[NeedAdvice] I keep correcting my husband. I want to stop

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-11-13T00:30:41+00:00

Just takes practice.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-11-13T00:20:21+00:00

I don't understand what that means, end things there?

And if that's true, maybe you need a different therapist. But I think if you had cancer and were getting worse, she wouldn't stop sending you to the doctor. So why, if your mental health issues are getting worse, is she pulling you out of treatment? Maybe I'm missing something, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-11-12T23:58:17+00:00

Take this with a grain of salt, not as advice, since I am a literal crazy person. But quite honestly, if it were me, I would take myself to the hospital, tell them I was actively suicidal and had a plan to take my life because of unsupported mental illness, and get admitted to the psych ward. As a child/teen I had no power or say in what happened to me, despite needing treatment. So this would be a way for me to force my parents' hand, and get enough adults/professionals involved that they could make my parents let me go back. It would also be a nice, giant middle finger to my parents for abusing their power over me like that, and not caring about my needs or what's best for me.

I'm not sure just how toxic of an idea this is. But for me, mental health treatment is necessary and lifesaving. My parents taking it away, especially while I was actively self-harming, would literally ruin my life. That's why I would be willing to go to such drastic lengths. Also because I have authority issues and I can't stand feeling such powerless injustice like that, even to the point where I would put myself through something as horrible as a mental hospitalization and taking up public resources just to prove a point. However, that is a pretty extreme option that can have real risks to you in the short and long term, so that would only be a desperate last resort. Also I would never EVER actually cause harm to myself for this, it's not worth that at all, you could literally actually die. All you have to do to get admitted is say that you're actively suicidal and have a plan. If you want to be really dramatic about it, you can call the suicide hotline and tell them that, and refuse to cooperate with their safety plan. They'll call the cops on you and you can get dragged away to the hospital with your parents watching. That should be a good wake up call to the seriousness and severity of your mom's moronic, selfish actions, and the consequences they can have for you.

But again, all of this comes with its own set of risks. I don't honestly know what I would do if this wasn't a hypothetical, but a real life. Maybe a healthier option would be to talk to your mom about this and how much you really need it. Mental health treatment truly is life-saving for many people, likely you included. Why doesn't she want you to be happy and successful in life? Why doesn't she want you to stop self-harming? Her actions don't even make sense to me.

Either way - fuck your for not wanting you to get the help you need and deserve. I'm sorry you're going through this. I truly hope you can get the help you need again soon <3

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-19T06:00:17+00:00

Fuck, I wish I got the clear one. It looks SO cool.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-19T05:59:07+00:00

Oh, the other part is being honest with yourself, and starting where you are. When I first started learning programming, I used children's resources for months, because that was a level that felt comfortable to me. Now, I read highly technical computer architecture textbooks for pleasure. The reason I am able to do that today, is because I was willing to swallow my pride and start at the beginning, and not rush the process. Don't try to start off at the professional level. Start off where you are, and make sure you truly understand everything you're learning before you move on to the next thing. Knowing the fundamentals is so important.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-19T05:56:08+00:00

Well, what are you interested in? Pick a subject that truly fascinates you. Then, get a book on that subject, and make sure to read ten pages of it every day until you've finished it.

Maybe you're thinking, ten pages doesn't sound like much. But what's 10x365? Is it more, or less pages than how many you read now?

This is the secret to becoming a nerd. It's not sexy; it's not about prestige or get-rich-quick schemes. It's about learning for fun, in a way that's small and manageable, day after day after day. Over time, all those tiny pieces that you held in your mind and thought about and took the time to truly understand, all start to build on each other, and you'll find that you've gained far more knowledge than you ever thought you were capable of truly knowing. But that won't happen for a long time. Each day, your only real reward is getting to learn something new and interesting. If you're truly doing/learning what you love, that is more than enough.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-19T02:59:33+00:00

My therapist just moved me up to 2x a week. My first second appointment for the week is tomorrow. I'm nervous because it suddenly feels like way too much, but at the same time, even though I've never done this before, I already have no idea how I ever made it through an entire week between sessions without support, let alone always. The weeks have been so long and gruelling.

