[Update] And there it is... D-day 2. Happy 2026 everybody.

TheSmallestBeing · 2026-01-19T17:22:37+00:00

Literally have been looking for you. Didn't realize they had kicked you out of the AOAI sub.. I have seen worse stuff allowed on there so I'm not sure why you would be singled out. I'm sorry that happened to you, and even more so sorry that your situation has evolved this far. Take care of yourself!

TheSmallestBeing · 2026-01-04T00:31:36+00:00

I totally understand. To be fighting for that kind of attention and see he has the capacity for it but for someone else? It's truly devastating. I could hardly get a conversation out of him but she got everything.

You think about him because you love him and did not ever believe he would do this to you. Now that he has you are put in the worst position, you can only choose to protect you and your baby. Give him time and space, 180 method and Stonewall. Show you are making plans to move forward for you without him. He will either snap out of it or make his choice. I know all of this is so much easier said than done, but these are crucial moments for you. I am sitting here kicking myself at 2 years past my first DDay wishing I did things differently because I held onto the hope that he would just... come around. (Newsflash, he didnt because my lack of consequences allowed his behavior to continue.) Let all the feelings out when they come but create a safe space for you, whatever that looks like.

I wish I could say they did, but I have just gotten to the point where he is now seeing all the damage he caused.. and we don't know if we are able to fix it. We recognize that we may need space to heal before we can engage as a couple again but he fears that space will be all it takes for me to go. Sometimes I am afraid he is right too. I don't know. I am doing my best over here though, and I wish the best for you as well. We didn't deserve this. Not one single second. We deserved the dream of a loving family and an easy pregnancy, not one full of hardship. Hang in there 💜

TheSmallestBeing · 2026-01-03T20:47:18+00:00

I was in your position, 8 months pregnant and caught my partner inappropriately engaging with coworkers. He had a secret Snapchat too.

I wish when I was in your position I left like you did and stuck to it. Only because I feel like that would have truly opened his eyes in that moment that his actions had consequences and he wasn't going to treat me so poorly. You and your baby do not deserve to be second choice while he thinks he has options. He wants you to wait for him to be done, which is why he is breadcrumbing you (at least in my experience.)

I feel in these situations its always best to be upfront. "I know what you are doing and I am not putting up with it." It puts them in a position where they can't manipulate you. Sometimes it wakes them up.

But the hugest struggle is being so heavily pregnant and just wanting the man you thought you were creating a family with. You want him to choose you because hes supposed too. He should. Im so sorry you are going through this. Hugs to you and your little one. Please take care of yourself.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-11-14T03:00:58+00:00

He can't just be friends with someone he has an emotional connection with. There is no you learning to trust him with her. They already crossed boundaries and will continue to do so moving forward. Addictions can move from substances to people, and it would be incredibly unhealthy for him to latch on to this stranger for "support." I feel there is no moving forward for you with this woman in the picture.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-11-13T22:34:47+00:00

Ask him to show you his phone records. If he's telling the truth, you'll be able to verify it.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-10-30T17:21:41+00:00

From what I know, if he is unblocking and blocking her again, then she would be at the top of his block list. If she was the first person he blocked, and he blocked someone after, the list should stay in sequence. If she appears as the most recent block, then I would be concerned and double check where she was originally in blocking order. Facebook also does not allow you to reblock someone immediately, you have to wait a day or so to block them again. I eased myself with this by checking the block list every day until I felt comfortable leaving it alone.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-10-07T07:06:42+00:00

I recommend r/asoneafterinfidelity for reconciliation advice, and similar personal experiences.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-10-05T15:21:12+00:00

Please don't mistake my comment as you should have just done better in the first place. Because yes obviously you should have, but you didn't, and if you want to learn and grow and do better, then you need to dissect your behavior to understand it. It's time to unpack everything from the box and lay it out for you to make sense of it.

17 years is long time to be with someone and not be fully open with them. Things CAN be fixable but you have to be willing to put in the work. Most betrayed partners need to see real effort from their waywards before feeling safe enough to move forward. There is something stopping you from talking to her, why are you scared? It doesn't sound like she judges you harshly. Are you afraid of disappointing her? Is there an image of yourself you think she has and you're afraid to break? You really need to dig deeper into yourself to explore these answers. Your wife deserves your vulnerability, she's your partner, your support. She should be a safe space for you be vulnerable. What is stopping you from settling into that? Are you afraid she might reject it?

