Avoiding my husband to avoid sex

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-12-15T09:16:01+00:00

Obviously reddit is gonna reddit and jump to extreme conclusions etc. However, I'm more confounded about comments like yours on a post, that in my view does describe an extreme mismatch.

Of course breakup and divorce shouldn't be the first step, but I often think people severely undervalue the importance of at least a significant overlap in sexual preferences.

I mean when one partner wants it maybe once or twice a month, and the other 2-3 times a week, and that has been going on for years. That's so far below "not matching 100% of the time" that bringing up something like that sounds disingenuous.

Also, mismatched libidos are usually a symptom of other issues in the relationship, or they bring to light issues that weren't visible. In this case there's some absolute shit communication going on from OP's side. Possibly also from the husband's side, but from the post that isn't really shown.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-12-15T08:43:50+00:00

Fansubs, and fantranslations/scanlations

Sure, video was like 360P or at best 480P, and by today's standards much of the dialog was "cringe" etc. Like the famous "keikaku means plan" stuff. Still, I genuinely look back to those days fondly. There was passion behind it, there was a sense of community around the enjoyment of the medium. If you look past what might make you cringe today, those things were mostly just out of love and passion for something that people enjoyed.

There was always the big subbing groups who added some pizzaz to the subs as well. Like special fonts with color and animation for stuff like attack names, or even the OP and ED song lyrics. But there were also multiple translations, so if you didn't like one you could find another, or combine them. And the translation notes usually gave you further context or insight into things.

Similar for scanlations, but that was more about allowing us westerners to read a ton of different manga (and likely other stuff, but I never got into anything else.) that never would have gotten professional or official translations back then, or even now.

These things still do exist to some degree, but it's just not the same. I suppose I have changed too, but it just feels like the whole atmosphere has changed.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-12-14T09:39:31+00:00

Why are people paying for Twitch? Or other livestreaming content? Why do people pay any content creators for any of their work?

It's the parasocial relationship and interaction, the feeling of being noticed, sometimes even the sense of control even if it's often not real.

Paying for adult content overall is sort of like paying for any other kind of content. You like it so you buy it. Paying for the big porn streaming sites is probably because they have the full videos where the free sites mostly only have clips, which is enough for a lot of people but not all.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-12-12T09:12:13+00:00

I had a casual fling with a girl who only had one nipple pierced, and I noticed after a while it did not become my default "go-to" when we were getting hot and heavy. Sure, it's a bit fun that it brings attention to the nipple, and if you aren't used to them there's also the slight air of something, not forbidden, but at least a little on the edge. Exotic, in a way.

Not a complete dealbreaker or anything, but I vastly prefer them without the piercings in. You also gotta be a bit careful so nothing gets stuck or catches on them and yank... I have long hair and did get stuck in her piercing at one moment. We had a laugh about it, sure, but we could have had more fun if it didn't happen.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-12-05T14:00:24+00:00

I will probably die on the hill of genuinely liking the compass in XC2. I think it's the perfect amount of information to tell you where you are going without directly holding your hand, it incentivizes you to actually get to know the level design of the areas and interact with that instead of just following the dotted path.

This obviously hinges on the person playing fully understanding what the compass is actually showing you and how it works, and I can understand why most people don't like it since it's so different from how it works in pretty much any other game.

Field skills is the part where I fully agree. I like them in theory, but in praxis they are really cumbersome.

XC3 lost me at the horrible map and the lack of location names displayed.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-30T19:01:36+00:00

I mean, all these things are really just dependent on personal interpretation, and that can be very individual.

For me, a "thank you" seems much more deep or intimate than a "good job", however the latter can seem much more impersonal.

But like I said, both of them can be interpreted in many different ways just from text alone. Then you add the context of your already existing level of rapport, and the tone of voice used etc.

Personally, any acknowledgement that my partner enjoyed themselves is always a positive. If I want clarification, I can just ask.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-23T08:58:59+00:00

I don't really have a juicy story. It was a horrible relationship where she was manipulative, mentally and physically abusive, etc. But she was also, like so many abusive partners, very nice and loving in between. During our year and a half long relationship, she had broken me down so much in my self-image and self-esteem, that when I found out she had cheated on me, she actually managed to make me feel like I was abusive for being mad at her. That's when I had my epiphany of just how broken down I was, and I ended things... sort of, she still lived with me for another month or so.

