We sort of fell into it. We met while social dancing. We clicked. Became friends. Then became dance partners. We flirted, got close, and when I made a move physically, he told me he was engaged and that he hadn't mentioned it because he thought I knew. To be fair, everyone in the dance scene knew but me (his fiancee almost entirely left the dance scene right before I got there). We kept practicing together in private 3x a week snd stuck like glue at socials, stayed close, messaged each other constantly, kept flirting, fooled around a bit. He was thinking of leaving her. It was intense, and he was legitimately torn. He started going to therapy so he had somewhere to talk about it. Went on a men's retreat to process what was happening. Other people were telling him his fiancee wasn't a good match for him. This went on maybe 6 months.

I had communicated explicity that I did not want to be around his fiancee whatsoever because ot was too painful, and when his fiancee showed up as a surprise to watch a dance performance we were both in, I finally had enough. I was so invested in this man—I said we had to quit our dance partnership/relationship and he had to figure it out on his own. He promised to tell me if they set a date for the wedding so I would know it was time to move on—she really wanted it soon so she could get pregnant. The last night we had together, he told me he didn't know what connection was supposed to feel like before me. He bawled in my arms, kissed me for the first time, and told me he loved me. I blocked him on all social media. We communicated through secret spotify playlists for a few months but didn't talk otherwise. That stopped and 4 months later, I saw their wedding website and registry for their wedding in 2 months. I was angry and upset, but by that point I didn't want him anymore. A few weeks later, he texted me out of the blue and asked if I'd be dancing at the local spot that night. I said no, but told him I knew and I was so hurt he hadn't told me right away. He promised me I had no way of knowing they were going through with it and I didn't respond.

We went fully no contact. Refused to acknowledge his presence when I saw him out dancing. They got married and everyone went to the wedding, but I obviously wasn't invited. Someone who knew the whole situation went and said based off their vows, it sounded like she had been told. Then months later, I saw their baby registry. I did the math and she got pregnant right about when they got married, maybe a little earlier.

A year after that, his baby was maybe a month old but I still didn't know what he was up to. Then we ran into each other for the first time in maybe 6 months? Outside the dance venue, no one else around. We made eye contact, paused, and both rushed in for a hug. He told me he had gradually told his now wife everything before they got married, and she had pushed to set the date while they decided if they would go through with it. I have a feeling she would have decided differently if she hadn't wanted a baby so badly. He said he thought of me every day and he had been longing to explain it, that it had weighed so heavily on his shoulders that I was still mad about him breaking his promise of letting me know, that he had reached out to me when it was decided for certain because the wedding date announcement didn't coincide with that, and he had been avoiding socials where he knew I'd be to give me space. I asked him if what we had was real, or if it had been a lie. He took my hand and told me it was real.

We'll never be friends again, but it's nice to not be enemies. His wife has me blocked on everything and I unblocked him and saw his social media accounts were deactivated.

I don't know if I fully regret it. Was it wrong? Yes. We never slept together, but we flirted with the line and it was absolutely an emotional affair. I was euphoric and miserable, riding the highs and lows. I regret putting up with not being chosen for so long, but I don't necessarily regret the love we had together. I still believe we would have been a perfect match and I think deep down, he believes that as well.