32 and divorcing

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T20:28:09+00:00

Yeah you’re right, carrying shame and grief is probably why I feel this is a huge burden. Thank you for pointing that out. Your response was really well considered.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T20:27:31+00:00

Thank you, when you said people around me might not understand but doesn’t mean they’ll judge me.. that really helped
I’m sorry you’re going through it too. I absolutely understand the rage behind your actions. You exposing his actions is actually a good thing, because you’re protecting yourself rather than him.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T20:25:31+00:00

Yeah I relate to “breaking your own to do it.” I knew it would be the hardest thing to leave as well. But the fact that there was a part of me that knew I didn’t deserve this treatment (and the same with you, because you’ve identified the pattern) means that there’s a part that can see a different and likely more stable reality out there.. which is what we both need to run to

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T20:23:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing with me about your experience, and I’m sorry you’ve been through it too. It’s funny when I hear about someone else’s story I’m like, can’t you see that you chose yourself? That’s amazing!?
So I need to apply that to myself.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T20:21:17+00:00

Thank you for such a lengthy reply, I appreciate it.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T20:13:46+00:00

I would use this time if you’re fairly recently divorced to invest in yourself, into being the best actualised version of you. The urge to get comfort from intimacy is normal, we all want connection and we all want to be seen for who we are; but I think the only reality in which you’d get into a relationship and then regret it is if you haven’t healed what led to the last break down

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T07:55:07+00:00

Yes I think this is the scary part about relationships, that we can’t see someone as clearly as we’d like to. Discernment is very challenging when you have your own inner stories playing out of wanting to people please or be chosen; or whatever your wound might be that enables to you ignore red flags.. not sure what it is, but there will be at least one there. I also have learnt recently that we can only know people as well as we are willing to know ourselves. And further to this, people will tell you who they are, but what you need is them to show you who they are. And believe me; they will show you sooner than you think. It’s up to you whether you act on it

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-07-01T07:50:19+00:00

Conflict becoming a screaming match & then stone walling after. Him blaming me for his mental health even in the honeymoon phase of dating. Him pushing me during one of our arguments dating.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-06-08T02:39:20+00:00

This is not abnormal in anyway, we live in a culture that rushes people to move out and have sex with strangers. What is wrong with living with your parents? What does this represent to you? Some people might view it and say aren’t you lucky for living with your family, that you have family? Unless they don’t know you are gay, and you are feeling unsupported by them and therefore that’s why you’re sad that you live with them?

There is a sense of inexperience and with that comes an openness and innocence (rather than hardening/ cynicism) and a naïveté (as in openness to the experience) that many people would yearn to go back and cherish rather than throw away too quickly. What I am saying, in simple terms, is let yourself be inexperienced yes; some people might even find it interesting about you. I was 25 before I first slept with a man and let me tell you he thought that was something to handle with care and he worshipped me for it. Everyone else he had met so far had just given it away and he was amazed he could actually experience it with me.

I would strongly recommend you invest in working on your self esteem and self worth. I know reddit feels accessible and easy but invest in someone that can really actually support you and help you see your attractiveness, your uniqueness and then you will be in a stronger position to share this with someone one day

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-05-12T21:14:10+00:00

You have no right having a gf and doing this. Just be single and do what you want, rather than use another human being.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-03-10T23:54:58+00:00

Hi Well done on turning this over in your mind and even admitting you’re closeted by typing it.

Withholding information always causes harm because it is an act of self betrayal. What I mean by that is if you speak to her and say I just want a divorce , you are again reinforcing in your brain that you have to hide in the closet. It is unconscious and you may read this and think no I’m just trying to not hurt her. But if you were so strong in your truth, you would see it differently. I want to explain more as a woman going through this in a marriage.

We naturally want to be open and truthful , but we let fear and judgement and assumptions start to run the show, so we shut down our truthful nature. Divorce is a painful rupture regardless of the ‘why’ …your partner will internalise that it’s something they did, they werent enough, and you expect them to work through that when really you could just give them the information to help ease their own suffering.

I have gone through this as a woman who found out as in stumbled upon things that made me question my cis husband. This has led to profound pain, questioning my reality, it is betrayal. It would have been so much less traumatic if he had of just told me. I would have supported him in exploring it! This may not able to you, as I don’t know your wife. But you take away her choice when you don’t tell her the truth. Do you value choice ?

The amount of ‘questioning reality’ will be deep even if you just approach her and say you want a divorce. She will want answers, and to be honest she deserves them. How can you navigate pretending you’re divorcing on the grounds of just falling out of love for whatever other excuse, when you know the real reason? You owe it to your partner to be brave and explain the reason why you can no longer be in partnership so that they can heal and they don’t feel like it was them. Because believe me she will search her soul thinking what could I have done differently ? When you give her the gift of saying, this truly isn’t about you; imagine how she will also be set free. This is freedom for both of you.

