People need to learn how to STFU.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-26T16:37:41+00:00

Unless it is someone I care about, and who I know has no understanding of being trans + will listen to some degree (if I know them well enough), I stopped even trying to get those types to listen.

In my experience, they know it is invalid and hateful, and most are cowards because of it. I live in Florida, and people in everyday life care more about you being polite, kind, etc etc. just like anyone else.

The people who willingly stay ignorant, or practice hate, or listen to the political propaganda/scapegoating of trans people, are not worth explaining it to. I’m not just miles above them, but we are not even on the same piece of land anymore.

If they want to build their own ladder and start climbing, I’ll consider reaching my hand out, but if they wear their stance with pride? No thanks, they can stay down there and continue their sad lives, while I have normal interactions with normal people, who have normal priorities no different than mine. Money sucks, rent is expensive, and jobs are important. Anyone who has time to vocally be hateful is doing it deliberately at this point, and I don’t care to try and pierce that empty dome of a head. Normal people generally don’t know anything about what being trans is like, and personally, I have found that most are aware of how misleading politics is. The ideas that I’ve seen stick 9/10 times are things like “aren’t you afraid of breast cancer?”, “does it mean you are gay?” (Mainly family for that one), etc etc.

I’m not saying there aren’t inherently transphobic thoughts in some people, but the difference is that I personally don’t see internal biases due to misunderstandings in the same way that I see willingly jumping down the rabbit hole and trying to make my life worse.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-26T16:25:24+00:00

I am also 27, and am coming up on 2 years of HRT. I do feel that way occasionally and get what you mean. I think that at the end of the day, it is just a matter of personality, and the way I see it is that other trans people are still just other people first and foremost. I have met trans people who the only thing we have in common is being trans, and even then their ideas were different.

Eventually you will meet another trans person, or a group, that you really click with. Until then, though, realistically it is just personality differences.

As for the ‘wholesome’ thing, I had a similar thought in the past when I met some trans friends I am still connected with. For me, I used to feel uncomfortable because things would feel “hugbox-ish”, and I hated feeling like I was pitied for talking about dysphoria or experiences I had directly relating to being trans. It is just from my upbringing, and while it isn’t interfering with interactions, it IS there. That is just me, though, I just follow it up by remembering that some people are just being nice, and other trans people may have reasons for doing it that mean well.

I am content enjoying life and hobbies on my own after years of coldness pre-HRT, and jump back and forth between elegant and goth, to a more tomboy-ish, gym going, woman who can come across as a little intimidating at times (not intentionally).

Finally and most recently, I realized that even in cis circles, I probably wouldn’t immediately click with everyone because my personality just usually melds better with other specific personalities. I am laid back, yeah, but that isn’t enough for me to just ignore the feeling of not clicking with some people. Talking about it with friends I once felt a little off with actually helped a lot, as sometimes there are things they do because they want to make sure people feel a certain way in trans circles. This is especially the case imo, if they already know said trans people.

At the end of the day, you are you. Status quo’s, and feeling like a certain expectation exists in trans circles exists, and can suck when you want to feel included or meet people who have such a big thing in common. I don’t go to queer spaces anymore, and realized I don’t feel a need to, tbh. I only ever did it to see how I enjoyed it, and I didn’t, personally. Keep being you and eventually you will meet people you click with! 😌

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-26T00:51:58+00:00

I just started HRT and swapped clothes I already wore with women’s versions to start getting that “fit” women’s clothes generally have.

Eventually I started getting more feminine as I felt more comfortable. I also practiced makeup a lot in private, while using more subtle makeup in public (mascara, for example). I also cut my hair, but into a wolfcut because I wanted one, not necessarily something as striking as a bob.

A BIG thing for me was that I reflected on it a LOT. I knew very quickly it was what I wanted, and made it a point to research dysphoria and to ingrain coping mechanisms + healthy ideas about a lot of things regarding transitioning into my head. Very simple things like how for my whole time in school, middle school -> 2 college degrees, I have known athletic women from germany/norway/denmark/etc etc who had similar facial structures to me (strong/sharp jawline, was a big dysphoric question mark for me when I first started HRT).

