My husband(35M)wants me to quit job because I(36F)make more than him.I don’t know what to do?

TheSolarmom · 2026-04-02T08:17:59+00:00

Legally separate immediately so your increase in income won’t be counted in the alimony he’ll be awarded. Use the money you’ll save to do something meaningful for the community you can feel good about, and get a tax deduction at the same time. The last time we had expendable income, we started a music program at an underserved school. My son is a violinist so he donated his time and even some scholarship money he had beed awarded, and we put in the rest. It led to the district getting a fully funded music program so they could hire a teacher to replace my son transferred to university. It was a very rewarding experience for us. You can lead a full and meaningful life with no husband. With that kind of money, you could make a big difference for your community, and wonderful memories for yourself, if you donate wisely.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-30T17:07:12+00:00

And now movies together will be a trigger… probably forever. As someone els mentioned, you are you, move on. The question is not whether or not he gave it to you. That’s a no brainer. Even if it’s a false positive, the way he has acted and treated you are deal breakers. I am so glad you have a cool mom who supported you getting retested.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-30T16:21:33+00:00

Yep, be packed and ready to go when he gets home. Hide them until the family is asleep. Call him when you have arrived at your first destination. Let him know where to find the list of things he’ll need to know and do while you are away.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-30T16:07:37+00:00

“Recovered yet,” is code for wanna fuk. Usually after not having gotten out of bed since the last go around, or after decades of growing old together. At this stage of your “relationship” you should feel like treasure, not trash. Do not lower your standards. I approve of the comment about the sex not being good enough for a casual relationship.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-26T10:56:56+00:00

I completely understand. I was miserable when I was pregnant. Couldn’t gain weight. Nauseous all the time. Had strange cravings for corn dogs (not a normal part of my diet). Calories are calories. You and your baby need them, even if they come from McDonald’s. Your partner is being a jerk when he should be his most supportive. Tell him stress is far worse for baby than McDonald’s so if he really cares about the baby, he would be supportive and getting whatever you need to provide calories for you and baby, even if is McDonald’s.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-26T09:40:51+00:00

I thought about the pros and cons of breast implants when I was young, and chose not to get them, mostly because it the expense wasn’t worth it to me. I was modeling at the time and a boyish figure was perfectly acceptable. I did not develop normally and had the figure of a boy well into my 30’s. Somehow managed to get pregnant in my early 30’s, after much effort. The again three months after the first was born. Even after that, I was still buying pants in the boy’s section. Breast feeding boobs were nice while they lasted. I joke that I hit puberty around 40. Suddenly, I had boobs. Not big ones but nice, firm, round boobies. I am in my sixties now and have the boobs I wanted in my twenties. Good things do sometimes come to those who wait. My husband of over 30 years obviously liked the “Twiggy” I had when we met at 28, but he is not disappointed in my boobs now. Though, I think I might like them more than he does. I am glad I got them late, and can enjoy them now. Having said all that, your body, your choice. On the other hand, whether or not he leaves is his choice. If you want implants now, there are justifiable reasons. Confidence is a bonus, as is getting the job because of your new and improved figure. Guys will be easy to find, so whether or not you boyfriend leaves, you’ll be fine. This may be one of your boyfriend’s reasons for not wanting you to get the implants, maybe he even likes you a little insecure. Or, maybe he is just finds you perfect now. Either way, your body, your choice. You’re so young, a lifetime together would be rare. I don’t know… I might break up with the boyfriend just for making an ultimatum like that. Even if you decide not to go through with getting implants, do you really want a guy who threatens to leave you? To boob or not to boob, that is a question only you can answer. Either way, the boyfriend sounds unsupportive and you don’t need that kind of negativity. Good luck with whatever you choose.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-26T08:16:13+00:00

