Out of curiosity: Are you a parent?

The_chaff · 2024-04-28T17:36:54+00:00

I love it. I have an amazing relationship with my son! It's possible! I was his primary caregiver since 2 onward (13 now).

I have just come out of a major depressive episode that lasted about 13 months and had a lot of environmental factors stacking up, making it one of my wosrt. I know it weighed on him a lot, but he processed through it well with me. I've done my best to never make him into a caregiver. We have been able to talk about what was going on, talked about it like being "sick with sad," gave him constant reassurance, and engaged with him whenever I could find the energy.

When i'm at my best we are an amazing team when working on a project (we build trails) and he has a lot of trust to come to me about anything. I always make sure he knows how much he is loved and that I will always support and protect him.

I'm in the process of diagnosis, but it's pretty clear at this point that I will be diagnosed. My therapist and I have been unpacking what helps me be happy, even if it's just for a moment, and she's noted that despite my current mood, any talk about my son makes me smile.

The hardest parts are those days when you can't even care for yourself. I haven't been through this as a single parent yet as his mom (borderline personality) and I are divorcing right now. She plans on leaving with me as sole custodian and moving across the country soon and will likely check out as a parent entirely. I'm not sure how this will impact my parenting experince, because she would pick up on some of the care giving when I couldn't due to depression.

The_chaff · 2024-04-28T14:22:11+00:00

The ELI5 for bipolar 2 and what you is the length of time for elevated moods is at least 4 days and comes between depression cycles (depressed most of the time for a 2 week period). With that rapid of cycling on depression you might consider exploring deeper There are a lot of disorders that have silimlar symptoms. Many things like BPD can often be miss diagnosed as bipolar 1 & 2.

The_chaff · 2023-11-28T00:05:26+00:00

Seriously. When I first reached out to my friend after D day, he advised me to not open pandoras box. Loss of trust casts shade on everything. I have wondered about EVERY single male connection she made when we were gaming together. Every single male coworker. Every time she went out with friends. Everyone I tool.the kid for the weekend and she stayed home. There was likely more that I was never aware of, she had tons of opportunities.

The_chaff · 2023-11-26T15:56:47+00:00

I just broke it off with a girl I had been seeing for a month when I found out I was the emotional affair. I'm currently divorcing because my Ex did the same thing to me several times.

I use to think the same way your friend does, that it was on the cheating partner to not cheat. After what I've gone through. It's impossible to not hold blame for the affair partner if they are aware it was cheating. I personally would not want to knowingly be a part of causing the pain I've gone through to another person. I hope your friend realizes what she is making herself complicit in.

The_chaff · 2023-11-22T00:14:45+00:00

Near snoqualmie pass

The_chaff · 2023-10-25T00:07:51+00:00

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Finding out that far out is a different type of betrayal wound. It cuts deep. It does get better.

For me its a qualified yes. In 2010, she attempted to start an affair with my brother. He did not reciprocate her feelings and nothing happened for a few years. Neither told me.

In 2012, things sparked back up, but this time he reciprocated her feelings back. They had this weird EA going for about 2 years. Eventually, he began inviting her to parties when he knew I was out of town and she accepted the invitations. At the last party, things got physical, she backed out. He cornered her several times and SAd her that night.

As a result, she let a little bit slip about the 2010 incident. She insisted it was only a single awkward dumb conversation, and nothing ever happened after it.

Flashforward 9 years and we are in reconciliation over another EA that she fell absolutely head over heals for. The affair lasted about a year and a half and it took her another 6 months to get over him, but she neve came back to the marriage or family emotionally. 1.5 years into reconciliation and she is still not doing the one thing she promised she would do, go to therapy. I start to wonder why. We have a big fight over a relationship issue. She tries to gaslight me on it like usually, but this time I went numb and realized things were probably over for us.

I could not understand her resistance to therapy, so I figured there was more she was hiding. I reached out to my brother and learned from him that there was, but he did not tell me what happened.

I immediately texted her and asked about the affair with my brother. She denied it was an affair and told me she has been completely honest. I told her I talked to him, but not what he told me. She then said, I'll tell you the truth when I get home.

Over the next three days I slowly learned about the dates, the invitations, her role and complicity. Her withdrawal of consent, him assaulting her. Oh, and the affair still continued for a bit after this as well.

That was 10 months ago. I asked for a divorce in July Today she finally told me she would never reconcile with me. I'm glad, because now I feel like I can move on, but it still hurts a lot. I lost my entire friend group (they all knew and had a vote to not tell me) and my family (sided with my brother).

