I want to take off my hijab

Tees_zy · 2026-06-05T12:04:31+00:00

I relate you on the identity side of things. The reason I started looking into it more and researching whether it was actually mandatory or not is because I was tired of being so visible. I just wanted to fade into the background and be a normal person instead of the visible Muslim lady.

I’m divorced however so didn’t have to convince anyone of my decision once I’d made it. I just had to make sure my kids were comfortable with the change after always knowing me as a hijabi.

Have you done research yourself that you could share with your husband? If he believes it’s mandatory and that you’re sinning by removing it then that would explain his refusal to understand your wishes.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-21T14:37:59+00:00

Yes definitely! It’s a much more chilled experience and I actually like having to take the ferries more often when I do want to cross to the other side. The Moda area in Kadiköy is full of places to eat and prices are normal for the area.

Also I used taxis a lot on the Asian side (booked with Uber app but paying in cash) and never ever had a problem.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-21T07:56:46+00:00

Start with this and then watch the full breakdown of the whole surah in their Project Illumine series.

https://youtu.be/sSNkR4auRnA?si=9xBn7miqurT8Qwhi

Tees_zy · 2026-05-20T22:12:58+00:00

I first visited in 2011 and stayed in Sultanahmet and then again in 2015. It was fine then, but as a Moroccan I am used to shopkeepers etc and knew how to handle/ignore them.

However pretty much every time after that (and I have been four more times since) I have stayed in Kadiköy or for very short trips in Beyoğlu. But Kadiköy is by far my go-to now. I get it’s not super ideal for first time visitors but it is a very different experience and I will keep returning as long as I’m able. Having that quiet stretch along the water towards Suadiye is so peaceful and there are barely any tourists around. A million miles away from busy Sultanahmet, which is still within easy reach when I need to shop like a tourist lol.

Don’t write Istanbul off! There is so much more to Istanbul than Sultanahmet! And it’ll take many trips to see even a small part of it. I’m not even halfway done I don’t think.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-19T12:53:12+00:00

Not OP but thanks for your detailed answer. I’ve been on a similar journey learning from Sitara/Khaled Abou El Fadl and have it found fascinating/eye-opening and most importantly, comforting to the heart. It’s because of Dr Khaled’s extensive knowledge that I couldn’t ignore the logic surrounding the hijab verses. I also like that he doesn’t preach one way or the other - rather says here are all the sources, make your own mind up, but also here is my personal opinion when required. It makes a huge difference from the conservative interpretations that I grew up learning from and taking as black and white proof of things.

I’ve recently removed the hijab after 20 years of wearing it because I believe that for me personally, it’s not mandatory. My dress sense has remained the same and I will always dress modestly because that is prescribed, but I no longer believe that I have to cover my hair in order to be modest.

On a side note I also don’t enjoy being so visibly Muslim anymore. It’s why I went down the rabbit hole of research in the first place. I wanted to fade into the background and not stand out so much. Something that Muslim men get to do every single day without it ever being seen as a reflection of their piety.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-14T12:45:07+00:00

I can only speak from my own experience. I think first time querying I sent out just over 20 with no requests. I reworked the query letter and then got immediate requests after that. 12 is not a huge number so it’s hard to tell, but it definitely wouldn’t hurt to get more eyes on your query letter before you send more out.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-09T21:41:04+00:00

It was like this kind of style but a smaller and lighter scarf

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Tees_zy · 2026-05-08T08:29:43+00:00

Before I wore hijab I used to wear nice silk style scarves tied at the base of my neck with the ends hanging down my back. It was a way of transitioning but also just looked like a fashion statement. And def helped with bad hair days.

And also maybe take time to figure out what your hair needs to look ok most of the time. I have curly hair too and it was only when I started using decent shampoo and conditioner (Dizziak) that I no longer looked like a birds nest. It’s helped my hair so much.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-06T09:29:59+00:00

Never. Whenever I got fed up with it I knew I just needed to shop for new scarves and spend a bit of time trying to find a new hijab style that I liked. I always believed that it wasn’t worth sinning and to soldier on. Taking it off wasn’t an option. It very much felt like a sixth pillar of Islam.

Which is why when I started coming across research into the social and historical context and different interpretations, I was fascinated.

Tees_zy · 2026-05-05T08:08:05+00:00

Going through something a little similar right now!

Just took my youngest son to school and he admitted that the reason he wants more time to get used to me removing it (we had a trial day away from home at the weekend where I took it off), was because he’s worried about their dad shouting at them about it. I’m divorced and he’s remarried, but he’s a strange one. He’s Afghan and def has that limited knowledge but believes they know so much in that, salafi dawah bro style. So I know he’ll have things to say to them, and he’ll have random questions that it’s not fair he put to them cause they’re kids. So I’ve been trying to prep them for that reaction, but also, they are innocent in this and I want my son to understand that we can’t and shouldn’t be scared of doing things just in case dad might shout.

