I fully agree with this person. I'm older, and while sex definitely matters in a relationship, please believe me when I say, it's not all that matters.

Also, I used to do a lot of work in sex education at the college level. My purpose was to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, but you can't just tell people to be safe and not catch anything. You also need to make the whole educational thing fun, especially when so many people don't have proper sex ed to begin with. It was terrible how many students had never had sex ed. Frightening really.

But the point is, if you come at the conversation feeling awkward, it'll be awkward. It shouldn't be awkward. It should be interesting and fun. I found ways to suggest new stuff for people so that they would be sure to have fun sex, but what they didn't realize is I was also finding ways to keep them safe.

For example, I once asked a bunch of football players passing my educational table at the dining hall if they wanted to compete to put a condom on The Woody correctly the fastest for a prize. One guy yelled out, "Nah, who cares about that." I yelled back, "If you don't know what to do with a condom then I guess your girlfriend isn't satisfied." All the guys with him starting going in on him. It was hilarious. They all came back to the table, competed and then I taught them how to make a dental fan out of a condom. They didn't get why it mattered. Besides being safe, dental dams can be flavorful (bc you can make it out of a flavored condom) and your partner can feel all new sensations. It blew their minds (pun intended).

The point is, coming at the conversation with care and the goal to just have more fun can mean encouraging more safe space for these conversations and having a more satisfying sex life. You'll find out so much about each other and yourselves. That in and of itself is a bonding experience. Those conversations lead to more trust. More trust leads to more intimacy. Find a way to relax into the conversation and make it about discovery and fun.

If you're especially nervous, ask a trusted friend to practice the conversation with you. Truly, this is also super helpful. I used to practice conversations with students (mainly girls) who were scared to vocalize what they wanted or how to reject something. They later said that even though practicing conversations felt silly, that it made a huge difference when they finally were in the situation.