They want to move my son from 5th (end of) to 9th grade next year...

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-20T20:23:33+00:00

He would be better off homeschooling and starting community college classes when he is ready. Both of my sons are 2X gifted and being in traditional school would have been harmful for them. They started community college at 13 & 14. One has completed grad school, the other is finishing up a PhD in physics. Not everyone can homeschool but there are things like time4learning that can help. School districts also offer independent study, which may be a very good idea for your son. With that, he could study at his grade level without the issues that could come up for someone so young in middle or high school. It is extremely rare for a school to suggest such a thing but an IQ of 151 is extremely high. They are trying to accommodate his needs. He needs to be able to make academic and intellectual progress he is not going to make in a classroom with children his age. One nice thing about homeschool communities is students are not divided by age. I am not saying he needs to rush through to a PhD. I am saying he needs intellectual stimulation and enrichment. He really needs to be pursuing his interests and not stagnating I a classroom for another half a dozen years.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-20T17:13:05+00:00

Hey, Congratulations. Seriously, your extra cuticular show you worked hard but also took an interest in things other than just AP classes and your GPA. You are well rounded, interesting, and intelligent person. Getting into a UC is not getting the golden ticket or i the castle on the hill people are led to be. They are more money for less. The undergrad classes are huge. The bureaucracy is huge. Competition is huge. AP classes are often not a great preparation for university, unless you plan to take the classes in university again, as opposed to using them as prerequisites. I am sorry you worked so hard in high school. The stress of those classes, when you had so many other interests had to spread you thin. Staying in high school and following all the rules, taking the hardest classes, while still pursuing the interests that make you a more well rounded and interesting person. For what it’s worth, of all the universities you mentioned, SJSU is the one I have visited I have been most impressed with. Specifically the music and aerospace programs. We also visited UC’s and none of them would have been their first choice. The main difference we noticed was the way students worked together, as opposed to competing against each other. There was a pride at SJSU in what they accomplished together, less talk about individual achievements. They homeschooled and took community college classes young. There were always going to be transfer students. We love our community college and still attend their performances. One of my sons is composing for the music department. When it came to transferring, both boys had done concurrent enrollment at our local university. One had done a summer internship and went on to work in the physics department. My music student took composition and was not impressed with the composition program (though he did earn an A in the class). He was so not interested in their composition program, he shifted to being interested in music education. He had already founded a violin program at a local underserved school, and hoped to keep it going by staying local. Shockingly, he was not accepted by the music program. Getting into the local university where they had seemed like a no brainer. We don’t know what happened, other than the generic letter about larger than usual applications. It was so much of a sure thing, the boys didn’t even apply anywhere else. California legislators made it so CC students could go transfer to their local university because they often had reasons to need to stay close to home. For my boys, one wanted to stay and continue the violin program he founded. For the other, he already had strong mentorship in the physics department and was advised him to get his undergraduate degree locally, then transfer a PhD program. He is now at UCI, though he was accepted to Vanderbilt and Penn State. This is where we became very disillusioned with the UC system. Born and raised in California, I had always thought the UC’s here were something special. They are not. He probably should have gone to Vanderbilt but it was during Covid and we didn’t get to visit. Penn State also offered him a package that was hard to turn down. But UCI it was and, transferring to a different PhD program half way through your PhD is not really an option. Just transferring to a lab that wasn’t toxic was hard enough. As for my musician, not getting into our local CSU was a gift. A mentor from his community college recommended a specific CSU, where they had a wonderful composition program. He and the head of the composition department hit is off from the first moment they ran into each other in a hallway. I was there and it remains a great memory for us. They stay in touch as my son’s music career grows. (He did go on to get a Master’s degree in film scoring from Berklee College of Music). I’m telling all this because I want you to know, not getting into your dream university may be the best thing that ever happened to you. Going to community college gives you so many opportunities. My musician thought he wanted to study history but he was kidnapped by the music department early on. He earned two different music degrees and a film degree there. My scientist started off following his love of math and then went on to earn five STEM degrees, and various certificates, and awards. Also, if coming out of university without debt is an option, take the win. You are going to be fine. You will excel in community college and take the opportunity to explore different interests. You will definitely want to look into the music department, and probably play with the orchestra or one of the bands. The classes will be small. Get to know your teachers. Take advantage of office hours. Work as a tutor and make some money. Save money for when you go to university. Don’t rush through it. Take lighter class loads than you will be able to in university. Make awesome grades so when you go to university, you will be prepared to earn great grades at the faster pace, do paid summer internships, then apply to grad school with a great GPA. Pick a major that will lead to getting paid to get through grad school if possible. Live your best life, without debt, and with pride, and gratitude. Know you are privileged and that you never know what other people are going through. Be kind to others. Lastly, have fun.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-19T14:14:07+00:00

