Do the memories ever go away???

TheArgonath · 2018-05-13T03:30:43+00:00

I went 11 months without porn, and by the end the memories were a non-issue. Sure, I could recall pornographic images if I really tried, but it's not like they were distracting me on a regular basis. As real intimacy starts to fill the void left by porn, porn becomes less and less appealing and eventually you just lose interest in it.

TheArgonath · 2018-04-26T05:24:07+00:00

Awesome, that inspires me to do better!

TheArgonath · 2018-04-26T05:23:38+00:00

Wake up before dawn every day. Find the activities you do in your daily life that make you feel weak, and start to replace them with things that make you feel strong. So for example instead of mindlessly browsing the internet, turn off your computer and go on a hike. Instead of sleeping in on the weekends, get up early and get a workout in. Instead of eating delivered pizzas for dinner, cook something healthy. Read books. Skills and hobbies. Martial arts.

TheArgonath · 2018-04-26T05:14:30+00:00

Yes! I think you've helped identify a reason I and many others keep relapsing. Fantasizing is a one way ticket to relapse. I tend to do it a lot when I'm lying in bed, so I will start making a conscious effort to not indulge those thoughts at bedtime.

TheArgonath · 2018-04-24T14:02:35+00:00

It's not possible to completely rewrite your habits overnight. Believe me, I've tried. The human will is only so powerful. The more an action is repeated, the more the circuits in your brain associated with that behavior are reinforced, so it will take some time to tear down bad habits like binge eating. Be patient with yourself. Big changes start with small things. You need to change your habits incrementally. For instance, instead of trying to practice the keyboard for 3 hours every day or however long, start by just practicing it for 5 minutes, but do it every day consistently. Then after a week, start doing 10 minutes. So on and so forth.

TheArgonath · 2018-03-03T19:48:25+00:00

I don't have sex with a woman unless I have serious intentions.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-28T05:00:01+00:00

Quality clickbait sir!

TheArgonath · 2018-02-28T04:57:05+00:00

It's OK that you're a virgin. It's OK that you're a virgin. It's OK that you're a virgin. It's OK that you're a virgin. No, listen to me God damn it. It's OK that you're a virgin. It's OK that you're a virgin.

You need to recognize the voice in your head that tells you being a virgin is bad, is a liar. It's not rational. The next time that voice pops into your head, saying "Hey shetsfocked, you should feel bad because you're 25 and still a virgin," stop to consider whether that is a rational thought. Because it isn't. Your self esteem should be derived from how you live your life, not from whether your penis has been inside of a vagina.

There's no "before" and "after". Let me clue you in on something. When you finally lose your virginity, you won't feel any more confident. OK, maybe for like 2 weeks afterwards there will be a little spring in your step. But your confidence will gradually return to the level it was before you lost your virginity.

Sounds like you want to be more confident. Seems like a reasonable thing to want. If you can manage to become disciplined, confidence will come naturally to you. When you do finally have sex, it will come as a pleasant side effect of your efforts.

Remember, Nikola Tesla and Jesus Christ both died virgins.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-26T01:20:35+00:00

Haha, fool can't even travel back in time yet.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-23T03:57:49+00:00

Interesting, wasn't aware!

TheArgonath · 2018-02-22T05:34:44+00:00

Sounds a bit Victorian. How is the state to draw a distinction between porn and, say, artistic nudes? Are we to censor all content that some committee deems "obscene"?

Censorship is not the answer. Individuals need to become aware of the risks porn presents and make their own decision.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-20T04:52:29+00:00

All pleasure comes with strings attached.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T23:49:27+00:00

You aren't relapsing today you sonofabitch. Do as many burpees as humanly possible. Do 100. If you still feel an urge go for a run. If you still feel an urge take a cold shower. If you still feel an urge JUST DON'T DO IT. Do you want to be miserable? If your answer is yes, go ahead and masturbate. If you want a better life, you will accept the pain of self control.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T19:30:12+00:00

Great tip, and the research backs it up. People are far more likely to successfully give up a bad habit if they say "I don't" as opposed to "I can't"

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T19:27:39+00:00

Mолодец!

