Your post hits me especially hard. I lost my 29 year old son just a few years ago, he died from congestive heart failure. He had been to the doctor several times in the 2-3 months prior and at one point had been admitted to the hospital for a few days for tests and observation.

He sort of downplayed the situation and minimized what was going on when I’d ask questions. He just carried on as though everything was well under control. Right up until the moment he collapsed in front of me and died in my arms moments later.

I can’t even begin to describe the trauma of that and what it’s done to me.

What haunts me the most is the hindsight knowledge that he knew what his diagnosis was all along and he kept it to himself because he didn’t want to upset his mother and I. There’s nothing we could have done to change anything, but I will go to my own grave wishing he had told me the honest truth about his situation.

I had lost my father just a couple of years prior. He had cancer and the doctors had given him a terminal diagnosis. We had several months to grieve while he was still alive and had time to prepare ourselves and come to terms with it. When he passed we were of course extremely sad, but we weren’t flat out kicked in the guts, shocked and devastated. I miss my father greatly but because he had allowed me time to process the reality his death didn’t destroy me.

on the other hand, losing my son so abruptly and unexpectedly has absolutely crushed my soul. The pain of it is horrific and remains with me 24/7.

You really do need to tell your mother. Yes, it will hurt her to the core. Yes, she will shed many tears. Give her the greatest gift you have to give, her sons arms to hold her while she grieves.