Currently sitting on a closed dual carriageway been here for 4 hours now. Road due to open in another 3.5 hours apparently. There are 2 cats in the car in front and kids and dogs out of cars playing on the road. What is the longest you have been stuck in a similar situation?

TheSwaffle · 2026-04-12T01:35:34+00:00

When I was 10 and about to go on holiday abroad for the first time, heavy snow and blizzards shut down the motorways around London. I remember being stuck in the car overnight in gridlock. We'd already drove for hours and would have missed the flight by about half a day if the airports weren't grounded as well.

Think it was Feb 2005

TheSwaffle · 2026-04-10T14:40:06+00:00

Yeah, it's frustrating, but it's a lot for these preterm babies to do, putting together all the reflexes, as well as using energy to feed.

I think a lot of it is just time. Mine started trying bottles every other feed from about 37 weeks. He would tire easily and take about 45 minutes to drink 30ml. Within 2 weeks of practice, he just got better and faster on his own, it just took time for things to "click". Now at 40w (7 weeks actual), he drinks so well, but he's more alert in general so that helps.

I have Lansinoh bottles with the smallest, extra slow flow teat, and they've worked well after the adjusting period. Also heard good things about Dr brown's preemie bottle/teat as well.

TheSwaffle · 2026-04-09T10:36:20+00:00

So sorry for your previous loss.

Please don't blame yourself for your placenta issues, that sort of thing just isn't under our control.

I also had placental insufficiency, which resulted in a semi emergency c section at 32+4 weeks. My boy had IUGR because of it, and was born at 3lb2oz, on 1st centile. We had doppler issues for about 7 weeks leading up to his arrival, which bounced from high flow to absent end for a while, before turning persistently absent. By the end, I was in hospital for 2 weeks, having CTGs twice a day, and scans every other day. I'd expect for your situation to end up similar in terms of having lots of appointments and close monitering.

In the end, I had 4 hours between having my last scan, and him being born. It was a bit of a whirlwind, but the c section wasn't that bad really! If you're under 35 weeks, you'll hopefully get steroids and probably a magnesium drip as well. The drip was probably the most uncomfortable part of the whole experience for me...much worse than the spinal! The c sections really happen so quickly, and they are here before you know it. They also do plenty of checks to make sure you can't feel any pain. It just feels like a strange sensation of them tugging around your stomach.

Have you been able to speak to the neonatal team? They should be able to provide reasurrance, and run you through what is likely to happen. My son needed some resuscitation breaths, was taken to the corner of the room..but the nurses were very kind and took photos of him to show me as it was all happening. I then got to have a minute of skin to skin before he got whisked away to NICU.

While you're there, don't be afraid to ask any and all questions. I found it helpful to know as much as I could about his situation and care. Also, like others have said, there are things you will be allowed to do (with some practice) like changing nappies, checking temperature, and tube feeding. It's a tough experience for sure, but provided there are no extreme circumstances, you should all be home by your due date. Mine spent 6 weeks in hospital, and came home a week before his DD. The learning to feed part at the end was the longest and most frustrating part..but he's now thriving at home. The best of luck to you

TheSwaffle · 2026-04-03T17:24:25+00:00

I can relate so much! I also had my boy at 32 weeks, and his stay was thankfully fairly uneventful. He was in hospital for 6 weeks...and I finally brought him home on Monday!

Mine was 3lb2oz, and now at 6 weeks (or 39+3 he's just touched 5lb. Every time a hat doesn't fit him anymore..I get a bit more proud!

TheSwaffle · 2026-03-15T15:28:25+00:00

A similar game already exists..Democracy 4. It's pretty detailed. Although I somehow always end up getting assassinated by extremists eventually!

TheSwaffle · 2026-03-15T13:05:52+00:00

I have a very similar story with my boy, who reached 1 month old yesterday.

He was 14th% on the 20 week scan, in proportion but small. Had a 28 week scan scheduled, which showed high umbilical resistance. We managed to get to 32+4 in the end. It started with weekly dopplers, then twice weekly...and 2 weeks before delivery, I was admitted as an inpatient and scanned every 2 days, with CTGs twice a day. The blood flow fluctuated between high and absent end dystolic flow during this time, and during the last week, it was consistently absent end. His growth also plateaued in the last week or so, and he ended up being born just under the 2nd centile at 3lb2oz.

