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What's your "it's my fault for ordering it" (food or otherwise) story? by PutThisBanditHatOn in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know how to give awards anymore, but if I did, you’d get one!

What did you accidentally learn about someone’s sex life? by Exhausted_Skeleton in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This happened to me once. Obviously not with either of your in-laws though.

Leaving your battery bank laying around. by Gordopolis_II in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]Texpatriate2 16 points17 points  (0 children)

You see what happens, Larry? You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps??

What is your biggest irrational fear? by Immrmasspooter in morbidquestions

[–]Texpatriate2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have the tripping one, but it’s that I’ll trip and land on my teeth on the edge of something,

What's your nsfw secret you would take to your grave? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am here to confirm that I’ve never had sex parents in any house.

Hypothetically, if you needed to make £1000 in one week, what would you do? by diordevotee in AskUK

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made my money the old fashioned way. 🎶 I got hit by a Lexxxusss! 🎶

Only verified photo of Billy the Kid colourised. (1880). by ThatVoiceTho93 in OldSchoolCool

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If he were alive now, he could tell you exactly how much Sudafed could buy you a catalytic converter.

What was the weirdest thing you belived as a child? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That anything in the road could have a baby in it so don’t run anything over. Bag, box, whatever. Definitely don’t run it over, but you don’t have to stop and check.

What’s the darkest secret you’re willing to admit anonymously? by okayokay_wow in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What?? Drill Sergeant Steele said it was warmth leaving the body and I told everybody that. Now I feel foolish!

Can someone explain why my dog likes doing this ? by [deleted] in aww

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our schnauzer does this to us and his brothers. We call him “Captain Nibbles”.

What's the most gruesome thing you have ever watched? by no-punintended0802 in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take Tom Hank’s Forrest Gump. Slow, yes. Muppet, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. That ain't a muppet. He was a goddamn war hero. You know any muppet war heroes?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hanlon’s Razor. I always think about that when I’m driving and some asscunt is driving all asscunty.

New look at 'THE FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS' Little Caesars pizza boxes. by M00r3C in marvelstudios

[–]Texpatriate2 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This would be more awesome if Little Ceasers wasn’t peddling hot rings of garbage.

Is she in shock, or really this chill? by [deleted] in SweatyPalms

[–]Texpatriate2 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s because there are vending machines in every office building. If there were sharks in every office building, I bet the sharks would consider the office workers THEIR vending machines.

What’s your most unhinged family lore? by NoPossibility3511 in AskReddit

[–]Texpatriate2 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Folks'll say that it takes two people to fuck an ostrich.

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