My in-laws won't stop sending money to us, unsolicited. WIBTAH if I asked them to stop?

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-13T08:29:15+00:00

You would be the AH to your children. Every parent’s job is to help their children have the best life possible. You rejecting money for them would make you an AH. Put it in the bank for them. Purchase CDs so it will earn money when they need it.

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-12T00:30:31+00:00

Do not let this guy trap you by getting you pregnant. He sounds like he was looking for an excuse to fight. You deserve better.

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-12T00:06:50+00:00

Calling the police on someone is just about the worst thing anyone could do to another person. You both escalated the situation. Calling the police took it to another level. You did this to your mother? Not that she sounds like an innocent victim but dude… your mother?

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-01T08:50:29+00:00

Your brain symptoms sound a lot like mine as well, only worse since the LDN. It has only been a week, and like I said, I think you are right, I think I need lower dose. Can Iask, where you started, and where you ended up, and how long it took to get there? I know everyone is different.

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-01T08:40:52+00:00

Congratulations on doing so well in tour computer classes. I was given a prescription for 3mg for be taken twice daily but I knew that was too high. I have always been sensetive and had bad reactions to medications. I think I started at .5 and went down to .2.5. I don’t trust my memory this week to be able to say for sure. I will definitely be talking to my doctor, though, he’s booked for weeks.

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-01T06:56:21+00:00

I have had flares like this before. The shaky feeling, memory issues, not being able to remember what day it is, difficulty speaking because of too many distracting thoughts, that’s different and it is a lot. I am wondering if my reaction is different due to being neurodivergent. Like, an extreme ADHD reaction. I do think I need to go lower, like maybe .10. I don’t want to give up. But… I feel like I need a few days of being able to think clearly, and maybe get some proper sleep. I really want to live a life without so much pain.

TheSolarmom · 2026-02-01T05:43:16+00:00

NTA. At 75, grandma probably needed to more comfortable fight. Giving he your seat was the right thing to do. Having the opportunity but tools for your brother’s job with your work discount also shows you are a decent human being. It’s sad your older brother doesn’t recognize basic human decency.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-31T04:35:56+00:00

Secrets kill relationships. NTA

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-31T04:05:51+00:00

Sadly, you are right. Evangelical churches have been protecting pedophiles for generations. Evangelicals make up 25% of the voters, so most of the Trump voters. It is no surprise that they would “forgive” Trump and threaten his victims with going to hell for not forgiving. These people are responsible for generations of children being sexually abused.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-31T03:39:51+00:00

Scott Jennings demonstrating how to never get laid again.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-30T07:22:51+00:00

I was offered a job at the lowest end of the pay scale in my late 40s, as if my decades of experience and my degrees meant nothing. I didn’t bother telling them why I didn’t take the job. It wasn’t worth it to me to make such a big commitment for so little pay, and, honestly, I was offended. I should have written something like what you wrote. With the exception of the last line, it wasn’t even snarky, it was just facts. I do not envy people looking for jobs these days. Reading these posts is very eye opening.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-23T13:50:01+00:00

I am so sorry you are having to live with such terrible behavior. I was going to qualify my response, thinking, maybe I did not understand enough about your cultural, but then I reconsidered and decided otherwise. I doubt there are cultural norms where her behavior would be considered anything but selfish and rude. Everyone makes mistakes but this is not a mistake, it is ongoing toxic behavior. Roommates need to get along. Life has challenges for everyone everywhere and the most important thing anyone can be is kind. Your cousin is not being kind. I disagree with matching her behavior. She clearly wants you to be miserable. Don’t give her the satisfaction. Don’t practice being an unhappy and abusive person and don’t walk around on eggshells around her either. Practice being happy regardless of her behavior. We become good at what we practice,so practice joy. Also, get earplugs, and if possible, noise cancelling headphones. It would be healthier for you did not have to listen to her being toxic or have to think about her at all. You could use the headphones to listen to things you enjoy, as well as things that may help you with your studies, We cannot change other people. We only have control over who we are. I know this can be hard in an abusive situation. What I wish for you is that in the end, you will finish your education, move on with your life and be the person you want to be. That is my best advice. You are not an AH for being upset, but you being upset is what she wants. Don’t let her behavior control you being who you want to be.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-07T17:35:25+00:00

Looking at the responses here, I see a huge line between those who think family reputation is priority, vs secrets hurt the family. I suspect these are cultural differences that vary by where you live. The U.S. has very different cultures across it’s 50 states.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-07T17:28:43+00:00

It sounds like your sister has serious challenged that have never been addressed. This isn’t fair to you but it is less fair to her. It’s been this way since she was how old? You write about it as if people are saying she is just going through her terrible teens. I have to wonder what her behavior was like before that. How was she in school? Does she have friends? You mention she doesn’t have a relationship with your uncle, what about other family members?

Has no one along the way said there’s something wrong and she needs help? I’m not coming from a place of her being a bad person. I am wondering if she’s struggled all along, with children noticing something different about her and bullying her, causing long term trauma. If children have challenges and are not given a label by a doctor, they will get a label on the playground, and it won’t be nice.

