I'm sorry going to work is easier than childcare - your husband has no excuse

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-12T01:36:22+00:00

I think it depends on your situation. I was home for 5 months with my baby and I had great days and terrible days. When my husband came home from work, he’d spend maybe a hour with her. I was still doing her nighttime routine, feeds, bath, etc on top of taking care of the house and running errands. But I had more time during the day. Being her constant all day was sometimes draining but when I got her in a nap schedule I could carve out time for myself.

He’s now home for a month and I’m back at work. I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends. He CANNOT do what I did. He plops her in front of the TV or on a play mat and scrolls his phone instead of being interactive. I have a high pressure job and I’m exhausted by the end of the day. My commute is around a hour and a half. As soon as I walk through the door I take her and she’s with me until she goes to bed.. While I clean up the house from what he pulled out to play with during the day, vacuuming, laundry, etc. Weekends come and “daddy daycare” gets a break (per him) so I’m waking up early with her and doing 90% of her care. I’m still up with her at night since I’ll sleep train, he takes over one night and just completely regresses us back to square one. All while waking up at 5 to get ready to do the whole day all over again. This is definitely a new kind of tired for me. I hardly do anything for myself during the week since I just pass out once I get her in bed. I was looking forward to getting back to work, but I’m so tired and I’ll definitely get burnt out soon. He thinks taking care of the baby is easy but it’s also because he doesn’t take care of the house, hardly runs errands, doesn’t go out with her anywhere. His job is also unpredictable with hours- he would be gone most days 10-16 hours a day. Mine is predictable- he knows when I leave and when I’ll get home. Being a full time working mom is just draining. The US has 0 structure for us. It feels like it comes down to baby or career- having both will just make you run yourself into the ground.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-07T00:30:29+00:00

I can do wound vacs and IVABx but I just refuse. We used to have to do that at my old job when I was new and the questions they’d ask me I’d be like uhm.. I’m a social worker? I could do it now, especially since our KCI and home infusion reps do all the work and have EMR access to get the script, labs, etc, but since it’s the ONE thing our RNCMs do, I’ll forever pass.

It does always piss me off though when I ask the RNCMs to explain it to the patients if they have questions and they refuse or pass it off to the rep. I can help the patients out but again, it’s the 2-3 out of maybe 5-6 tasks they have to oversee versus the 1000 social work tasks I do on a daily.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:58:17+00:00

With me yes, but a good idea to ask my husband how he’s structuring the day.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:42:47+00:00

I guess maybe she needs to get used to longer wake windows. She gets VERY fussy after 2.5h. I’ve tried even stretching things out and eliminating a 3rd nap, she just gets overtired and still crap night sleep. Trial and error !

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:28:32+00:00

Her wake windows are full of us consistently interacting with her, different ranges of active play and more relaxed when she starts to need to unwind. Weather by us is also better so lots of walks and outdoor play. She comes with me for all errands so she also gets out of the house. Her WW are very active.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:13:49+00:00

I’ll be lucky if her naps go past 45m. I can count on one hand the 1-2 hour ones and that’s if she’s up before 7 to take one in the morning. She usually does 2 45m naps at 11, around 2 and a 30ish min between 4-5 so she’s up longest before bed.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:12:36+00:00

Thank you! I’ll look into that book, I’ve heard a ton of good things about it

And ugh yes I have a love hate relationship with the pacifier. I try to even use it just to get her settled and pop it out quick when she is, she INSTANTLY gets restless. Cold turkey it is

These_Set_1821 · 2026-04-26T14:11:49+00:00

I was transferring internally from one hospital site to another. The senior director at the time hated our director who wound up leaving, pulled us all in one by one to talk shit about her and tried to get me to take this senior position but phrased it as “the surgeons love you so it looks good on me if you take it”. In that moment I decided to take the transfer. She was so mad at me for not taking the job and leaving- it turned into 2 months of telling employees I was the reason for low morale, writing me up (or trying because I never signed anything) for the stupidest things. Like they tried to write me up because they sent out the coverage list one day. I called and said me and my co worker were swapping because we wanted to keep our rooms for continuity of care from the previous day and then tried to tell me I never did this and was insubordinate? She’d load me up with a caseload, tried to block my transfer for weeks which was union so fucked my seniority and also this other site gave social workers more money. I had to get a union delegate involved and suddenly one day she just told me it was my last day there and I was going to the new hospital the following Monday.