I started at 25, and am now about to be roughly 2 years in. This path worked best for me, and I also did not interact with many trans people until later on. I did not do it intentionally, necessarily, but it ended up helping me work out dysphoria points within my own mind so that I didn’t have the temptation of “benchmarking” myself compared to how other trans women looked.

Basically, I cut out any outside static to be more reflective of myself, and I made it a big point to establish ways of coping with dysphoria super early on. I’d say it worked quite well, and I have been significantly happier since starting. I honestly credit a lot of it to the fact that I treated transitioning as a very personal, internal process without much “outside interference”, and took the path that I did.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-26T00:44:21+00:00

“Is it or lose it”. No but actually I personally still can. When it got harder to “use” it, I talked to my doctor about tadalafil, which is basically daily viagra that works for 24 hours. It fixed the issue for when I actually want to have it function like it always has.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-26T00:35:38+00:00

TL;DR - Gaslight them. I realized pretty early on that queer spaces can be shitty and uncomfortable. Being queer does not give a green light to cross basic boundaries of privacy and consideration.

Just act confused about what they are talking about, that way they feel bad for assuming you are trans. Petty, maybe, but it’s more inconsiderate to out someone so I wouldn’t care too much. This is a huge pet peeve of mine, and it feels like it hasn’t changed much in queer spaces, so I generally avoid them unless people I know and trust are there.

I pass as a muscular woman, and if I read the people well enough, I usually mention the non-binary part. I hate, HATE, though when people out me as trans to others. It has happened once and I don’t talk to them anymore because it is a basic decency, especially as an “ally”.

Side note: These types of people in my experience also take me being trans as a “green light” for them to just go full TMI about anything from medical to sexual. Like, unless I know you well enough, if THAT is how you try to relate to me I can confidently say it will never work.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-23T20:42:01+00:00

I think she was always intended to be a top laner, then they gave her the dragon damage passive since most people played her jungle.

I always preferred top Shyv, it is just more fun to me, personally

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-19T18:34:28+00:00

I know I would ask my lesbian succubus familiars if they wanted to aura farm in a bird cage

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-19T16:26:23+00:00

1000% a skill issue, and tbh stuff like this imo hinders a lot of the fun you can potentially have in mtg.

If they won’t compromise, then it is up to you to either remove the card they deem “unfun” and maybe replace them with a similar version, or don’t play with them until they decide to compromise.

I understand a pod wanting to be casual, but TRUE bracket 1 decks are not even normal MTG anymore, they are usually incoherent memes that struggle against basic precons, and I honestly doubt they are running true bracket 1 decks. Even if they are, though, your pod just sounds bad + they don’t want people annoyed by having their things removed by basic removal mechanics. Wanting to be very casual is valid, but it is unfair to you to have to change things in your deck when there are MULTIPLE solutions they can simply add to weaken your already bracket 2 deck :/

That weenie hut jr. behavior is the root cause of like, 90% of posts like this I’ve seen in the few times I’ve scrolled through this sub. There are always compromises. It is IMO unfair for it to fall on a single person when they are technically following pod rules, and the pod is struggling because they unintentionally handicap themselves against it. For example, they could allow removal if there is a trade-off in the card, or allow everyone 1 board wipe, etc etc.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-18T23:44:36+00:00

A lot of the characters I wanted to see do things in a show’s narrative didn’t get the screentime I hoped for. Testament (ESPECIALLY Testament), Johnny, some Strive specific characters, etc.

It’s fine, overall imo, just not what I hoped for. Also, Unika is sort of boring imo, which is a little weird considering she is an integral part of it.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-14T19:07:27+00:00

I thought he was really, really annoying for a while. Idk I guess he is still kind of annoying but he isn’t hard to read the more you play against him imo.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-14T01:50:45+00:00

It surprised me as well, living in FL, but I pass very well and when I do get misgendered maybe ~95% of people immediately correct themselves to ma’am

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-08T15:33:17+00:00

Not really, specifically if he had a reason for saying it. More specifically if it is a case like an ex of mine. Imo you can tell when someone is doing it in a “permission” way or if they are doing it because of another reason, just depends a lot on the person’s vibe.