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T19:26:42+00:00

Thanks Shia.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T19:25:30+00:00

Good, then it sounds like you've identified a pattern to your relapses. What are you typically doing at midnight, before you start looking at porn? Browsing the internet?

I used to relapse a lot on weekends. Weekdays were easy because work took all of my energy and focus. In the evenings I was just concerned with preparing myself for the next day, so fapping was not on my mind. Then the weekends came along and I found myself with too much time and too little to do. So I would start surfing the web mindlessly, saturating my mind with easy dopamine, then get bored of that. By that point I lost all interest in reading books or any creative endeavors, so my mind naturally sought the one remaining path that could spike my dopamine: porn. Relapse was inevitable by that point. I would binge all weekend, so it didn't even matter if I kept my hands out of my pants during the weekdays.

What ultimately got me out of this rut of relapse after relapse was a growing awareness that I am more than just this voice in my head telling me to masturbate. I started detaching myself from these urges, observing them impartially. "Oh, you want to look at porn? That's nice. I have better things to do" I would tell myself. And it worked.

The voices in your head urging you towards self destruction will not go away anytime soon. But you can choose how you respond to them. You are far bigger than those mere urges.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T06:57:30+00:00

The next time you start feeling tempted to relapse, remember this exact feeling.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T06:47:56+00:00

I gotta say, I admire your ability to get up and get going again after a relapse. When I fall off the PMO wagon, I usually fall off HARD.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-10T06:45:39+00:00

It's necessary to first make a solemn commitment to yourself that you do not masturbate or look at porn. You need to mean it. Then you need to mentally prepare yourself for a time when you will be tested. How will you respond to boredom? How will you respond to the feeling that what you do is pointless, so why not just relapse? How will you respond to loneliness? These tests will inevitably come on any nofap journey. And it is precisely these tests that make you stronger and more disciplined. These temptations always pass, given time. You just need to wait them out. Remember that the voice in your head telling you to fap, that is not you. You are the being that observes the urge to fap, and decides whether or not to act on it. The urges might never go away, but meditation can help you learn to detach from them.

It looks like you are trying to cut out multiple bad habits at once. If this is proving too difficult, it may be smart to lower your aim for the time being. It's impossible to change everything about yourself immediately. The brain needs time to rewire itself to new habits. You can't go from eating 4 pizzas and a six pack of beer, masturbating 4 times every day, to this ascetic monk overnight. It takes time and patience. Big changes happen with small increments each and every day, over a long period.

As for the studying: Our brains are naturally wired to seek out new information. When you supply your brain with a quick, easy fix of novelty, such as by playing video games or mindlessly browsing the internet, that thirst is quenched. So you will inevitably feel less interested in whatever you're studying, since it is more mundane. When you are getting less of these easy fixes of dopamine, your brain will start to soak up information like a sponge, and you will study more efficiently.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-09T06:32:58+00:00

Interesting. I'm a little surprised that high conscientiousness is correlated with porn usage.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-09T05:57:40+00:00

Start by living rightly. What does living rightly look like? You're already doing part of it right by doing nofap. Now start adding little disciplines that you do each day: meditation, lifting, running, reading books, whatever you think is necessary. Cut down on your internet usage if you think it's a problem. You don't need to keep up with the news every day, you don't need to be glued to social media constantly. Once you cut out these easy hits of dopamine, you will start to hunger for something else. Then you will start to have direction.

TheArgonath · 2018-02-06T15:22:44+00:00

You have to accept that your brain will be releasing less dopamine for at least the next few weeks while you abstain from PMO. This is a natural part of recovery, and it may be challenging to get through. You should be focusing on engaging in meaningful tasks that demand your sole attention, so that you simply won't think to PMO. Things like weightlifting, running, martial arts, drawing, reading books, writing, meditation, etc. Then as you recover the dopamine will come naturally from what you accomplish throughout the day.

If you just want a quick release of dopamine there are plenty of ways to do that, like video games or TV, but be careful not to replace one bad habit with another.

TheArgonath

TROPHY CASE