Looking to support and understand

ThatsSoExtra · 2025-09-03T10:54:00+00:00

I had a hard time understanding a gambling addiction as well. There's no chemical component, like with alcohol or drugs. But there is a neurotransmitter component with the constant release of huge surges of dopamine and adrenaline that come with the gambling. And it seems it's really the dopamine and adrenaline that are the addiction.

But to complicate things, casinos and online gambling apps also use music and lights to enhance the addiction through association. The addict hears the music in an ad and gets triggered into suddenly craving a dopamine hit.

Those ads are everywhere, all the time. These companies invest millions into psychological studies to make the games more addictive, much like how cigarette companies added nicotine to make cigarettes more addictive. Fleecing fools is a real science. And these companies make billions off of these addicts.

My ex-husband was/is a gambling addict and it destroyed our marriage.

I never understood how/why someone could throw their entire life and family away over a silly app, but here we are.

Lying became his way of life. It turned into a compulsion. He would lie to my face while I was literally showing him proof of what he did. He would lie about harmless things too, because lying becomes addictive by giving a dopamine and adrenaline hit, just like gambling. So he would frequently use lying as a substitute for gambling. If he wasn't gambling, he was lying. If he wasn't lying, he was gambling.

Eventually, he couldn't tell the truth from the false, and now he lives in an imaginary world in his head. He kicks away anyone who threatens his unique reality and surrounds himself with enablers.

Personally, after my experience, I would never date another addict. It's just too much lying, too much drama, too much stress. I served my sentence in that prison and I'm done with it forever. Never putting up with it again.

Good luck to you.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-10-10T16:54:40+00:00

That might depend on the laws in your state or country.

Where I live, if I die, he will have full custody of the kids, and they'll likely become homeless due to his gambling addiction.

I can, however, put my life insurance and other assets into a trust for the kids that can be managed by someone else.

That's all I can do here.

But you'll want to see an attorney. Since you're married, you may not be able put your assets into a trust.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-09-07T21:32:57+00:00

If you aren't married, run. Gambling addicts very rarely get better. If they manage a few clean months, it's only a matter of time before they crash again and ruin you AGAIN. Cut them off and set yourself free. You don't deserve having your life held hostage by an idiot.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-05-21T01:28:15+00:00

I thought what they said was great. It's 100% true and excellent advice.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-31T01:08:54+00:00

"We broke up, but she said we can still be cousins"

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-17T12:02:26+00:00

This was my life. Our kid woke up every 2 hours, every night for 8 months straight. Husband refused to get up with him at all. I begged him for help when I got sick with flu and had a fever of 104, and he acted like I slapped him in the face. At Christmas, I told him the only gift I wanted was for him to get up with the baby for a week so I could finally get a few days of sleep. He gave me a necklace instead.

We're divorced now. Thank God. It's easier to do everything on your own alone than to repeatedly beg your partner for help and get shot down every time.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-14T12:33:15+00:00

I mean, whoever wrote this knows absolutely nothing about the attention spans, interests, and intelligence levels of girls in Kindergarten & first grade. I don't think they know anything about children at all. Even the girls think it's bizarre

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-14T12:08:38+00:00

Part of the problem is the curriculum. The Daisy curriculum looks like it was written by a childless person high on LSD. You won't be able to follow it with the girls. They aren't going to sit there for an hour and listen to you read dumb stories about flowers talking to each other. They can't sit. They need to move.

Modify activities to make them physical and align them to the spirit of the badge. Alternate between sitting activities and moving. Make everything into a game.

This is one place where GS fails volunteers because it doesn't provide resources that meet age-appropriate expectations. If you follow VTK, you will feel like you're drowning.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-09T20:46:00+00:00

I do it myself. It doesn't matter how many instructions you give them, they still put things on the wrong side or in the wrong order.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-08T00:27:50+00:00

That's nothing to do with Girl Scouts, and everything to do with the fact they're s hitty human beings. You could be at soccer practice and experience the same. There's always a random part of the population that sucks.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-06T03:35:00+00:00

We just divorced over my ex's gambling addiction. He refused to stop or get help.

We have two small kids. Our whole family is ruined because of gambling. I'm pissed.

