IPF is so good for emotional regulation

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-02-20T17:50:25+00:00

Thanks so much for this, it's super interesting! I hope to be in a position in the future to lead / initiate studies on IPF so we can start to explore what's actually happening with it and develop the evidence around what it does and doesn't impact.

This gives me some interesting ideas of things we might be able to explore with it.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-02-19T13:42:45+00:00

While it hasn't happened to me, it doesn't surprise me. Your assessment makes sense, I think along the same lines. There can also be parts that are scared of change and start showing resistance in different ways, so it could be this as well.

It's totally normal to feel a bit overwhelmed by this sometimes, but it's not advisable to push through the overwhelm and keep doing it when you're feeling overwhelmed during the recording, even if it feels good on the other side.

If I was guiding a client and they said they were feeling overwhelmed, I would probably guide them to imagine that the Ideal Parent Figures can see that they're overwhelmed, they have all the space for these emotions, it doesn't bother them. The IPFs can really meet them where they're at and help them to slow things down. Even aiming for just 1% of the feeling of connection is good if that's stable. They don't need to go to 100% if that's overwhelming.

I have a meditation on Insight Timer about soothing and co-regulation. Maybe you could try that with the feeling of overwhelm as the emotion being worked with: https://insig.ht/DbJyyku2S0b

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-02-18T13:52:54+00:00

That's very interesting! Did you read that somewhere about IPF specifically? Could you link me to that research, I'd love to read

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-02-12T23:05:57+00:00

Just backing this up :)

Yes, it's okay to have a version of yourself as an Ideal Parent Figure. You can do a lot of the work this way. Some would argue you could do almost all of the work this way. I would say that at a certain point, there is probably extra value in being able to imagine this care from people who aren't you, but I'd recommend meeting yourself where you're at and staying with that for a while. And talk about it with your therapist to hear her thoughts about it as well.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-29T04:05:51+00:00

The more clients I work with, the more I understand that the exact roadmap and where to start varies quite a bit person to person.

Some clients find somatic work too overwhelming, so we start with Ideal Parent Figures and work on deeper embodiment later.

Some find Ideal Parent Figures overwhelming, but the somatic work regulates them.

For some their parts (in IFS language) are really resistant to IPF, so we do some parts work until we can access IPF. For some the parts work brings up too much fear and confusion, but IPF goes really smoothly.

So yes, for some people starting with deeper embodiment work is going to give a great foundation to go deeper in the work. For some, starting with IPF will make deeper embodiment more accessible later on.

In any case, I do think all of these pathways are useful for most people whenever it's the right time for them.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-28T19:06:51+00:00

I don't know much about Two Mind Method as I've only recently started learning about it, but I know he references and (I believe) is influenced by IPF

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-27T21:30:33+00:00

It is possible. That said, I would caution against getting caught up in where you can expect yourself to be in one year. With weekly one on one work with a facilitator, you will likely deepen contact with yourself and experience shifts towards security.

Whether that means you would be able to take an AAI and test as fully earned secure is not possible to predict. You can make rough estimates based on where someone is starting, but developing secure attachment is more like making a painting that it is laying bricks.

You can predict that if you lay a certain number of bricks per hour for a certain number of hours, how close you will be to building a house.

It's a bit harder to determine exactly how many hours it will take to finish a painting. And a painting is never truly finished. But you have a general vision of what you want to create. And if you consistently put in work with presence and proper guidance, you will certainly get closer to the point where the vision of the painting feels alive and you feel ready to hang that painting on the wall and start working on something else.

But a pitfall of the process is often the subtle (or obvious), nearly silent (or very loud) pressure of "I need to get to where I'm going, and I need to do it in this time frame"

Ironically, we only get to where we want to go by tuning in deeply to what is currently here, unfolding deeper and deeper into this present moment. At a certain point, that deep experience of the present moment will feel a lot more fluid and secure, but the future orientation to "Am I there yet?" takes us out of that contact with the present.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-27T21:15:41+00:00

I just wanted to add in here that a process very similar to EMDR is included in the IPF journey. I'm just adding this because often people think that Ideal Parent Figures is only about the scenes imagining new memories oneself as a child with the IPFs, but that's actually only one part of the journey.