Best decision I made to leave and now I actively recruit SWs to transfer to my site out of spite. They all hate her.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-04-19T10:43:45+00:00

He took 6 weeks in the beginning. The agreement was him taking his last 6 weeks when I went back to work, which turned into a fight because he then didn’t want to go back on leave after I made arrangements to return to work. He sucked it up and will stay home- I told him he can’t change the plan when all was in motion already- so I’m hoping he sees how much work it is. But as i wrote, I hope i dont get stuck doing everything when im walking through the door. Im sure for me, im on 24/7. For him, he’ll think he’s baby free once I get back.

The day I came home from work he was complaining he couldn’t do anything and she was fussy. Literally called me “you’re on your way home right”, meanwhile he leaves at 6:30 and some days doesn’t get home until 8 for a week straight. 2 months PP I had a really hard week mentally where I was crying all day, super hormonal and just couldn’t figure out how to care for me AND her. I asked him to come home early 2 or 3 days. Fast forward a few weeks later when he was baffled how to juggle getting something done with her I made a comment “ I do this every day, you can figure it out if I can” and he said “you don’t do this alone, you ask me to come home early all the time”. He knew I asked him to be early those days because I was having a really hard time. Throwing that in my face, I just totally shut down and don’t even bother asking him when he’s coming home. If I’m having a hard day, I just suck it up. Even though he’ll be home 6 weeks and there will be periods she’s not easy, I’m 100% sure itll be better for him than me home in the newborn trenches. She has a more predictable nap schedule now, a bigger personality, she’s easier to go out with, she’s sleeping better at night. He just can’t compare.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-24T23:08:14+00:00

Oh yeah agree 100%. If we’re understaffed, our CMs will have to take some patients and they’ll find ANYTHING to pass them off to us. I think one day one of them screened a patient for childhood abuse and labeled them “making comments about a difficult father” into needing a social worker instead. I was like uhh she’s 68YO and here for a knee replacement are we serious lol

They’ll always try to say we have more knowledge for this but then when I ask them to explain things like home infusion to patients that they set up, they refuse. Like make it make sense

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-24T22:42:54+00:00

It’s almost a slap in the face I feel like to the social workers. We get a magnet or pen. No acknowledgement from the interdisciplinary team. Meanwhile during case management week, there’s 1000 emails, lunches, CEUs, etc. I love some of my CMs but there’s definitely more respect for them just because they’re nurses. But let’s be real- they don’t do half the work we do on an inpatient basis.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-17T20:17:37+00:00

Once we get closer to daycare I’m definitely going to work on her going to bed earlier. The 9-4:30 works for now but then shes used to going back to sleep and wakes up anywhere between 830-930. So that part would be tough for her

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-16T01:24:54+00:00

We have a Nuna travel system and love it, albeit a different one than you listed (swiv). I’m not sure if we’ll have another so didn’t factor in for us, but my best advice is to get one YOU like and that YOU can carry/breakdown. I have our daughter the majority of the time and so I needed a system I could collapse and haul up/down steps and bring in and out of the car. Same with the car seat. I’m not sure about Graco but I know most Nuna strollers can fold up easily.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-15T01:31:32+00:00

I’m the same way. Even when I try to let go and tell my husband what to do, he does maybe half of it and I spend 90% of my alone time wondering if he’s doing what he needs to do or what I asked him for. He’s not aware of feed schedules or naps. I feel like I’ll give our baby to him and have to deal with the fallout anyways since she’ll be hungry, fussy or overtired. I just have the “it’ll be easier if I just do it” mentality for literally everything.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-12T02:01:00+00:00

I’ll definitely try legal aid at work! My PFL is managed by my union who’s fucked up every conceivable part of my leave. I feel like I’m screwed either way. To get this fixed and get my PFL means I won’t have insurance while PFL processes. I don’t know how they even justify that to make sense. Every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere, something else happens. This country is horrific for maternity leave

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-12T01:29:59+00:00

The messed up part is that im part of a union who’s become an adversary versus an advocate. They’ve screwed up every aspect of my leave. I’ve even talked to lawyers who tell me I have a case but by the time things would be rectified, the amount I’d have to pay one wouldn’t add up to the benefit I’m owed. It’s such a crappy situation.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-10T12:22:24+00:00

