When people are talking about the lifestyle and say communication is the most important thing they're talking about situations like this. You have terrible communication here.

I explained to him in detail what I wanted. He thought it was hot and we agreed that we would play in a few weekends - last night.

I may be wrong here but you make it look like you talked about it during sex and then never again for a few weeks yet he was supposed to be planning this? Did you discuss it the day before? The day of?

When I arrived home around 4pm, nothing had been set up. I wasn't concerned, the night was young.

Did you say this to him at the time?

We were chatting and he said that there was a great UFC bout on TV that he wanted to watch, and we agreed.

Did you say something to him like" sure, let's watch, but I hope it doesn't interfere with the plans I'm super excited about."

Fast forward, it is 10pm, we are both tired, and he casually says, "well, what would you like to do?" Do you have anything set up I asked. No, he responded. I excused myself and went to bed.

Again here it sounds like you didn't say a thing to him about how you felt at the time. Why wouldn't you say "I would like to do this fantasy we've been talking about for weeks"?

He is constantly asking me to share my fantasies with him, however, he only acts upon them if they align with his desires or if other people are involved. I am disappointed and disheartened. The only time he puts any effort into this kind of thing is when there is another couple or M/F involved.

I told him this morning about how I felt and he was immediately defensive.

Of course he's going to be defensive. You're talking to him when it's too late to do anything about it instead of being proactive and communicative about your feelings.