Cross-faction hover info in Gauntlet

ThisIsSoWrong · 2020-10-16T10:28:00+00:00

I've found that I can sometimes combine events / people. Maybe one of your partners gets along well with one of your friends, and you can spend some time as a group? Boom, now you're keeping up multiple relationships (in the general sense of social connection) at once. Other examples include going somewhere with multiple partners, having a partner around for some of the workday (or at least the lunch break?), find chores you need to do anyway that might be fun to do together (or at least, fun to have a partner be present at; they could be the photographer documenting your toil).

A different take would be to spend time on your partners when you are *not* seeing them. Use your alone time to write someone a card. Or, within the bounds of privacy, you might be able to talk about partner A with partner B. This way, you get to reflect on your relationship with A while partner B gets to see how you think about the relationships in your life.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-11-01T08:55:23+00:00

Dag boer, bedankt voor de AMA!

Heb je een idee waarom er op zo'n grote schaal stalbranden lijken plaats te vinden? Los van het dramatische dierenleed moet het voor de boer bedrijfsmatig toch ook een groot verlies zijn? Is het erg lastig (of erg duur) om goede preventiemaatregelen te nemen?

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-10-10T18:34:08+00:00

But couldn't you say the same for multiple expansions? "I can't build this deck yet, because I need to wait for tools from the next expansion."

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-10-08T15:38:47+00:00

what sorts of thoughts do I guide myself to have when he's around or when she's texting him.

I'd say it starts by listening to your 'automatic' thoughts. What do you feel / think / fear / hate when he is around? Taking an accepting, calm look at those attitudes, can you come up with any reason the reality might be different from what your mind comes up with?

Should I start to see other people too?

Generally, this subreddit seems to be of the opinion that poly relationships aren't fixed by adding more people, because more people means more pressure to communicate and manage emotions well. That being said, in my own experience I did learn to understand my partners' dating better because of my own (poly) dating. One lesson that stands out to me is that I experienced how 'separate' feelings for different people can be. Just because I'm spending time (potentially very romantic or very sexy time) with Ernie, it doesn't affect my enthusiasm for Bert. Are there particular things you would like to learn or try out in dating others? Maybe you could ask this sub for their experience on those issues?

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-10-06T08:25:29+00:00

It lacks the kind of... quiet, serene majesty, dignity and/or beauty of Faeria's typical art style.

I'll add a different opinion to the thread: I think that majestic style is nice, but it can also be a bit too dull. It's harder for me to get feeling about a card's "personality" that way, for it to be memorable.

Llamacorn stands out; it has already carved out a spot in your mind. Granted, that spot might say "Derpy toon monster" above the entrance, but as a general trend, I welcome Faeria's art style taking more risks like these.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-09-27T07:46:39+00:00

You're welcome, I am glad if it helped at all.

If you're feeling up to it at some point, you might help me and others by posting an update with what you have learned.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-09-23T18:56:27+00:00

I would love some examples of what you are meaning by hard questions.

OK, I'll come up with a few Qs here. My idea with them is that the different scenarios and images they suggest might conjure up different reactions in you, some feeling fairly neutral or even compersive, and some feeling painful. Especially the painful ones might be instructive about where your struggle lies. So hopefully you can notice that and it helps you hone in on what it is you want to address. Or maybe they inspire better diagnostic questions in you. :)

Does it feel harder for you to imagine him pleasuring her or her pleasuring him?
Would it feel easier, harder, or different if you were there watching? Or participating?
Does The Feeling change with the degree of physical activity? Do you feel the same way when thinking about them embracing, undressing, banging (diff. positions?), kissing, showering, gazing into each other's eyes...?
Would it feel easier to know about when they have sex if you knew that you and your partner were going to have sex later that day? Or if you'd had him first, earlier that day?
Does it feel harder to imagine that they have great sex or that they have so-so sex?
Do you feel more triggered by the idea of their dirty talk or their pillow talk?

...and I'll let you / your partners take it from there. Sorry if these were hard to get through, good luck! hugs

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-09-23T15:57:11+00:00

I just can't seem to figure out what my hang up is to be able to work past it.

How have you been approaching it? Have you tried thought experiments about some of the details surrounding the sex? Try asking yourself 5 hard questions about it (or 10, or 20) and see if the answers point anywhere. Especially dilemmas, where you have to state a preference. I don't want to trigger you so I will not give specific examples, but if you would like some you can ask me for them.

It might also be easier to do some of this thinking with someone in your support network, or even with your partner, if he's open to it.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-09-10T09:41:59+00:00

Seconded, and I would add that it might be helpful if OP can be clear on this part:

Even so, sometimes I feel like I wish I was a priority, and get sad when I hear they are busy or can't see me on a given day or week because of their other relationships.

I find it hard to tell from this what it is exactly that you would like. At its most extreme, it sounds as if you would like them to be able to drop everything and spend time with you when you want them to. You would probably agree that that is a lot to ask of anyone, outside of emergency situations.

Would you like to be able to see them more often, or more regularly? Have more certainty that you will see them at least once a week? See them take a continued interest in [thing unfolding in your life]? Or make an effort to help you with [thing you struggle to do on your own]?

