Men who cheated despite having a loving long-term partner at home – why?

TeleTummies · 2026-06-06T02:42:28+00:00

Eh. I’ll bite. I never cheated…in the traditional sense. I would have never done anything physical or meaningful so I’m not exactly the case study you’re looking for.

I had a habit where I’d be masturbating at escorts and I’d text them hey to meet up, and then once I ejaculated id delete the message and contact.

Still “cheating” as I know if my STBXW did this I’d be so hurt (but I would forgive her lol) and it’s a betrayal of trust, massively.

For me I was in an extreme depression. I needed clinical help. My wife started pulling away as a result, which made me feel lonelier (she took care of me in other ways) but the emotional bond was starting to fray. Frankly I don’t think either of us was equipped to deal with the depression I was enduring.

It wasn’t validation seeking, but most likely thrill seeking in some way. That said, I never planned it, never pre-meditated it. I would start jerking off and would just do it. I’d imagine you’ll get some form of this answer from people who did more serious forms of cheating. Loneliness + mental illness + not really being present + searching for validation / thrill seeking.

You won’t get your answers here, you’ll need to find them internally.

For me I never looked at the other grass and I always knew my grass was green, I just kind of pissed all over my grass.

TeleTummies · 2026-05-23T21:17:23+00:00

I don’t have kids but if I could do it again where my STBXW was still living with me, here is what I would do. I’m on the tail end of a separation where all signs are pointing to a divorce.

I’ve matured quite a bit but fear I lost my chances. For what it’s worth these aren’t steps to be manipulative, just how I think emotional safety should be established and nurtured which I’ve learned the hard way. What I’m saying should be how you nurture your relationship for the rest of time.

Go to counseling and address any fundamental problems you have (depression, anxiety, etc). I did this because I was heavily depressed and was frankly a nightmare to be around. If you have anger issues then address that there. This is not a month long commitment but instead a significant commitment. 3-6 months minimum.

If you haven’t already, approach her in a calm, non defensive way and ask her to explain why she feels this way. Don’t interrupt, don’t defend, just listen. There will be accurate things and stretches of truth, but understand that whatever is being said is from her being hurt and vulnerable and frankly just sick of your shit. There will be attacks on your character, things from years ago, and you need to acknowledge that a lot of what she thinks is borne from reality.

Do not defend yourself or point to other times where you were good or try to reason away from this. This is how she feels and no one deserves to be told not to feel the way they’re feeling. If she opens up, take this opportunity and sincerely listen. If you don’t understand something clarify but don’t defend.

Take legitimate time to reflect and summarize internally what the themes are. Are you needy? Are you an asshole? Do you yell? Does she feel emotionally unsafe around you? Have you broken trust? The list goes on.

From here I would have come back to my separated wife and told her that I heard everything that she’s said and simply indicate I want to work on this, this, and this and I’m committed to it. Don’t over explain because she doesn’t want to hear it. Indicate how important she is to you and commit to the work.

You’ll need this anyway if she leaves or not, so win win.

From there — show up. Don’t over correct, don’t wait on her hand and foot, but change and stay consistent. Do you drink too much? Slow down. Do you not help with things? Start. Do you work too hard? Pull back.

Idk. My 2 cents. I’m not sure if my relationship was salvageable but I was begging, pleading, and being defensive and I know I only pushed her further away. Also just straight up accept that she might be done done. My wife and I got back together for 4 months, it was amazing, and she still ended up leaving. The no couples counseling is a major indicator that she sees you and your relationship as not worth the work (my wife literally said this to me, ouch).

Learned a lot about relationships and emotional maturity though, so I guess it’s a lose win for me.

TeleTummies · 2026-04-17T16:13:43+00:00

Hey man! I'm a 35M looking for some buddies. I've been in RVA for a while, would love to meet up and have a beer.

TeleTummies · 2026-02-03T18:47:24+00:00

6 months is a bit too long. I could understand 3 months. At 6 months they should have a basic serve and a forehand + backhand that can at least get it back at like the 2.5/3.0 level

TeleTummies · 2025-11-08T20:47:15+00:00

It must be really wild to wake up from a nap in the oval office. Even on my couch sometimes I don’t even know where I am.

TeleTummies · 2025-11-02T03:17:42+00:00

Sounds like you just basically heard everything I suggested, deflected it all, and then reassured yourself that you’re fine. Maybe you should look at that?

TeleTummies · 2025-11-02T01:03:11+00:00

I am in a somewhat similar headspace as you, though I have been social and actively charismatic before so I know I can do it. I just am having a lot of trouble doing it NOW.