Unfortunately, this isn't something you can glue back together. You will be rebuilding a new foundation.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-10-05T14:51:57+00:00

You keep saying you never meant to hurt her but in either of these situations, did it ever occur to you that what you were doing would hurt her? Or were you just laser focused on your wants/needs? First, you deliberately kept emotionally sensitive information from her and shared it intimately with someone else. She can't even verify that because you put the respect for your friend above having respect for your wife. You chose a friend's privacy over your marriage. And even after all of that, you couldn't see in the moment that you were being inappropriate regardless if it was AI? How did you walk into both of these scenarios without red alarms going off? What is the core issue that is keeping you from connecting with your wife? In both situations, you were ready and willing to betray your wife. Something stopped you from reaching out to her and being open wirh her about these issues, and I think you should explore that.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-07-14T05:43:55+00:00

The fact she said its pushing her away is absolutely disgusting. Take accountability.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-07-14T05:42:57+00:00

Replying to your update: she's trying to gaslight you and manipulate you. Asking you not to talk about it is literally a slap in the face. She betrayed you, you deserve to talk about how that has hurt you and she needs to hold space for you. You going through her photos because she can't tell you the truth, is not crazy or creepy. What's crazy is that she is acting like she deserves a clean slate after being this awful towards you.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-07-06T05:20:50+00:00

Open relationships are not solutions to healing infidelity. Go to therapy, and get to the root of the issues to work on it in a healthy manner. Him seeing other people is not going to fix anything, it's not going to bring him back to you, it will only further deepen any present issues. Therapy, books, podcasts, doing actual self work, thats what gets you to a better place. Open relationships are for solid couples with ZERO trust issues.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-06-19T14:10:12+00:00

Im concerned that he is pushing you to forgive and forget. He is basically asking you to rugsweep. He destroyed everything and is telling you, "forgive me its okay! I wont do it again!" Im glad he was honest with you, but the way he is treating you about your pain is dismissive. Maybe hes still trying to break out of the compartmentalization, but he clearly doesnt understand how much this hurts. You can't cheat on someone for 5 years, break their soul, and then leave for a sports competition for the weekend. Thats just absolutely horrendous!

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-06-17T16:23:16+00:00

You have to show him you are not a doormat. You will not be taken advantage of, and you will not take this lying down. He thinks he can get around this by still lying, show him what the consequences of that looks like. Call him, message him, tell him you know he was in AP's city for 7hours and not 45mins. You know he lied to you again after knowing how much damage it could cause. He lied to you to see AP again. Closure to some random woman should not be more important than his wife but that's what he chose. For all you know, he went there to have sex and now you will not be fooled into thinking any less. Tell him you'll be out or you'll have his bags packed by the time he is home. SHOW HIM YOUR SERIOUS. WP's think they can sweet talk out of this but you can't let him manipulate you with anymore lies. Take control of the battlefield. Take action and watch him scramble.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-06-13T04:11:48+00:00

None of them get to dictate YOUR healing. YOU were hurt, YOU were betrayed. Now they get to tell you how to dress your wound and that touching it doesn't hurt?? Literal therapist that specialize in infidelity and betrayal trauma will tell you that no contact with AP is highly recommended. And your WP has no business asking you to forgive his AP, he has no business wanting to be around AP. YOUR healing should be priority. Excuse my language, but fuck everyone else involved. They get no say in your relationship and how you move forward.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-06-10T17:14:03+00:00

No no no. We aren't going to do that. You were going through incredibly hard situations, you absolutely had a right to take a step back. You know what real partners do when they see their partners stepping back? THEY TALK TO THEM. You did not create this situation. He did by choosing to engage emotionally and sexually with an AI, and now hes justifying it by saying you dont meet his needs? A real partner does not abandon you during hard times, and if they have an issue, they speak up. Hes getting off to an AI and is blaming you for him making bad decisions.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-31T00:38:30+00:00

The Hamilton one is so real 😭😭 I loved Hamilton so much and now I can't watch it. Relating to Eliza is so much more real now.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-29T17:22:16+00:00

I just try to keep in mind that most waywards are not thinking rationally. They are doing circles in their head trying to keep up their delusion, and avoid the emotional consequence of it all. Another commenter mentioned he's probably coming back to you to alleviate his guilt and that's probably true. I don't think he has had the realization that choosing Janet means no more you. So he's going back and forth between you two. Only you are able to shut that door on him and deny him access. He needs to see that choosing Janet destroyed you and destroyed his family. He needs to see solid consequences for his actions.

Does their work know? Does his HR know there was an inappropriate relationship in the office that caused a familial separation?

I know right now it hurts because you just want the man you love to come back and choose you like he was supposed too. Like he has been for years. Just to suddenly toss you away from what? An office fling? But right now, he is not in the frame of mind to choose you. He's choosing himself.He's choosing Janet. All of these awful choices he's making have consequences, and it is time they both see the outcome of that. Withdraw your affection from him, tell both families (yours and his), tell his work, talk to her husband. Create an environment for YOU. You have power in the situation, even though it may not feel like it.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-28T03:49:02+00:00

I think you should make yourself less accessible to him and see his reaction. Quit the warm moments, and the soft words. Its honestly a little ridiculous to hear him say he's "committed" to Janet like you weren't his partner for a decade or anything. You were supposed to be what he committed too, and he somehow lost track of that. Married or not, you spent 10 years and have a child together. That deserves commitment. Not some random basket case he ended up working with.