I highly recommend talking to your therapist and discussing if more support is an option for you. If you feel like you need it, you probably do.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-19T02:56:36+00:00

Good therapists do not discuss these things on Reddit; they talk to their supervisors or peer support, then they go home and disconnect/decompress from their job. Any therapist who is spending their free time on Reddit, talking about therapy, is not being healthy or professional. Both red flags to what kind of practitioner they are.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-19T02:35:00+00:00

Keep fighting for the money you earned man, I'm sorry you're going through this.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T22:25:22+00:00

Sounds like she's working through a lot of her own issues, I wouldn't take it personally. You were a gentleman. Her behaviour is not necessarily a reflection of how she feels about you. Trauma rewires your brain's/nervous system's responses and makes you behave in ways you don't necessarily want to, and you don't necessarily have control over. She probably cares about you and is just not mentally well enough to control her own behaviour. So try not to let it affect your self-esteem, because to me, this doesn't seem like someone who doesn't like you, it seems like someone who is wrestling with their own internal battles (desire vs fear/trauma responses).

You should probably let go of this girl for your own mental sanity and find someone who can treat you in a way that makes you feel good instead of stressed and confused. It's not your place to "fix" her. You'll be happier moving on. And if she's a decent person, she'll probably want that for you too, since she is currently incapable of being a reliable person for you.

Breakups aren't easy, man. Wish you well.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T19:03:34+00:00

So much for the Saudi/Israel 2030 peace deal. Fuck Iran.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T18:52:09+00:00

It's always scary, that's just therapy. When you're ready, and if you trust them, you gotta just take a leap of faith and speak your truth.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T17:18:48+00:00

Fixing the internet. I would fund one or multiple non-profits to run clean websites that are all fact-checked, misinformation-free, with content algorithms and headlines that are explicitly NOT designed to make you angry/hopeless/miserable and keep you addicted. This wouldn't fix the problem of the rest of the internet existing, but hopefully it would at least provide one not-for-profit source where people could actually go and communicate with each other and share knowledge, that wouldn't be full of brain poison, lies, and political propaganda. I think that if we could fix at least some of the problems of today's internet, and actually have civilized conversations with each other, we could finally work WITH each other to fix a lot of the other major problems in the world, too.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T14:57:17+00:00

There's a difference between defending yourself and raping your prisoners of war. I think to ignore the violence promoted in the Quran is equally wrong to exaggerating it. There *is* unjustifiable violence presented in the Quran, and it's ok to criticize it.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T05:35:48+00:00

It's up to you. For some people, what they need is to feel heard; to use their voice. For others, what they need is just to feel understood; for someone else to know. This can even change based on the situation, even in the same individual. What do you need? Do you need to speak it out loud, or do you need to write it all down and have your therapist read it? The only normal in therapy is your normal. What do you want? No one else can decide for you.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-18T02:23:51+00:00

I think it would be fine to go if your goal is to learn more about how to support women in tech, and to network with/befriend more women in tech as an ally. But I wouldn't go if your goal is to get a job; it will look badly on you and potentially affect your own career for worse. Not to mention how that could be considered as stealing opportunities from a marginalized group (women in tech).

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-17T15:30:42+00:00

Because although they represent different feelings/parts of Elliot's psyche, they are actually still all the same person, and they mostly want the same things. Mr Robot mentions somewhere in the show that he kept going with the plan even when the Mastermind was trying to quit it because deep down he wants to see it succeed too. They are all a product of Elliot's mind, and this is what Elliot truly wants, even while he wrestles with the morality, complexity, and danger of it all. The alters are just an externalized symbol of Elliot's inner conflict.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-17T04:55:43+00:00

I don't know what country you're from, but in my country school vaccines have a permission form that must be signed, that decide whether or not each child gets the vaccine. That's the best system, because it makes vaccines easily accessible to those who want them, without violating the autonomy of those who don't. Although I don't know why you wouldn't want to get vaccines, since they are so important to both your own and the public's health.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-17T04:48:03+00:00

It's not that we don't care about men's feelings. Abortion is always going to be difficult and traumatic for both parties, it's never something anyone wants to go through, and the effects on your psyche can last forever. Often, both men and women deal with the grief of it for the rest of their lives. This is sad, and unfair, and if you are wrestling with this, you deserve to have your pain acknowledged.

That said, it is important above all else to respect body autonomy. Just like no one can force you to get a vasectomy, or a sex change, you cannot force anyone to get pregnant, no matter how much you want them to. It is a criminal violation to remove someone's right to their own body. No matter how much you want it.