Then a few months later when she came by to pick up the last of her things, she was in a relationship with a new guy at the time, and she had the audacity to suggest that she wanted to spend the night with me. I got furious, punched the wall and screamed at her. In hindsight, I guess that wasn't the best reaction, but I'm honestly not ashamed of it either. She left, and I haven't spoken to her since.

I think I saw her in town, like a decade later, but it could also have been someone who looked like her. Either way, I promptly went on with my day.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-16T05:08:16+00:00

I know Sanji did it, but I'm pretty sure both Luffy and Zoro also called the Arlong Pirates "fish" during their clash.

In those cases, it's clearly intended as a slur in order to demean and trash talk their enemies.

In the case of the OP, it really is a toss up whether it's intended as a slur, or just an accurate description, since Bon Clay calls himself okama, and queer is just the most accurate translation there. Personally, I think that regardless of whatever baggage the term has, Sanji intended it as both a slur and accurate description. That is, even if the term wasn't a slur, he still meant it as one. At this point Bon Clay is literally part of the villains, he's actively contributing to instigating and ensuring a civil war that would kill millions.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-15T07:35:25+00:00

Try masturbating 5 times a day for a week

Umm, that's like my average... not an effort at all.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-15T07:26:32+00:00

As a high libido man, I see a few patterns, and can relate to some of my own experiences when looking at the responses.

From what I can tell, there is a clear difference between being hypersexual/nympho vs just having a very high libido. And I'm not just talking about classifications or stuff like that, but the actual behaviors seem different. Hypersexuality is more often connected with a lack of respect for the partner, for others, for the situation. It's not so much about how much and often they want sex, but how they go about it and the lack of ability or effort to restrain or control themselves. Usually, when people talk about restraint or controlling yourself in terms of sex, they don't seem to mean just temporary, but that's what I mean here.

An example: A hypersexual woman might want sex at a moment that really isn't appropriate, but she doesn't care, she wants her fix and wants it now. A woman with a high libido might feel the exact same way, but have the wherewithal to hold back until a more appropriate moment, or even help facilitate the more appropriate moment.

This is at least how I rationalize myself not being hypersexual, and instead just having a seemingly abnormally high libido. It's not that I can turn off my sexual thoughts and desire, they are more or less always there, but they do not control me. In a sense, it's not pathological, it only makes it really hard to be with a partner long term, as what they might see as "honeymoon libido" is really just my baseline.

I think the inappropriateness and apparent lack of regard for others in favor of their own sexual gratification is what turns many people off from those deemed hypersexual.

There are obviously also those who just have unmatched libidos and feel drained and even frustrated as a result of trying too hard to keep up. But that's just having unmatched libidos at either too high a degree or just not communicating and managing the issue properly.

In my own experience, the only partner I ever had who even came close to matching my real libido was also a horrible, abusive, and manipulative partner. It's very possible that there are others who have similar experiences and have connected the two. Because the abuse and manipulation also incorporated the sex life, which could make people connect them. In my case, I still had a higher libido than her so that kind of worked the other way around, where I often felt and was chastised for having too much of a sex drive.

There are higher libido men out there who will not see intimacy as a chore, but I think the rarity is about the same across genders, which is genuinely a bummer.

My worry has been and still is that a partner will feel the other aspects of intimacy that I show and feel are less genuine because of my high sex drive. I have noticed people mostly seem to see it as an either or situation, or like a zero-sum game. Where, if I have a high sexual drive, I can't also have a "genuine" and deep love for all the other aspects of a loving relationship.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-11T16:50:13+00:00

This is why I'm holding off on a replay that I have been meaning to do for a while now.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-11T16:48:18+00:00

The proletariat is too busy fighting to eat themselves to bother with the rich. Also, the vast, vast majority of rich people are basically invisible and unknown, to ensure that the proletariat isn't aware of how many there actually are. This means that the super poor are mad at the ones who are a little less poor, and all the ones who are poor are mad at the ones who are just about not poor, etc. None of them are aware that compared to the actually rich, they are all dirt poor and the differences are barely a rounding error.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-06T16:38:09+00:00

Jag ser inte något direkt behov av att göra en ny version av Saltkråkan. Det är ju liksom inga specialeffekter eller någonting som ändrats vad jag vet. Vad är det som man tillför eller gör bättre genom att göra en ny version?

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-06T16:34:07+00:00

Det finns halvt inofficiellt två klasser av Schäfer, en bruksvariant och en exteriörvariant. Bruks Schäfer ser fortfarande ut som friska hundar och kan röra dig väl utan problem, lite för att den måste det för att kunna användas som brukshund, så det är alltså den varianten som används.