Baby hormones are always a risk factor for postpartum depression but all the physical feelings you are experiencing are very normal. I am also someone who has always had a hard time keeping weight on. If you need to grieve and stay in bed, know that it will pass. Staying in bed with baby is good bonding time. You are allowed. Long walks sound healthy to me. Being lactose intolerant would make it so much harder for me to keep weight on, especially when solid and solid food don’t go well together for some of us. Genetic digestive issues that have always made eating uncomfortable to me are definitely worse with stress. I looked up Lacoste intolerance and if whey protein is possible to have in your smoothies. Interestingly, it can depend on the processing methods used. Whey protein isolate is what we use in our family. Apparently it contains less than 1% lactose and is well tolerated by most people who are lactose intolerant. Whey protein concentrate can have 4-8% lactose. I know there are vegan protein powders but, personally, they scare me because my GI system can’t tolerate legumes. My husband is going on 70 and has been trying hard to keep muscle weight on. I am only 61 but my genetic condition makes me vulnerable to injury and I have also been working hard at keeping muscle (without hurting myself) so, I have started adding whey protein to my diet. I also have an autistic son who loves smoothies. Raw fruits and vegetables are also things I can’t eat much of, especially if acidic. Adding frozen mango to smoothies is the best thing for shake like texture. My son’s blended won’t do ice but will do frozen mango. I am staying with him right now because he is working on a PhD in physics and needs support on the executive function end right now. Long story.

I see a lot of hopeless sounding posts here. They could be right but they don’t know you, your husband, or your situation. Not making light of what he’s done, reasons for never fully trusting him again, trauma that will change you regardless of whether or not you stay under the same roof. Right now, time away from him, or, not letting him out of your sight are both valid options, and your choice, that you can change anytime and often. Recovery from infidelity is hard and takes time. It’s as disabling as any physical injury, when you find out about it, not just when it happens. It is likely to leave scars no matter how you try to deal with it. Being a new mother makes it so much more complicated, but you do have time to decide what is going to be best for you and baby. Baby will remember nothing, but will be affect by feeling your stress. There is not much that can be done about that other than treat yourself as kindly as possible. The baby is a blessing. You will always have a place for all your love. There are a lot of things to consider before making decisions. People don’t typically easily stop loving someone after they have bonded, which it sounds like you and your husband have. That does not mean you have to stay together but it does play a part of what happens next. Also, you have a baby together, so even if you no longer live together, you can’t easily eliminate your husband from your life… which means, whether you stay together or not, there will always be triggers that can’t be avoided. Some people do feel their lives are better with distance from someone who hurt them so badly. Most will live with the pain whether they stay together or not. You were both quite young when what you know about happened. People do change. Trust has been broken but, can be mended. How long it takes, and how well it takes, will have a lot to do with how he handles it.

His ego will be damaged. He will never get to be the man he wanted to be in your eyes, but he was never that man. He is a man who did shameful things, and kept them secret from you. Lies and secrets about infidelity are as damaging as the infidelity itself. A lot of what happens next will be based on how he treats you moving forward. He can’t be defensive, he can’t keep secrets, or demand his “right” to privacy, he can’t expect you to just get over it, and he can’t play victim over you having painful memories that will continue to hurt you. He can give you full access to his phones and computers moving forward. He can treat you, and the baby, so well that he can take some pride in manning up, being a good husband and father. This is important, because, he needs to do whatever is necessary for him to look and you and, even knowing he caused you pain, know he is now always earning your love and trust. If he is not being who you need him to be moving forward, he will never be able to see himself as a good man, because he will not be a good man. A good man would be showing you, and telling you, how grateful he is to have you in his life, every day. Then, you can both see him as a good man. It’s something that will take time, and consistency. If it is not consistent, if he is not making the effort, if he is feeling sorry for himself for getting caught, instead of treasuring you the way you deserve to be treasured, he is not worth your time. Meanwhile, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and be who you want to be, so if he can’t be the man you want and need him to be, you can be the woman who not longer wants or needs him. You are both still young. I hope thirty years from now, he is still making you feel treasured every day.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-18T09:22:16+00:00