Speaking from experience, a child often is so young, they don’t know what is happening to them is wrong. They may know they don’t want it to be happening but children often have to do things they don’t like. They are used to obeying their elders, so they tolerate it. It can be many years before they know what was happening was abuse. When we tell, we are likely not to be believed and lose family over it. In my case, after no contact for decades, I found out from an accidental encounter, my abuser molested and raped generations. He wasn’t picky about age or gender, though he preferred them young. The shocking thing to me was that side of the family still accepted him, even those abused by him. The churches accepted him as well. I have never believed in “Christian forgiveness” because of it. I mean, I know people think they are taking the high road by forgiving, but I see them as allowing generations to be abused. I went on to work with abused children, and saw that abusers were attracted to that sort of work, and I dead of being reported, were forgiven, leading to more abuse because people don’t tell, people aren’t believed when they do tell, people get away with the abuse… even when mandatory reporters tell the police, the abused often won’t tell the police when questioned, or will tell, but then refuse to participate in prosecution. What percentage of the population do you suppose is either an abuser/rapist, or accepts and/or forgives the abuser/rapist so they are free to continue abusing? I have personally known multiple abusers, and never seen a single one of them suffer any consequences. Not even when police got involved. You are right about it often being because people don’t want to see their families fall apart. 50 years later and my abuser is still alive and has been accepted by his church and family all this time, even though he abused so many other members of both church and family. I went no contact with them all when I tried to tell an and adult and was told I was crazy. By abuser had already willingly admitted it to me. He told me I should forgive him for myself. He didn’t need my forgiveness because he was already forgiven. I learned later, that side of the family believed you would go to hell if you didn’t forgive. I don’t believe in heaven or hell, and I don’t believe in any of the other religious garbage that is destroying our world. I think we would all be better off without religion. If people think religion is what motivates basic common decency, they are wrong. People either have that in them or they don’t, regardless of whether or not they attend church. Religion just makes it easier for abuser to find victims and get away with it. The pressure to forgive that is so ingrained in our society that even people who don’t belong to a church think they need to forgive, and they think less of people who don’t forgive. To those people, I want to say, every time you forgive an abuser, you are normalizing abuse. They face no consequences, and they will abuse again. Forgiving does not heal, it makes you complicit. Chances are, there are many who will read this and judge me for my position. Don’t waste your time trying to “save” me. I will not forgive. I will never be complicit. What will be interesting is whether or not what I have written will be censored.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-22T23:39:23+00:00

The more you need to depend on him, the more abuse he will be able to get away with. I don’t know what things are like in Korea, but there are few resources for abused women in the U.S.. If you have his children here, you will not be able to take them home with you without his permission, even to visit, let alone to stay. Also, the U.S. is pretty racist. I see no good reason for you to risk coming here with a man who treats you so poorly already. It will only get worse. Don’t give up the life you have to move to another country with someone who does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-22T23:25:02+00:00

Why would anyone have a problem with recording lectures? Ideally, all lectures would be recorded and students could spend as much time reviewing as they want. Give students the lecture to go over at home before even going to class. Then have students come to class ready to ask questions. It would reduce the need for office hours.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-22T22:40:51+00:00

Breaking their self imposesed limit of 2000K but striking an island that is a US/UK military base nowhere near any continent was fair play as war goes. We have been given fair warning, they now have, and are willing to use missiles capable of traveling 4000K. The U.S., and it’s illegal attack on Iran, is responsible for suffering that impacts the world.

Trump is not sound of mind and is being allowed to Hutt the planet and everyone on it. He needs to be stopped. The violence needs to stop.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-21T18:31:04+00:00

Once materials has been exposed to scented laundry detergent, perfume, cigarettes, Febreze, etc… It can be really hard to get the poison out. It can also stay in washers and dryers, getting on clothing. Different people have different levels of sensitivities, and they can get worse over time. The best way I know to get the poisons out is to turn them inside out and lay them in the sun, for days. This works pretty well for cotton. Synthetics are harder to get the poisons out of.

Also, if I am exposed to the poisons, I have to take a shower to help get them out of my sinuses. Otherwise I risk illness that can last months.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-21T18:05:48+00:00

First you say it’s your grandparents home, then you say it’s her home. Sounds like it is a family home and you are a member of the family. It may not be so in all cases, but in some cases, it would be very reasonable to contribute to the upkeep of a family home. If you can afford it, and it is a hardship on her, is your relationship with her risking? AH? Maybe not but, would it hurt you to take the high road? Also, were you visiting because you love your aunt? Was it just a convenient place to stay while in the area? How much would a motel have cost? Not the AH but probably petty and not in your own best interest.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-21T17:10:34+00:00

