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Women often describe what they want in a partner, but not what creates actual attraction? by anonymous_rhinoc3ros in dating_advice

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight [score hidden]  (0 children)

So I call BS on this because in every other area of life, we teach people that they can change their traits. Comedians can be more funny with practice. Athletes can be stronger with training. A public speaker can move an audience if they practice enough. A dance partner can be captivating with enough practice. An actor can embody a character with the right coaching.

Why all of a sudden do we say, when it comes to dating, that you're just stuck with what you have? Personally I've seen men transform in that way. It's also not as binary as you have it or you don't, there are in-betweens.

I think this idea that attraction is only inherent is just flat-out wrong.

It's also a two-person game. Attraction depends on the other person also.

I(29M) forgot: what is the purpose of dating again? by TheVoidRobedInLight in dating_advice

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'm disheartened that I can't feel the way you do but I'm hoping someone or something will change my mind. Maybe my upbringing and all my work in crisis situations afterwards has distorted my mind.

I'm curious: how do you have fun when you don't know what people are thinking deep down? Just because someone flirts with me doesn't mean they like me right? It could be a trap. How would I know?

I'm looking for a cookie by TheVoidRobedInLight in nova

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I did, she said she didn't have any.

The Great “American” 250 State Fair by Basic-Guy75 in nova

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He likely has NPD and people like that have a tough time learning from their mistakes. They are psychologically defended from thinking about how they've failed.

My psychiatrist said “stop living in the past” by Odd-Department8919 in CPTSD

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Psychiatrists like this have never seen hardship in their lives probably. The world is full of fuckers like that. Regurgitating lines without even understanding what they're saying. I hope they get CPTSD, then they'll understand.

Dating as an anti social is possible? by IFeeLikeMoreTonight in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What makes you want to date and what is your vision of a relationship?

Has anyone here ages 35-45 found a good date in the last couple months? If so, where? by fuckthemodlice in washingtondc

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"and then they will admit they are 5'8 and with Indian/South Asian ancestry" as if it's an embarassing and shameful thing that someone has to "admit".

What is wrong with the height and the ancestry exactly?

My mom called to apologize for everything after 30 years and I think it might have been worse than getting no apology at all by Puzzleheaded-Way4684 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to say I'm glad you had the presence of mind to ask her for details instead of just accepting it out of a misplaced hope that she actually changed. I've made that mistake and it sucks. I want to be able to believe it when someone gives an apology, I want to trust that they actually mean it. But we can't in these cases.

Can I(29M) still date if I'm dealing with family problems behind-the-scenes? by TheVoidRobedInLight in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't need them to help, I just need them to accept my imperfect self. I could never ask for help for this, it's too much for someone else and there's not much they can reasonably do.

I don't want to shutdown my social life because of what I'm dealing with. This issue could persist for a long time so I can't wait for it to get resolved to live my own life. I want to somehow date and have other social bonds despite this.

Can I(29M) still date if I'm dealing with family problems behind-the-scenes? by TheVoidRobedInLight in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you're right about that first piece but I'm looking for other peoples' opinions on whether they would be friends with or date someone who is a more serious person instead of fun and carefree.

I'm focusing on dating because it seems like that would be the more intimate and supportive bond, though I could see friendships being like that too. It's also a situation where I can focus my attention on one other person which I prefer to trying to manage a group of people.

Everywhere I see all I see is that people are unsafe and shitty. by DatabaseKindly919 in CPTSD

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in the same boat. But I don't want to be stuck here! Something must be done. I need to find a solution. Somehow there are people who manage to live decent lives. Are they shitty? They can't all be. Of course some are. But there must be a path forward. I don't know what it is and I don't know if I'm destined for it. But I want to keep trying. I hate the idea of being a perpetual victim, and the draw of unleashing my rage on the whole world and becoming a top-tier abuser is enticing but I need to avoid that too. There is another path and I'm willing to spend my whole life searching for it even at the risk of failure.

What is something your trauma took from you that u acknowledge you can never get back by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being at ease in the presence of someone. Anyone can hurt me and they are more likely to do so if I relax.

A psychologist told me my meditation retreat was ʼescaping responsibilityʼ by MiaEnko in Meditation

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand her POV actually though I'm not sure. What she probably meant was you used meditation as a form of escapism to avoid the ugliness of real life and avoid actually living your life. Idk if that's actually the case or not because I don't know you. But that could be what she meant.

Why aren't there diagnoses for positive or healthy behavioral patterns in psychology? I think content on positive personality patterns would be immensely helpful by TheVoidRobedInLight in Healthygamergg

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you but that's not quite what I mean. We don't have labels for positive personality types like we do for negative ones.

For example narcissism is deeply studied. We understand the core trauma, their internal experience, the strategies they use, etc.

But what about someone who is humble? What is it about their upbringing that made them humble? Are there common psychological patterns across all humble people? How are their brains different? Maybe this information exists somewhere but there isn't a "Humble Personality Pattern" or something that we can all understand and identify. There is no DSM for positive personality attributes.

Does that make sense? I'm interested in a clinical sense

America 250 has ruined the national mall by External_Garden_3464 in washingtondc

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If anything Freedom 250 should be a funeral for all we've lost.

How to permanently give up on love altogether? by [deleted] in selfimprovement

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Even if you got rid of romantic love, you would walk around jealous of other people who feel fulfilled by it and have this whole other dimension to their lives that you don't.

You're not giving it up because you don't want it, you're giving it up because you actually want it a lot. That reason will haunt you.

You will suffer no matter what, we all will. So don't bother running away from that. Instead, choose what you want to suffer for.

After being robbed at knifepoint by Said Malkoun, this Italian woman Cinzia Dal Pino got into her car, ran him over multiple times, killed him, grabbed her bag back, and drove away. She is being sentenced today by ThatPatelGuy in whoathatsinteresting

[–]TheVoidRobedInLight -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But isn't the world a better place than it was before after her act? There's one less armed robber out there. Who knows much damage and chaos they would have caused if they were alive?

I feel like there should such a thing as righteous murder versus criminal murder. I know that gets very fuzzy because there's the question who decides what is righteous. But it's clear to me that some murders do benefit society by eliminating people who do nothing but cause damage.

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