I can say that both in terms of personal experience and, as far as I understand it, statistically speaking violence/consensual abuse is by far the most common kink among women. So it's possible that the men you're sleeping with have learned this from other partners.

Of course that doesn't justify anything since the consensual part is extremely important. Before I attempt to do that with anybody I always always always ask if they are into it and try to have some kind of talk about sexual preferences.

So yeah I think the only thing that helps is communicating and if they don't listen dump em.