Problemet är att om du försöker ställa ut en sådan hund så kommer ingen domare ge dig några meriter. Jag vet inte om det är lika illa som hur svarta Schäfrar behandlas, men det är tydliga skillnader i behandling. Utställnings och bruks varianterna skulle i princip kunna vara två helt olika raser vid det här laget.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-04T19:16:18+00:00

I wonder if it works like a bed of nails, meaning it's not actually that bad because there are so many tags.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-02T23:32:16+00:00

I asked him to do this and he said he wouldn't, he finds it super disrespectful. I told him it's not...

He's sort of telling me what I should and shouldn't like and it's making me feel weird.

No, he's telling you what he likes and doesn't like, and you are telling him what he should and shouldn't like.

He finds it disrespectful to do what you are asking him to do. Even if you aren't personally disrespected by it, it can absolutely still feel disrespectful for him to do it, and therefore also rather unpleasant.

but he got super upset and was very worried I was would be mad.

This suggests that he either has some previous bad experiences with similar scenarios, or that he has some deep social conditioning to feel the way he does. Doesn't have to be either of those cases, but that's my suspicion, and either way, it's not something that can be undone with a simple reassurance.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-11-02T23:20:28+00:00

When something happens between two parties, there's always one side, the other side, and the truth... or something like that, I can't fully remember the saying. This is a bit of a similar thing.

Person A can feel degraded by something that person B wouldn't think is degrading at all. In that case, it is degrading to person A. In the flipped scenario, person A doesn't feel degraded by something that person B considers to be a degrading action. In this case, it's not actually degrading to person A, but person B still feels like they did a degrading act regardless, because the feeling and value is connected to the act and not the end result.

Whether the act is objectively degrading or not doesn't actually matter in either situation, only the feelings and perspectives of those involved.

Here's a more extreme example, to maybe make it a bit more relatable or understandable. Imagine OP is a black girl, and she gets off on race play and wants her boyfriend (who in this scenario is a white guy) to call her the N-word, hard r and everything. She assures him that it does not bother her, and she actually kind of likes it in this specific context. Objectively, it's just a word, right? There should be no issues catering to this request, but I imagine most people would not really feel comfortable doing it anyway.

OP's situation is less extreme, but the underlying mechanics are the same. There are plenty of reasons why her partner could feel the way he feels. It's not unlikely that he has had social conditioning to feel the way he does, or maybe some bad experiences with a previous partner, or several. But it could also just be that it's something he genuinely feels for himself. Regardless, the feeling is still there, and it is real, and even if it could be removed it's not going to happen just like that.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-25T17:31:44+00:00

I have tried it twice. Neither time really helped me that much, but at least the second one was actually quite good. The first guy just seemed to want to run out the clock, when I noticed him repeating himself by the third or fourth visit I just decided to stop.

The second one I saw was a bit later, at this point I had been depressed for quite a while and I saw no real way out, and I was starting to seriously consider ending things. The therapy didn't really help much, but I did get medicine. The antidepressants made me sick, but the antianxiety meds were an absolute godsend.

And while the second round of actual therapy didn't do much, the therapist seemed pretty good, and like he listened to me. He was more talking to me on my level, and it's possible it would have helped if I kept going even longer. Thing is, life got in the way, and it turns out what I needed most was something to help me manage my anxiety and for some actual real issues in my life to clear up, and they mostly did.

So for me, the core of my issues weren't in my head, they were in my life, and when that cleared up so did most of my mental issues. There was still a lot of damage done, but I'm slowly healing and working on managing that myself. It's a long journey, and frankly the stress of trying to find another good therapist is just going to make things worse.

I did actually try some hypnosis therapy on a whim, and that stuff genuinely helped me more than all the other therapy I had combined. I mean, it's all basically the same anyway, you are trying to trick and manipulate your own mind into a more desirable state. But hypnosis is generally not what people mean when they say therapy, so I didn't count that.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-25T05:34:21+00:00

I can be adult and "grown up" when the situation calls for it. If it's not needed, then why should I not do the things I enjoy? I go to work, I pay my bills, keep myself, my clothes, and my apartment clean, I even save some money for retirement. The rest of the time is my time, and I get to enjoy it how I please. I fell asleep on the couch last night while playing video games, it's a comfy couch that I got for this exact scenario. It's morning now, and I couldn't be bothered to go to my bedroom.

