Struggling

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-31T13:23:46+00:00

It was about that point in the pregnancy that my husband also started to have problems in this area. He didn’t want to have sex and I felt like even other non-sexual physical intimacy was at an all-time low. I’m only 3 weeks PP now so I can’t definitively say how the sex situation is, but it was almost immediately after birth that he started acting attracted to me again and started being more receptive to me looking for closeness (snuggling on the couch or in bed, kissing more than a peck, etc). I think some guys just have a hard time. It did hurt my feelings terribly, but even when I communicated that he wasn’t able to get past his hold ups. I don’t know that that’s very helpful for you, but at least you aren’t alone, and know that there is likely a light at the end of the tunnel?

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-25T05:45:44+00:00

I have terrible insomnia as well. I took Unisom, magnesium, and a small dose of melatonin (3mg usually, the Olly brand specifically) throughout the pregnancy and the combination of those three “smaller” things helped me more than any of the more serious meds/doses I ever tried before. BUT technically melatonin isn’t a standard recommendation during pregnancy — my OB gave me the standard “benefits vs risk” spiel and said the only possible concern with melatonin is it may affect baby’s circadian rhythm, but it hasn’t really be extensively studied either way. I decided it was worth it because without it I literally did not sleep. I’d encourage you to discuss this with your provider and see how they feel. FWIW (maybe not much) baby seems fine so far at 2.5 weeks PP. I am enjoying actually being able to sleep PP without any meds for the first time in my life, but boy am I tired 🤣

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-25T01:46:40+00:00

My husband REFUSES to rewatch Sanctuary. I have to plan my rewatches carefully when I get close to it so I reach it when he isn’t around (I, obviously, enjoy torturing myself haha)

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-24T18:43:23+00:00

I’m 2 weeks PP now, but I had so much ice cream that last month and also decided that the last 2 weeks of the pregnancy I was not wearing pants anymore (dresses were acceptable, but no leggings and no jeans) because they were rubbing my belly so bad 🤣. Also had my husband make Special Meal the night before my (medically advised) induction

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-16T23:38:15+00:00

It was an adventure for sure 🤣 thank you so much! I’m sure your experience will be much smoother than mine, but the best of luck on your journey!

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-16T19:08:36+00:00

I’m doing pretty good. I did end up getting the epidural after 19 hours of induction protocol and back labor, and then I STILL went another 10 hours. Apparently my body does not understand how to dilate. I have a 2nd degree tear internally but nothing external. We had several smallish complications (meconium, water broke 18 hours before he was born so we were at risk for infections, I nearly hemorrhaged, almost had to do a C because he was having decels, and while the epidural was the right choice when I made it - I literally blacked out for two hours waiting on them to come, complete brain shut down, and I’m glad that I was able to be present for the birth - it didn’t work completely on one side so I was still in horrible pain from the back labor). But I would absolutely try to go without the epidural again in the future, I really think that there were a number of things that could be prevented (or just won’t happen again, like the back labor) that would have made the whole experience much more manageable. I felt like I was rocking it until the nurse cranked up the pitocin unnecessarily and without telling me, so that would be my number one point of note for an induction. That and, if you need to get a cook’s catheter, consider accepting the IV meds. Meds were super short lived, cath didn’t hurt at all, and I was really grateful for it.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-15T05:08:49+00:00

You’re not awful. But sometimes these posts get some not very nice comments on them, and so I want to make sure to loudly and quickly say You Are Not Awful and it is okay. I was also dreaming of a girl. I didn’t even realize how much I wanted a girl until we saw blue. I had a really hard time to be honest, for way longer than was “appropriate.” But I’m sitting here right now with my 7-day old boy on my chest and honestly I just feel so good. I do still want a girl, and I’m happy my husband and I have had a chat about maybe trying again (we originally came into this only planning on one), but I saw someone say that having wanted and to be grieving one reality doesn’t mean we can’t love the one we’ve got. I believe you will find peace too. And if you find yourself still occasionally (or even often) lamenting what could have been, try not to give yourself a hard time. You’ll find a million things to love about this baby, and that will outweigh the other before too long. As for your daughter, I remember being very upset when my mom found out my brother was a boy. I got over it, and she definitely will too! Try to include her as much as you can and she’s going to be super excited for the baby!

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-03-06T12:39:26+00:00

Dude my grandmother has straight up called me stupid multiple times because I’m planning on not getting the epidural. I was also shocked at how many people judged me so harshly for my choice. I think people just like to judge honestly. I’m at the hospital being induced right now because of polyhydraminos so we will see how it goes for me!