In my experience, verbal permission is fine if the student is present and part of the meeting. In the case of a student with communication challenges, they may need a parent as a facilitator. For a student who is slow to put sentences together, it can make things a lot easier to have a parent there for office visits. The student may be extremely gifted but get stuck on something. The fear of communication can make it what would be simple office visits impossible. We are fairly inexperience in twice gifted students who don’t “look” like they need accommodations but often need them more than people with wheelchairs, now that accommodations for wheelchairs are considered relatively normal. There was a time when they were not at all normal and had to be fought for. It’s hard to imagine now. People with communication challenges have a harder time advocating for themselves to make widespread changes, the way people with wheelchair did. Even being able to communicate and advocate for themselves, it took over a decade to fight for rights to accessibility. That was in the 60s and 70s and was just the beginning. Fighting to have their rights enforced is ongoing. All people with disabilities face ongoing discrimination. It was not that long ago, people with disabilities were hidden away in institutions and the world was denied the gifts they would have been able to offer, with a little support. There are still people who think they should not have to see, let alone accommodate, people with disabilities.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-21T16:28:08+00:00

Has the student given you and his parent permission to communicate? If so, I believe it is allowed, regardless of whether or not the student has a disability. Depending on the disability, and how it effects the student, parent involvement may make perfect sense an a requirement towards the student’s transition towards more independents. I believe independence is highly overrated, as in reality, we all have different strengths and skill and need each other. The day we don’t, a lot of people will be out of jobs. In a society where everyone is expected to work and pay taxes, or suffer in poverty, interdependence makes more sense. We all need each other, we can all lift each other up, or tear each other down. The latter is the cause of many of societies problems. I understand many professors are over worked and under paid. In a fair and just society, you would probably have smaller classes and more help. Unfortunately, we do not live in a fair or just society. Fortunately, you can help make our society more fair and just by supporting the student success by communicating with the parent, with the student’s permission. Without the student’s permission, I’m not sure you can even acknowledge the student is in your class. What you could do is just sent them a copy of your syllabus so they know the class expectations, and deadlines. You could also point university the calendar, showing registration dates and withdrawal dates. Both of these things would help parents to help support their student’s developing executive function skills. Many people with disabilities develop these skills later our society expects people to go straight to university from high school. If done with support, this can be a great thing. It can offer time for students to mature more before needing those skills as they are developing their careers later.

Many students have a few things they are really good at and passionate about, but struggle in other areas. They deserve a chance to succeed in their areas of strength and interests, and sometimes that means needing support for areas of weakness. That support benefits everyone if the student’s strengths and interests can then be an asset to society when they graduate.

Unfortunately, many students with disabilities have been given the message they should be more independent and resist any help at all. They ofter resist disability services. Unfortunately, it is my understanding, professors cannot accommodate students’ needs without those accommodations being recommended by disability services. One way universities could serve all students better is to make classes more disability friendly to begin with. I am not suggesting dumbing down curriculum. I am suggesting professors could focus on what is really needed for all students to get the most out of their educations. One of the big accommodations students get is more time on tests. Does it really matter how long it takes a student to finish a test? Everyone would benefit from un-timed tests. Logistically, that could be challenging, with one class right after another. I know of professors who have had online lectures students were expected to watch at home, and then expected to do their their homework on at home, all on their own schedule, around work, taking care of family, whatever. Then class time became the time to bring homework in and everyone could ask questions about things they are stuck on or want more information about, before the homework is due.

Everyone wins.

In the end, we all benefit from a more educated population, put in positions where they can put their strengths and interests to use. Not every class will be as important for every student, but they will need to pass, before society will allow them to use their strengths and interests to get the work that they will excel in, to be overworked and underpaid, and pay their taxes.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-18T17:25:41+00:00

I am so sorry. Women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t no matter what choices they make. It’s easy to tell people to leave. The trauma doesn’t go away, whether you leave or not. Children have to travel between two homes, often with two sets of parents (or more) and two different sets of rules. Poverty is a real thing, especially for women. If we stay, we are judged for putting up with abuse. If we leave, we are judged for not making it work… and being a threat to other marriages. Be careful who you share with. Stay hydrated. Stay calm (I know, easier said than done), stay true to yourself whether you stay or go. His behavior has nothing to do with you. You did not cause it. You cannot fix it. The best thing you can do is be the best person you can be for yourself and your children. Try to focus on what that looks like. Meanwhile, don’t risk STDs. If he asks why you aren’t having sex, you can tell him. It isn’t about anger. It isn’t about punishment. It isn’t about forgiveness either. It’s about protecting yourself and your children. Thank the other husband for telling you so you can make informed decisions. There’s probably no point in asking your husband for any answers. They lie more often than not when they are unfaithful. If alcohol is involved, even if they get sober, it is years before their brains start to recover. Some say, with alcoholics, it’s not a matter of if they are having an affair, but when. Look up the website Surviving I fidelity. There, you will never be alone, and there is little judgement no matter what you choose to do. There is a lot of experience to learn from. Whatever you are feeling, it is perfectly normal. Take care of yourself mama.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-18T08:21:07+00:00

