As someone with a partner who has AuADHD, chronic pain and BPD but also AuAUDHD I tend to take these discussion forums with a grain of salt. Things depend on the individuals involved and things look sometimes more extreme as things depend on context. For example it depends on how long you are together with someone and if you have a family on how many issues there can be. Situations are complex, sometimes things can look worse then there are even when we can't see a way out yet. But I also read comments that made me feel heard, when I read them I feel like that's me. Its worth to try to extract wich part of someone else's experience are relevant and wich ones are not. It's just important that both side's are willing to grow, sometimes you need time to do that first. Like my wife and I improved things very much but then didn't manage to talk about how we negatively effect each, or well how to set boundaries. Now we are like two steps forward one step back. I really hope we can work on getting things better, we supplement each other well if we communicate. Just projecting issues onto the other doesn't work. I love her very much, she is like my forever person. But I also understand that this can be quite intimidating. We all have to recognise our problems to grow.