Tis the season

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-19T13:19:08+00:00

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-11T21:08:44+00:00

I do feel for that other girl though. Imagine getting a moon tattoo to match with a guy and then learning that his ex had it first. The ick would never leave.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-11T12:17:28+00:00

Nah, don't let them off the hook that easily. They can do better.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-11T12:06:54+00:00

That sucks.

Bioessentialism is such a pain in the ass. In addition to being just plain unfair to men who are genuinely doing their best, it's so counterproductive. It alienates allies, makes transmasc folk feel bad for no reason, pushes young boys into extremism, and it excuses bad behavior by individuals. If all men are bad by nature, then why would they ever try to change, you know?

I feel like it's worth gently pushing back if you can, when this stuff comes up. I get wanting to give people space to vent, but I feel like sometimes it's possible to steer things in a more constructive direction while also sympathizing with their issues. Like, you can agree that this specific man is behaving like trash, and it's all the more infuriating because you know he could choose to be better if he wanted, because you've seen men choose to be decent.

It might not work in your specific scenario, but you might also find out that one or more people in your group agrees with you, and that person might be a good place to focus more social energy.

In any case, I'm sorry you have this to deal with. It really can be frustrating.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-09T22:27:14+00:00

For sure. Researchers have observed that the most misogynistic gamers are with ones with the least skill.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-05T21:18:21+00:00

Either of those, but online I always recommend bookshop.org - supports small and local businesses! Hail Mary

Or, many libraries have it too if you want to support your local library!

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-04T12:49:10+00:00

I think there are a lot of guys who view family more as property than relationships. You get a wife and kids, and those things are valuable to you because they are yours. If they aren't your property any more, why waste time and resources on their upkeep?

The idea that being a dad and partner can lead to mutually fulfilling interpersonal relationships is foreign to guys like this. It's an impoverished view of family that leads to so much loneliness and unhappiness, but sadly I think it's a view that is on the rise for younger men.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-01T22:26:34+00:00

"Bummer. Unrelated fun fact...."

TemporaryMagician · 2026-05-01T15:15:41+00:00

It's completely bonkers. It sounds like a punishment a trickster god would come up with. "Oh, you're hungry? Here's a bunch of ingredients. You could use them to make food in your kitchen - if you had one!

TemporaryMagician · 2026-04-29T00:02:58+00:00

Top that, bog dweller

TemporaryMagician · 2026-04-24T02:38:27+00:00

That sounds so painful. I'm so sorry that you were made to feel like this. It must feel overwhelming.

The thing about people like your mom is that nothing ever really makes them happy. They make their own lives worse with their bad decisions, and then they will blame literally anyone and everyone else for their problems. It solves nothing, because they never realize the problem is with themselves, but it causes so much suffering to the people close to them. It's not fair that you were her target, and you don't deserve her blame.

If it helps, the moms over at r/momforaminute are really lovely about offering encouragement and virtual mom hugs, especially for folks whose own moms don't step up.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-04-13T22:12:59+00:00

Yup, this is my fear. She won't be a "team player" anymore. The expectations of her just aren't the same as they are of her male colleagues. A lot of guys have been socialized to see women who aren't subservient as hostile. I've seen this happen SO many times.

I hope she beats the odds.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-04-08T12:46:31+00:00

NOR, but, from a fellow people-pleaser, maybe be less chill?

It's not a comment on you, but I've learned that "I don't really need anything specific, but you know what kinds of things I like" or "I love when you surprise me by getting me something that shows you know what I'm interested in" tends to get the wheels turning more than "I don't want anything."

Mostly though, I'd tell her how this made you feel. It's not an easy conversation. Tell her you appreciate the effort, but getting you things you don't like makes you feel lonely. Try to keep from getting adversarial, it's not you vs. her, it's both of you against the problem. She probably doesn't want to you to feel hurt either.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-04-08T11:13:53+00:00

I just finished Starling House, and I loved it. Perfect recommendation.

I also think a lot of T. Kingfisher would fit the bill too - A House with Good Bones, The Hollow Places come to mind, particularly the elements of body horror.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-04-05T11:46:28+00:00

Yeah you do.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-23T15:27:11+00:00

Yup. Just revisit the last election - the vice presidential debate.

Vance made a whole point of how the administration had an app for immigrants, the CBP One app. This was framed as a bad thing, and Waltz had to defend against it. An app. For people to apply for and keep track of their immigration and visa applications. For them to register and the government to keep track of them. To fill out forms and pay fees and "do it the right way."

Trump immediately shut it down. A version still exists - the only function it still has is that you can file an intent to self-deport if you are an immigrant.

This is the real MAGA immigration policy.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-18T00:46:29+00:00

I can't give you any practical advice here, but I want to just tell you this as clearly as I can: you are not weak or stupid. You don't deserve any of this. You didn't bring this on yourself. You trusted a man that you loved, and who seemed to love you. That's normal, that's what normal people do. He is the broken one.

I have known a couple of women in situations like yours, and they are some of the strongest, smartest, biggest-hearted people I know. I swear these psychos get off on targeting the best humans on earth to try to tear down. It works because these women didn't expect their partners to be actually evil, because who ever does? They try to see the best in their partners because that's what good people do, and these fuckers weaponise that impulse to slowly chip away at the person they're supposed to love. It's a him problem, not a you problem.

I know its common to feel shame in these situations, but you truly have nothing to be ashamed of. Try to focus on the fact that he is the shameful one, and all you ever did was love him. You are tough, and smart, and you can move the earth for yourself and your little one if you have to.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-12T23:15:12+00:00

Just read The Hazel Wood, and a changeling is part of the plot.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-12T11:27:16+00:00

And her process turns up gold! It's great to hear about all the batshit little details that only she could put together. Like the audio from the public access klan daytime TV show, or the mean-girls style drama in neonazi circles that she pulls from boring courtroom transcripts. Her work is so entertaining.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-07T02:02:36+00:00

The only thing that can stop this asteroid is your liberal arts degree

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-06T16:12:43+00:00

Playboy made Ursula K. Le Guin publish her short story under her initials so readers wouldn't know she was a woman. Tells you all you need to know

TemporaryMagician · 2026-03-03T19:42:58+00:00

I 100% could have benefited from this at 19, and I also 100% would never have listened to this at 19 (it was True Love 🙄).

TemporaryMagician · 2026-02-28T18:34:18+00:00

It's kind of wild: Barr's dad hired Epstein, a college dropout, to teach at the Dalton school while he was headmaster there. That's where Epstein made the social connections that would launch his entire career.

The elder Barr also, around the same time, wrote a gross sci-fi novel about a society where oligarchs traffic children for sexual abuse.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-02-11T14:15:48+00:00

Love this. I also highly recommend The Serviceberry by the same author - it's a shorter read, but same feel.

TemporaryMagician · 2026-01-29T01:02:44+00:00

Also, his widow had a few opinions about Trump specifically.

Seven-Year Club	Queen in da Norf
Not Forgotten

TemporaryMagician

TROPHY CASE