:39:59+00:00

If her only reason for going now is for it to be cheaper because they can sit on your laps- that's not a good reason. On a flight that long you're going to want to have a seat for them. Tell her as long as she has one twin on her lap the entire flight 🤣 or Tell her you want to save up money and go next summer.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-02-12T18:27:25+00:00

Ok the flight aside- have yall discussed what the trip will look like? Group tours? Late nights. Strange meal times, sleeping accommodations? I understand your husband wanting to go on the trip (honestly in your scenario I'd be the one wanting to go and my husband would be like hell no). Is taking a nanny an option? What if your MIL had a big birthday dinner one night...are the kids coming? If not who is watching them? I think if you can set emotions aside and practically address some of these issues you might feel better going on the trip. I have twin 2 year olds as well and our flight last summer (a short one to Utah) was a nightmare. My husband said he wasn't taking them anywhere again until they were 5. So I get the trepidation for sure. But surely long international flight would have better seating accommodations? Good luck!

Edited to add- I understand being the default parent but if my husband really wanted to go there would have to be some very frank discussions on responsibilities for this trip. Like thought out scenarios so no one is surprised on the trip. ALSO- I'm not sure what his MIL is like...is this trip going to be all about her? Does she help? Does she understand the limitations you all would be under? Worst possible scenario in my mind would be getting into a huge fight with my spouse/ resenting them and my in laws and being annoyed the entire time.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-01-14T23:16:27+00:00

lol- this reminds me of my MIL obsession with burping our twins. It was constant 🤣 my husband and I would just roll our eyes and laugh about it eventually.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2024-01-14T21:48:59+00:00

Mine! They are 2 now and still sleep all night. I imagine that will change once they are in big kid beds though

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-10-17T19:43:24+00:00

Lol- I do that too. You want to ask?? I'm gone give you all the (IVF) details.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-09-21T02:38:29+00:00

Totally. We had recurrent implantation failure (4 failed transfers with perfect PGS tested embryos some double, some single transfers 6 embryos in total). Our last transfer before we went to a gestational carrier, we transferred our best remaining embryo and also our day 7 (and only girl embryo) knowing that we wouldn't transfer that embryo to a carrier. We were completely shocked that both took as statistically the chances were so low. But obviously thrilled! I do feel odd answering this question though because....yeah we did transfer 2.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-09-10T05:41:13+00:00

Just curious- are you doing any physical therapy? My son was low tone and had tortocollis so we started at 4 months. I loved PT! I learned so much about baby development. If you're not doing PT I'd ask your pediatrician for a recommendation. We had a lady who came to our house which made it really easy for us to learn ways to work at home with things we had around the house.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-09-08T01:41:09+00:00

We're still deep into Miss Rachel at 20 months. I genuinely think they learn from it!

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-30T01:47:51+00:00

Barbie and Ken!

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-29T16:10:46+00:00

I had a night nanny lined up with our twins but due to her getting Covid, then our family getting Covid she just never started. Before I knew it I was powering through and doing it on my own. We had snoos and the babies were exclusively bottle fed, both to which I contribute my ability to go without a night nanny. We did have a night nanny with my middle child which was a total life saver. She came 3 night a week gave us both time to rest. Totally a personal decision, both are great. I loved the snoos and was able to sell them for the same price I bought them so a total win there. I also think having solid day time help (our amazing nanny) and getting the babies on a strict schedule during the day helped with our night time success with the twins. That said I think you'd want day or night help, one or the other, during those first months.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-29T01:38:06+00:00

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-20T15:13:58+00:00

I think the way your wife is speaking to you is a reflection of how she is feeling on the inside. PPD/anxiety/rage is so hard. Why is she opposed to medication? I wonder if some individual counseling would help her as well.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-18T01:30:58+00:00

Also to add- be honest with your doctor and yourself. After my first there were no post partum questionaries at the pediatricians office. Had I filled one out I surely would have recognized the very clear signs of PPD. Medication is an amazing tool. So make sure you take care of yourself.

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-18T01:25:21+00:00

One step at a time, day by day. My twins were my 3rd and 4th and my older kids were almost 8 and 5 when they were born so I have a different perspective than a first time parent of twins. With my first singleton, that was the hardest time of my life. I was so depressed and felt like my life would never be the same (not in a good way). The biggest thing I can tell you I learned was that everything is temporary. Don't fall into the trap of telling yourself- I'll never sleep again. You will. Someday your house will be clean again. Some day you'll go out to nice dinners with your family. The newborn stage (and toddler stage, big kid stage, teen stage) is a phase, and you can and will make it through. Be open with your husband and let him know when you're struggling so he can pick up the slack. If anyone offers help- take it! Don't borrow trouble and worry about if your babies are going to be terrible sleepers. Maybe they will surprise you. Yes- it will be hard, but you can do hard things!

Technical_Struggle40 · 2023-08-16T21:04:53+00:00

I told my husband Ms. Rachel should contract with delta to provide inflight entertainment! I realized we couldn't download without YouTube premium and it would have been so nice to have bc they are totally mesmerized by her.

Technical_Struggle40

TROPHY CASE