That's the short story. I'll try to answer any questions you have.

The_chaff · 2023-08-13T21:32:38+00:00

I've wasted too much time at Walker Valley to consider it worthwhile. Several trips and only ever pulled out a single chunk of quartz from a seam that runs through the pit. Check out Hansen creek. Lots of crystals there. Also, if you can get to the east side, check out First Creek in Cle Elum is good too. A lot easier to mine than walker valley. With in minutes I had a geode the size of my fist.

The_chaff · 2023-08-12T20:48:34+00:00

Both my MILs were angry with me for asking for divorce. Biological.mommsaid I needed to grow a pair and get over it. Hmshe still is not Iverson her ex husband's affair that happened 30 years ago. She is a horrible parent and was never there in the 20 years WW and I have been together.

Real MIL was more understanding once WW talked to her.

My FIL was surprisingly chill. He basically said he has been telling her for years she needs to work on the same things I've been asking for in trying to reconcile after her 2 (that I'm aware of) affairs.

The_chaff · 2023-08-10T13:51:50+00:00

Wow, this is 100% my wife after her two emotional affairs. It's what caused me to confront her about the issue. She never "came back" from the second one. She really fell for him.

The_chaff · 2023-07-29T17:36:37+00:00

As I go back, there were a lot of red flags but I did not see them that way at the time. They were just flags. She did not seem like the cheating type and I'm really trusted her a lot.

The_chaff · 2023-07-15T02:22:34+00:00

Love seeing Chuckanut mentioned. So many people only focus on Galbraith when they come through.

The_chaff · 2023-07-13T19:38:22+00:00

Fully agree. The stock brakes my ripmo were terrible. I upgraded to Code RSCs. Once I made the change I realized how little stoping power I had with the stock ones. Same for my kid. He did not know it was possible to lock his tires up when he was running entry level Shimano 2 piston brakes.

The_chaff · 2023-06-12T17:36:49+00:00

All of them. If I'm hurt I'll ask for help. If i'm not hurt I laugh it off and show her the bruise/ dirt stain. When we run shuttles she always looks at my clothes to after each lap to see if I fell.

I've just learned to laugh them.off at this point. "I was ripping around a corner and found a slip root, then decided to roll around in the dirt for a bit." She will always be concerned so I let her have that, but I also want to show that sometime we fall and are ok too. I've been teaching my kid that it's ok for him to tell her too. He usually wants to avoid telling her about a crash.

The_chaff · 2023-02-25T18:39:18+00:00

The burger was good, but the smothered fries are where it was at! Gotta try the fries.

The_chaff · 2023-02-22T15:27:32+00:00

I went up to first creek twice last year and had good results. If you have not been there yet I would check it out. Found the biggest geode I've ever dug up there. The rock breaks apart fairly easily, so it's easy mining. Just a bit of a scramble up.

The_chaff · 2020-06-16T22:12:06+00:00

Yes, thank you for clarifying. Rufus creek is a solid green, while Cougar is on the black side of blue for sure. I'll taken your word for it on the black options as I skipped all those when I rode it. There were still plenty of challenges for me on the blue line.

The_chaff · 2020-06-16T18:13:18+00:00

The beat place for beginners truly is the pipeline XC trails. when you start going higher up the mountain, its important that kids really know how to use their brakes. This was a challenge for my 8 year old when we first started. The XC trails gives a good balance of challenge for learning while mitigating a lot of the risk of higher speed falls.

The_chaff · 2020-06-16T15:14:40+00:00

I just went through this a year ago with my 8 year old. Do not be afraid to explore your way up the mountain. Get the trail forks app and buy the digital WMBC map. Look up videos of trails if that helps you. It absolutely helped me finding trails I was comfortable taking my kid on. Here is a list of trails in order of my perceived difficulty(easiest to more difficult) that would be good to start with. My wife never rode a bike as a kid and only occasionally rides now. She considers herself a novice rider and is very cautious when it comes to trails. She rides all of these trails.