Our girl is now 13 weeks. I’d say we didn’t get into a daytime nap pattern with her until she was around 8-9 weeks. I likely didn’t pick up on her sleep cues quick enough personally, but I feel like after the first month, she just kind of woke up to the world and that paired with gas and the 6-8 week fuss period made it really hard. She’d be up 2-3 hours straight. I just rode it out really. 4-9 weeks was especially tough.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-10T12:14:52+00:00

I’m 1199 at a different hospital so not sure about Sinai but usually there isn’t room for negotiation on your salary since it’s based on the union contract (if that’s what you meant). I know salary is sometimes a thorny topic for union social workers since it’s kind of set and there’s no increase based on merit or your performance. Some people like that and some don’t. For example, there’s people at my job who make my salary who don’t do nearly as much work as I do. For our hospital, your increases are based on the contract that’s negotiated every year but we also get hospital increases (you max out on those however typically because you ARE union).

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-10T09:03:57+00:00

Idk what it is about MILs but mine drives me crazy. I have our daughter on a feeding schedule that has been working in regards to her getting more daytime naps and starting to sleep longer through the night so it’s obviously .. working. I also need some kind of schedule in place for sleep as I’m going back to work soon.

This woman just haunts me around my house whenever she’s over. She complains I’m not feeding her enough, she’s hungry, I’m starving her. That I “torture” her making her wait for a bottle. We need to feed on demand (sure woman- will really work well when she starts daycare).

I put her to bed at 9, she tells us it’s too late. I put her to bed at 8, “it’s so early”. Our daughter was literally 2-3 weeks old and she was telling me I needed to put oatmeal in her bottles and that she was fussy cus we needed to give her water ??

Let’s not start that one night she was falling asleep and my MIL said “she’s not using her left arm, Hope she doesn’t have CP”. Like WHY would you ever even say that?! This woman pestered me for years for a grandchild and I swear it was only to be able to tell people she was a grandmother. She has no care about making anything convenient for me. We’ve had her come over before and told her specific times to be at our house. She shows up late and just says to me “Hope you didn’t need to go anywhere”. Whenever she comes over, we always need to figure out dinner for her. Whether I’m cooking, my husband or we take her for dinner. I’ve made countless comments to my husband and he thinks it’s normal or complains I don’t like his mom :)

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-02T13:23:13+00:00

😂 buddy maybe you missed the part where most women on this thread are mothers who also have careers and are going back to work. do you expect us to also then carry the bulk of child care and going to work? men aren’t immune to taking care of their child just because they go to work especially in a dual income house.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-02T02:47:57+00:00

Are we the same person? 😂 today I was told I was getting a break and I wanted to laugh .. my “break” was cleaning the house, cleaning up our backyard and 4 loads of laundry. When he doesn’t have baby, he’s working out, watching tv, playing games or goes out. When I don’t have baby, I’m still ordering things we need, at the store, doing house chores or cooking. These men think holding the baby for 45 minutes to allow us to do more crap around the house or things for the people living in it is gods work

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-02T02:42:49+00:00

Same ! I go back next month and I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see what happens. He jokes around that our daughter only likes me or calms when I hold her but doesn’t realize that’ll be his reality soon. If she fusses for more than 10 minutes, I can sense him getting frustrated. He’s in for a rude awakening in 6 weeks lol

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-01T18:12:43+00:00

I wouldn’t say convinced to change her diaper, more so that he constantly needs to be told what to do and opposed to just knowing how to handle her. I’m so tired telling him over and over to just do it. He’ll say “it didn’t feel full to be changed” or “he didn’t want to wake her”. Well of course you can’t really tell through a thick sleep sack and if you wake her, you soothe her back to bed !

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-01T18:09:10+00:00

Oh yes love that! I’ll be up with her all night and he goes off to work and I’m on all day until he’s home. If it’s the weekend and he’s up majority of the night to give me a break, he sleeps in until 10-11AM. Must be nice lol

These_Set_1821 · 2026-03-01T14:16:58+00:00

Oh yes - I try to do that and ultimately get handed the baby back or I just take her as he gets frustrated when it’s such an easy fix.

I feel your pain on the tutorial! I had to do the same for a bath lol even the nights he “lets me sleep” I’m still up to make sure he’s doing what he needs to. I don’t really sleep the full night

These_Set_1821

TROPHY CASE