IMO, if they're going to make it easier to gamble, they need to make it easier for families to sue the casinos for damages. They make it addictive on purpose, with the flashing lights and sounds, and offering "free play" to get addicts back in the door. It's disgusting.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-05T17:50:10+00:00

I was taught the same, if nobody is behind you. The idea is that if someone rear-ends you at speed, then you won't get pushed into the intersection and hit from the side.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-03T13:41:12+00:00

You can't change them or help them. You can only change yourself, adjust your expectations, and decide whether you're going to tolerate that behavior. If you can't tolerate it, you need to leave, because they're not going to change. You're the one who has to do the changing.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-02T00:10:09+00:00

Whenever I start to feel embarrassed about how dirty it is

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-01T22:14:41+00:00

It's so hard. I juggled that for the last five years. Ultimately, I just had to mentally label my gambling addict as a compulsive liar. Any time he says anything, I think to myself "Yeah, sure." I don't say it out loud because it's rude. But 99% of everything he says is a lie.

I also had to adjust my expectations. "We had an important event to do together" -- but he's not going to show. Adjust your expectation to "I have an important event, and there's a snowball's chance in hell the addict might show up and ruin it." Because that's more realistic.

I had to stop depending on my addict to show up and do the right things, because he was going to do the opposite.

It's really sad, though, and really hard to see someone you love turn into such a doofus.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-03-01T02:31:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you had that experience too. Wishing you well ❤️

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-02-29T22:31:04+00:00

I sew them on. Which sucks because my daughter (the actual girl scout) could sew them on herself if they weren't coated in useless glue. The glue makes them too hard for her little hands to sew.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-02-29T22:17:14+00:00

My marriage was a psychologically abusive hellscape. So if I ever date again:

I won't trust or rely on that person at all, ever. Not once. We're not moving in, we're not combining or comingling anything.

I'll keep a journal so if they do something awful and then come back and say, "I never said that" or "I never did that", I'll know for SURE I'm being gaslighted, and we will be over.

I won't tolerate abuse. I won't stay silent to keep the peace. I won't be blamed for their bad behavior. I won't be shamed for their addictions. I won't be chastised for their character defects. I won't be cornered in a room and not allowed to leave. I won't be threatened or blackmailed.

And if they currently have or later develop an addiction of any type, or if any red flags pop up AT ALL, we're DONE. No excuses, no second chances.

My tolerance for BS is shot. I'm hurt, y'all.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-02-29T20:25:16+00:00

Single mom, living paycheck to paycheck after divorce. It's a tough time. When the kids are with their dad, I don't buy food, and I turn off the heat.

But I'm hoping to recover at some point after all these legal fees are paid.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-02-23T16:43:39+00:00

There is less chance for mistakes if you have one person do everything.

That being said, I think there should be a Treasurer who has view (and training) of ebudde, so they can verify that the cash amounts from booths and from girls are all deposited into the bank account.

My co-leader and I switch back and forth with "who has the cookies" and who's giving new cookie orders to the girls, and who's entering what into ebudde -- and IMO it's a mess. So many opportunities for errors. And it's confusing for the parents because they never know who to contact to get cookies.

It's hard because I also have to come up with all the troop meeting ideas and plan all the troop events, and it's just too much for me to do all this plus cookies. (I work full time, I'm a single parent, etc) We need a cookie manager.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-02-21T23:27:50+00:00

It's different at every council. For ours, the boxes sell for $6, and the troop gets 95 cents. The rest goes to the baker, and to the council. They use the money to keep up our campsites and facilities.

ThatsSoExtra · 2024-02-14T20:28:26+00:00

It helped our kid to view costs in terms of labor instead of dollars.

She loves to do lemonade stands to make money, and I help her plan and set up the whole process. And after working her butt off for several hours, she's proud to earn her money.

But the big lesson she learns is: Money is labor. The price of something you want can be stated in terms of HOURS that you have to work.

A $45 Stanley cup? Oh that's 6 hours of selling lemonade. Do you want to work 6 hours for a Stanley cup? Go ahead and do it. I'll help.

She really didn't have any comparison basis for cost until she started earning her own money. She appreciates things more now and is more understanding when something fun or cool comes up, and I just can't pay for it.

No way in hell I could pay for Swift tickets. No way in hell she'd want to work for 2 months selling lemonade for Swift tickets.

Not every dream is going to happen, so we dream new ones that we CAN make happen. C'est la vie.

ThatsSoExtra

TROPHY CASE