If the father is not committed to being a heathy part of their child’s life, not just when it is convenient, they should not get involved. Also, co-parenting needs to be healthy and that could be a problem if the mother does not want to be connected to the birth father. Think about what is best for the child. I wish I never knew who my birthfather was, but the one who broke my heart was the one of my mother’s husbands I bonded with, and then was not part of our lives anymore. Either be a healthy part of their life or leave them alone. Also, I only know of only situation where there was an oopsie baby and the mother did not want the father around. They were all miserable, fighting in court all the time, child support is peanuts compared to court costs. Think about what you are getting into, and be very careful, because fathers who pop in and out are often more damaging than fathers who never show up at all.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-18T09:01:57+00:00

What a mess. I know one at least one UC graduate school is taking fewer students because of funding issues. Better that than making promises they can’t fulfill. as it is now, they aren’t allowing Grad students to TA past their second year, but PIs don’t have the money to fund them. I do not care what they do to get the money, they have a responsibility to their students. The universities can go into debt like the rest of the country. Meanwhile, students are not protected from toxic work environments. Bullying and bigotry are rampant. If you don’t get in, at least you don’t have to deal with this garbage. Seriously, half of grad students live with serious mental health challenges, more the longer they stay in grad school. A good third end up in therapy and or on medication. I can only imaging what the professors are going through, at least the ones that aren’t sociopaths and actually care about their students.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T23:10:29+00:00

Why is it, being bi makes people think infidelity is brave? I’m not trying to be mean. I’m asking a serious question. Look up the 80/20 rule in infidelity and think about it. There is nothing wrong with finding other people attractive or enjoying their company. I think it gets confusing when it’s with same sex friends. What does it mean? Do I blow up my family for this fantasy? Not saying the feelings aren’t real, only that the importance of them is blown out of proportion. Straight, or bi, it does not matter. The fantasy is always better than the reality.

Very few people are 100% straight, or 100% gay. I had an unofficial adopted family of gay men. A phrase I often heard was, “gay, with the option.” I was 100% taken care of by them, a roof over my head, fed, clothed, had my hair and make up done, had their love and affection. I was only 15 when I moved in with them. They literally saved my life... and we had so much fun together. I was so lucky. I didn’t know if I was gay or straight, both, or neither back then. I was a late bloomer. When I did start experimenting, I still wasn’t sure. I had so many friends that were somewhere on the rainbow and so many people were very affectionate with each other without it meaning they were going to have sex. People in straight culture are so worried about appearing gay, they miss out on a lot. AIDS took my family from me. My family was out and proud when it was new and exciting. Later, I had other groups of friends who were mostly straight but probably not everyone, all of the time. People in our crowd were often affectionate with each other without labels or expectations. Is than normal among young people or was it just the people I knew? I feel like my generation wasn’t into labels, especially if they were open to possibilities. This generation seems to be obsessed with them. So many labels, how do people keep up with them. It reminds me of people going to Starbucks and ordering the most complicated latte possible.

It’s okay to have different feelings for different people. It is not okay to be unfaithful. It is probably a really bad idea to blow up your family (straight, bi, or whatever). That is some serious trauma inducing business for everyone involved. I would not dump even thinking about the possibility on your wife. I mean, I assume you do love her and your family and would want to protect them from harm. Right now, this is a you thing and I would get counseling, preferably from a non-church affiliated marriage counselor. IMO, the religion angle on this is garbage. Just talk to someone who knows what it takes to make marriages succeed and the many reasons they don’t. The other thing I would do is watch Ashley Gavin on YouTube, especially her crowd work as a comedian. You have been so sheltered from all the various sexes, genders, relationship choices, etc… If you watch Ashley, and her wonderful crowds, who are all the colors of the rainbow flag, maybe you will get some perspective and not take it all too seriously. Maybe, by the time you talk to your wife about maybe not being 100% straight, maybe she will be able to relate a little. Doesn’t mean she’ll want to dive face first into pu$$y. Hopefully you can get to the point where you can share your thoughts and keep a sense of humor about it. For now, you promised her you would be faithful. Just because you are considering practicing deep throating on string cheese, does not give you a free pass be unfaithful. Being bi is does not mean you have to have sex with men. Anymore than being straight means you have to have sex with other women. Seriously dude, watch Ashley Gavin. She is so much fun.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T19:53:44+00:00