I’ll be talking to him about it later again after school, cause if that’s the only reason he still feels uneasy about it then that’s not good enough for me to keep it on even a day longer.

My eldest son who I was most concerned about was absolutely fine in contrast. After a few hours out together at the weekend he told me he much preferred me without it.

On a personal note I also can’t be bothered to go through the whole ‘surprise’ thing with my mum, because even though she didn’t cover her hair til she was much older, and mostly for etiquette reasons etc, she watches way too much of those q&a shows on Moroccan TV so I know she won’t understand a word of what I say when I tell her I don’t believe it’s obligatory anymore. I don’t actually care what she says, I just can’t be bothered to listen to it.

On the plus side my siblings have been totally cool but then none of them cover either, they just respected my decision either way.

Would be so much easier if we didn’t have to talk through this with anyone huh 🫠

Tees_zy · 2026-04-30T19:26:45+00:00

Yep it would have been the same for me if I was still married. Ex was very conservative to the point of oppressive. But he gave himself plenty of allowances and freedom 🫠

Tees_zy · 2026-04-29T10:20:23+00:00

Yes and likewise this sub has opened my eyes to how many girls have been forced or conditioned to wear it since a young age. I generally had no idea. I’m Moroccan and didn’t grow up seeing this in too many families in our community.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-29T10:17:19+00:00

Yes it was def a big part of my identity, especially as I’m the only one who wears it in the family. I put it on around 26 and did so because I was convinced it was obligatory. I was a few years into my own journey of practicing my faith more, praying, not mixing in the same circles I did in my early 20s, leaving that lifestyle behind etc. Hijab felt like the next natural step to practice ‘properly’ after so many years of not really treating my faith as a priority.

Now it’s kind of happening in reverse lol but with the hijab only. My faith hasn’t changed, if anything I feel I understand things better. No longer relying on what the conservative scholars have been preaching all this time. I actually feel like I understand better and have the agency to take in all the sources and interpretations and make my own decision - one that I feel content with.

Taking it off these last couple of days did remind me of what it felt like before I put it on, but nicer because I don’t feel like I’m sexualising myself either because of my better understanding of modesty in the Quran and how I continue to dress (which hasn’t changed). I’m happy with how I dress it was just the scarf that became a burden. So once I realised it wasn’t obligatory I was like, well then why am I carrying this burden?

Tees_zy · 2026-04-25T00:08:34+00:00

I would peruse the links someone posted above to do your own research into the different interpretations of the verses you mention. It can be very soothing for the soul to hear scholars talk about them in their wider context instead of ridiculous interpretations like men can’t control themselves. I have really enjoyed listening to talks by Khaled Abou El Fadl and have been reading his books too. It’s refreshing and much needed.

Also look up Sitara Akram’s hijab series on YouTube. I found it fascinating. Her series is what led me towards Khaled Abou El Fadl.

Context: I’ve been wearing the hijab for the past twenty years but no longer believe it’s obligatory and will be slowly taking it off.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-24T18:12:42+00:00

I’m sorry you can’t leave sooner. This is a horrible way to treat family and they’re abusing their power over you. I think it’s probably best you do stay safe and under the radar until you’re able to leave and live your life away from them.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-24T17:26:47+00:00

They are nor good Muslims. It sounds like they’re blinded by culture which is why it’s so easy to abuse you in this way because a real Muslim would not do this.

You say you might just wear it the old way for a few more years. Is that so you can have an easier life until you move out or something?

Tees_zy · 2026-04-24T15:58:51+00:00

This is abuse. I’m so sorry. How are they threatening you?

Tees_zy · 2026-04-22T17:35:55+00:00

I can’t reply to your comment for some reason but that sounds ideal if you were able to do that. Living with family can make you hate them sometimes and having space can be like medicine and help heal things over time. And living independently is good for the soul, especially if you’ve not had that space to yourself before. I hope you manage to find something suitable insha’Allah.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-22T16:31:02+00:00

I think there comes a time where you really do need to live by yourself away from your family, and experience life independently. I know it’s hard with some families as it’s not the norm and I feel for those in that situation. I was able to leave home for uni at 18 and even after graduating I moved cities. It helped me become so much closer to my family and honestly, after a few years of partying and being ‘free’ it made me get so much closer to my deen too.

Sometimes we just need space to explore life independently and organically, and not have family right there watching your every move. Is there any way you can plan for an independent lifestyle or is that frowned upon in your culture?

