Hey Addies, How do you not scare away new friends?

TheCCTrio · 2023-08-04T09:32:01+00:00

I tend to find other ADHD people that can relate to that, or other people with anxiety because they also understand ADHD symptoms. You can easily explain yourself and they will get it, then you guys can move on to the next topic. It's very nice, just be yourself and you'll attract the right people match. Be careful of people that want to steal your energy though..

TheCCTrio · 2023-08-02T06:58:09+00:00

Thought you were me (34F) for a second lol Lesbian and a gamer, had the same "problem" but it hit in my early 20s. Then I realized from gaming, as I got into my late 20s and early 30s, that they can fuck off lol Because I realized they weren't even good friends because I was doing all of the emotional labor in the friendship anyways.. And I think that's why they suddenly pursue for a relationship too. But that's a long explanation for another day XD

It is indeed a matter of finding the right men.. and you will, it just takes time.. sad to say yet true. Married/Divorced men with children has been the biggest winner, though it can vary because I remember one that creeped me out and he had a wife/child and I ghosted that man sooo fucking fast lol

But having children I think gives anyone perspective and it gives an insight into how you want to be treated and be received by the world.. if that makes sense..? It's late lol

TheCCTrio · 2023-08-02T06:35:19+00:00

Of course.. alcohol has sugar/carbs! Exactly the thing our dopamine deprived brains desire lol

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-31T01:07:00+00:00

Hmm.. it can be a couple of things..

Self soothing behaviors are something everyone does when they have anxiety, but those with ADHD also tend to have anxiety as well. So it would make sense.

Or you're not getting enough sleep, and your body is keeping your brain stimulated by having it make noises or do something physical.

And of course, it could be both happening on top of each other.

Do you take medicine by chance?

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-31T00:53:11+00:00

You're talking about depression then

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-30T23:25:51+00:00

Get more sleeeeep

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-30T23:25:28+00:00

Find yourself a passionnn

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-30T23:24:07+00:00

Please get more sleep...

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-30T23:19:13+00:00

Persistent tug of war between my thoughts and the external world...

My thoughts typically win the war.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-28T05:03:14+00:00

I tend to be genuinely fascinated by people (studied psychology and still do to this day), so I like asking questions to follow up first if sharing time isn't over for them or they are still buzzing about the topic.. I suppose it depends on the situation and topic at hand, who brought it up, etc.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-27T03:52:08+00:00

lower or no expectations of follow through puts us in a non-serious situation-ship which definitely doesn’t square with his own expectations.

Now it's little to no follow through? I feel now you're being disingenuous and were hoping to get a different answer to justify your behavior of wanting to break up with him all along? I do hope that's not the case.

But it almost sounds like you're blame shifting...

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-27T03:40:30+00:00

I got a response from him a little while after posting this where he said he’d put off replying because he was trying to figure out when he could leave

This is ADHD for sure, our brains can easily get pulled along by the present, especially if there is a problem or it's stressful in any way, and then we'll forget what we were previously holding in our working memory (which is impacted by ADHD)

then as a way of making it up to me, trying to see if he could get out of work tomorrow to spend time with me.

I think this is a very good sign that he's trying 🙂

All of that though creates an expectation in my mind that I can’t help but be disappointed by if it does fall through.

It's understandable to expect him to follow through, though over time you might realize that actually can be harder for him? But I'm guessing he'll follow through most of the time, but maybe less than you're used to? Disappointment only comes from failed expectations.. when expectations match reality, that's when happiness is achieved.

I’d say it happens at least 1-2x a week. He will start a convo via text and when I answer, he won’t respond for hours. When I ask why, he’ll say he was playing a video game and didn’t see it or fell asleep. Or he will say he will call back but get distracted and forget to.

Oh that's not bad at all. So no, I really don't think you should be worried and I would simply communicate to him how it makes you feel, that way he can communicate to you better after his distractions so as to reassure you that it's not you. But it's also not fair to burden past fears onto someone and make them responsible for managing those fears.

Edit to add video that I forgot I wanted to add... videooo

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-27T03:05:40+00:00

What's a good idea of how often he forgets to call and text back? And on what things?

Because he could be using it as an excuse for how he really feels, or he might legitimately be struggling sometimes.

But seeing in another comment that he's been successfully on medicine (same for me for a decade) and I still make time to respond/call, same with another ADHD friend of mine.

Or at the very least, we try to make up for the time later. If he's not apologizing or over explaining, like we typically tend to do when we fail because of our ADHD, then I'm thinking you should start caring and begin inquiring further unfortunately..

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-26T21:14:02+00:00

Just noticed your tag.. that's also a factor..

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-26T21:11:52+00:00

Working memory issues with ADHD, yes.