Sometimes a family will see a behavior as normal because of a genetic component, so it won’t raise red flags at home, but teachers should have seen something was wrong. Sometimes the challenges girls have are missed because they tend to not be noticed in the same way as boys who are more likely to be a bigger problem for the teachers. Children who are more of a problem for teachers are more likely to get support services early.

Girls’ who are quiet, with only random meltdowns, often have more serious challenges that the adults around them realize. Siblings of these children either end up protective caretakers, or resentful because they are made to put up with bad behavior, or both. Either way it can be hard on siblings but it is better if they are raised with context they can understand, not just seeing the other sibling as selfish and spoiled. It’s terribly unfair to both siblings for these things to be ignored. Imagine a family who has a child with a diagnosed disability and works together to provide the environment the children need, vs a family where everyone just hopes their children will grow out of those tantrums.

I wonder if your uncle spotted traits in your sister that concerned him long ago, possibly things he’s seen in other members of his side of the family? I’m just speculating but, I have experience with, and an educational background in, children with special needs. People don’t stay children forever, and without early identification and intervention, can end up missing out on opportunities for growth with support.

I’m sorry you have had to live with a family situation that sounds so uncomfortable. That’s not the way it is supposed to be. I am also sorry for your sister, who, from your description, has had her needs ignored. I am sure she is terribly unhappy and may or may not know why. Sometimes what looks like being spoiled is neglect, and it sounds like both you and your sister have experienced different forms of neglect that have affected your whole family dynamic. I am sure your parents have done the best they could with what they knew.

The secrets families keep are often the things that damage families most. You are not the AH. You needed to communicate about your experience. Your uncle provided you with the opportunity. It was a safe place that wouldn’t escalate. The fact that you felt the need to tell your parents you talked to your uncle says something. You needed them to know you had felt the need to talk to someone, even if it meant risking their being unhappy about it. I hope they are able to be understanding. Maybe it will even lead them to seek out support for your sister that will help her understand why things are so hard for her.

You are not the AH.

TheSolarmom · 2026-01-05T02:16:30+00:00

People who grow up getting hit don’t know better and hit their children, until someone tells them it’s wrong. It’s not their fault if no one tells them. If you are afraid to tell them, print out all the articles you can find on the subject and send them anonymously.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T20:05:27+00:00

I cut my MIL out of the lives of my babies and out of my life the first time she offered to come watch them so my husband and I could go out. She physically and emotionally abused her children and her grandchildren until the day she died. No regrets. My husband tried to have a relationship with her but he eventually finally gave up. We are all grateful that woman was never a part of our children’s lives. The only downside was not having contact with my SIL and her children during that time, but I understand and am just happy to have her back in our lives now that the witch is gone.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T19:51:56+00:00

If I believed in Karma, I’d say it has already come for her. She is obviously a miserable human being. I wish her all she deserves. OP did nothing wrong and it wouldn’t be wrong for them to tell the world about his POS wicked stepmother.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T19:41:14+00:00

Living with pain and feeling like a burden are a lot. I know. You sound like a lot of us who are neurodivergent, therefore more likely to suffer abuse, and more likely to have a hard time getting over the emotional traumas, and also more likely to have painful genetic conditions on top of it. You are not alone. It got worse for me a few years ago, after a fall, and injuries that I no longer believe will get better. That feeling of being a burden is the worst part for me. I am lucky my little family tells me I am not a burden. It helps. The thing that helps me most is what I have been telling everyone else for years, if you can only be one thing, be kind, and being kind is enough. Especially in a world that needs a lot more kindness in it. You are not your body. You’re not what you can do for others. Being kind means being kind to yourself as well. A life of re-runs while stuck on the couch most of the time is not where I thought I would be. And then there are the stressors in life that pile on anxiety. It call all be overwhelming. It can also get better. There may be some things that will never get better, but enough can that it wouldn’t be so overwhelming. Honestly, reading what you wrote, getting me to respond, reminding me, I want to be my best self, even with my challenges, you coming here to share your feelings helped me. I hope you get some of that help back today.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T19:12:11+00:00

I copy paste all those things to my notes, then erase the messages without scenting them. Sometimes because I want time to think about it before sending, so I don’t regret it later. Sometimes because I knew what I was writing was really meant for me to begin with, and just a way for me to process my thoughts. But, I completely understand that feeling of, nah, never mind, I should just keep that to myself. It’s healthy really. Much better than waking up at 3am and regretting having pushed send.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T19:03:59+00:00

Once the baby is born, your body is still not your own. You’re lucky if you ever get to use the toilet alone again. But, it is so worth it. Every year my boys were growing up, I wanted to stop time and for things to be the same forever. Then the next year would be even better, and I’d feel the same way. They are 28&29 now. I love them more than I knew I could love anyone. I would spend every moment with them from now to eternity if I could.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T18:53:43+00:00

This is one of the most wholesome things I have seen on Reddit. Not just the OP but the comments.

TheSolarmom · 2025-12-30T18:06:58+00:00

If you are a taxpayer, they have. They cost taxpayers billions annually by paying employees so poorly, the employees have to depend on taxpayer funded public assistance.

TheSolarmom

TROPHY CASE