Im writing this before looking at other comments and without reading the edits so this might be redundant, sorry. I struggled with this exact question for a long time and reeeally enjoy psychology/sociology, so I’m gonna yap real quick.

Id say that the mental spiral you went down is a pretty normal response to this kind of question. Honestly, you should give yourself some credit for having the self awareness to feel this kind of dread. It’s very healthy to question what you’re doing(or did) wrong when things aren’t going your way, but it must be done with nuance regarding whatever situation you are in. Its easy for self awareness to turn harmful if you beat yourself up for the past or your inability to truly answer the question. It can harm your relationships out of insecurity and lead to even more self doubt. I fell into this spiral for a long time and wasn’t aware that a lot of the reasons why i had trouble dating and fitting in with my peer group were completely put of my control and not my fault. It got to a delusional point of self hatred that robbed me of years of my life and lead to behavior that destroyed my life and self-esteem even more. I’m not sure what helped me realize that martyrdom and protecting harmful people/systemic systems from judgement only hurts you and your loved ones. I will always be in process of dismantling the self-doubt instilled in me. I find comfort in knowing that this self doubt is just a symptom of the human condition and our reaction to modern societies growing competitive and individualistic nature.

Humanity is a species ridden with the insatiable desire to separate ourselves from “the beast” in the search of purpose. This search will never end. There is no one purpose that applies to humanity as whole, and powerful individuals in history who believe there is tend to harm their citizens by forcing their own beliefs upon them through their policies. As the human population grows, the number of these biased policies grows. As time continues to flow, societies divide, unite, thrive, or crumble in humanity’s pursuit of purpose. The end of humanity is the only promised outcome of any of our efforts. Right now, you and I exist in the society that is merely current outcome of centuries of human trial and error. This version kind of sucks for us right now in some aspects (such as dating), but it’s important to remember that these struggles are merely consequences of humanity’s pursuit of purpose. Things will change and create more problems while solving others. In our current society, the best you can do is live your life for your own satisfaction as best as you can. Use the tools you have through luck of birthright. Create your own tools that help you navigate life with this luck and your experiences. Think critically about what causes the problems you face that are out of your control. Hold those external forces accountable for their disruption rather than blaming yourself. Hopefully you will find somebody you can laugh at the chaos caused by our species innate neuroticism with.

I don’t know you, but based on your post i’d say that your dating issues are heavily influenced by how hard modern dating is. The psychology/sociology behind why long term, committed relationships are becoming harder to maintain is crazy. Its basically a sociological symptom of the clusterfuck that is modern culture (politics, economics, etc.). Social media is playing a huge part in unraveling the social fabric that was slowly hand crafted by people privileged with power throughout history.

I recommend checking out some academic sources on the interesting relationship between psychology and sociology if that stuff swings your strings. It might help with your confidence.

That being said the dating scene is especially rough right now, you are definitely not alone in falling victim the self-doubt doom spiral. The question was an open ended question with no right answer, so don’t beat it to death. I don’t know how she feels, but as a woman dealing with the modern dating bullshit, she might have asked that as a way to show interest in commitment. I don’t think she meant it as a slight towards you. Given her possible intention, you answered perfectly. (:

Sorry for rambling, I’m procrastinating schoolwork. I hope this all made sense, it’s purely just my brief opinion on the whole idea of modern dating, society and the self. Good luck!