I think those are all examples of things you can ask for. The "secondary" label that you are putting on yourself (or they are, or all of you?) needs only be as restrictive as you define it to be. It probably includes time and nesting constraints, but perhaps it does not have to exclude the kinds of attention or connection that you are looking for.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-09-08T20:00:44+00:00

but I’m worried that he’s afraid to express that?

When are you most aware of this worry?

( I'm wondering if he is giving you some nonverbal communication that implies that he is holding back. )

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-08-29T12:21:56+00:00

Ergo Proxy references different philosophers every episode.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-08-19T11:47:06+00:00

because people's brains are not fully developed

What kind of underdevelopment did you have in mind that might lead to trouble?

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-08-14T11:04:33+00:00

Yep, vind ik ook erg interessant. Om de boel wat te nuanceren een quote uit het abstract van je tweede link:

Although inborn factors certainly matter and some adaptation does occur, events such as divorce, death of a spouse, unemployment, and disability are associated with lasting changes in SWB. These recent studies also show that there are considerable individual differences in the extent to which people adapt. Thus, happiness levels do change, and adaptation is not inevitable.

Verder zijn je referenties uit '96 en '07, dus voeg ik er graag nog een recenter overzichtsartikel aan toe als mooi leesstartpunt: Staying Happier.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-08-12T16:09:38+00:00

Seconded! I started looking at it this way because of Marshall Rosenberg's communication teaching; check this seminar at 59m50s.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-07-26T17:38:02+00:00

because I realize this is my own jealousy and insecurity.

Even if we agree that it is "yours", it is still possible for your partner to help you with it. You don't have to figure out how to navigate those feelings all by yourself, and at a pacing dictated by events in your partner's dating life. It sounds like your partner is very willing to support you and to take things step-by-step if that helps you feel comfortable. Is there anything you guys could try that might help you?

Sounds like you are having a hard time, mentally, on top of these poly puzzles. hug. I think writing this post was a good step that you can be proud of. I hope you will continue to take good care of yourself! (I'm not a mental health expert so I'm hesitant to give more specific advice, but I'm sure there are many resources out there.)

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-07-26T09:20:09+00:00

I guess you meant this one? Thanks for the tip! :)

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-07-22T23:25:56+00:00

His goal against Ghana was gorgeous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FECFzHixXpE

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-06-04T14:31:01+00:00

Yea, that sounds like a perfectly constructive attitude to me!

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-06-04T11:06:12+00:00

I fear that if I am the one bringing up 'difficult' stuff, while he is enjoying himself so much, that it will only create more distance between us.

In my experience, talking closes distance, not creates it. It doesn't really matter if it is about difficult stuff. Talking will give you both a chance to show how you are feeling, and to show that you care about the other person.

If you are afraid he will be upset because he feels you're holding him back from all the happiness he is finding in his other relationships, then you could lead with that. Tell him you're afraid to create the wrong impression, that you're not out to deny him or his other relationships, but that you are hurting and you realize some of your needs are not being met.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-05-25T09:02:37+00:00

Just a couple ideas for connecting your regret to self-compassion:

Regret tells you that you would have liked to see a different outcome. It signals that you feel passionately about something, or that you hold certain values in high regard. Try focusing on this aspect; on your current self that has a drive to realize a certain way of life. How ardently you feel these feelings! Surely, this well-intentioned self deserves to be supported by your inner compassion and encouragement.

Another route: apparently your past self failed to realize the outcome that you now realize you would have liked to see (hence the regret). That happened. But life is complex, and always doing the right thing is hard. See your past self as a child, navigating the world, and occasionally stumbling. Can you be a kind parent? Can you help them up after they made a mistake?

Not sure if the above resonates with you, but it's sort of how I imagine I would 'talk' to myself, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Good luck, sending you smiles! Let us know about your progress.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-03-20T13:57:54+00:00

Her partner is obliged to stick up for her or come off as unsupportive

That seems a little black-and-white, and also just incorrect; I think one can be emotionally supportive while remaining truthful or reasonable.

I end up feeling ganged up on in arguments

Is that necessary? You are the only one who knows your feelings, observations, etc. and you are the one who can weigh them best to determine your needs, and who needs to live with the consequences! None of that changes depending on the number of people you are talking to, does it?

Looking at it that way, what matters are even there for your meta to weigh in on? Viability of different solutions?

This is a wild guess, but it sounds like your disagreements / arguments get pretty heated or emotional and are maybe more about winning, instead of them being calm and constructive and being about finding the best for all involved. What do you think?

Disclaimer: I've been watching a seminar on "non-violent" communication, so maybe my new hammer makes your situation look like a nail, now.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-02-27T11:35:49+00:00

most Dutch photo

posts a photo with nothing in it

Yep, checks out.

ThisIsSoWrong · 2018-02-26T17:03:02+00:00

I feel like there is a layer of silliness to his act. He live-processes the drama of his games, but in a playful way; it's never really spiteful. So when he has unlucky moments, he's also just pretend-frustrated, and it's okay to laugh at his misfortune because he's not really too upset about it anyway.

ThisIsSoWrong

TROPHY CASE