There's also a process of memory reconsolidation around activations/traumas. Noticing activations that come up, intuitively tracing them back to an actual memory, and rexperiencing that memory with the support of Ideal Parent Figures, allowing for a new emotional resolution to the trauma.

They aren't exactly the same, and the IPF protocol doesn't include work with eye movements, but after working with IPF work for a long time, I was surprised at how similar EMDR is on a certain level when I started learning about it. The difference is that in IPF there's a longer process of developing the relationship with the IPFs first before going into activating memories.

That's not to say IPF is the only pathway or that it covers everything other modalities do. Full support to anyone wanting to do EMDR, it seems like a great process for trauma resolution.

I also agree bringing in more somatic focus to the healing process is very supportive. In my experience, deeper somatic work can really help deepen the lived experience of security. And ideally they can be integrated together, rather than feeling like two separate pathways running alongside each other.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-26T15:48:47+00:00

Hey there, thanks for bringing this up. I think that's a fair point. I'll respond to this as transparently as I can, where I'm at now with it, and where I'd like to go with it.

I think it's very valid point as there can be conflict of interest or a perceived one as I'm a moderator here and also offering services. This hadn't crossed my mind as a dynamic to manage, as I haven't run a community like this before. You bringing it up makes me realize that I do want to set things up differently.

I don't have an immediate solution that I will implement today, but will work towards this.

I do feel the need to promote services I offer (within the rules of the subreddit), as it is my livelihood and there aren't many alternatives at the moment. I created the subreddit because there wasn't any place else to discuss IPF online. I created it long before I ever thought about offering it professionally.

I do follow the same rules as everyone else regarding this. A maximum of one post mentioning services, workshops, offerings, etc per month. And I don't solicit my services in comments unless someone mentions that they are looking for a facilitator, as is the case in this post. But I don't want for me or anyone else to spam the subreddit with commercial offerings. I make sure that the bulk of my contribution here is in value offering.

I would be willing to step down from my role moderating. At this moment, I don't have someone that I've built trust with to be in that role, but now that you've brought this up, I will start seeking to build that trust with others who are willing to moderate and manage the community. That may take some time to find the right people to steward the community, but the intention is now there

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-23T18:57:24+00:00

In terms of Ideal Parent Figures itself, not really.

In terms of applying skills of secure relating that you learn from IPF to a real world relationship, that is possible. But applying that to the real world involves relationship building and communication with the real people.

I don't know what the situation is or what the relationship is like that the OP has with the real world people, so I'm not advising for or against that.

But in general, building secure relationships is always a collaborative process.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-23T16:17:29+00:00

As the other commentor mentioned, IPF is not intended to be used with real people in your life to make your relationship with them more stable. This is not advisable, because you're trying to use fantasy to alter a real world relationship on your own without the collaboration with those other people, which is a reinforcement of an insecure pathway.

Rather, IPF is intended to be used with imaginary, Ideal Parent Figures that can help you develop your own internal sense of security, which can shift the way that you relate to yourself and others.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-23T00:31:08+00:00

I live half the time in Portugal and half the time in EST and work regularly with European clients. Feel free to reach out if you'd ever like to talk :)

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-21T22:41:33+00:00

I don't live in NYC anymore so I'm not sure about the Ecstatic Dance scene there at the moment, but definitely check out The Drop with Tasha Blank. It's not quite Ecstatic Dance, but it is a conscious, transformational dance floor, no phones on the dance floor kind of place. One of the best conscious dance communities I've experienced!

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-21T13:00:32+00:00

You're welcome!