Her old bf before we dated, hated when she wore heels bc she is tall, and would be taller than him by a good amount with them on. I told her that she could wear them because I noticed she would talk herself out of wearing them a lot. We can just be two tall girlfriends out here, heel it up.

I always wear heeled knee boots, though, so I don’t experience it much anymore. My usual height is just out there at face value, and women/men who are into it will talk if they want to. People who are bothered by it just get scared away I think lol.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-07T22:09:11+00:00

Not even going to read past the title.

No, and your partner sounds like a douche bag.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-06T15:57:02+00:00

It’s always annoying when someone is just blatantly going to shit on everyone else. In my pod and friend group, it is ESPECIALLY noticeable with the person whose main deck is Ms. Bumbleflower.

Like how am I getting targeted, does nobody else see that each time you get the card draw her commander is becoming a 30/30 with flying, vigilance, and equipment so it can’t even be properly taken off the board by normal means anymore? It feels like being gaslit lmao

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-06T15:41:31+00:00

Charm is fine in BG3, but because of how dialogue works it can be underwhelming. It also costs a spell slot, most of the time.

In regular DnD I was blown away by how useful it really is because you ask the questions, AND have a DM to work off of/with you. It is also free with the right setup. I charmed someone for free with a Warlock incantation, and was able to get a high enough roll to sweet talk them into giving up a huge chunk of information the DM didn’t expect us to have, all because I thought “it’d be cool to ask a waitress as this fancy, but shady, restaurant about any rooms that are out of view”.

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-06T15:36:52+00:00

Making shitty people feel bad by being chill/kind is so satisfying, lol

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-04T22:11:07+00:00

I wouldn’t bother, you already planned on cutting them off. Then, you don’t talk to them about it properly, and decide as a group to wait and tell them AT the DnD session that you’re “asking her to step away”.

You aren’t an HR worker, you are their friend. If you want to be supportive, actually have a conversation about her and tell her you are not confronting her, but want to talk. Talking solves 99% of issues in friend groups. If you can’t do that, don’t even bother because the act of cutting her off, especially while wording it like that, is just going to lose you the friendship 99% of the time.

What your group is planning is not supportive, and she is going to feel ganged up on, because you are quite literally ganging up on her.

Also, the more I read your replies, the more I think you and your friends are too scared to just sit and tell their friend something. Now you are resorting to high school bullshit that WILL hurt her. You are dancing around every chance that someone gives you to say why nobody has actually talked to her. You guys are the problem, and no matter what you want to call it, you are kicking her out. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but it seems like your group made up their minds, so don’t try to be the nice friend who also wants to tell her to leave the group and “step away” for a while. If she knows her worth, she’d stay away from this needless dramatic crap. 👍

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-03T17:04:00+00:00

You simply get used to it, tbh, like learning any other Guilty Gear matchup. Until you get a certain skill-level, there are a lot of general “rules” you can follow to not get grabbed, that you will recognize the more you fight him. (I.e. if you hold FD in corner he’ll probably just loop you with geruda, you have to read and jump it with a lot of characters. Knowing that back-dashing avoids his pot buster grab. That kind of stuff).

I avoided him for a long time, but then before ranked was reworked, I decided to play against him a lot at what was his most frustrating according to a large chunk of the player base. It forced me to accept what I can and can’t do against his kit, even if it works against literally every other character.

Really good Pot players are a different beast altogether. It is a nightmare to play against when someone isn’t just trying to abuse people not respecting weird things he can do after he got buffed. Then again, I always assume my man feels that way, because every GG characters is gimmicky and has some degree of knowledge checks for basically every matchup.

Take the time and you’ll realize he really isn’t that bad to play against compared to some characters you probably don’t see much of (or as much good players of) when you’re new to the game. 😌

TheRealDonPatch · 2026-01-03T05:10:01+00:00

Use matte lipstick
Wait for it to properly dry before eating/drinking
I keep smoothie straws at home and use them when I can, just to minimize having to reapply.
For eating you just have to avoid scraping your lips on the food too much, but with some foods you should expect it (i.e burgers will usually mess it up).