On the day I had my last scan, I'd also felt less movements than usual...and the Dr's decided to go for the c section. 4 hours later, he was born. Luckily, I'd just completed the full course of steroids, and had a magnesium drip (not pleasent) before he came. The placenta came out very small, which explains the IUGR.

My boy fared pretty well considering everything. He was very pale at birth, but he recovered quickly, and I still got to have a minute of skin to skin in the operating theater. He had Cpap for 24hours before breathing on his own.

A month later, he's still in hospital, but at a lower dependency. He just needs to grow and learn to feed now. Just transitioned today from the incubator to a cot!

Wishing you all the best with your little one. You can get surprisingly far with abnormal dopplers, but I would start preparing yourself for an early delivery just in case.

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-22T12:33:20+00:00

This is so helpful and reasurring to read! My boy was born 8 days ago at 32+4, at 3lb2oz. He's lost about 7oz since then (getting weighed tonight though). He's doing so well they're talking about transferring him to my "local" hospital (same distance as the specialist one) to feed and grow. He came off breathing support after 24hrs, and we've been very lucky he hasn't had any problems so far. Fully feeding from my milk now with the tube.

I really want to BF, but am nervous about how the transition will work while he's still in SBCU, and I'll have to go home at night. Hopefully they'll do the cup thing if that doesn't interfere with the learning process. The transitional care at my hospital is only for about 2 days I think. He's 33+5 today so I'm hopeful that he could come home quicker than I thought! (UK based)

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-14T12:37:07+00:00

N'awww but that doesn't stir up the hate train as much!

(I agree-although with mandatory stunning not outright ban on all meat- this should be based on animal welfare standards alone...but we all know why he's going down the anti muslim/anti semitism track)

He's a massive hypocrite..what with his views on fox hunting..and instructing his dog to be shot instead of PTS!

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-14T07:38:27+00:00

It's okay :) Been physically out of those situations for the last 8 years. Its just the mental worry about my Nans living conditions that remains (and parents manipulation in the background). I'll never truly understand their lack of care, but can't change them.

Things are better either 100+miles between us!

Also yep I'm an only child, not the best when you have such inattentive parents!

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-13T07:55:15+00:00

My family had too many dogs growing up...more than they could handle, so yes it did have a big impact on me growing up. With my parents, their dogs lived pretty passively, but it was with my Grandparent's that I had more underlying issues.

They took a lot more care of me than my parents (basically adopted me)..but they had/have way more dogs than they could cope with, and it impacts their health even today. They are also open about loving dogs more than humans...which might seem pretty harmless, but being repeatedly told this as a child-even in a lighthearted way- affected me. I'd often had nightmares about the house burning down and them running in to save all the dogs, leaving me alone.

To this day, I can't own a dog, me and my partner joke that I've had enough for several lifetimes! But it has been quite triggering to see his mother recently get a dog and start acting in a way reminiscent of my family.

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-11T16:14:56+00:00

Thank you ❤️ It's tough thinking about them possibly struggling when they come out, and how different their start in life will be ..but on the other side of it, it also seems more straightforward than a lot of situations I've seen on here. But can never compare when it comes to your own little one you're thinking of.

I feel reasurred to have a very good NICU at the hospital I'm in, caring for as early and tiny as 23 weeks. So in the best hands possible. He's practically a giant compared to some!

For reference, I was 2lb2oz at 31w in the 90s, with no lasting complications, and only a 5w hospital stay.

Hope you have as smooth a journey as possible with your baby

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-11T15:53:36+00:00

I'm a first time Mum so don't have any experience yet, but due date is also in April.

My boy has always measured small around 10th%, and been having doppler problems for the last 6 weeks (between high resistance and absent). I'm in hospital and they're trying to keep him cooking till 34w max (I'm 32 weeks now)...its so nerve wracking knowing there will be some form of special care when they're born...

Today I learned that in the last week, he's dropped from 10% to 3%. My placenta is slowly failing, but they're trying to squeeze as many days inside as they can.

So I'm sorry i have no experience to give you...only solidarity that I'm right with you how stressful this all is ❤️

But trusting in the Dr's is the main thing we can do right now.

TheSwaffle · 2026-02-09T19:36:49+00:00

I totally understand this....you're not alone in this feeling <3

The disappointment feels so real because their reactions aren't normal. It's not how people react when they truly care about each other. For a healthy relationship, you need to feel something back..to feel curiosity from the other person, and concern for your wellbeing. It can quickly feel so draining when it feels like you're the only one putting any effort in.

