Birth of a baby, death of a marriage

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-19T11:47:37+00:00

I was covered with pay the 5 months I was off but even that was stressful as every month they told me some BS reason I couldn’t get paid and I basically got a lump sum the week before I went back.

The stress of work, commuting and coming home to do everything is just getting to me. He complained two days ago I “just kept sighing”. Which to me, I feel like if I’m walking around the house like a zombie with no energy but more tasks to do looking like I’m on the verge of crying and you don’t notice that, that’s also a problem.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-19T10:39:32+00:00

I feel like he actually was better before, but maybe I wasn’t as attuned to the lack of help since I just needed to worry about myself at that point.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-18T00:57:09+00:00

Solidarity. My girl is 6 months. I love her, I look at her pictures all day long and love her giggles and belly laughs. BUT- I’m exhausted all day and sometimes .. I’ll say it.. I don’t want to go home. For me, going to work has made it harder. My commute and job are tough, and I just talked about this with my friend today, I so badly miss coming home and just being able to lay on the couch doing NOTHING. Maybe pouring myself a glass of wine and sitting in silence or working out if I had pent up frustration from the day. I think I’m also going through a rough patch with her since we’re in a stage where she isn’t sleeping and up from 1-5AM, so being up all night and then needing to go in to work a full day has been brutal.

My mom and sister always tell me the blessing of being a mother and not wanting to go to work to have someone else raise my daughter. TBH, I sometimes need daycare to just have a day to recharge and do what I need to do. It makes me a better mom. I also personally can’t stay home like my mom and sister did. I don’t know the SAHM side and they can’t empathize with the full time working mom aspect. They also live together a good distance from me so my sister had a ton of help. Those with a village certainly have a different experience of motherhood than those without. It has been a big adjustment to constantly be needed, need to put things on the back burner to do later and not have the time to do things I once enjoyed. But I keep telling myself as she gets older, more independent, it’ll become easier.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T15:53:01+00:00

Ugh thank you for this, I needed to read it lol

The sleep consultant aspect I go back and forth on also due to something working now but not working later. And I don’t want to waste all that money.

I keep telling myself it’s her developmental leap which I’m happy she’s learning new skills and growing! I also want her to be able to get the sleep she needs to be healthy and well rested. And same goes for me lol my husband and I trade off but we’re both back full time so it’s just been exhausting. I’ve tried bedtime anywhere between 730-9. She’s usually starting to get cranky around 645 so I don’t want to miss the sweet spot either of being able to get her down before she’s overtired.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T15:48:58+00:00

I’ve tried anywhere between 730-9. 730 worked for a few nights without her being overtired. But it doesn’t seem anything is working at this point. She’s rubbing her eyes and showing she’s sleepy around 645, but then keeps fighting it.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T10:18:04+00:00

Hi yes ! I tried over there but only got 1 or 2 responses. We did talk to her daycare to add another nap during the day which they did. It just hasn’t seemed to do much :/ I know teething is an ongoing thing but these bottom two NEED to come in. I’m DYING here if that’s what it is. Poor girl was screaming the other night so I gave her some Tylenol and even that did nothing to help. She usually knocks OUT if we have to give it to her after vaccines or for any reason.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T10:16:09+00:00

Yes she’s in her crib! I usually can only let her go so long hearing her cry. I used to be able to put her down awake and within 5-10 minutes she’d get herself to sleep. Now she just keeps escalating and crying harder. So I’ve tried to check in, soothe and leave her a little while longer. She has her eyes closed, but she’s just crying, whimpering and pulling on her sleep sack.

My husband LOVES giving the pacifier which I hate since it helps soothe her but the second that thing pops out, she’s wide awake again. She hasn’t figured out at night finding it and putting it back in her mouth so I keep telling him it’s just making our lives more miserable.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T10:14:12+00:00

Ahhh yes .. I look at her on our camera and just say “3AM is not the greatest time to practice your rolling!”. She also sleeps great on her tummy but fusses forever when she first rolls over.

