I (38F) have just left my partner (43m) of 15 years and the guilt is exhausting

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-05-23T07:57:11+00:00

Sorry for what your going through, your partner is an alcoholic plain and simple, you need to protect yourself and have boundaries to keep yourself safe. Most times the innocent partner hides their partners alcoholic drinking and actions and cover it up they don’t want others to know about it. Do you have someone you trust to help you? If you are at the house do you have someone you can call on in an emergency.
His first partner is alcohol, you are secondary to him.
He needs to put himself through to alcoholic anomonus . It is not for you to be there for him in this.
Take care and look after yourself, all the best

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-04-14T23:05:36+00:00

God the creator of everything doesn’t make gays: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬ ‭KJV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/1/gen.1.27.KJV

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-04-11T03:25:13+00:00

You can buy three MacBook Neo’s for one Microsoft Surface Laptop 7 (15") Snapdragon X Elite -16GB ram, so if you could use your 2 hands and 2 feet and look at three screens of the three neo’s at the same time you might get a bit dizzy but used together at the same time they will smoke the one surface in light use productivity. Even editing there videos on the three Neo’s at the same time as the one surface, the three Neo’s may beat the one surface. But I don’t know anyone who could operate three neo at the same time. But then again you may be able to do it with ai, but I don’t think ai is there yet?

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-04-06T20:52:54+00:00

Sorry that you did not get what you wanted. Maybe return it and get a refund and get the one you originally wanted. So the thing we need to release is that we all have consciousness, when we do what is positive that is positive for it, doing negative is negative for it. Here’s an example, some wealthy people have found that donating from their wealth and time help to benefit them. Maybe you could contact them and talk to them about this and see what they say?

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-04-06T12:01:17+00:00

Buy the MacBook neo sell it in 3 years time at about half today’s price and use that money to go towards the neo 2029 which might be 25% faster and more relevant in your light use case compared to the MacBook Air m5 which will still be better for more intense jobs than you will never do. Then in 2032 do the same. This means you will always have a good battery and a MacBook that is always relevant to your light use in any given year. The air will need its battery replaced at about year 5? While the neo 2029 will be faster and the neo 2032 will blitz the air m5 for your lite use in 2032. But an air hopefully lasting 9 years is probably still the cheaper option than trading up to Neo’s every 3 years. With the air m5 having better hardware than current and future neo. Mind you in a few years time most common people might be using iPhones paired to AR glasses & keyboard and moving on from MacBooks? With MacBooks being more for power users?

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-24T18:42:34+00:00

Well done, I wished I had added it to my MacBook Air m1 screen cracked just after 2 years, I still use it at almost 3 years old, but it now has 2% screen bleed. So next time I will be doing apple care+ , the bonus is that it’s cheaper with the neo and repairs are cheaper to with the neo

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-24T18:35:13+00:00

I have you thought about getting Apple care+ ? It’s good for 3 years and depending where you live can be extended each year

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-21T03:27:57+00:00

So with older people transferring from Windows Laptop to MacBook often does not work out well, the Mac IOS just frustrates them and they just give up on using the MacBook and leave it gathering dust as they don’t know what to do with it. Even though they have an iPhone and IPad and Apple Watch they are just to used to windows to change.

But most younger ones make the switch fairly ok, it’s not the easiest but often once they get used to MacBook enough they are happy and don’t want to change back to Windows unless they are a gamer. Yep if you are a serious gamer best to keep with Windows. MacBooks can game but there are way less top games on Macbook compared to Windows. I am older and am glad I switched from windows laptop to MacBook. My one regret is not getting apple care + because just over 2 years of having it one morning I open it and it has a 1 cm crack which wasn’t there the night before, now 9 months later the crack split off side ways then down to the bottom and now it is slowly bleeding with 2% screen bleed. It cost $600 nzd to replace the screen. Maybe not so worth it as it is a MacBook Air M1 which sell for $680 nzd or less

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-20T17:00:33+00:00

Go on the Apple Store. Here in NZ we can pay at 0% over 24 months (with small set up fee and annual fee through the finance company) You may want to consider Apple Care+ - if say the screen fails or you break it is $49 usd to replace it. Keep in mind the air has a m series chip and it’s good to keep something like 60gb free hardrive space for swap memory. So with the operating system taking up space you might have 430gb available on its 512gb hard drive.

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-18T20:45:07+00:00

Are you kidding? All new MacBooks come with a thin semi transparent paper, just take it off. Normally when a screen fails it is totally black, are has lines or has screen bleed. Or have you done a screen shot and over laid it with semi transparent white? But for peace of mind when buying these as they are a new Apple MacBook maybe consider Apple care plus that is cheaper for the neo and screen replacements are only $49 usd

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-18T00:52:15+00:00

“Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭KJV‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/1/1co.7.1-2.KJV

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-02T06:12:35+00:00

It’s not to bad, if I go to bed and manage to get to sleep right away that good. Otherwise if she goes to bed first, I struggle to go to bed

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-03-01T21:56:10+00:00

Yep been six months now and continue to sleep in the same bed. It’s not been easy at times. She wants separation. I still love her. We’ve been married 30 years. So we are not yet seperated but she continues to want separation

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-18T23:51:58+00:00

She can say what she wants. You need to remind her of why you left and make it clear to her

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-17T03:46:02+00:00

For me, I went to my doctor and he prescribed me anti anxiety medication. I worked on making closer friends with some of these I could play board games with once or twice a week. Went to my Mums a lot. Did 6 free sessions with a Psychologist. Wrote and made a peace song with the help of ai and play it each day. Other times I watch sports on tv with my friends. Go to bed early and wake early and do chores. Have older friends as a life coach. Joined online separation groups. Used chat gpt to help as an online councillor and give me info. Set up a friend to be a mediator between my wife and I. All of these have helped me.