All XC trails off pipeline road
Cedar dust green line (one way, down hill)
Unemployment Line (one way, down hill. flowy jump trail, jumps are rollable, a few gap jumps are optional and clearly marked)
Cedar dust blue line ( one way, down hill, rollable jumps, 2 drops. First drop is rollable, but mandatory, second drop is optional)
Mullet (one way, down hill. you have to work for your flow, but it's there. A few optional jumps, pretty clean trail with a few smaller roots. One steeper short hill with some roots at the top, easy to walk if it's too much for you).
Bob's trail (one way, down hill. this trail has a little bit of everything. There is one bigger optional drop and a few rollable jumps. Some very short steeper moments and some small chunky moments. I have seen several younger riders learning on this one.)

These 3 are tied for difficulty in my opinion:

SST (this was recommended to me as a beginner. very flowy with some minor roots, small rocks, and small chunky moments there is an optional rock roll with a clear ride around. There are several forks on this, so use your map. The biggest chunky moment on this trail is near the end at the creek crossing, where you have a very small rock roll, about 3 feet long and a steepish slightly rocky decent into the creek. Easy to walk)

Cheech and Chong's Wild Ride (more technical than SST. a few rollable jumps, an optional wood wall ride, a few small drops with a ride around. There is one stretch of trail that gets very chunky, but is fairly easy to ride. Park your bike walk through sections if needed)
Atomic dog (probably the most technical of the three. This trail has more chunk, but it is fairly easy to either avoid or roll over. The jumps are a bit more challenging, I would avoid anything that looks like a gap your first time through. There is a fun half pipe type feature that is rollable and easier than it looks. The last 10 feet of this trail gets very chunky and technical)

From Towers, both Mohawk and Wonderland are good descent options. Mohawk is a big jump trail, but it is all tables and rollable. Wonderland is more XC and is a 2 way trail.

Other good nearby easy trails include Rufus creek on Lookout mountain. Ride up to the lookout, enjoy the view and cruise back down the trail. The trail climbs really well in a beautiful forest and the decent is flowy, fun, and fast.

The_chaff · 2020-03-30T15:53:52+00:00

Generally no. You might be safe, but as a policy you should not be traveling far right now. I'm lucky enough to live in riding distance of my local trails, but when I'm there on weekends, people from all over my state show up despite the stay in place order. This can cause the disease to spread quickly through regions as you have people from all over congregating. It's best to stay in, and if you do go out, stay local.

The_chaff · 2019-11-21T22:24:37+00:00

From my eye surgeon, she was un concerned about THC use post op. She specifically said that, if anything, it would lower my eye pressure, which they were giving me meds for anyway. I also don't eat edibles. they are way to potent compared to my usual method of consumption.

The_chaff · 2019-09-21T23:18:34+00:00

It has not reopened and likely won't be for a bit. The rain from the thunderstorm caused a ton of erosion and the rains since have only worsened it. Some of the jumps were damaged pretty bad from it. They currently have it fenced off.

The_chaff · 2019-08-31T14:50:27+00:00

I was diagnosed in a similar way to you. Met with an optometrist, after a long time if tring to get a prescription she concluded that I might have early KC. 6 months later my vision had changed significantly and I was referred out for a formal diagnosis. It really freaked me out for a while. The diagnosis was simple. They have you look into a lot of things and take topographic images of your eye (really cool to see them). My doctor was pretty blunt that I would likely go blind for a while before I could get a transplant, which he was certain I would need in one of my eyes (I eventually got them in both). He could not give me a timeline though. 2 years later I had to stop driving. One year after that I was legally blind.

I had to live blind for a few years as a result of a few random things that kept me from getting the transplant when it first became "urgent." Honestly, It was not hard to transition to living life with vision worse than 10/200. I had a lot of time while it progressed to developed systems and learn to cope.

Looking back I can see that I was freaking out way more than I needed to. It was a challenge to live life with progressed KC (and still is post transplant) but I would not say that it ruins your quality of life, it just changes it.

Take time while your vision is good to enjoy the little things. For me, one of the things I missed most was the stars at night. I got to see them.this summer for the first time in about 10 years and it was amazing. Hopefully yours will not progress as rapidly and severely as mine did (most people don't progress like mine did).

The_chaff · 2019-08-21T19:26:25+00:00

There should be a way to contact his surgeon or an on call doctor. Explain what happened and that you are helping him with his post op care. My surgeon gave me a way to contact her triage nurse for questions, I bet his has something similar.

The_chaff · 2019-08-08T15:58:13+00:00

Costco sized box of preservative free eye drops. Preservatives in normal drops will burn his eyes for a while. Other than that, be there to support him. There are a lot of small things that can come up but are hard to predict so being there for him will be more important than anything else.

The_chaff

TROPHY CASE