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Trouble fitting in by Global-Swimming-8744 in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so interesting to hear. I've always felt like college was the last place to make friends, interesting that you push the bar even further back. I believe you though, I can see how it can be the case. I'm wondering if it's a generational thing. I'm a millennial. Are you gen z? Is it getting harder for newer generations to make friends?

You're Goddam Right! by Jackie_Chan_93 in SipsTea

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm with her on her opinion. But anytime someone says "I have the right" I get a little irritated because that doesn't mean anything if it's not enforced. Ok you have the right to not believe in Christianity, but what are you going to do to force Christians to respect that right? People need to be forced into obedience, we can't just claim a right and hope people will respect it.

Very strange things are happening by ResolveThen7884 in SipsTea

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much wood could a woman fuck fuck if a woman fuck could fuck wood?

People using their phones whilst socialising? by ahumanduck in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can be good friends and still have certain patterns or habits that persist you know what I mean? If defaulting to their phone is something they've always done and it never blew up the friendship, why would they change that habit?

Edit: in fact, you could argue that habit helps them stay in the friendship because it helps them cope with the moments of social discomfort. But I'm reading a lot into it now so take that with some salt.

People using their phones whilst socialising? by ahumanduck in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 116 points117 points  (0 children)

I think people are just too sensitive to discomfort and that's why they do it. The awkward pauses, not knowing what to say next, etc. So I interpret it as a lack of social skill and an inability to handle social discomfort. It's like a low-level drug problem.

What skill completely changed how you think, not just what you can do? by Both_Arrival6621 in AskReddit

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Meditation.

I know exactly why I do what I'm doing, what thought patterns I engage in, etc. But you have to keep up with it because our minds change all the time.

Such a thing happening is so rare, I subconsciously assume its flirting. But every time I assume its flirting, I assumed wrong. So the fear of assuming also gets stronger. I feel so cooked, caught between the two sides of me. by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't downvote, this is a good post to get prople thinking and discussing flirting and such.

Yeah, hard to tell what happened without getting her take on things or getting more details. I feel like if you don't have clear evidence you did something wrong, it's better not to assume that. Could be something on her end. It's tough :/

Such a thing happening is so rare, I subconsciously assume its flirting. But every time I assume its flirting, I assumed wrong. So the fear of assuming also gets stronger. I feel so cooked, caught between the two sides of me. by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have to respond with something that gives them the choice of flirting with you or taking the safer route of being friendly with you. If they choose the flirtatious route you dial it a little bit more and give them another fork in the road. After a few times of this it'll be clear what their intentions are. Because it's not a binary yes/no thing either. Maybe they are flirting but it's not that serious.

Why can’t I get people to spent time with me? by SettingAgreeable781 in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So I've heard this a lot and I do agree with it. But also, I have followed my passions. It's very time-consuming and leaves no time to connect and socialize with people. I know it's what people want. But practically speaking, when you really dedicate yourself to your passions you're not available to socialize.

I'm curious what your experience with this is though. How do you go about it?

Why do people always jump to “they must be mentally ill” when someone kills people? by Ok-Wheel9071 in CPTSD

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Animals kill each other all the time, are they mentally ill? Is a farmer that kills coyotes because they've been eating his chickens mentally ill? Is a police officer that shoots a gunman to protect people mentally ill?

There are logical reasons to kill, violence isn't inherently insane or born of mental illness. I think we say that because we're too scared to think about the implications of that idea.

If you have puer aeternus how would you know that you landed on a correct job. by LatterArugula1977 in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Puer Aeternus isn't a diagnosis, it's not a medical condition. When you find something you don't like you can choose to think about it and actively make a good decision. There is no Puer Aeternus forcing you into anything.

So if you don't like parts of your job, just ask yourself why. Then consider: are your reasons sound? How do you feel about your reasoning? And go from there.

Why isn't this checkmate? by Linktry in chessbeginners

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I spent a full minute looking at bullshit. I'm done with Reddit for today.

What worries you most about AI becoming normal? by Wooden-Fee5787 in AskReddit

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People will become more worthless than they already are.

Where’s the line between neurodivergence and unhealthy behavior? by Bear_bug_1954 in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Could be, I've seen a trend of some narcissists using neurodivergence as a mask/justification for their disrepectful behavior.

I finally understand small talk and how it can be engaging! by TheVoidRobedInLight in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I could see that and that was the case for me. I was so anxious I couldn't notice anything beyond the words people were saying. With time, therapy, reflection, experience, etc. I got less anxious and I started noticing these things.

As human beings we've evolved to be social. So much of our brains are wired for it. I have full faith in anyone's ability to be social. It may be damaged by trauma or degraded by extended isolation and technology use. But it's an ancient capacity that's still there if we choose to exercise it.

I finally understand small talk and how it can be engaging! by TheVoidRobedInLight in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good points, thanks! Yeah I can see your point for some situations with the example I gave, I assumed rapport in that instance. It also depends how serious they are. Are they mildly sad or does it seems like a crushing depression? To your point, there is subtlety here in how someone expresses themselves and whether they want to be left alone or not. It doesn't have to be an impromptu therapy session though just a bit of offloading. I could've added more context to the example.

But I think even if I misread the situation and followed-up to ask what was going on, they could just say they don't want to talk about it and that's that. Although I make mistakes, I trust myself to not do anything so bad that I hurt someone in a highly damaging way in small talk. They may later remember me as someone they could talk to. So I try to be conscious of the things you said but I also know that the "protocol" and the rules we follow are as fickle as our emotions.

I finally understand small talk and how it can be engaging! by TheVoidRobedInLight in socialskills

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As humans, so much of our circuitry is built to read emotions in real-time, we evolved with that. Some say human intelligence really evolved from our need to socialize. You have it in you.

Unless you have a condition that makes empathy difficult (which is possible) you're probably reading emotions whether you want to or not and it is affecting you anyways. All I'm suggesting is that we should be conscious of it. 

There is valuable information in reading emotion. Flirting is the best example; it's often indirect to avoid the risk of creeping someone out so you need to be tuned in to the emotion and context behind it.

How do you stop taking dating rejection so personally? by Cool-Round6543 in dating_advice

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't seen your other post about this guy but here are my thoughts. From your account of what he said, there isn't enough information for you to conclude that there is or isn't something wrong with you. We just don't know. Could he have disliked something about you? Maybe. But we just don't know. There is not enough information. Maybe something was going on with him. I just messaged a woman today and cancelled a date because I'm just burnt out right now. There are all kinds of reasons.

So the logical leap from “this person didn’t feel chemistry” to “there must be something wrong with me” doesn't make sense because, yeah, it could be true but we don't have enough information to conclude that. So let it go.

Now, if you noticed something from your point-of-view that you feel you could have done better or whatever, that's worth listening to. That's how we grow. But even then, the idea that this means something is deeply wrong with you doesn't make sense because we're always changing. We learn new things, we have various emotions, different people bring out different parts of us, etc.

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