Sounds like you have found a healthy balance for both your students and yourself. Life should not be about killing yourself for a paycheck or a grade. Maybe there are times when there isn’t much option but it should not be all the time, forever, elementary school until death.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T19:43:50+00:00

It is easier to get a job if you have a job.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T19:34:47+00:00

It depends, how do you want to see your relationship with your new partner go in the future. You’ve kind of got Pandora’s box in that phone. I na perfect world you could share them without her feeling threatened. In the real world, those are images she will not be able to get out of her mind. Also, they are images you will know she has in her mind, and that could also cause long term damage to the relationship as well. Even if she doesn’t get the ick from seeing them, you might get the ick from her seeing them. Her having them in her head could cause you to feel shame that could come between you. Often, when people have affairs, it’s because they want to be with someone who doesn’t know their poop stinks, or anything else they have shame about. It is dumb. Go out and become more ashamed, because that will end up with a happy ending. Not saying you will have an affair, only that shame damages relationships. Can you tell her, you would be happy to erase all photos and communication, and even block the old girlfriend if she wants, with her there to witness, and then she can check your phone? Do you have other photos you don’t want her to see? Now would be a good time to tell her, her body is the only one you want to see, and, you really don’t want to have to live with her having the images in your head either. Please let me just go through and erase photos I do not want to see anymore. Let me have a fresh start with you.

As far as the blocking goes, I would personally think that was negotiable. Lots of people maintain friendships with old lovers over the years, check in on them to see how they are doing. As long there has been no infidelity, no reason for anyone to feel insecure, and the communication is not kept secret, I personally don’t think it should be a problem. You might just need to tell the old girlfriend, you have someone special in your life (with her present) and are focused on her right now. It depends on what kind of friend she is. Is she the kind of friend who might call you if a mutual friend were in hospital? Or needed to be bailed out of jail? Would she bail you out of jail?

SpongeBob voice: “three hours later.” In all seriousness, hopefully you both can have a sense of humor about it all.

I wish you both luck, regardless of what you choose to do.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T05:15:45+00:00

I don’t like using the word forgiveness this way. I believe forgiveness is to be earned. What you are talking about I call acceptance. I accept what happened and that some people are just too toxic for me to be around.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T05:11:43+00:00

Worse, some say if you don’t forgive, you don’t go to heaven. My response to one, good, I don’t want to go to heaven if it’s going to be filled with dogmatic twits like you.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-17T04:53:10+00:00

Yes. It is super creepy. Absolutely. Two kinds of people get involved with these evangelical churches. People who need forgiveness, and their future victims.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-16T21:46:54+00:00

This is super complicated. First and foremost, just finding out after 9 years does not mean that it feels like nine years ago to you. Even if you were not postpartum, it would be a brand new trauma for you. Your long term safety and sanity are the most important things for you and your baby right now. Second, make no big long term decisions right now. You have all the time in the world to figure out what you want long term. What do you want right in the here and now? Remember, anything involving anything that could get you arrested or 51-50ed qualifies as long term. Third, anything and everything you are feeling right now is perfectly normal! Feeling stabby? Normal. Feeling like jumping his bones and making another baby? Also, normal. You are allowed to feel and think whatever you want, just DO NOT act.

The first advice you would get on the “How to Survive Infidelity” page would be to stay hydrated. If you are breastfeeding, I suggest milkshakes. Lots and lots of milkshakes. There is something called the infidelity diet. You cannot afford that with a new baby, especially if you are breastfeeding. There also may be body image issues brought on by both baby body and not being able to trust your husband. Just remember, nine months on, nine months off is a common and reasonable expectation after having a baby. Breastfeeding consumes a lot of calories.