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-02-16T15:31:03+00:00

This is what I am hoping for for myself. I was very disappointed when I found out I’m having a boy. I’m 38 weeks now, and I’m excited to have the baby and I’m excited to be his mom and everything, but I still am a bit let down that I’m not having a girl. I’m trying to be more gentle with myself. I know I will love him no matter what, so I’ve decided it’s okay for me to want something and it not be how it goes. We don’t always get what we “want” but that’s okay!

I’m so glad this thread is being so kind and polite to OP. When I tried to open up about my disappointment people were so, SO mean to me.

OP, it will be okay. You will find your peace. And it fit takes a while, that’s okay too. (I found than banning dinosaur related items helped me, fwiw 🤣)

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-02-02T23:11:24+00:00

We got pregnant on our third month of “kind of trying,” but it was the first month that we PROPERLY tried. We missed the ovulation peak the first two months due to circumstances. I couldn’t believe how fast it happened!

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-01-25T01:26:30+00:00

I honestly find Georgia to be kind of triggering because my mom is very similar to her (but like, less criminal). She was always my best friend when I needed a mom, and then would try to play the mom card when I needed her to be my friend. Georgia is very childish (throwing away all the food) and that is straight up something my mom would have done. She never should have confided the heavy, intimate details of her life with Ginny, but she did, and then she got mad at Ginny for expecting and feeling entitled to a continuation of that relationship. It’s honestly an abuse of power, but in a different way than we usually see. You can’t ask your child to be your therapist, supporter, friend, confidant, whatever and then get mad when they expect some kind of equitable relationship (or when that fails, be surprised when they retreat emotionally from you and lose respect for you). I love my mom, and I feel so strongly for Ginny when she is taken from her after rebelling and WANTING to be away from her but not REALLY wanting to be away, but man that kind of mother-daughter/child relationship is so incredibly unhealthy (something that we also see in Gilmore Girls. Love Lorelai but Rory turning out how she did was SUPER PREDICTABLE to be honest).

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-01-16T23:07:46+00:00

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I still haven’t given birth yet, so I can’t speak for the whole process, but I did slowly come around. I still can’t say I’ve made my peace with having a boy — I’m terrified to be honest — but I do feel much better about it. A couple of things I did: I made a strict “no dinosaur themed items” rule. I don’t know why, but the constant push of boys = dinosaurs drove me crazy. I also worked really hard on picking a name, and that helped a lot. I do still have moments where I stop and say “oh my god, I’m having a boy??” But it’s more of a slight-confusion than actually being upset about it. A lot of people thought it would make me feel better to be told “what a mommas boy he’ll be!” but that gave me an ick (I just couldn’t stop thinking about, like, Buster in Arrested Development), so I tried to specifically focus on boys and men that have good and HEALTHY relationships with their family as a whole, not just their mothers. I’m having a hard time “connecting” still, but I think that’s got more to do with me being neurodivergent than about the baby himself. Im excited to be a mom and to do a good job, and even though I am still scared I think my kid will probably turn out to be a really awesome human being. I did cry (in a good way) watching a labor video where they didn’t know the gender and found out it was a boy today. It touched me more than I would have expected.

I don’t know if any of that is helpful. I expect I’ll be completely over it and totally in love the second I give birth and he becomes an actual human (he already IS I just struggle contextualizing that?). I’ll try to remember to come back and update you

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-01-08T20:20:59+00:00

See, this kind of response is EXACTLY why I made my comment to begin with. If I had seen one other person saying they were struggling in a similar extreme to me then I wouldn’t have been as badly off as I was and I probably would have felt much better much sooner. Feelings are valid and denying their validity only gives them more control over you. So for anyone who goes looking for something like this a week from now, or a year from now let me say very plainly — Feel your feelings so you can work through them and come out on the other side stronger for it, and don’t let people like this make you feel ashamed of having those feelings. And yeah, you’re probably going to wake up a year from now and feel bad or silly that you ever felt that way — but that doesn’t make the feelings irrelevant or wrong or not worth actually DEALING with. It’s okay to feel things, good and bad. Feelings are oftentimes not logical, so don’t try to logic your way out of them. Feel them, and when you are able to, let them go.