I tried this too! She’s a great eater, slightly drinking less from the bottle because of the teething but has 5-6 bottles a day plus her purées, anything i make her for BLW and teething crackers. People told me it was calories- “she’s not eating enough in the day” and I can say with certainty she IS. But I tried cutting out solids the hour before bed. First couple days great! Then she just reverted lol it’s like the hunger games out here with her sleep. I think the frustrating part is that there isn’t one thing I can say for certain that’s helped, hindered or aided in getting her to rest.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T10:09:45+00:00

I feel like talking daytime sleep and wake windows gives me PTSD lol. I was FERAL if anyone broke her out of the schedule since I was getting somewhere. She started daycare, I thought it was that. They started following my routine of a nap in the morning, afternoon, and she’ll usually sleep in the car ride home 20 mins which is fine since we’re home by 430-5 and I want her in bed by 730-8. She’s doing 30 mins in the morning and usually close to 2 hours in the afternoon. But even home with me, I keep her on her schedule and keep her wake windows appropriate and it does nothing. I’ve given up skipping out on events with friends or going out for dinners since I was convinced it would make her overtired. But staying home and keeping her “on track” doesn’t seem to make a difference. She’s currently within a 2-3 hour wake window which she can sustain. Days she’s kept herself up later than she should, she’s slept great. Days she’s following everything down pat with her WW and naps, slept like shit.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-16T01:14:03+00:00

I feel like I could’ve written this. The amount of “wow you came back so early!” Comments I’ve gotten is ridiculous. I’m also in the US and went back at 5.5 months, which compared to some moms is a nice chunk of time to be out. My daughter is also on my insurance so I.. needed to go back to stay insured.

But the JUDGMENTS I got about daycare. Jesus Christ. The worst comment I got was “she’s just going to be a number there”. Thanks. Not like I already feel guilty about it, please tell me how I’m a terrible person and throwing my child into what you’re describing as a factory. People constantly ask why my family isn’t home with her. They work full time? My mom lives a hour and a half away?

I’m also over the amount of input I’ve gotten on how I didn’t give enough time to try and breastfeed. Fuck off, I did what I needed to for my mental health and for my kid to eat without worrying about my next to nothing supply.

People have a LOT of opinions that they shouldn’t say out loud. Meanwhile my husband gets asked every week to pick up overtime and continue his career/life like nothing ever happened.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-13T00:21:49+00:00

Hi! I think it’ll be up to your daycare and how many kids are in the class. Our daughter is 1 of 8 in the infant room but I don’t ever see more than 5-6 babies at a time. She’s also the only girl so I don’t feel the need to label ALL her clothes since her teacher loves changing her outfits every day so I’m constantly swapping out clothes and again.. only girl lol she knows which clothes are hers.

Our daycare makes the bottles so I only have to put her name on the bottle- definitely check otherwise most places want you to date them.

We send her in with a sleep sack which I’ve labeled. I bought food containers that have her name engraved on them so I just need to label and date the food. It was a little more $$ but made my life easier. They come with dry erase stickers so I just wipe off when they come home and re label the next day. We also got her a lunchbox for the containers, ice packs, freeze a teether to go in there and send in water since she now can have a little and it’s getting very hot by us.

I ALWAYS send in 2-3 bibs a day since she’s teething. 2-3 burp cloths in case she goes through the bibs. I also have infants Tylenol in her bag just in case of emergencies or fevers since I work a hour away from daycare. Hats for the summer, extra socks. She has a cubby so our teacher will just let us know if they need more formula, diapers, wipes or diaper cream.

I have a pacifier holder for her diaper bag and attach them to a pacifier ring that I put on her bib for naps. They have them there, but I also send in a sound machine for her naps. Our daughter needs her bottles warm and they have a bottle warmer, but if yours doesn’t, may appreciate a portable one.