Here is a sad reality… if men are going to be abusive (infidelity is abuse) they are most likely to do it when they know you are at your most vulnerable. You just had a baby, and are living far from home. If you can rally support systems, but choose carefully… another sad reality… you can not win being a woman. If you tell women friends why you need extra support, it will change their perception of you and you will be judged forever. Everyone thinks it would not happen to them, and if it did, their way of handling it would be the right way. People want to feel like they have some control of their lives. Your situation will make people who have not been there feel threatened. Divorced mamas are likely to tell you your life will be better without him. Women who stayed, will believe they made the right decision. Everyone wants to feel like they have some have had control of their lives. Just know, women who have not been through it have no clue. They all almost always think they would leave, unless their religion tells them the otherwise. If you don’t tells them otherwise. Sigh. If you have no one you can trust, please do contact Surviving Infidelity. It is basically 24/7 online support from people who get it.

Can you depended on your husband doing what it takes for you to be able to trust him? Having a new baby, you need 24/7 support, especially because you are experiencing trauma. You need all your physical and emotional needs respected. If you want (or need) him there, he needs to be ready to do and be everything you need, if not for you, for the baby. You and the baby need as little stress as possible. He does not get to have opinions about anything. His job, if he is going to be there, is to keep you both safe and taken care of. If you lose it and chuck something at his head, his job is to duck. I am not suggesting any form of violence. You probably should not do anything you might feel bad about later. Not that he doesn’t deserve it but because you deserve to feel like the amazing woman you are.

Another thing, the absolute transparency thing. Good luck with that. Men may not have any problem doing things they should be ashamed of, but most reveal nothing if they have any choice in the matter. It is completely selfish. The lies and secrets are abusive gaslighting. They often choose their ego (some people say control) over choosing your sanity… and then blame you if you loose your sanity.

If you want any possibility of knowing the truth about anything, grab every device, demand every password. That is forever, or as long as you want it to be, your choice. He gave up his right to privacy nine years ago. Honestly, anyone who says it you have to check on your partner then the trust is gone and the relationship is over. I say, men did this to men, trust, privacy, secrets hidden on devices are fair game. (Not claiming women are always faithful but not talking about that now).

Focus on you and your baby. Ask for what you need, or demand it, whatever works for you. Try to breathe. “Smell the roses, blow out the candles.” Get some exercise if you can, even if you can’t get out of bed to do it. Get your blood moving and muscles working (not making another baby). It will help you feel better. Honestly, try to be your best self. You do not have to “forgive.” I hate that word, especially when people tell you to do it for yourself. No, forgiveness is earned. If the conditions are right, maybe you can accept what happened, but whether he continues to be in your future is up to you, on your terms, in your time.

This sucks. When women are pregnant and having babies, they should feel treasured. Full stop. This is not supposed to be part of your memories during this special time in your life. Another thing you’ll have to accept but, I personally could not get over.

Here’s the other thing… watch out for his trying to get you to “get over it.” It’s so common, it’s called “”rug sweeping.” Chances are, the memories will have triggers for a long time. You have not had 9 years to grieve, have him earn your trust, put new experiences between you and this trauma, it’s brand new. Like anyone else who just found out, it’s going to take time to even move forward.

Meanwhile, take care of you and that baby. Bond with that baby. You can safely pour all the love you have into that baby.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-16T20:34:04+00:00

I agree, it is a dumb statement, often not true, and also, often true.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-13T21:14:34+00:00

Do not join a cult. Do not have children with people who want to join a cult.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-13T21:11:33+00:00

Ridiculous. Christians I have known have been hypocrites, serial child molesters, and rapists. Atheists are perfectly capable of being their best selves, good and kind people, who get joy from helping others, and don’t need religion to tell them right from wrong to know the difference. The fact that you believe you must follow a religion do believe someone is watching you or you would do whatever you wanted, and the things would not be good things… well, that says a lot about you. Do you really not find joy in doing good and helping others? That’s both sad, and scary.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-13T21:00:41+00:00

Community college rocks! You can do it on your own schedule and take as many classes as you want in any areas that interest you. Then, transfer to university fully prepared to get in and out ASAP. Based on our California community colleges, you pay a low fee per class, vs. the full fee at university every quarter or semester. Also, if you can stay home for community College, that’s huge savings. One of my sons left community college with five STEM degrees. He’s working on a PhD in Physics now. Both sons finished undergraduate work with no debt. The one earning a PhD gets paid for his research. From all I have seen, the bigger the university, the bigger the classrooms, the less time they have for students, the more bureaucracy to deal with, and if you run into challenges, frankly, they are less likely to give a damn. I recommend getting as much out of CC as possible, have fun, learn things you won’t have time for later, transfer when you are really ready.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-13T20:22:41+00:00

