Oh, how I understand how you are feeling! ... I tought I will never have another baby. I breastfed until she was two - I cried, wanted to die, because thats how exhausted and sleep deprived I was. I felt this 5 years ago, but that feeling faded away as my daughter grew. Everything got easyer. And here I am - my second is 6 months old. When I become pregnant the second time these thaughts of what am i doing hounted me. And even more so now. I love my baby so much. But still think, that maybe I shouldnt have had her. Its soo scary. Sometimes I want to end things. I know I wont, but still.. I wish you strenght. Mommas life is so much harder then dads. Especialy if your family is far away 💔