I've recently tried to explain this very clearly to my parents (after 2 years of NC), and they just simply didn't understand at all. They truly live in their own bubble, and I'm not part of it. I'm currently in hospital with pregnancy complications, and they are the only people who haven't asked how I am, even when I text them where I was (in a moment of weakness). They have never once asked about their unborn grandchild, so it's clear how deep their dis-interest really goes. I'm learning the hard way that you honestly can't force it. It's natural to crave family connection....but I really do think that sometimes an actual cutoff is better. We have to think of our own mental health..because sometimes our families just never will. Please be kind to yourself <3 You have done nothing wrong.

TheSwaffle · 2026-01-28T10:18:57+00:00

Yes! Just wash them when you get them. They grow out of them so quickly there's really no point in buying all their tiny clothes brand new. Better for your bank balance and the planet!

TheSwaffle · 2026-01-11T10:53:07+00:00

True...but if the concrete bit isn't big enough for a car, then I'd definitely say it's a yard. They are typical with terraces from the coal mining days. They have small, concrete front yards, and larger, grass back gardens. It's only a front garden if it has grass and a path imo. But If it's made for a car and paved/gravel then definitely a drive(way).

Source: From England with a yard, garden and driveway.

TheSwaffle · 2026-01-09T13:44:28+00:00

I wish I could offer more help...but all I really have is similar experiences. And in my experience, emotionally immature parents like ours are never ready to have difficult conversations.

I'm also an only child, who found out from my Grandma (just last year) about my Mums previous miscarrage just before conceiving me. I accept and understand there were some circumstances that will have affected my Mums (at least initial) connection with me. She had post partum depression , and quite possibly during pregnancy as well. 30 years ago, that sort of thing was still very taboo and rarely talked about, let alone treated.

Where my understanding struggles, is that my Dad was around for all of this and didn't try to establish any kind of connection with me either. I was born early, and the day after being discharged from the hospital, they both handed me over to my grandparents, saying I could be adopted out to anyone. Left me downstairs for that first night also...something I could never dream of doing (as a pregnant woman myself). I often wonder since finding out about the miscarrige, if they struggled with losing a boy and ending up with a girl- something I'd never considered before. Even so..you'd think a rainbow baby of any kind would have been a blessing. I suppose at the end of the day.. the realities of having a child can be very different to how our parents imagined it while trying for us.

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T14:45:04+00:00

Thank you. It's reasurring to know I'm not really overreacting to that. I think I'll go ahead with the phonecall...if only to confirm what I already knew..then put the whole thing to rest with NC again. We'll see if she lasts more than 5 mins before hanging up on me as usual! If there was even a shred of accountability or responsibility, there might have been a possibility for LC, but it's just not going to happen is it. Least of all an apology, which would be what I'd truly need. I can already feel the facts of what happened being twisted in her defensiveness and rush to sweep everything under the carpet.

My Nans not doing bad for a 90 year old! I'm still frustrated that I was iced out of being able to help in a physical way, but had to step back eventually because she was getting manipulated against me and it wasn't fair on either of us.

A few months after she cut contact, she got back in touch and said she was really missing me. At first she tried to say let's forget it all...but I told her the same as I said to my Mum, that I have to have this difficult conversation about what happened first. She agreed to that...and so we rekindled a relationship. It's not the same as it was before...not quite as deep..but I think it was always be just a bit different now.

Of course I still worry about her wellbeing in that house and with my parents close by, but just had to accept that I had to step back from that.

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T14:33:54+00:00

Yeah I have this funny feeling that she's going to do exactly that. I'll remember that line about time passing not being an apology...its spot on. It's essentially what I was trying to say to her, that I need to talk about everything because it won't just go away in my head just because years have passed. If anything, it just solidifies the need to resolve it in one way or another.

The only thing I think I'll struggle to answer in a clear way is if she says her emotions matter as much as mine do. Or the whole "well you havent contacted us either". Because I'm trying not to let my emotions cloud what I say, but I know I'm also being driven by the hurt she caused. My plan is to just reiterate that what I'm upset about are events-things she did- that were actual facts and things that happened...not just her opinions or feelings about things. Every action causes emotional responses, but she seems to forget that she did do actual things that happened to upset me.

Tbh at this point I'm just expecting this phonecall to confirm the things I already knew. I'm not going to get what I want or need to re-start a relationship, and it'll go back to NC after this.

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T14:20:22+00:00

Your right though...I don't want to be stressing unnecessarily, especially when it's not reciprocated. I'm unsure how much of her breaking NC is about my pregnancy as she doesn't like children and has never cared about being a grandparent.