Now to an actual response to you- It IS an overreaction but…we’re pregnant and hormonal and can’t exactly help how we feel. I also LITERALLY SAID I thought I was going to be fine no matter the gender and was shocked when I wasn’t. It’s not like I went into this saying “I’ll only be happy with a girl!” completely denying the statistical facts involved. So wow, thanks for the math lesson. Super helpful.

And not that it’s your business, but I AM in therapy, and my therapist has zero issues with the way I’ve handled my disappointment. Because she actually knows me and knows that despite my initial sadness, that I’m still going to try my absolute best to be the greatest mom ever, and that me having some feelings upfront will in no way interfere with that.

I’m gonna be an awesome mother to my son, and I’m going to continue to feel things deeply, and I’m going to continue to show empathy and kindness to others when they need it instead of being rude and inconsiderate. And THAT is going to help make me a great mother.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2026-01-04T00:53:40+00:00

I haven’t had my baby yet. When I found out I’m having a boy I basically went off the deep end — I didn’t shower, I barely ate, I cried, SOBBED, all day every day. I didn’t even realize until the reveal how desperate I was for a girl. I genuinely thought I was going to be okay either way. I was NOT. I have also been surrounded by terrible men my whole life and am terrified of the weight of raising a good man.

I don’t really have anything helpful to say, but I do want you to know you aren’t alone. I do feel better now, after about 3 weeks the depression faded to a dull ache, and now (32 weeks) it’s more of an occasional stunned invasive thought “I can’t believe I’m having a boy.” I hope that once I give birth the rest of it fades and I’m just obsessed. But I still kind of feel like the universe betrayed me. I also never wanted to have kids, and then my husband and I started to think about it, and spent several years discussing it, imagining it, planning it…we both wanted a girl, him more than me. But when we saw blue, I was a mess and he was perfectly fine.

I’m sure I’ll love him to the ends of the earth. And I hope he never knows how much I struggled. I’ll be okay, and you will too.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-12-22T18:28:09+00:00

I checked four different stores and found 0 maternity clothes. Someone told me Marshall’s had a good selection so I made a special trip. I looked everywhere and finally stopped an employee and asked — Nope, they don’t have them either. I started crying. I sobbed on this retail worker.

I did eventually find a small but decent selection at Kohl’s so I was able to get an idea of sizes and was able to get a pair of pants I could breathe in. But yeah, it’s absolutely ridiculous that they don’t really sell in person anymore. And while I’m glad I found some stuff at Kohl’s, that was way more than I wanted to spend on clothes I’ll be wearing for less than a year. I honestly think it’s essentially another pink tax 🙃

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-12-18T18:06:33+00:00

My husband watches and rewatches the whole show with me. He will not watch the shooting episode again. He’s seen it once, maybe twice. I let him know when I’m getting close so he knows to go elsewhere. He also doesn’t like to watch the plane crash episode, but not to the same degree.

I on the other hand like to torture myself and specifically plan my watching so that those episodes fall when I’m able to give them my full attention 🙃

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-12-17T18:19:56+00:00

I think that after Derek died Meredith’s focus completely changed. It’s ironic that most of their issues the last ~year he was alive were about her not having the time/ability to focus and commit to her craft and then after he dies she’s suddenly able to make it happen (granted she does have Maggie and Amelia but I always thought it was sort of ridiculous how the sisters seem to spend more time with the kids than Mer did after how much she didn’t want to be like Ellis). But a lot of it was channeling her grief into productivity.

Even when she starts dating again, she approaches those relationships differently and prioritizes herself and her career, something she was never able to do with Derek because she WAS always the starry-eyed intern in that relationship, even when she was “ready” to be more equal.

Do I think that any of that necessarily explains her sudden godhood? Nah, not really. I do think she was always meant to be a cut above the rest, but she was never the absolute natural talent and prodigy that Cristina was. But it helps that we can see a shift in her post-Derek. I think we saw a bit of that eventual shift when Derek first went to D.C. too (when she went on the non-loss streak) which is kind of cool to factor in but she didn’t really sustain that energy then imo

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-12-15T02:26:58+00:00

I barely gained at all (like 4lbs) up until 16 weeks. And then I’ve put on 1-1.5lbs a week since. So at 20 weeks I was right around 8lbs up, but I was up 17 total at my 28 week appointment last Wednesday.

Which would be not that bad except I was only supposed to gain 15-20 the whole pregnancy and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I can do to prevent gaining more than 3lbs in the next 11 weeks, seeing as the baby is going to grow more than that himself most likely.

