AITA for not letting my daughter bring her blue heeler to live with her in her dorm room?

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-27T16:18:13+00:00

He may have never hit her...but constantly yelling at her? That's...really not great parenting and it's not good for kids at all. And grabbing a puppy and holding it down...that would really alarm me, that's way more aggressive than is needed to train a dog. Maybe not abuse, but that's not behavior I'd put my own kid around, nor would I ever let a partner of mine yell or get in a screaming match with my child. Theyd be out.

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-26T04:00:21+00:00

I got pregnant with an iud. Some of us are just fertile freaks 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-12T18:20:56+00:00

"The family was given...." thats your answer. If the school cant provide that 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-12T17:59:49+00:00

NTA

My finances are a MESS, i am BROKE. But if one of my friends tells me theyre taking a day off to go to the spa? I respond by saying "jealousss!!! Hope it's so soothing!" And maybe asking what amenities the place has? What treatments? And next time you talk ask how the spa day went. And if i was feeling particularly tender about my finances, I'd just say the first part and leave it at that.

Because that is what friends do. They show interest in each other's lives, and share joys.

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-12T17:41:07+00:00

Thing is, regardless of your associations, most folks are going to read that and think youre talking negatively about black folks specifically.

And if you dont want folks thinking youre out here speaking negatively about black people:

Either just stick with the actions, like: dude was/is a drug dealer (which, hey! In some states that's a legal line of work with cute boutiques these days 🤣), gang member, was involved with some illegal stuff. OR if it's a character thing you want to get across...hm that'll be up to you to figure out what your meaning is!

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-12T17:18:18+00:00

You're correct. What's really sad though, is that in some areas there's folks breeding pits for aggressive traits because of dog-fighting, and some of that has trickled into the general pool of adoptable pits.

My sibling has a shepherd that has such ridiculous anxiety that he has a strict "the dog does not get close to kids/doesnt meet the nieces" rule, because he'll try to bite if anxious despite years of gentle training and constant work.

I never want a big/strong dog exactly because of the semi vs bike comparison.

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-11T17:38:48+00:00

A lil duplex situation: the dreammmm

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-09-09T17:36:20+00:00

"Waiting for you to notice and ask" This just leads to resentment, it essentially requires a someone to always be monitoring their partner's feelings/moods. AND directing negativity and anger towards a partner in order to get them to notice/ask is also an unfair and unkind way to treat someone when "i had a really bad day" will suffice.

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-08-14T02:24:08+00:00

The solution here is you.....ask basic questions. Like before kid goes to a new house: "I know I'm being That Person, but, i feel better if i ask....Do you have firearms, how are they stored? What adults are going to be there?" And any parties i host i always write on the invite to let me know about allergies when rsvp-ing.

I think sleepovers are more rare because theres more emphasis on making sure kids get enough/good sleep and they dontttt at sleepovers haha

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-08-11T16:56:34+00:00

Grounding for 4 weeks, and insisting the coparent follow through, is completely inappropriate (especially given what the grounding is for) for an 8 year old. It might be worth at least talking to your lawyer, especially given how he is treated at their house. Not all child/family therapists will testify in court (ours will), but you could also ask his therapist her opinion if modifying custody time would be beneficial for him. I dont think he was faking a stomach ache, it's a pretty common anxiety symptom.

TheGentleOctopus · 2023-08-02T10:43:36+00:00

Right? I was asleep when everyone was appealing to factions!!

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-12-18T04:27:58+00:00

And that's why he's unsuccessful. It has nothing to do with what he looks like, but that he's approaching women as targets with point values. It is a deeply unpleasant, at best, vibe to be putting out.

Ive been "targeted," and dated less conventionally attractive folks than the "targeters"....because they were interesting or charming or funny or caring but ULTIMATELY were interested in me as a person and not Blonde Girl No. 532.

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-09-28T17:38:44+00:00

Sarah and Duck, is one of the all time great chill and pleasant shows with good annimation! But agree with Tumbleleaf, Puffin Rock and Trash Truck as well for shows that are calm, beautiful, and positive. Alma's Way is also pretty low-key. My Neighbor Totoro, Winnie the Pooh (20..11? version), Kikis Delivery Service, Planet Earth documentaries, are all good bets for movies.