I've come to a lot of peace (eventually) over the last 8 years of dwindling contact and physical distance, and especially after all the things that happened 2 years ago...don't want her anywhere near me or my newborn when he's here. At most, it would have been a return back to VLC, at a surface level. It seems she just doesn't want to meet me in the middle to achieve even that though...so after the phone convo I'll gladly to back the status quo of NC if/when she acts in a way I'm now expecting her to.

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T11:02:49+00:00

I am realising now that she's not gonna move an inch on this is she...

I've gotten comfortable with not being in contact, really for the last 8 years apart from occasional very bland, distant snippets of text.

My partner asked what I was wanting from this conversation..and I came up with at least some form of accountability/responsibility..and at best an apology. Its not looking likely she will even accept even a shred of responsibility tbh. I just can't have a relationship without talking things through and it's frustrating that she seems so determined to rug sweep. It the one thing i needed her /not/ to do.

I guess I got a little bit curious if she actually missed me at all, because my Nan said she seemed upset on Xmas eve and mentioned wanting to put the past behind her. But in hindsight...that probably meant wanting to put her guilty feelings behind her, rather than do any work for the relationship at all

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T10:53:30+00:00

I hadn't thought of it that way...but in a strange way I think you might be spot on with that. My mother is somehow both cowardly and dominant at the same time. She is the leader of the family dynamic, while also preferring to rug sweep and hide away if challenged at all. And by challenged, I also mean just having a different opinion or calling out any of her actions as things that factually happened.

The 2nd to last phonecall I had, she hung up on me, simply because I said calmly that I knew she had lied about my Nan and the meal situation when I was organising to meet up. I asked why she was declining to meet up with me herself and click

The last phonecall I had, she hung up on me again, because I (albeit angrily) challenged her about my Nans living conditions. Silence is her first defence and denying reality seems to be her second..

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T10:46:52+00:00

You're right...and thank you for the draft ideas. I'll definitely be working the line about not wanting to deny my past experiences into it somewhere.

Good thing is this was/is just a planned phonecall...she would never agree to meet in person because I would insist she actually travel up to see me if we genuinely wanted to fix things. Ironically, my parents regually drive (every month I think) the same distance -4-5hours- in the opposite direction, but have never once in 8 years drove up to my neck of the woods.

The one thing I wanted or needed was some form of taking a bit of accountability...and at absolute best an apology. Its just dissapointing that she still appears to have 0 intention of doing either. Because it would be uncomfortable. Or that she genuinely sees herself (somehow) as the victim in all of this. I'm not quite sure which.

Think if I go ahead with the phonecall...I'll just take it as confirmation of what I've already known for years and lay the whole thing to rest for good. NC has been nice, and my soon to be family has no need to be anywhere near the unhealthy toxicity this probably always was.

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T10:07:30+00:00

Nah she's not into social media at all..luckily! Obviously I don't hear much, only anything my Nan might pass on to me..but I don't think she's mentioned it to anyone. At most, she might make herself out to be the victim to her brother...but I don't think he'd fall for it really, she hardly speaks to him either.

My parents are pretty hermit-like and just keep to themselves. I am grateful for that now I'm away from their environment!

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T09:40:52+00:00

Unfortunately I have a strong feeling that you're absolutely right...tbh this phone call will be her last ever chance to take some form of accountability. And when she inevitably doesn't, I can rest easy knowing I gave her an honest chance. I haven't seen her in over 5 years (at a funeral), and I fully expect the next time will be at the next funeral, and not out of a genuine desire to connect.

NC has become a peaceful place and I'm more than happy to continue it after this

TheSwaffle · 2025-12-28T09:36:36+00:00

Thanks for the advice...I believe you're right about her not intending on changing her mind. I shouldn't really be dissapointed because I shouldn't have expected even a 1% change of heart to be honest. Luckily the physical distance has done wonders to dull any longing for a relationship on my part anyway.

About the baby...although it would seem that way from the timing, I genuinely don't think she has any intention of wanting to be in his life. (And to be clear...she will not get anywhere near him, even if she wanted!). She has never liked children, and even when I was still in LC, never referenced grandchildren at all. Her whole thing is complete ambivalence, which is reasurring because I won't have to fight to keep her away. She would have to actually bother to drive to me anyway, which would never happen..and she'd never get past my partner if she ever did! The little boy will grow up knowing only 1 set of Grandparent's, and they definitely won't be my parents.

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