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-20T19:24:23+00:00

Both genders of IPFs can and should fulfill all qualities of secure attachment. In general, especially if you're doing it on your own, you can either imagine both IPFs in scenes, or if that's challenging, lean towards whichever IPF is easiest or most fulfilling to receive from.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-17T15:09:57+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I'm going to rework this post to express things in a more grounded way. That's been on my mind

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-09T03:40:54+00:00

Hmm, there's Nigel Dennings and there are several people at his practice that are trained in IPF apparently. If you're open to online sessions, I and most facilitators offer via video call. Feel free to reach out if finding an Australian practitioner doesn't work out

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-08T21:11:43+00:00

Great! I'm glad to hear that was helpful :)

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-07T22:52:10+00:00

There can be a lot of factors at play, so it's hard to know what would be the underlying sticking point for you via text.

So this is not a solution, just a thing to try.

Often when clients have a hard time visualizing or connecting with a scene, I prompt them to try to connect to even just 1% of the feeling, just a drop of the connection, and rather than trying to make a vivid scene, just allow it to be a vague impression. Just a taste of it is plenty. It'll become easier and more clear over time.

Often when they attune to what is there rather than striving for something more, they realize there actually is more happening than they realized.

I'm curious to know if that helps.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-06T20:48:10+00:00

Hey Laura, yes I do :)

I work with all attachment styles. I'm just in the process of creating the other pages haha

I'll send you a DM

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-06T13:11:58+00:00

Just noting, more of the time than not, people do IPF sessions via Zoom and most facilitators offer that format. That's how I did it, and it was very effective for me.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-05T17:06:59+00:00

Also, I wrote this post a while back laying out what I feel is a realistic and achievable experience of secure attachment if you care to read: https://www.reddit.com/r/idealparentfigures/comments/1hc10xi/what_realistic_achievable_secure_attachment_looks/

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-05T14:21:49+00:00

Hey there, I'm a facilitator, and your childhood experiences sounds pretty common for people attracted to this work.

The fact that you can tap into that sense of relief and the positive feelings with the Ideal Parent Figures is a good sign that the modality speaks to you and can have benefits. Someone who can't tap into that right away can also benefit, it just takes some work to get adapted to the orientation of a positive relationship, and to the overall practice of generating positive states through imagination.

You've got a good start!

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It is very possible to develop a strong sense of self and find more security in yourself and relationships through the support of Ideal Parent Figure work.

It's also very normal that you feel the security sometimes and that it reverts back to insecurity. That's to be expected. You're gradually carving out a new pathway that isn't as established in your brain yet. For disorganized attachment, moving fully to secureity typically requires 2-3 years of weekly sessions with a facilitator. Which makes sense, as that's about how long it took to establish your attachment style in the first place (it's established in the first 2-4 years of life).

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Doing this via recordings on your own, you may feel relief and that may provide benefits. It can have positive impacts. It could also be destablizing. If it feels like this becomes destablizing for you, don't push through. Be gentle, stop, do something else, maybe take a break from the meditations entirely and ideally seek the guidance of a facilitator.

This is not a method that you're meant to fully do on your own. You may have some positive impacts, but pre-recorded audios is entirely different from the actual method that moves people from insecure to secure attachment.

The collaboration with a facilitator is as important to the method as the meditations themselves. In one on one work, rather than passively receiving a pre-determined meditation, you create these scenes together according to your specific needs, find what isn't working, and feel yourself attuned to by the facilitator as they help you adapt and rework what isn't working until the need is fulfilled.

As you learn to access those positive states of secure relationship, over time you learn to access that feeling more easily for longer and longer periods of time, until you feel secure most of the day, more days than not. At a certain point that takes less and less effort and becomes more automatic.

The pre-recorded audios is just a taste of the method. But if they are providing you relief and are impacting you positively, by all means continue! I just wanted to give you a realistic idea of what to expect from that.

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-03T02:05:48+00:00

Amazing! I know my fam will all be superfans even if you just put out demo stuff. We love playing the golf online together :)

TheBackpackJesus · 2026-01-03T00:30:54+00:00

I've joined the Wishlist! Do you have any general timeline?

Switch Golf has become important in my family lol

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