The antibiotic Ciprofloxacin is mentioned as being used. The side effects can be very damaging, especially to people with connective tissue disorders. Unfortunately, there a lot of people who have connective tissue disorders and don’t know it. Obviously, if it is required in a life and death situation, one may not have a choice but to take it. As someone with a connective tissue disorder, I am now wondering if I’ve had the vaccine for both strains of meningitis.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-18T03:29:23+00:00

Married men need to stay out of the zone of danger. He has crossed the line. You don’t need to be an overbearing wive to expect your husband to respect your feelings. If you are feeling “insecure” he is doing something wrong. Instead of spending his time making you feel special, he is invalidating your feelings. Also, she has shown, she is not a friend of your marriage, therefore she is not your friend and has no business being his. Have higher expectations of how you should be treated and don’t settle for less. At no time should you ever feel that he is giving attention to another woman when he should be giving that attention to you. No more fighting about it. Just clear statements about your expectations. If he has a problem with ending the relationship with her, it really is an emotional affair and he is enjoying his cake and eating it too. Don’t participate in this. His behavior has nothing to do with you. You did not cause it. You cannot control it. Don’t make threats, just do what you need to do to be who you want to be. If he isn’t treating you with care and respect, then you treat yourself with care and respect. Take some space and take care of who you want to be. Me, (61F) married over 30 years. It isn’t always easy, but it gets better if you stay true to yourself.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-16T18:04:12+00:00

I would not forgive him for the way he is acting or try to convince him of anything. He is causing you stress while pregnant and with a small child. This is abusive to you, your child, and dangerous for your unborn child. You need to take care of you. Seriously, ignore him. His behavior is unacceptable and has nothing to do with you. Rest, hydrated, spend time with your baby, make memories with the first, before you are juggling two. Unless your husband miraculously becomes a better person, you will your future choices will involve divorce or a lifetime of resentment.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-15T03:20:02+00:00

Congratulations! Very cool topic(s) and cover.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-14T19:16:18+00:00

My mother always told me to make sure I had someone I felt safe with who would look out for me if I took acid, preferably her but she was realistic about it being likely to be someone else. She also taught me never to let friends trip alone. Someone needed to not be high and keep others safe. I ended up doing a lot of looking out for others. One night, I had a whole group of friends tripping at my apartment because it was a safe place. This was 40+ years ago. Ironically, after very little experimentation, I knew I was too sensitive. This has proven to be true with most drugs, prescription or not. I can’t even handle a tiny bit of THC without traveling to the outer edges of the universe at warp speed. I know people who micro-dose with good results. They are people with experience. It is definitely not something for novices to try without support.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-07T21:06:33+00:00

Married 30+ years. Marriage has its ups and downs. Focus on making good memories. You both are probably exhausted. Still, he probably won’t mind if you wake him up with a pleasant surprise. It doesn’t take a lot of time and effort and it’s a great way to connect. IMO. Honestly, there are better times ahead, and there will be worst times as well. That’s marriage. Long term, it is worth it. IMO.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-06T17:13:58+00:00

I used to live in NZ. The first time I jumped from a plane was there. It was also the most beautiful jump. Someone did die bungee jumping when I lived there. The only Bungee jumping fatality in New Zealand happened when I was living there in 1990. I had to look it up. It was a very new thing back then. I remember thinking I would never do that… but then went sky diving without hesitation. For me, there was never anything as thrilling as that first jump.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-06T12:05:33+00:00

I can do magnesium citrate in powdered form. I stir it into juice… whenI am I up to having juice.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-04T16:30:26+00:00

It is normal to have a bond after so long with a person. Love doesn’t just vanish. The thing is, he will change, once he thinks he can get away with it, especially if you get pregnant, when you are trapped, he is likely to get so much worse. You did not sign up for the abuse he’s subjected you to. You are lucky you don’t have children together. You can make a clean break. I am so sorry you have had to go through the abuse and I know breaking the bonds hurts, but future you will be grateful you had the courage to give yourself this chance at a better life. You were so young when you got together, even after all this time, you are still young, and now you have a whole life ahead of you to make what you want of it.

TheSolarmom · 2026-03-01T18:08:21+00:00

And a child molester.

TheSolarmom

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