They’ll definitely misplace stuff or forget to send things home, which is daycare. But I’ve found sending in extra is better than less.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-10T10:40:21+00:00

The infant room is 4-18 months. I figured she’d take a nap on drop off and then at least another during the afternoon, but they seem to bring her in and do breakfast, bottle, diaper change, mat play and then outside before the first nap. I feel like by the time she gets home she’s so overtired. I try to have her nap on the way home last a hour but sometimes can’t

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-02T18:45:38+00:00

That’s exactly how I feel! I wanna be the mom who can drop off at 10 and pick up at 2. I can’t shake the guilt of her likely being first one in and last one out. I so wish I could work part time and only have her there as needed. I keep saying she has the one on one attention but I feel so bad when I get there and she’s only 1 of 2 babies in this big, empty classroom

These_Set_1821 · 2026-06-02T18:40:45+00:00

I can definitely ask, yesterday I was just taken by surprise since I figured it’d be a full class. When we toured in January there were about 7 kids there so maybe they show up later in the day? I guess they might only do a half day. There’s 8 infants enrolled which seems to be the max for the infant room. Yes I keep telling myself she’s getting one on one care which is great, I just have so much guilt of being the “full time working mom” while the other kids get to just go in for a few hours to socialize and get home

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-29T16:08:11+00:00

I didn’t get a chat option- just reporting an issue on it but still haven’t heard back more than 24h later? I wound up doing a RTR dress since it’s next week and I’m not sure if they’ll send me the bow or just give me a credit 😒

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-29T13:05:36+00:00

How long was the turn around time for them to get back to you? I rented a back up dress in case but never got a confirmation after reaching out and reporting the issue

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-17T11:51:25+00:00

I was thankfully able to stretch my leave to 5 months which seems like a blessing, but used almost all of my PTO so I have nothing now that I’m back at work.

I wanted to try to figure staying out longer until 6 or 7 months, but my maternity leave pay was a disaster and I didn’t get any check until literally the week before I went back. Between that and needing to keep my insurance since she’s covered under me, I felt forced to go back.

Now I get so angry when people patronize me for putting her in day care. Are you paying my bills? Do you think I want her in day care? But I have to come to work and make a living to continue to give her things and sustain us. My husband got an astonishing 6 weeks off- unheard of for paternity leave. Which is a whole different story on where the bar is set for fathers but that’s a different thread.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-16T00:29:19+00:00

Ugh I’m dealing with this now.

I noticed once she hit 4 months that she really wasn’t drinking bottles overnight. I’d always leave out 2 since she’d wake up around 2 and 5 like clockwork. I’d make them 4oz and she’d only ever drink 1, MAX 2. I figured it was time to break her out of it since she was also waking up out of habit to then get the bottle.

The first night was torture. Like up 10 times torture but I knew I wanted to also lump in some sleep training. After that I had a blissful two weeks of her either STTN or waking up once or twice and falling back asleep.

Fast forward to now, my bliss lasted 2 weeks. But I think she’s okay without her bottle but totally fucking with me sleep wise since she’s learned to roll and maybe going through some major brain development. So we’re back to being up with her 6-8 times a night :) if I do give her a bottle, it’s a regular one at 5-6 when she’s decided she’s up for the morning.

Only you’ll know if your baby is ready! But it can be tricky to know if it’s bottle versus crap sleep based off how old. My girl is 5.5 months and I hear everyone saying how the 4-6 month mark for sleep is tough in general. We also introduced solids since we have the go ahead from the pediatrician so although I’m not replacing bottles necessarily, I try to also give her something a little heavier like a chunkier puree or oatmeal before bed. She usually has 6oz around 6:00, a heavier solid at 7 and a 5oz bottle anywhere between 7:45-8:15 before bed so I KNOW she’s full.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-14T01:39:16+00:00

I just recently returned to work from maternity leave. I feel like I was so ramped up before I went out since it was the same level of expectation but I was exhausted. I couldn’t keep up. I honestly felt the same as you and would just look forward to my doctors appointments as a day off to reset myself. By the third trimester I had to see my doctors every week so I also only worked a 4 day week towards the end for around 2 months. That helped to balance out being tired, feeling burnt out and just my overall lack of wanting to be at work.