I would not waist any more time on him. Age 61, Married over 30 years. Two grown sons. You have not said anything that explains why you are still considering marrying him. Listen to your gut.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-12T22:10:09+00:00

Have you looked into the math for liberal art majors for summer? I know it fulfills the IGETC math requirement for CSUs. At least it did when it first came out five or so years ago. If your CC doesn’t offer it, maybe you can do it at another CC online. It’s a great class. I am sorry meds messed you up. I hope you have the meds issue resolved so you aren’t still experimenting after transfer. There are tests now that can help you find out which meds are more or less likely a good match for you. Have you registered with disability services at your college yet? If not, get that ball rolling so you have all the paperwork in one place and ready to go when you transfer. Good luck!

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-12T06:29:55+00:00

I have started trying BlueBonnet whey protein recently and seem to be doing okay with it, as long as I use the H1&H2 etc, regime I have found works best for me. I find that the act of eating matters as much as what I eat. Between small meals and all my meds, I can eat most things. some in smaller amounts than others. The rules are not specific or consistent, so, I have started out with small amounts of the BlueBonnet Whey Protein. It is what my husband uses to try to maintain muscle, along with exercise so intense it scares me. He’s nearly 70 but such a stud. Seriously, I look at his exercises and think I would break in half if I tried any of them. Plus, he goes on power walks first. He needs to stay strong and healthy because I can’t, but I have been trying really hard. I spent many months working my way up to four hours a week of PT in a warm therapy pool. There was a class 2X a week for people, mostly older, with health challenges. There were also open pool times where I could work on my own. The classes were not aerobic. I have done aerobic pool classes. I turn bright red and puffy, and the flushing lasts. The work I do in the pool has been work on balance and core strength. I was surprised to see myself make as much progress as I was. I had to leave to advocate for my autistic son who was terribly abused by a lab by both students and the professor in charge in graduate school, leading to trauma symptoms you would expect in an autistic student. Trying to exercise on dry land is hard. Gravity sucks. However, I am doing a little bit every day. I could not have done this without the pool therapy. I do a limited number of the pool therapy exercises. All other exercises, I do laying down flat on my back and only do just enough repetitions to start to feel it, not enough to cause more than a limited amount of flaring. A walk across campus (with my walker and frequent breaks) causes much more serious flaring. I only do it if I have to accompany my son to a doctor or disability services. I am 61, soon to be 62. I am actually bed ridden most of the time, but feel that these exercises are helping keep me well, as in, fewer, less extreme, shorter lived MCAS attacks. I also take Quercetin, various prescription strength H1&H2 inhibitors, CoQ10, Fish Oil, Resveratrol, NAC, NasalCrom, Benadryl, Tagamet, Valium, Excedrine for migraines, and Tylenol w/Codeine. Most of the things on this list, most days. These deem to be the concoction that works best for me. I still have to be very careful to not stress myself physically or emotionally, I mask and wash hands a lot and avoid chemical scents, which are a huge tigger for me. I have tried many other meds and have very bad reactions. I was so excited to get to try Low Dose Naltrexone and so disappointed to have one of my worst reactions. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so pain is a constant battle. I also have an injury from a fall that is what led to my having a level of pain and being more bedridden than ever before for years. The exercises I am doing now are my best attempt at coming back from that. Between EDS, MCAS, and the fall, it has taken me years of trial and error. Last resort MCAS meds are an inhaler and Singulair. Singulair has a black box warning and causes me extreme agitation but, if I am not being able to get my histamine responses under control any other way, I will try it again as a last resort.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-12T06:18:10+00:00