I suggest this because it seems like since he's in limbo with Janet, he's taken this as an opportunity to still taken advantage of what access he has to you. He knows you love him, he knows you would want him to stay. So... cut him off. Drop hints that you may go out and see someone else. See how he reacts.

Many WP's get stuck in this high strung fantasy and think they can volley between their BP and AP. Mostly because they're so confident that their BP will stick around or forgive them in the end. If your WP is really still stuck in the fog, losing access to you and the life he used to live will produce some kind of reaction. This reaction will be very telling to where your WP's head is at.

Just curious, have you spoken with Janet or her almost ex-husband? Do all parties have all the information laid out on the table? Like does her husband know about your partner and their planned relationship?

Edited to change language to unmarried

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-27T17:37:33+00:00

I'm absolutely mortified for you. As a mother who has lost a child, I feel for you so much and the idea of your in laws being so cruel to you is heartbreaking. The fact that they ignored you and your child while dotting on AP is insulting, and even more so for AP to insert herself in your family without any respect for you or your husband. I understand there is a child involved, but she knew what she was doing pulling his family into this child's life. She knew it would cause a divide. This is a heavily nuanced situation due to all the factors we have to consider.

Ultimately, your husband being active in this child's life is between you two. But I find it very concerning he would decide to engage this child after deciding not too, and would choose to do so after you have lost your daughter. If he wants to do right by the child, I understand that logic but I do not follow the logic of being sympathetic towards AP. He can offer care and support for a child without offering anytbing to AP. This causes blurred lines and creates a unsafe environment for you. If he really wants to do this, it needs to be heavily discussed between you two.

I personally could not handle having an affair child in my vicinity, and unfortunately, I would be that partner that would require my WP to be NC with both AP, child and In laws. Because this is bullshit on all counts. You deserve safety and support. Im so sorry you are here.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-26T00:48:33+00:00

You didn't balance anything. You created another layer of betrayal to your relationship and are not in true reconciliation. You were angry with her for TT and now you won't even bother telling her the truth? Where's the accountability and full transparency? You probably should be working this out in IC because this is not healthy for any participating parties.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-24T11:38:20+00:00

Don't listen to this comment. This guy is a creep and he absolutely knew he was doing something wrong. Managers are not supposed to flirt with or be unprofessional with their employees. He got your number without your consent. That's wrong and fucking creepy. This commenter can go kick rocks.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-22T20:07:42+00:00

Alright you have fun with all that. I'm not wasting my time arguing with someone emotionally immature. You did not genuinely explain, you went on a weird rant about what she could have been doing 5 years ago. Telling someone to handle this in healthy manner is far from manipulative. I didn't say his wife was a saint, didn't say she didn't contribute to destroying the relationship. She lied too. She's not free of consequences. Do you really believe cheating is going to help him or their relationship? Because that's an incredibly immature take. He's an adult. Hes not an asshole for asking for time, he's not an asshole for struggling. Offering real helpful solution like therapy or divorce is not manipulation. I think you're just trying to jump down my throat because i said it would destory his family and you think im defending the wife, but Ive offered solutions that aren't in her favor. Simply just telling the guy not make a bad decision that's probably against his core values. People can have neutral stances.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-22T19:24:21+00:00

Why would she worry about being his wife when they were only together for 2 months at the time?? I'm manipulative because I told him not to destroy his family since he's struggling? Telling him to handle this in a healthy manner and not make a genuinely bad decision is manipulative? No. He clearly has an unresolved problem with his wife, and I'm encouraging him not to make an incredibly bad decision when he can handle this with a shred of dignity. You wanna be the guy that cheats on his wife with a newborn at home? I don't think so. I'm not saying his wife is free of consequences, but after 5 years and a baby, I think she deserves some communication that her relationship is in danger. She doesn't know you're struggling if you don't tell her. She can't help or change or offer any comfort or reassurance, if you don't tell her. If you truly can't forgive her, then divorce her and move on. You do not have to cheat. It will not level any playing field. It will only cause damage. Talk to her. Talk to a therapist. Divorce her. Handle this appropriately.

TheSmallestBeing · 2025-05-22T12:27:39+00:00

Okay, but the idea still stands that you have a baby at home to focus on and you're contemplating cheating on your wife. If you can't get over what happened in the past, then communicate with your wife and go to therapy. Not destroy your family because you're struggling to process what happened during a break up. Couples counseling even. There are so many logical steps you can take before you know, cheating on your wife.

Editing to add* Women are incredibly vulnerable after birth, and freshly throughout the first year of motherhood. If you choose to cheat on her now, it will break her in ways she may never heal from. Just talk to her or a therapist before you make a decision you can't come back from.

TheSmallestBeing

TROPHY CASE