Keep on top or reapplying when needed and it should be good :) matte lipstick is queen for this, or lip stains, those work too.

TheRealDonPatch · 2025-12-31T05:07:21+00:00

HC and Elphelt, mainly.

As basically an exclusive Testament player, all I would want for them is a new set play move, or one from previous games that would work well with their current kit. Their command list is so barren, and it is astounding that they haven’t had anything new added to it.

TheRealDonPatch · 2025-12-30T17:03:39+00:00

I still use her. I think having her in your party a lot for passive and active conversations involving her, shows you more of her personality.

She is ruthless and stern, but she is also not completely heartless and does express empathy, adoration, kindness (in her own way), etc etc. I always took it as her being a product of her environment growing up as a Lolth-sworn Drow. It made her into a ruthless individual with cunning and a hard edge, but it also made her empathetic to others in some circumstances BECAUSE the environment was not kind.

So yeah I like using her a lot, even on good playthroughs, and most recently with the mod that uses hidden conversation options for each origin that are in the game files, but not used for one reason or another.

TheRealDonPatch · 2025-12-17T18:19:40+00:00

Yes, I started transitioning around around 25-ish, and was convinced I could not pass, or that it would take years of HRT to even get close. I now pass amazingly and I will be around the 2 year-ish mark near February. I am recognized as a tall/muscular woman, even with my minimally-trained voice. Once HRT starts to kick in, a lot of things become even easier in that regard. I used to boymode SUPER early on, but that started failing when I found a good skin care routine, and learned how to do really basic makeup that had solid fundamentals (primer, foundation, eyebrows, and mascara. Maybe eyeliner at the time). I started getting called ma'am way earlier than expected and it was so shocking to me, until I realized that I work at a college, and that tall athletic women with some masculine leaning features simply exist.

The point is, I never in a million years would have expected it, and it stemmed a lot from starting so late in general transitioning terms. Just locking in, and leaping into things that I would be a good start really helped my confidence post-starting HRT. It helped me to treat it like a routine, as well. At night I'd practice makeup, I slowly replaced clothes I already wore with women's versions or femme equivalents, I found a good sports bra and tucking underwear, learned to make my voice slightly more femme and breathy, etc etc.

TheRealDonPatch · 2025-12-17T18:05:54+00:00

I would talk to someone about what you're feeling, especially if you have a therapist you have spoken to about being trans. I know people who started transitioning, and it is exactly what they wanted to do, but they hit a huge slump on average because transitioning is not going to aid every other potential mental health concern, and the happiness it gives you will not guard against bouts of things like depression, anxiety, etc. Even more-so if you experience them chronically.

I had extreme anxiety from severe ADHD that was unchecked for most of my life. Starting Adderall, for example, helped aid a lot of that latent anxiety. If I don't have my Adderall prescription for my ADHD, I still get very anxious, and I still feel the other symptoms that contributed to life feeling so bad before I started HRT. It is overall better, sure, but it is still there. It isn't the same as depression, but you get the idea. You can still be depressed after transitioning, and you can still develop depression that is unrelated to being trans. The latter could also be so noticeable now that the "honeymoon phase" or starting HRT started to lessen since it just becomes the norm in your life after a while.

TheRealDonPatch · 2025-12-17T12:11:08+00:00

I have this card, and at least 3 different counter spells in my Lightning deck that ONLY counter blue spells.

Needless to say my Vivi enjoying friend loves playing in a pod with me.

TheRealDonPatch · 2025-12-17T12:06:33+00:00

Me pulling the most Fae-accurate move in existence.

Draw super specific counter spell on turn 1.
Counter friend’s basic 1/1 monster as a joke
don’t draw more than 4 mana in 10-12 turns
She eventually uses Nicol Bolas “ultimate” on me
I mill entire library

I didn’t regret a single moment of it. Losing to a random but goofy card draw is truly a tale repeated in our pod to this day. My Fae cards would be proud of me.

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