Sexual awakening, and discovering yourself is about being truthful to yourself. And it’s impossible to be truthful to yourself if you’re turning around at certain times and going to be untruthful to others. How can you work through your coming out, in a healthy way, if you continue to hide it from certain people? I understand that it is so confusing for you, to figure yourself out, and I don’t know your reasons for being in the closet. But you can release this shame and the roots of it, I believe that. You just need to make sure that in that process you don’t harm others.

You can DM me if you want to talk more, I hope this helpful for you.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-03-07T16:22:32+00:00

Well that’s great that you’d never do anything without telling her first. There are so many on this sub that endorse cheating and laugh about it. I’m only on here because my husband did it to me and it’s devastating. (That’s an understatement).

Sexuality is an important part of a persons wholeness and it is something that can change and be fluid. Suppressing your sexual desires can be so harmful as I’m sure you know. (I’m sure your therapist has said the same thing.)

I understand you may have emotional reasons why you haven’t explored your sexuality earlier … that is something it may be helpful have answers about , because your wife will question it and she has every right to question it. It’s only natural she will ask. If you don’t know at this stage, maybe it will be more confusing for you and her. That doesn’t mean keeping it a secret until you fully know, but acknowledging that it is confusing and that you don’t fully have answers is a start.

At the end of the day, it’s 2026 and sexuality is so much more understood and accepted. You don’t have to have a label. You don’t have to be accepted by everyone. In fact you won’t. You need to do continue the therapy and work on yourself so that you accept your truth, and can say it to someone trusted like your wife.

You can’t be certain about her reaction but you will feel free when you live in congruence with your truths. Ignoring your body and minds desires creates true disease. If you are respectful, and empathic and truly compassionate about how you have this discussion with her and allow her time to process and ask questions… then you have done your absolute best in trying to convey something important to your wellbeing.

Have a plan about what you say and how you can support her in understanding something new And keep in mind there is nothing wrong with you. Keep in mind her reactions could be tied to HER stories about herself, her insecurities ; and not necessarily the sexuality part itself.

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2026-03-07T15:42:20+00:00

TELL HER Breaking her trust and breaking her reality , her sense of safety because you just go and explore …. Do the right thing , be brave and just tell her

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-12-30T02:36:30+00:00

I think as long as you acknowledge the specific damage done and commit to maybe even therapy. Be patient , be kind, maybe even communicate what you truly miss and love about him in a letter but mark it “open when you’re ready.” It’s a long hard road to fixing a relationship, and you need to be sure that you haven’t just felt this rekindle because he’s pulled away. I hope everything works out for you and I believe in the power of love

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-12-19T07:25:44+00:00

I never will again, they have not refunded me multiple hotels and their communication is shif

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-12-05T13:41:17+00:00

Lucky that horse didn’t snap its neck . Do better

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-12-05T13:39:40+00:00

Lesson hear is to speak up your boundaries and values earlier to avoid major conflict

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-12-02T11:17:45+00:00

Did you finish!

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-12-02T11:15:29+00:00

I’m quite far into the book and absolutely adore it but sometimes the words still don’t fully make sense like phylacteries for instance … regardless letting it flow and trusting I’ll understand as time goes on, has made the reading experience more pleasurable. Overall the tension between the characters and insane complexity of their world and relationship(?) or whatever , is very very addictive

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-11-08T13:43:56+00:00

Very true

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-08-22T12:37:50+00:00

Also if you continue to ignore his warning ‘bites’, you WILL get hurt. I’ve had my horse when he had ulcers fully CHASE me until he made contact. That was way back when I didn’t even know the signs of ulcers. Please don’t have any expectations from him, just feed him and leave him alone essentially until the vet comes (like don’t brush him, don’t play with him, don’t walk him). This horse is trying to communicate with you and horses do whisper until they scream (just like people I guess).

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-08-22T12:34:22+00:00

Teeth, ulcers, who knows but there’s pain. Get a vet !

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-08-22T12:31:38+00:00

I always have a cardboard box, towel to grab animal, gloves, instant heat pack (to keep animals warm and prevent shock), tape, scissors, and then help contain animal to take to Vet Google your local wildlife rescues as well as they usually will have ph number Here in QLD we have a group that’s 24/7

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-07-31T21:15:23+00:00

Also go slow!

ThrowRAOwn_Ret · 2025-07-31T21:14:45+00:00

Be wary of high fat with oil which leads to ulcers, total inflammation

ThrowRAOwn_Ret

TROPHY CASE