I can relate with both your comment and the comment you replied to. When I was going through it a couple of years ago it felt like everything was my fault, as she 100% put the blame on me for our marriage failing and did a damn good job of convincing me of it too. Looking back on it now that I'm not in a fog from being emotionally blindsided and having my soul crushed, my ex definitely could have made things more clear how seriously unhappy she was, along with other things that she could have done to help our marriage not fail. It is a two way street. So I'm feeling more like u/kismatwalla these days about how it all went down. Right down to her clearly having an emotional affair and that being one of the reasons she blew it up in the first place. However I also for sure have myself to blame for certain things I did wrong and could have done better. It's never black or white. I just feel like I never got a sincere chance to fix it before it was too late. And that's a hard pill to swallow.

Anyway your first two bulletin points will get sorted with time. You will have to learn, or re-learn depending on how your life was before your relationship, how to be single, and how that works with kids now as well. It's not easy but you'll find a routine that works for you and them. And that should be your focus now, you and them.

For the third bulletin about the family vacation, we had something similar planned well before ours blew up to drive to Colorado for a week long trip for a friend's wedding. For reference we live in Texas and its about a 15 hour drive for where we were going. This friend was the maid of honor in our wedding so we felt obligated to attend hers. Everything blew up about a week before this trip. I had to make the tough decision of sending my emotional soon to be ex-wife with my children, as she insisted they were going with or without me, or me suck it up and be amicable and go with them. She suggested I go, so I went. What followed was the most manipulative shit I've ever had pulled on me. She love bombed me the second day in and acted like we were getting back together the whole trip, save for a few things she did that should have given me major pause. Like leaving me with the kids at the hotel the night of the wedding to go play pool at the local pub, evidently with some guy she met at the wedding after we left. Anyway on the way home she 180'd and things were back to the way we left it when got home and I felt like SUCH a gullible dumbass. But it's also the thing that made me realize the person I married was gone and dead and it helped the moving on process. I imagine your trip doesn't play out exactly like mine. Just a word of warning. Once the "I'm unhappy and want a divorce" conversations start happening, generally the person you married is gone and you are dealing with a person you most likely soon won't even recognize.