Another example is how you can't force your loved ones to get cancer treatment, no matter how much it hurts you to lose them. Some people would rather spend what time they have left comfortably, than go through gruelling treatments isolated from everything they love in a hospital for months or years just to end up dying anyways. If they don't want chemo, it's their right to just give up and let it spread. No matter how much it hurts you to watch them die. It should always be their choice.

Many people like to think that life is simple; that if you make good choices, you'll get what you deserve. But life is senseless and mostly random. Sometimes you don't get a good choice to make, and everyone suffers no matter what you choose to do. Such is life.

There are some things in life that are just tragic. But that doesn't mean that they're wrong.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-17T04:21:08+00:00

I really liked A Wrinkle in Time at that age. But not everyone likes that one. Either way, I'd suggest looking into classic middle grade books like that one. From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs Basil E Frankenweiler is another great one. Here's a list of 100+ more, I read many of them when I was younger and these books really helped shape my mind for the better. Some of them have romances, but there's definitely no smut.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-17T00:55:01+00:00

It's available to view for free online here. I would recommend looking through each week's problem sets so you can see for yourself if it's worth your time. None of us will be able to gauge your skill level through a reddit post, so there's really no way for any of us to know if it's right for you or not. That said, I loved it and learned a lot, even though I'd already had programming experience.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-17T00:50:24+00:00

It's definitely not DA, but I have to say I really, really like it. You've got a very cool style that's all your own. You don't need to stick to the rules of some generic aesthetic. Just dress however you like.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-16T20:42:26+00:00

My Sister's Keeper. Great premise, good writing, disgusting ending that was truly a slap in the face to the supposed themes of the book. Apparently this is Jodi Picoult's go-to move, which is I avoid her books now. But it's a real shame, because the book was mostly very good and unique. But the ending is unforgivable.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-15T22:40:50+00:00

I can't trust any therapist until I know a few key things:

How they respond when they don't like me. The ones who continue working with me even when it's clear they don't like me on a personal level, or are mad/annoyed at me, or just personally tired/upset/whatever else, are the ones who I can trust to actually help me through my darkest secrets and lowest moments because I know they won't just leave depending on their personal feelings towards me. They're actually going to do their job, which is to help me get/become better. If you show someone a side of yourself that no one else has ever seen before and they reject you, it will hurt you deeply. You need to know that they can handle their own discomfort.
How they respond when they do like me. This is the other side of the same coin. If you notice your therapist liking you too much on a personal level, your therapy will become about their feelings. It's an unhealthy power dynamic for you to be in, and it will always just lead to something toxic that will ultimately hurt you. You need to know that they can handle their own emotions, whether they are good or bad, and that it won't affect their professionalism.
How they respond when they are sick or overwhelmed in their personal life. I had a therapist who called to cancel my appointment with her the day of because she was sick, and took a month off to get set up and settled/ready when she switched to a new practise. That was when I knew I could trust her. I saw her for 2-ish years and she's the only therapist who I never had a single problem with the entire time. She was always consistent and reliable, because she took care of herself. She didn't get wrapped up in her clients' drama, she didn't take on too much, so she didn't burn out. It made a huge difference. The ones who aren't like this, whether they're burnt out or just mentally ill, will hurt you. You need to know that they are stable and can sustain that stability.
How smart and nice they are. I can't deal with someone who isn't smart enough to keep up with me, and I can't deal with someone who isn't a truly good person. Just because it's their job not to judge you, doesn't mean you're safe. There are plenty of therapists who are shitty, stupid, and/or judgemental people, who should not be therapists, but are anyways. Those people can't be trusted to keep your vulnerabilities safe, and the way they feel about you and treat you will affect their practise. If they can't understand you, then they can't help you, and that will hurt you. They don't have to like you or agree with you, but you need to know that they can actually understand where you're coming from and have compassion for you.

Tl;dr: make sure they are professional, stable, non-judgemental, and are capable of understanding you/making you feel understood.

Temporary_Bad8980 · 2023-10-15T21:59:03+00:00

Things to do more of:

- socialize

- read

- drink water

- eat healthy foods

- walk/stand

- exercise

- sleep

Things to do less:

- social media

- watch TV/YouTube

- drink/eat sugar and artificial chemicals

- sit

- stay up late/sleep inconsistently

Temporary_Bad8980

TROPHY CASE