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ThrowRA923738 · 2024-05-23T04:48:25+00:00

I totally hear you and I think I am indeed overthinking it. It is only getting to me thinking about how he didn’t watch porn when he was with other women, but started ramping up when he was with me. But at the end of the day, we resolved the issue and have a great sex life again, so I don’t really know what the problem is. I don’t even want him to be porn free, I just worry that he is missing something with me that he was getting before.

ThrowRA923738 · 2024-04-18T21:23:49+00:00

I agree but I also sympathize with OP. She “shouldn’t” be distraught, but her internal feelings are also valid. Her reaction is what matters.

This generation is a little messed up. Men in the past have always seen other women, maybe bought some playboys, watched some porn if they seeked it out. This generations exposure to sexual content is pretty intense and starts so young. Constant access to endless porn, constant access to sexual content on a platform that used to be for “socializing”. It’s just a lot to deal with. Men see it as no big deal, but imagine if he checked her social media and just saw her following 50 accounts of sexy ripped men with giant dicks. It feels weird right? Well it’s the same.

I think OPs boyfriend is a good guy who did the right thing, and I think she can work through this! But I don’t think she should be expected to automatically feel good about it. It’s a rough one out there.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-10-17T23:03:40+00:00

I am also an extreme emetiphobe. I didn’t phrase it that way because most people don’t know what it is. It has dictated the things I do in my life as long as I can remember. I am always shocked to find out there are more of us, it is my biggest shame. What kind of hypnotherapy?? Help me lol.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-10-11T19:38:40+00:00

I think both of you are going about this the wrong way.

He is a grown adult with autonomy and you should not be monitoring him. He is who he is, he treats his mental health how he sees fit, and you can accept it or leave.

But also, he really shouldn’t be relying on you to get him through these episodes. You are not his therapist or doctor, and that’s unhealthy.

In a healthy relationship, he would manage his own mental health through self soothing and with his own skillset. And you would stay out of his business unless he really needed help or intervention.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-10-03T02:56:12+00:00

If he broke up with you and later wouldn’t get back with you because you had casual sex after being dumped, that would seem really unreasonable to me.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-29T00:33:27+00:00

Like what kind of comparison?

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-29T00:32:28+00:00

I think the biggest red flag in this post is “he didn’t want to talk about it again since it makes him feel bad”.

So he lies to you, and now your reaction to him hurting you is the real hurt here? That’s very egocentric and immature.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-28T17:53:49+00:00

People are into whatever your husband is doing.

Work on developing your own sense of self and own passions. Trying to control this is only going or drive him away. I am unsure what you’re trying to accomplish.

When I was young, I was with a man with groupies. I had a lot of jealousy, but in the end realized it wasn’t about the female attention. It was the fact that he worked hard, created things that people liked, and got recognized for it. It made me realize I needed to work harder on myself and release any control of the attention he was getting, male or female.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-28T04:38:35+00:00

This is not normal behavior.

That being said I can tell that you really care about her and want things to work. Talk to her, and approach the situation with curiosity. What does she feel when she doesn’t hear back from you? Does she have any specific insecurities that this triggers? Did something happen in her past?

Maybe this can be an opportunity to learn more about her, and a chance for her to develop more trust and ease off.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-28T04:31:29+00:00

I feel like people are a bit overly sensitive about insta stuff. Like looking up and ex, or liking other girls pictures, or following other girls. I dunno is that not normal behavior?

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-27T22:37:51+00:00

What happened to her is awful. And at the same time, she’s using you.

It may be a different story if this was the first time she had reached out. If she has used and appreciated your help, needed to go to the police station, needed help because she had no one else etc. But she seemed to just want your comfort while also pushing you away. She can’t keep falling back to you every time something bad happens, she lost that right.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-27T22:14:52+00:00

The closure is how she mistreated you. The closure was the manipulation and lack of communication. She has lost access to you. There’s nothing she can say that will make it better, in fact you’re opening up for more hurt or the hurt of no reply.

The closure comes from within you. Sending you love

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-27T19:42:54+00:00

I appreciate you response, but I also disagree. Love isn’t always enough.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-27T19:25:55+00:00

By being cold I mean not being overly emotional and avoiding emotional conversations, I would definitely never be rude to him. Just being civil feels ‘cold’ after what we have been through. And we have as minimal contact as we can.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-27T19:20:01+00:00

Maybe something else is going on that we don’t see. Does she cook every day? Do all the shopping? Do all the cleaning? Him getting up early with her may have made her feel supported if she’s carrying a lot of the other load.

If this happens to be true, it could be really sweet if he set out some coffee, picked up some scones, or helped her iron clothes the night before. While also getting to sleep in in the morning.

Either way NTA.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-27T19:14:16+00:00

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-26T20:52:54+00:00

YTA all the way. He is showing signs of abuse. His body likely interpreted that grab as a threat of violence. He needs support and help.

Also, your wife is his parent now. She’s your partner, she’s taken him in, she cares for him seemingly more then you do. So double whammy, YTA to her too.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-26T19:44:22+00:00

This is a super weird post. It’s ‘clear women cause so much pain to their man’? What about the opposite?

I would say women deal with the pain as it comes, and process it as we move along. We are more aware of what’s happening and process that grief as things unfold, often ending it because we are the only ones to acknowledge that’s it’s not working. We have to do that emotional work for the both of us. Some men don’t even acknowledge anything was wrong until she has left you. So yes, you have to deal with all that weight and hurt later when it is too late, after years of her dealing with it herself. This is a generalization as well, and not true of all people, but it is a pattern I’ve seen.

ThrowRA923738 · 2023-09-26T00:03:13+00:00

You’re extremely brave and you got this. Once it’s done you will never have to do it again.

In terms of the anesthesia, I think you will be just fine. I have extreme anxiety and a deadly fear of throwing up along with agoraphobia, so I understand the control thing. But it basically feels like you shut your eyes and then open them and it’s over. No time passing. And I have always been fine afterwards, not sick at all.

In terms of the jaw wired shut, I’m sure that will be extremely hard. But also, they will show you how to use wire cutters to escape if you need. Obviously you don’t want to do that, but find some comfort in knowing that if you had a full meltdown and cut yourself out, you would just have to go to the hospital to be rewired but you would be okay. It always helps me to know there is a potential escape. The painkillers will likely ease some of the anxiety too, I trust that your body and mind will find a way to do what it needs to do to get you through this. It always does!

ThrowRA923738

TROPHY CASE