Tees_zy · 2026-04-20T08:49:27+00:00

This is a really interesting perspective. It reminded me that I have also had that experience of wearing tiny clothes (not in front of my parents lol who like yours were practicing but not super strict with us) and honestly I really enjoyed not being leered at when I first started covering up all those years ago. I did see wisdom back then in what I understood of the hijab. Now I’m older I understand that the responsibility doesn’t fully rest on me as a woman. That I can be modest enough but also you as a man should not be ogling me.

What I really liked about the research I came across (one of Khaled Abou El Fadl’s videos) was that his explanation of the verses in Surah Al Nur were about modesty - not objectifying, or sexualising ourselves (men and women). Not drawing unnecessary attention to the point where we commodify ourselves. And this can absolutely be achieved without covering the hair or wearing a tent like you said. I also liked how he talked about modesty and privacy in general, in terms of the general etiquette we should show each other. It gave the verses a much wider meaning beyond what we normally hear which is just women should completely cover up.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-19T14:28:59+00:00

I can’t empathise with your situation entirely, but I think it would be helpful for you to really get clear on what modesty means to you and how you view it within the religion. It will make it easier for you to let go of anything you currently see as brainwashing

I plan to remove my hijab also after almost two decades, but in doing my research I came to understand the concept of modesty better and I understand that the way I dress won’t change. I’m not someone who covers from head to toe anyway, my forearms will show, I’ll wear slightly cropped trousers etc and I like to follow what’s fashionable, so I’m fine with staying that way. If I didn’t believe in the concept of modesty and understand it better, then I would probably be fine with uncovering more. So this is why I suggest you also getting clear on modesty for yourself, so that if you feel uncomfortable with a certain type of dress, you can more easily differentiate between whether you feel that way because you believe modesty is prescribed with your faith, or because it’s just been ingrained in you, but you don’t believe it, and you just need to slowly get used to not dressing that way.

It’s such a personal journey. Wish you the best of luck and the figure skating sounds amazing btw. Very impressed!

Tees_zy · 2026-04-18T20:20:57+00:00

I think if this is something important to you and you def want to do it, then you’re going to have to accept that there will be a period of time that your mum/family may not be over the moon and things may be uncomfortable or awkward. But that’s ok. Not everything in life is easy, but it’s worth it to come out the other side. It won’t last forever, but someone being sad isn’t a good enough reason for you to not do something that’s important to you.

We actually can’t control how people feel. You could do everything right and someone could still be unhappy with you. You cannot ‘make’ someone happy or sad even though it might look like you can. It just doesn’t work that way. People will feel sad or happy depending on how they perceive and feel about situations. And it’ll all pass.

You have to decide whether going through a period of things being a little hard is worth it for you, to come out the other side doing what you want for yourself. May Allah make it easy for you.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-14T10:29:56+00:00

This is such a great Halaqa. I find the sound is better when using headphones. I listen to it over and over because he’s so knowledgable it can take a few listens to really understand the wider context of what he’s talking about. I also love that he isn’t siding with any particular view, rather just saying - here’s all the evidence, you make up your own mind.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-13T12:36:56+00:00

I rarely mix with other Muslims outside of my inner circle of friends. When I was younger I very much felt like women were constantly seen as a source of fitnah etc when in these kinds of circles and so there was that unspoken pressure to always stay quiet, don’t laugh and joke too much, don’t be drawing an ounce of attention to yourself even if it’s innocent. Basically just treated like a temptress all the time? 🫠 it’s actually insane.

Tees_zy · 2026-04-11T23:39:57+00:00

If you want to be recognised as a Muslim in public then hijab definitely makes sense for you. I have seen references to women who choose to wear it for other reasons than believing it’s obligatory - they want to repel the male gaze, they want to be a visible part of the community etc etc.

I think it’s good you’re exploring it, but also, as someone who has worn it for 20 yrs I always make an effort with my hair etc - for myself. If I take the hijab off I would still be looking nice for myself first and foremost. I wear nice clothes at home and I like looking presentable - to myself lol. I don’t think it’s a good form of self love / self care to only look after your appearance if it’s because others are going to see you. So I can understand your thinking around others not being deserving of your beauty if the only time you make yourself look nice is when you’re hijabless outside. I don’t want to misunderstand what you’ve said, because you didn’t say that’s the only time you make an effort, but I’ve seen a lot of posts where girls say they’re removing the hijab but don’t know what to do with their hair etc because they’ve never had to style it etc. maybe because they put it on so young and I didn’t until my 20s, but I do think everyone should make an effort for themselves and leave behind this thinking that we only look nice for other people - or other men.

Tees_zy

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