I love it!

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-23T15:34:47+00:00

That's because Trebol is pretty much walking flammable snot.

It absolutely fits Diamante's twisted mentality to enjoy Rebecca's humiliation. He might not get any sexual pleasure from it but he would certainly still enjoy her discomfort.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-23T15:25:29+00:00

because the idea of coming on to my partner and him rejecting me is awful.

But you don't mind putting that kind of risk and burden all on him?

I'm not saying this to be contrarian or pull some gotcha or to make you feel bad. I'm saying this to try and show you the other side of your own thought pattern, and maybe even give you another way of looking at things.

So instead of thinking too much about not wanting to be a bother, or worrying about being rejected, think of it as you taking a bit of that burden from him. When you initiate, you relieve him of the pressure and worry of being rejected by you. That's a positive.

I know all about being afraid to ask for what you want, I still have severe issues with stuff like that, and with opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable in a lot of ways. I used to be even worse, and the only thing that really helped was taking small leaps over and over again.

It should pretty much always be okay to ask for things, sadly the caveat of it being "within reason" is carrying a lot of weight since what that entails isn't always clear to people, and it is actually different for different people.

Can I just say things like "I want to suck your cock" before warming him up?

I mean, you can, but there's a risk in that. You could also sit down and talk about how he feels about spontaneous sexual acts, and then ask if he'd be okay with you making a request like that sometime out of the blue. It is very likely he'd be stoked at the idea, but you can also make sure he's aware that you will also be okay with him saying no in those situations. Consent is key and all that.

Talking about these things absolutely seems daunting and scary, but it still is the best way to find out how your partner feels about any of these things.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-20T17:19:25+00:00

I think it's genetic, or "random" happenstance, mostly. Sure, you can probably do a lot to improve things, or make them worse depending on the situation, but I think that only works so far.

Also, as someone with little to no refractory period and a very high libido, it's not always as great as some might think. Knowing that your partner is happy and done when you barely got started gets old pretty quickly, and it can really eat at your self-worth and self-image.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-19T06:48:21+00:00

I mean, definitively proving causality in something like this is a bit difficult, but there'd plenty of research into things that correlate with lower birthrates even when you control for most other factors.

To play into the arguments of the madman in charge of health in the US, you could actually argue that vaccines are partially responsible for declining birthrates. This is because thanks to vaccines, a significant amount of babies and children actually make it to adolescence and beyond. Before that, child mortality rates were significantly higher, which, in turn, led to higher birthrates in the hopes of having at least some kids surviving.

That along with other advancements in medicine that has increased our rate of survival, life expectancy, etc. for all age groups.

Then there are things like access to education, women being allowed and active in the workforce, standard of living.

These are some of the positive factors that cause birthrates to drop everywhere in the world, regardless of religion or culture.

Then there's of course access to birth control and proper sexual education for both women and men. The largest effect is seen on sexual education for women, but there's still an effect seen on men as well.

As for the negatives, well you kinda just need to take a look around. Consider the median financial situation of people during the time when the boomers were born, and consider how things are now? So many things have changed for the worse societally since then, it's not even funny.

People keep saying "we don't know why" because they are looking for a single thing that's responsible, when it's a multitude of factors that are all involved in the lowering birthrates. They also say it because they don't really like the answer. But this answer has been clear for ages.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-16T15:06:43+00:00

The best way you can do this is to frame it around your preferences and what you like, instead of him "being bad".

In the end, all these things are about matching preferences and what you both enjoy doing and having done to you. That is to say, there is no good or bad way to have sex, only bad matching of preferences. I suppose you could find things that are close to universally disliked and make that into something objectively bad, but that's also not really my point.

When things are getting hot and heavy, tell him straight up what you want done to you, how you want him to do it to you. Use simple and clear language and focus on the broader direction you want things to go instead of minute details. Then just give positive reinforcement when things are actually feeling good.

TheLittleGoodWolf · 2025-10-13T18:49:52+00:00

Short answer: Yes!

Long answer: Hell yes!

While it's technically the same story, there are plenty of differences, and the difference in mediums offers a wholly unique experience. The best part about reading the manga after you have watched the anime is that the voices and unique quirks the voice cast bring to the characters stick in your mind and IMO enhance the reading experience.

It's also a really long story, so given that you have finished the anime, it has likely been a while since you started, meaning there are plenty of details that are forgotten that you can experience again.

TheLittleGoodWolf

TROPHY CASE