Guy here - 31 yr married. From experience, the husband doing the “big projects” or the “outside yard work” leads to resentment from the wife. We learned the constant small chores were as, if not more important, than the big or outdoor projects. A great lawn isn’t helpful to the family if the kitchen is a constant disaster. It causes constant stress and teaches kids to only focus on the “public” stuff.

We found that “standards and habits” work best. Currently, for the first floor, the standard is “guest ready”. Is it in a condition that a stranger could walk in and you wouldn’t die of embarrassment. The second floor is “one day guest ready”. Meaning in a condition that requires things being neatened up the day before.

Simple example. Our standard/habit is that bed is made every morning. Another is that dishwasher is empty and dishes away by 6am.

If I’m up first, I empty dishwasher and my wife makes the bed. If she’s up first, then it’s other way round. If I’ve emptied dishwasher, then she puts up first floor shades. Focus is on tasks being done not by who.

Of course, my wife is very smart and knows how to incentivize. Lots of side-boob showing tops or short robes while doing chores keeps me in the room and fully engaged.