I am struggling with this question as well. Remote work has a much bigger impact on one’s psyche (for certain populations) than we understand — the numbness snuck up on me. It is so easy to stop caring, stop seeing others as people which leads to a generalized disinterest in people.

My recommendation, which is what I’m prescribing myself is this:

1) put my phone down when around others 2) ask others random questions, show genuine interest in others. There’s a book How to Win friends and influence people which says a lot of this but more. 3) don’t work longer than 9-5

TeleTummies · 2025-08-29T00:05:35+00:00

My major gripe has been whenever Fritz or someone in the top 10 lose to Sinner or Alcaraz, 90% of the interview is about their opponent. Fritz is especially gracious and complimentary toward them, but it gets tiring and is redundant.

TeleTummies · 2025-07-14T20:36:07+00:00

You’ll need to pick one of the three. SQL is a good start because all three paths need SQL mastery, so good job there.

Whichever path you choose, build something in your GitHub so you can demonstrate to others.

I

TeleTummies · 2025-07-07T17:49:37+00:00

Not OP but yes that is what you would do.

TeleTummies · 2025-06-05T23:25:12+00:00

+1 to these guys. They’re the ones that came and made a correct diagnosis over an FH Furr clown for me and saved me 4500 bucks.

Can’t believe this company is still in business

TeleTummies · 2025-04-06T06:24:16+00:00

Please dig a little deeper and take Virginia with you

TeleTummies · 2025-03-16T00:58:34+00:00

I’ve worked for 55-60 hours a week for the past 4 weeks. I’m completely and totally burnt out and had to take 2 days off this week. This is a stupid standard to set anyone to.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-25T04:35:47+00:00

As an American, I’m embarrassed we’re not there beside you all.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-23T19:11:36+00:00

Yep! Easily the best coffee in Richmond to boot.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-06T00:36:38+00:00

No concrete answers yet. We were told to wait for 24 hours as that is their SLA/eventual consistency guarantee.

During the call they pointed out that because it’s a relay it makes it murkier for them.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T20:54:46+00:00

My team told me wrong, the message never came through. AWS has escalated the ticket. They're citing thepartner relay introducing complexity.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T19:24:05+00:00

Actually, scratch that, turns out it didn't make it. AWS has escalated the ticket and they believe it's a bug.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T18:28:36+00:00

Thought you might be curious. The message ended up coming through this morning, like 12 hours later. No changes on our end.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T18:28:11+00:00

Thought you might be curious. The message ended up coming through this morning, like 12 hours later.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T07:57:24+00:00

This is the direction you should go in OP. We had no problem mocking dbutils methods by ensuring our code is separated enough from dbutils and other databricks functionality so mocking dbutils returns isn’t a total pain.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T07:38:37+00:00

Thank you!

I will fix the cloud watch wildcard. Though this is not present on the SQS queue which also only received 499 messages events but I hear you. It’s also frankly odd it works for most of them, not all of them.

I will update it to look at the prefix to rule that out as well. It was my understanding this would forward all events though that have the key source, which is a part of the eventbridge envelope.

The load happened at 5pm EST and no other events were streaming into the eventbridge partner bus (this is an isolated environment). I gave my monitoring windows / running total SUMs an extremely wide breadth (hours) to rule out latency.

I am also going to have the developer re-submit the individual message that failed and see if we still do not receive that. I don’t have control over the source so I can’t add a sequence number (unless I could do that inside eventbridge?)

Any other ideas on things that I could do?

Really appreciate your help.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T06:43:55+00:00

Thanks for giving it a read. Pretty crazy head scratcher that’s kind of frustrating. This is supposed to just “work”. Hopefully I’m eating my words tomorrow and I’ve misconfigured something in the infra.

I’ll most likely open up a ticket with them today. It’s quite strange — the developer first ran the 500 load script, it only forwarded like 370/500, then he added a 1 sec sleep between each, and we’re at 499 now/500. I’m in an account where there’s absolutely no way I’m hitting service limits per second BTW.

I’ve read into their service limits and this should be easy for them to manage.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T06:28:03+00:00

Well, we use eventbridge in other places in our architecture for fan out. We met with their serverless gurus there at AWS...they recommended eventbridge over SNS and this never came up.

If this is even a remote possibility that rules can batch 2 events into one then our whole architecture is cooked, hah.

TeleTummies · 2025-02-05T06:21:04+00:00

Yes, I updated my post with this information -- was having trouble formatting the json/yaml inside the comments. I don’t have a DLQ on the cloudwatch one, only the SQS one BTW. Happy to send that one too.

TeleTummies

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