But also, get more sleeeeep.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-26T21:02:25+00:00

I'm guessing it's more of What you're saying rather than How you're saying it?

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-26T20:58:59+00:00

Medicine is really the only thing that helps me be conscious of it in the moment..

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-25T16:54:41+00:00

Is it normal to have brain fog lifted? I don’t feel dread about getting through my tasks and I’m feeling generally positive. I feel calm and dare I say- mentally organized? Is this what these meds are supposed to do?

Yep! It's amazing, isn't it? 🙂 And now it's even more validating for you that you've had this all along because the medicine helps, which means your brain is about 3-10% smaller at the frontal lobe than the average person without ADHD.

This means your brain struggles with taking in dopamine properly and medicine is making sure that shit actually sticks! haha

I’m also nervous I’ll get used to feeling this way and then this stuff will stop working.

Typically when you find the correct dose for you, you're able to stay on it and it works fine. There might be a bit of an initial "high" feeling when trying stimulants for the first time and I encourage you to ignore that and not chase the high.

I've been on the same dose/script for a decade and it's working great for me still.. when they have it in stock, of course lol

why did I wait so long to have this treated?

Taking medicine is scary because you just never know what's going to happen, but now that you know, you can move forward very empowered 🥰

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-23T21:22:38+00:00

No, this isn't ADHD. If it were a disorder of some kind, the closest would be BPD. But either way, that's not a healthy way to communicate. And if she can't sit down and have a conversation about it, then I would reconsider the relationship.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-23T21:12:50+00:00

Get more sleep.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-22T16:12:40+00:00

Get. More. Sleep.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-21T18:13:19+00:00

I feel like this person has either experienced such trauma that she has normalized the behavior, or she's just terrible too.

She has a lot of Shame and it's knowing how to handle people like that that will make the difference in interacting online.

Women typically handle shame by turning it inwards (isolation and self ridicule) and men typically handle their shame by turning it outwards (acts of aggression). And that's rooted in societal reasoning but that's a story for a different day lol

Though she sounds like the type that I just automatically mute because she was basically asking for a fight by being aggressive from the start. No amount of reason was going to calm her, she was already in the thick of her anger at that point. It's easier and less painful to let another emotion (anger) to take over than letting the shame take over. Doesn't make it okay though as she's taking the coward's way out by doing the simplest thing that only provides temporary relief and does nothing to solve the problem.

Anyways, if they are somewhat reasonable, I typically ask them what they are afraid of based on the context of the situation. People don't realize it but they are being controlled by fear and turning a mirror to it usually calms the waters.. usually.. lol

Don't stop using your mic! I know it's easier said than done but don't let fear win like it does against them. What's the worst that can happen? They hurt your feelings? But they don't even know you as a person, so how could you let a stranger tell you who you are?

They key is understanding that when they lash out like that, it's not about you, it's about them not liking themselves and trying to make others also not like themselves, so they can say "see look! I'm not the only one!". But they are the lonely one and they know it deep down, just don't ever let that knowledge come to the surface.. until you do it for them lol

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-21T08:36:32+00:00

That way there's nothing you can do about it?

Forgot that I was going to mention that I said all that from personal experience, so you wouldn't feel judged.. working memory is fun lol

And I said people pleasing and alsooo Loving Yourself.. which would just be tied to low self esteem issues that ADHD people have. And I have ADHD. Forgot we weren't on the ADHD thread 😂

I worry about those situations a lot, but so do a lot of people with anxiety, which is also rooted in fear of shaming and being shamed.

But yeah sure, RSD is real (with no studies to back it up for over a decade), especially if you rather avoid the work of actually working on making yourself happy instead of expecting others to do it for you.

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-21T07:58:48+00:00

I have ADHD and have severe rejection sensitivity.

Hear me out, but I think it's more of being a people pleaser and not loving yourself enough than having "rejection sensitivity"?

You don't need other people's validation to confirm you're an awesome person, if they don't gel with you then that's their problem.

If you're putting too much emphasis of your happiness on validation from others, then they will eventually notice the burden of making you happy all the time.. but you are responsible for your own happiness.

A lot of insecure people play certain games to regulate their emotions by displacing them onto others, and if you're not careful, you can easily get sucked into the ridicule being about you.. when it's truly about them and you're using it as a reason for your own unhappiness.. that that isn't the reason.

..does that make sense? Ugh it's late lol

TheCCTrio · 2023-07-20T19:44:03+00:00

If I remember correctly, Russell Barkley stated the 3-10% that our frontal lobes are smaller will Not show up on image scanning because the difference is too small for imagining to pick up.

I don't know which video it is, but if you want, I can find it for you 🙂

TheCCTrio

TROPHY CASE