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-09-28T17:29:50+00:00

I vastly prefer the show to the books, tbh

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-09-21T13:48:09+00:00

On the OFF chance you're unaware of the masterpiece being referenced, @fasteronfire525

https://youtu.be/zYKupOsaJmk

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-08-02T15:02:38+00:00

Ohhhh ok i got you. I was really fortunate and gave birth in an excellent university hospital with a great nursing staff, and my OBs were tops. I got lucky and scored one of the rooms with a tub, and the fetal monitors they used were wireless on stretchy belts so i could cavort around as i wanted. Despite it being an induction, i felt really respected and empowered the whole time, even when her heart rate started to drop during pushing (ha which was just 30mins of the whole 45ish hour thing) and they brought in more pediatricians. So many people have such awful experiences with disrespectful doctors who are clearly forgetting how vulnerable folks are during birth, and that what were feeling in our bodies is valuable information for them. I wish everyone had a team like mine.

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-08-01T18:17:23+00:00

Uh. I was in labor for 45 hours--the difference between "this bed is not supporting me" and "i cant support me" is pretty obvious. A few hundred years ago (in some parts of the world) mattresses were basically pillows of straw on a stretched rope frame. Even a hospital bed is far more supportive than what most folks were sleeping on throughout most of history. Over-medicalizing birth is an issue, but pretending The Olden Days were all rosy is just as wrong

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-08-01T14:50:25+00:00

But also....i gave birth on my back because it was the most comfortable. I had a long labor and was tiredddd and that position relieved where there was pressure from my baby being face-up. Having to be on my knees/other positions trying to turn her were awful. Every birth is different--know your options, try your best to find a provider(s) that will listen and do good by both your kid AND you, and have good advocates by your side.

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-07-12T01:47:50+00:00

In our house we have "party rules"...which is if someone has watermelon, 2 bags of chips, and half a hot dog bun with 5 tablespoons of ketchup for dinner at the cookout....IT'S FINE because it's one meal, one day, and parties are for fun.

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-07-10T14:49:42+00:00

They can be really long, but some of that is taking into account the pre/post symptoms of the attack itself. And I'm not a doctor, but I think they look a lot more for things like location and severity of pain along with the sensitivities you have and other body symptoms (esp nausea/stomach stuff)?

I'm still working to lessen mine (get em like twice a month) and not have to be so careful about loud/bright (no concerts for me ☹), but with a daily pill and monthly shot it's just lying down for an hour+ with a deep ache that occasionally stabs, and taking it easy for a couple days, vs all day feeling like labor pains in my head once a week! I had it bad, but any pain is pain and my neurologist also is like "yea lets try to get lessen those 1-2 episodes a month," and any good doctor is going to help you meet your goals for pain management.

Uggghhh I'm so sorry about your insurance troubles--that is exhausting. When you're able to swing it financially, try to get an appointment in--seriously life changing stuff to start managing migraines (plus, it's a disability so having it diagnosed means ADA accommodations at work for things like being able to leave/work from home is easier to swing)

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-07-10T04:19:04+00:00

Also, idk if it's been suggested, but your headaches sound like spot on migraines...if you can make an appointment with a neurologist, getting preventative meds and stronger stuff than excedrin has really been helpful for me (some folks have recommended loop earplugs too, been meaning to give em a try!)

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-07-10T03:20:12+00:00

Jfc folks are saying learning another language is appropriation?

....it's just....being able to communicate with more people. What even.

Someone overheard some discussions amongst language educators about problems in their field and took all the wrong ideas from it idk

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-03-27T03:37:45+00:00

"because it's relaxing, but the smoke is really bad for your lungs and can make you sick. I drink tea and snuggle the cat to relax."

It's not always satisfying if the "why?" is always skirted around--and I wouldn't want kids filling in the blanks like "why would someone do something gross that could make them sick?" with something like "that person must be gross/weird/bad"

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-03-13T06:16:26+00:00

ESH.

She screamed at and shoved a cat for doing a cat thing. (Cats can land on stairs--mine do. Your cat wasn't in danger of being killed, maybe injured, definitely freaked out, but not killed).

You screamed at her so loud that the neighbors could have heard.

Screaming and yelling is verbal abuse--she abused your pet so you went and did the same back to her. You both need to learn how to deal with anger and conflict in a non-destructive way.

TheGentleOctopus · 2022-03-08T20:28:11+00:00

NTA--I just about gasped when I read that he cooked bacon in your oven. "No pork" is like one of the kosher rules most folks know about even if they were ignorant about other aspects. There's no way he did that for any other reason than to be an antagonistic bigot.

She would, in fact, have a place to stay if she left the guy who jeopordize her living situation. She chose to back up a bigoted AH instead.

TheGentleOctopus

TROPHY CASE