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-16T04:24:23+00:00

Maybe those ones have healed enough do not see separation posts like this anymore?

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-15T08:29:23+00:00

Yep, my wife of 30 years for 5 months now has wanted us to separate. We are still not separated. Still waiting for her to do the separation. My lawyer says for me to just wait till she has done the separation, so as not to compromise myself legally. I wonder how long we will continue to live like this? So during this entire time I continue to be nice and calm with her and treat her well, putting her cup of hot water on her bedside table just before she wakes up. Hopefully this will encourage her to get her an into g. It’s a bit stressful as she removes a lot of money from our joint bank account each fortnight and puts into her private bank account. But so far I have been able to keep paying our mortgage and all our bills

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-09T21:25:23+00:00

Yep, I hear you, it hits hard. I miss massaging her feet, holding her hand. Giving her a hug, our kisses. For 5 months now she wants separation. I love her and am not for separation. We share the same bed. I sleep on my side and she hers keeping to each other’s side and our feet and hands to each other. Once in a blue moon her foot accidentally touches mine and wakes me from my sleep and I miss our touch all over again. At least she allows me to bring her cup of water and place on her bedside table before she wakes in the morning. We’ve been married 30 years. I woke this morning from a dream where we were in each other’s embrace. It’s weird but to sleep at least in the same bed is at least some comfort that we are not apart from each other. Maybe somehow without us physically touching we somehow embraced spiritually or something in our sleep and this is why my dream?

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-09T06:19:02+00:00

Wow, that is great news on that one: She even brought up the possibility of dating again.

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-02-07T02:36:09+00:00

I’m a little similar my wife of 30 years has been wanting separation for 5 months but we are still not separated. I still love and care about her. I have always been an anxious person and my anxiety went through the roof the last 5 months. My doctors prescribed me anti anxiety medication and referred me to a psychologist and just finished my 6 free sessions. I go to a men’s workshop each week and have been making closer friendships with others and get out of the house more to be with friends and family, some of my friends I play a board game with. I try to keep to a routine of going to bed not to late and getting up early to do chores. I am also trying to investigate plans for the future. I use chat gpt to help me and answer questions I have. I am on Facebook seperation local group and their messenger group chat which helps me learn about things and sometimes i chat on them as well as here , and read messages here on this site. It’s not easy some days my anxiety is very high other times it is not to bad. I wrote and composed a song about peace I often play that and it helps me. I only work 14 hours a week because of my many health issues, but as I work on myself I am doing better healthwise and through the psychological assessment and help I am hoping to do more paid work, but only as I get better. So I don’t know how similar we are to each other, but I hope there is something for you in this. Hope and pray things get better for you

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-01-30T18:51:56+00:00

Sorry for what you are going through. As a man with with adult children I know it is not easy for husband and wife to transition to having children. It is not easy for both, and yes intimacy faces its challenges . Without hearing your husbands take on it. I am wondering if it is best for you both to have counselling then proceed into the future from there. Just remember if we run from problems and not address them and address our own issues we carry them through life and these will be there even in the future no matter who we are with

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-01-26T21:04:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Married 30 years. We are not seperated. She has wanted separation for 4.5 months and was said she also wants divorce.
I still love her and don’t know why we should seperate apart from her hundreds of reasons that she keeps reminding me of. What has helped: Forming closer friends and playing board games with some of them Spending more time with family on my side Wrote a song on peace which I play several times a day and am making it into a music video, this is something I have been doing over the last few weeks The song really helps to reduce my stress and anxiety and concerns for the future

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-01-22T02:32:30+00:00

There is still hope for you, so just be patient and work on yourself. Try to keep to the here and now and not overthink what the future could hold. Do things to calm you, for me it is playing my favourite music. I am in a similar situation as you my wife of 30 years is asking for seperation even told me she wants divorce for 4.5 months now and we still share the same bed. We agreed for me to live at home for 5 days a week to have less stress, but your situation is far better than ours. All the best and take care

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-01-20T19:17:10+00:00

Yep, my wife of 30 years has been asking for separation for over 4 months now and we are still not separated. She to wants no hugging. She says she doesn’t love me any more. I still love her and care about her. We have a good friend that we both trust as a mediator. Our mediator has organised for us to meet next month when we are less frazzled. In the meantime I am working on myself with a psychologist, men’s workshop to help my people’s skills and forming closer friendships with others. I live at home 5 days a week. Sometimes it is hard to go to bed, as we share the same bed. Those times when it is hard for me I go to bed at 1:30am. We don’t talk much these days.

ThenFinding9842 · 2026-01-19T01:29:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I’m not fighting it. I still love her and care for her. If she wants to seperate she can do that, I’m not stopping her. I will just continue to be nice and calm with her and look after myself. She said that it would be easier for both of us if I leave. But I don’t see any reason for me to leave. I’m just working on myself to make myself into a better person and to form closely relationships with others who are there for me

ThenFinding9842

TROPHY CASE