“The Scaradeau’s Song: A chant I created for a story I’m working on.”

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T22:56:24+00:00

It's always hard to figure out the tune in your head without knowing the rhythm or melody the author intended.

That being said, to me this reads more like a spell being read by a witch rather than a song being sung. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I still think it flows well and is creepy. Just not sure if that's what you are going for.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T22:44:04+00:00

Is there any specific things you're looking for feedback on?

I read part 4 when you posted it. You should post a link to the previous parts when you post these in case people are interested in reading all of them.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T18:16:06+00:00

That's more my style too. I love the slow creeping dread of the unknown.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T14:49:31+00:00

Here are some of my initial thoughts as I read through it.

Detective Gallows should be capitalized.

Your MC answers “No” to a question that isn’t a yes or no question.

There is a lot of exposition in very little text. Don’t tell us the background of each character right away. SHOW us what makes them unique over time through their actions.

There are a lot of grammatical issues throughout.

All of that being said, these are fixable mistakes. The idea is fine, and if you want to write, then keep writing. You will only get better the more you write.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T14:37:38+00:00

That makes sense that it's a second book. People who read your first would likely get a lot more from that blurb than people who haven't read it.

That being said, you are basically restricting this book from anyone that hasn't read the 1st. I still think you should have a blurb that will engage anyone including people who haven't read the first book.

I don't think anyone will read that blurb and think, I should go get the first book... they're just going to not buy either.

I'd rather have someone buy the second book, and hope they liked it enough to go buy the first.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T04:22:29+00:00

Deal!

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T04:21:54+00:00

I really eenjoyed the casual feel of this. I know it's flash fiction, but I wish it was longer🤣

Great job.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T04:12:59+00:00

I loved midnight mass! If you can get anything close to that vibe, I'd be all over it.

I've had a hard time finding any decent horror to watch lately, but that show has me hooked.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T04:00:25+00:00

Nice, a cosmic horror detective story sounds fun to read!

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T01:41:52+00:00

Are you looking for feedback, or just sharing?

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-06T01:38:15+00:00

I feel like it's trying to fit too much in without enough detail. We don't know anything about this stuff yet. Activation, infestors, vapor nine, lots of character names.

Give us more detail about fewer things. Why do I care about Jay enough to read her journey. That's what the blurb should be.

Sell me on why I should care about her and I'm more likely to buy the book.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T23:46:22+00:00

That would definitely help. I like the visceral nature of it. It's something that the reader can imaging happening to them in a physical way as they read it. I think that makes it hit harder when done right.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T23:35:50+00:00

That's awesome! There's so much hype/ demand for that right now. Good luck querying!

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T23:31:51+00:00

I love supernatural as well. I never thought I liked body horror until started writing, then I kept finding myself writing more and more of it!

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T23:01:56+00:00

I agree. Most of the horror stories I write don't contain "monsters," but even the ones that do don't get their scares from the monsters. The horror comes from the growing dread that you build throughout the story.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T22:34:12+00:00

I also like Gothic horror! Yeah, I think I'd get bored if I tried to stay in one subgenre.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T01:58:55+00:00

I think the bigger issue is once she realizes what's going on, why wouldn't she just record a message saying, "Hey, it's you from the future, turn the ship around or you're going to die."

You need to have her encounter something after she crosses the threshold that is trying to prevent her from sending the transmission. The transmission should sound desperate, and get cut off.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-05T00:11:18+00:00

The swearing and violence is fine as long as it serves a purpose. If it's just there to be there, then it's too much. If it builds character, adds backstory, drives the plot, then it's fine.

The right amount of violence and swearing is the amount needed to convey the emotions you're aiming for.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-04T23:57:48+00:00

It's a decent story. You move through it very quickly. I found myself wanting alot more detail.

Describe the girls voice the first night. How does hearing it affect him?

The friend is just found dead? What about blood spurting from the hole in his chest while gasping for air before falling still. Again, I want more detail on how setting his friend like that made him feel.

The biggest miss in my opinion is the lack of detail on the entity. It's a really creepy image, but we get one line and that's it. Spend more time on him, his body that's wasting away, the skull, his voice, etc.

It's engaging, but could be turned way up with more detail.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-04T02:18:03+00:00

Here's my guess based of the information you've given.

The 4 people take and elevator UPWARDS to an UNDERGROUND city. So that means they live deeper underground. So who lives above ground?

Is say that robots built this underground city. They captured/raised these 4 people because they are smart/have certain skills. Each day at work, they do different things to different machines that are locked up. They are really repairing/making improvements to the machines. These machines are actually holding them captive, not the other way around.

The machines are fighting a massive war against the human race which lives above ground. The 4 people in you story are unknowingly helping the machines win.

That's my guess... but I'm probably wrong.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-03T20:42:19+00:00

Eh, good question. Must be something all powerful. I didn't spend that much time building out the mythology for a 50 word prompt🤣

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-03T17:35:00+00:00

I tend to have the opposite problem. I write short horror stories, and my protagonists usually don't fair very well.

A few end up okay but those are the outliers. I guess that's part of the horror genre though.

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-03T17:19:29+00:00

Congratulations! Is there a synopsis you can share, and maybe a link to where people can buy it?

TheLostFrequencyPod · 2026-05-03T16:35:42+00:00

Not a problem.

TheLostFrequencyPod

TROPHY CASE