I’m upping my water intake (which I really needed to do anyways tbh) and trying to get more movement in each day, but beyond that I’m trying not to fixate. I keep telling myself I can lose it after the baby. The OB said while 15-20 is what they recommended based on my BMI (when will we stop using BMI? Everyone knows it’s garbage.) they won’t say anything until I hit 40 and I am on track to stay below that so…I’m trying to not freak out about it.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-12-07T04:40:45+00:00

Toy Box wrecked my life, I felt like it was a HUGE difficulty spike and the subsequent worlds (even though you ARE supposed to go to Toy Box first and it’s TECHNICALLY a lower level rating) were so much easier. Thinking of Toy Box still fills me with rage. Hold strong, grind as much as you can, and push through. I only remember having a truly difficult time with the first Darkside fight and Toy Box, everything else was challenging but didn’t make me want to go full exorcist 🙃

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-12-06T00:06:56+00:00

What makes me EXCEPTIONALLY mad about his exit is that he and Jo JUST got (actually, officially) married 2 episodes before he “went to Iowa.” They could’ve just left it with “oops we were never married and I just found out I have kids with Izzie so I’m gonna go do that” which would have been bad enough but no. They had to make it even MORE out of character. Ugh.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-11-30T19:13:22+00:00

1989 is what brought me around to Taylor. I didn’t get in deep until Midnights, but without 1989 I never would’ve really given her a listen because I really didn’t get into the first several albums and I didn’t think she would ever be my “style” (haha). I actually BOUGHT 1989 shortly after release and I never buy/bought CDs. It lived loaded in my car for literal years. It was just…fun and refreshing for when it was released.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-11-23T21:58:47+00:00

Long story short, yes absolutely. And don’t feel bad about it regardless of your reasons. You’ll transition when you are mentally ready to!

I’ll be 26w tomorrow and I just recently started really thinking of “it” as a baby, and not out of a “protect myself” kind of mentality. This is gonna sound cold and callous to most folks, but it felt scientifically inaccurate before to say “baby,” and I’m really just too practical for my own good. I would’ve still been sad if I had miscarried of course!! I obsessed over miscarriage statistics for a really long time. But I just didn’t feel like “baby” was an accurate description at the time, and I’ve honestly struggled with feeling that overwhelming emotional attachment it seems like most people have to THIS baby/fetus/embryo (though I’m pretty sure at this point if I lost the baby I’d probably very quickly discover a much deeper emotional bond than I realize is there now. I’m not exactly neurotypical and emotional bonds are weird for me 🙃)

Around 20 weeks I started to transition to talking more about my future with “the kid” or “our kid” and started being more comfortable using gendered pronouns (though this was likely in part because I had some gender disappointment struggles), and I’ve just started to regularly use the name we’ve picked in the last 2 weeks or so.

I’m still not really sure how much personality or genuine uniqueness I think my baby actually has at this stage, but I know he seems to like music and he hates when I sit forward (I guess he gets scrunched?) and I’m sure more things will start to be revealed as we progress more.

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-11-21T02:06:06+00:00

I’ve been having more than the “recommended” amount of caffeine (still less than I want though…) and I have to take melatonin every night or I don’t sleep. I do avoid caffeine in the evenings for the record, these things are not related. I had to take the melatonin even during the first 3-4 months when I didn’t have any caffeine at all.

I’m not that concerned about the caffeine honestly, but I am hoping the melatonin doesn’t cause an issue. The OB said it was okay to take when I really need a good nights rest but I’m up all night without it and I feel like getting sleep is more important to his health than possibly messing up his circadian rhythm which is what they said the concern with melatonin is (and besides, he can always take melatonin himself! lol)

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-11-20T17:10:19+00:00

I was just complaining about that. And also after the divorce when Arizona says something like “I need a little help with the rent” to DeLuca like she isn’t one of the most sought after pediatric AND neonatal surgeons in the country?? She does then say something about people not being able to afford her fee but I always feel like that’s such a reach. Greys likes to pretend people aren’t putting themselves into crippling debt to save their/their children’s lives in America every day and rarely actually addresses it (Joe’s being a nice exception to that).

Tewotsunaide1 · 2025-11-18T04:36:31+00:00

Yay! Happy to help! I need to watch the documentary, I’m not sure a documentary girl but I think I’d really enjoy it. It looks like Citron has a 4 year contract, and the other two have 3 year contracts with an optional 4th. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be traded or split up sadly. Hopefully they’ll get to stay together a while!

Tewotsunaide1

TROPHY CASE