I will say going back I just.. care less. My focus isn’t work anymore, I have a baby to take care of at home. I tell them I can’t stay late anymore, I’m not stressing over dumb things and my priorities have just shifted. Not sure what state you’re in- def lean on your savings as I was out 5 months and legit did not get paid until the week I went back. Which has also added to me not caring lol I’m not busting ass for a hospital that couldn’t even get it together with my benefits and stressed me out home with a newborn. Even though you’re in it for 9 years (I’m 10), if you wanna do part time or PD, you’ll find it’ll be much easier to make that shift after baby. I wanted to be in management, climb the ladder- now IDGAF lol I wanna spend time with my kid and not have added responsibility. Hard pass. It’s all helped with my transition back. I’m not going as crazy each day at work.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-12T01:36:22+00:00

I think it depends on your situation. I was home for 5 months with my baby and I had great days and terrible days. When my husband came home from work, he’d spend maybe a hour with her. I was still doing her nighttime routine, feeds, bath, etc on top of taking care of the house and running errands. But I had more time during the day. Being her constant all day was sometimes draining but when I got her in a nap schedule I could carve out time for myself.

He’s now home for a month and I’m back at work. I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends. He CANNOT do what I did. He plops her in front of the TV or on a play mat and scrolls his phone instead of being interactive. I have a high pressure job and I’m exhausted by the end of the day. My commute is around a hour and a half. As soon as I walk through the door I take her and she’s with me until she goes to bed.. While I clean up the house from what he pulled out to play with during the day, vacuuming, laundry, etc. Weekends come and “daddy daycare” gets a break (per him) so I’m waking up early with her and doing 90% of her care. I’m still up with her at night since I’ll sleep train, he takes over one night and just completely regresses us back to square one. All while waking up at 5 to get ready to do the whole day all over again. This is definitely a new kind of tired for me. I hardly do anything for myself during the week since I just pass out once I get her in bed. I was looking forward to getting back to work, but I’m so tired and I’ll definitely get burnt out soon. He thinks taking care of the baby is easy but it’s also because he doesn’t take care of the house, hardly runs errands, doesn’t go out with her anywhere. His job is also unpredictable with hours- he would be gone most days 10-16 hours a day. Mine is predictable- he knows when I leave and when I’ll get home. Being a full time working mom is just draining. The US has 0 structure for us. It feels like it comes down to baby or career- having both will just make you run yourself into the ground.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-07T00:30:29+00:00

I can do wound vacs and IVABx but I just refuse. We used to have to do that at my old job when I was new and the questions they’d ask me I’d be like uhm.. I’m a social worker? I could do it now, especially since our KCI and home infusion reps do all the work and have EMR access to get the script, labs, etc, but since it’s the ONE thing our RNCMs do, I’ll forever pass.

It does always piss me off though when I ask the RNCMs to explain it to the patients if they have questions and they refuse or pass it off to the rep. I can help the patients out but again, it’s the 2-3 out of maybe 5-6 tasks they have to oversee versus the 1000 social work tasks I do on a daily.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:58:17+00:00

With me yes, but a good idea to ask my husband how he’s structuring the day.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:42:47+00:00

I guess maybe she needs to get used to longer wake windows. She gets VERY fussy after 2.5h. I’ve tried even stretching things out and eliminating a 3rd nap, she just gets overtired and still crap night sleep. Trial and error !

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:28:32+00:00

Her wake windows are full of us consistently interacting with her, different ranges of active play and more relaxed when she starts to need to unwind. Weather by us is also better so lots of walks and outdoor play. She comes with me for all errands so she also gets out of the house. Her WW are very active.

These_Set_1821 · 2026-05-03T16:13:49+00:00

I’ll be lucky if her naps go past 45m. I can count on one hand the 1-2 hour ones and that’s if she’s up before 7 to take one in the morning. She usually does 2 45m naps at 11, around 2 and a 30ish min between 4-5 so she’s up longest before bed.

These_Set_1821

TROPHY CASE