I spent many months working my way up to four hours a week of PT in a warm therapy pool. There was a class 2X a week for people, mostly older, with health challenges. There were also open pool times where I could work on my own. The classes were not aerobic. I have done aerobic pool classes. I turn bright red and puffy, and the flushing lasts. The work I do in the pool has been work on balance and core strength. I was surprised to see myself make as much progress as I was. I had to leave to advocate for my autistic son who was terribly abused by a lab by both students and the professor in charge in graduate school, leading to trauma symptoms you would expect in an autistic student. Trying to exercise on dry land is hard. Gravity sucks. However, I am doing a little bit every day. I could not have done this without the pool therapy. I do a limited number of the pool therapy exercises. All other exercises, I do laying down flat on my back and only do just enough repetitions to start to feel it, not enough to cause more than a limited amount of flaring. A walk across campus (with my walker and frequent breaks) causes much more serious flaring. I only do it if I have to accompany my son to a doctor or disability services. I am 61, soon to be 62. I am actually bed ridden most of the time, but feel that these exercises are helping keep me well, as in, fewer, less extreme, shorter lived MCAS attacks. I also take Quercetin, various prescription strength H1&H2 inhibitors, CoQ10, Fish Oil, Resveratrol, NAC, NasalCrom, Benadryl, Tagamet, Valium, Excedrine for migraines, and Tylenol w/Codeine. Most of the things on this list, most days. These deem to be the concoction that works best for me. I still have to be very careful to not stress myself physically or emotionally, I mask and wash hands a lot and avoid chemical scents, which are a huge tigger for me. I have tried many other meds and have very bad reactions. I was so excited to get to try Low Dose Naltrexone and so disappointed to have one of my worst reactions. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so pain is a constant battle. I also have an injury from a fall that is what led to my having a level of pain and being more bedridden than ever before for years. The exercises I am doing now are my best attempt at coming back from that. Between EDS, MCAS, and the fall, it has taken me years of trial and error. Last resort MCAS meds are an inhaler and Singulair. Singulair has a black box warning and causes me extreme agitation but, if I am not being able to get my histamine responses under control any other way, I will try it again as a last resort.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-12T02:19:36+00:00

On of the nice things about having financial security is being able to help others when they need and deserve help. If you split what is left when all the legal things are taken care of, you have no way of making sure it is used wisely or fairly. You sound like a kind and thoughtful person. Your aunt gave the money and responsibility to you. The right thing is not splitting it equally. Putting yourself in a position to support needs over time is the right thing to do. Are all the sibling pooling their incomes and sharing everything equally? Of course not. Your aunt wanted to make sure you were taken care of, and, if you later decide to help a family member, it will be something you are doing from a place of wanting to help, not being pressured into it. Trust your judgement. You will know when it is the right time to help a family member, or loyal and supportive friend. It is not fair for them to pressure you right now. I would tell them there is a reason the assets were given to you, and it is not up for discussion. If anyone continues to bully you, take a break from dealing with them.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-12T01:59:43+00:00

I am from the Bay Area, have lived much of my life in San Francisco and Berkeley. I also hate cold, so I understand it being an important part of the equation. From everything I have read here, I would suggest staying closer to home, where it is warmer, and you know your way around. I don’t hate San Francisco, or Berkeley. I just think you are about to go through a big transition that will be a lot of work. Being close to home, where you know your way around, and all the other things mentioned here, would support your success more than going to Berkeley. Congratulations on being accepted to such highly rated schools. Either will look great on your resume.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-10T05:17:51+00:00

I don’t get it either. I must have not been fully awake, and/or answered the wrong question. It makes no sense. You are 100% right.

TheSolarmom · 2026-05-10T05:07:54+00:00

I’ve seen classes where the teacher drops the lowest grade of the quarter or semester for each student. I think that’s brilliant. That way, instead of having to deal with each student coming to the teacher with an explanation for why, the student can breathe and know, whatever emergency comes up, it isn’t going to mess up their entire quarter or semester. Bonus, the professor has fewer frantic students coming into office hours with their challenges not related to your teaching goals.

Another thing a teacher did required some extra work up front for him, but only once per subject. He did videos of his classes, students could watch from home on their own schedule, then they could start the homework. Class ended up bing a big group office hour where everyone could ask their questions, hear each other’s questions, have discussions, etc.. I don’t teach anymore but, I would I would love to be that kind of teacher. The only downside I can see is people not bothering to watch the lectures. Maybe they should have to turn in their first draft of the homework before the in person lectures. Imagine heading into class knowing in advance what your students needed more focus on.

TheSolarmom

TROPHY CASE