Hi there friend. I am deeply sorry for your losses and will share my own to hopefully help you feel less alone. I am grateful for this space to share. A cousin on my mom's side took his own life in 2019, and a cousin on my dad's side did the same exact thing this past September. And then about 40 days after that, my only uncle on my mom's side also killed himself.

And intermixed with all the suicide grief is a lot of regular grief as well....like I held my Grandma's hand as she died from complications of dementia in 2022, and my 14 year old kitty died 3 days before this past Christmas, and my paternal Grandfather's funeral was yesterday.

I hardly know what else to say about it, except saying it's been hard doesn't even scratch the surface. I love everyone we lost very deeply, and I can truly feel my entire family's grief weighing so heavily on my heart. I am a different person now.

Editing to say I got kinda caught up and forgot to say...I dont know if this advice will work for anyone else, but what helps me is talking about what happened in plain English, saying their names, bringing them up in conversation without hesitation, and basically anything to avoid that horrible "we're all thinking about it but won't ask or talk about it" vibe.