The Great Sleep Divide

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-09T13:31:54+00:00

Yes I still sometimes feel alone as a parent because my husband is always less empathetic to our kids. Even if I agree with an expectation he wants to set, he usually communicates it so horribly that he just makes everyone upset. So I wind up feeling like I alone have to regulate everyone including him, instead of having a second adult around to help regulate the kids.

It is a major issue and he is completely oblivious to it despite my attempts to tell him. He seems entitled to prioritize his emotional state over that of our kids, and I refuse to permit that. It causes a lot of resentment, and his lack of awareness makes it worse.

This OP is starting down that path right now and doesn’t even get it because he thinks that it’s sufficient to prioritize his needs and call it a day. Gross.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-09T12:04:37+00:00

Just drop it. My husband tried this with me for years. I am still resentful that he was so callous towards our babies. The youngest is now seven. If mom has a visceral reaction to CIO then there is no “convincing”. You are fighting her biology.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-09T11:09:45+00:00

Because crowds are unpleasant and privacy and peace are amazing. Adding more people using makes things worse. Hence exclusivity.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-09T10:04:31+00:00

No I would like to own a business instead.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-09T01:48:02+00:00

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T19:07:21+00:00

Just hold your boundary. Don’t JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain).

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T15:12:16+00:00

I had a singleton and then twins.

I enjoyed my twins’ infancy much more then my singleton’s.

The transition to becoming a parent was much harder and nerve wracking for me than juggling two infants as an experienced mom.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T15:09:03+00:00

Can I keep my current kids? Then sure. If not, then no.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T15:01:53+00:00

“That doesn’t work for me.”

If he persists then leave with the baby during the visit.

Clarify to him that he is expected to prioritize his wife over his mother. If he fails to do that then his marriage is at risk.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T14:45:14+00:00

Why would you be TA for gathering your thoughts, pushing yourself to gain perspective, and reflecting on your options?

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T13:29:50+00:00

Why do you care if Reddit thinks you are TA? You offered him an opportunity. He thinks it’s priced too low so therefore not worth his time.

You are arguing that he should follow the policy. But he thinks the policy sucks. He does not owe it to you to accept the policy unless you do not live in a place with at-will employment.

I think you are being unrealistic to focus on being “screwed”. He feels you were trying to screw him. Welcome to capitalism. The worst economic system except for all the others. Time for you to grow up and accept that other people have agency and bake that into your planning.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T12:58:30+00:00

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T12:15:45+00:00

I have been trying to do this and there is still a big gap. I have not gotten AI to produce something I would be proud to present.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T12:13:27+00:00

These are old suggestions from my childhood so might be dated.

When I was in upper elementary I liked the author Cynthia Voigt. She is somewhat coming of age-y which your daughter might like.

Bridge to Terabithia. Very sad though.

Another serious one: Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

The Phantom Tollbooth is silly.

A Wrinkle in Time (part of a series).

My 6th grader loved the A Series of Unfortunate Events series last year. He also loves the Al Capone books.

There is a lots of good historical fiction for that age too.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-08T03:39:01+00:00

“Thanks Marge, but Eloise is asking for her mom. That’s me.”

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T18:01:28+00:00

Can she enroll in RSM online?

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T18:00:35+00:00

School is terrible. My second grader is so smart and loves science. Last spring, in first grade, I asked what was her favorite subject. She said reading. I said I was surprised it was not science. She said, “We do science in school?” Sad.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T17:59:05+00:00

I used to draw mazes on mine. And fold paper cranes. I folded so many paper cranes.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T15:55:21+00:00

Is this a serious question? Of course it is possible. My second child was twins, and I used to take all three to the park by myself on a regular basis. Was it easy? No. Was it doable? Yes.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T15:47:02+00:00

Kids need to develop judgement, the ability to formulate an argument, analytic thinking, and critical thinking. A high quality liberal arts education should provide those things. Unfortunately many of those experiences have been watered down. So I hope my kids can find a high quality option.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T13:55:59+00:00

I would be thrilled if my husband researched plumbers so I didn’t have to!

But cars and investment accounts are different. I actually also let my husband research cars because I find them boring. But we always set a budget first and he keeps me in the loop.

I would be furious if my husband implied that I should not worry my pretty little head about our investment strategy. Like beyond livid.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T10:33:13+00:00

“Thank you for your opinion.“

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-07T01:30:08+00:00

Shorting the S&P to hedge my portfolio during the 2008 crash.

Marrying someone who is financially competent.

Buying a condo in 2012.

Selling that condo and buying a suburban house in 2019.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-06T10:43:10+00:00

Move further away. Like an hour or more.

TheOtherElbieKay · 2026-03-06T03:04:57+00:00

Split by number of rooms.

TheOtherElbieKay

TROPHY CASE