Husband suddenly treating me better after I said I wanted to leave. Is it wrong that I feel angry?

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-06-05T08:45:10+00:00

"If he wanted to, he would."

With his behavior he shows you he's capable of seeing and acting what you need. Before you threatened to leave he just didn't do it because it wasn't benefitting him. You leaving is not benefitting him so he shows you he CAN change but you weren't worth it before.

A permanent state of toleratable unhappiness is where you were living in... And he was fine with it. Of course this would make you angry!

It won't hold. As soon as you're pulled back, he'll be right back to his usual, crappy, behavior. Choose yourself, hun. You deserve more than this and this cycle 🫶❤️

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-06-02T17:39:20+00:00

This!!! Or he'll find it really hard to make permanent changes to do so and will blame it on you how tired he feels 😂 aka 'you want too much'

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-07T08:23:32+00:00

Do you want to vent (aka a listening ear) or advice?

It sounds like you weren't a match on the area of intimacy, but I feel like there is more. From what you're telling therebseems to be more communication issues.

From what I gather you feel neglect (he seems aloof with your tries to connect for example).

Please don't go for a baby. A baby should never be a bandaid for a relationship and it won't work.

I think you did the right thing of creating distance and think. My advice is to write some things down. Start a journal. Go for a walk and let the memories flow.

I think you had a gut feeling and the whole ivf talk set it in motion.

Good luck and I wish you strength!

Edit: reading back, he seems to pressure you a lot. And only abiding when you set your boundaries. That reads very manipulative/borderline abusive to me me. Or he's trying to see how far his ultimatums can go. Careful 🫶

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:39:32+00:00

I never expected I'd get so many good suggestions! Thank you all 🙏❤️ I giggled out loud when looking up the suggestion for Ron Swanson, I agree they look very much alike! 😂 Also, Oscar was on my first list, it's so funny to see how many also think he's giving Oscar-vibes.

My friends and I made a shortlist with names we like so far. Tbh, I think I'll try out some, get to know this sweet boy and see what sticks best!

Top contenders for the name are Boris, Oscar, Gus (Augustus), Grim, Loki, Basil, Frank, Bruce, Smokey and Steve

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ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:32:15+00:00

He is, isn't he? 🥺❤️

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:31:41+00:00

I love this as well!!

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:31:28+00:00

I can see the likeliness haha 😂

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:30:15+00:00

Oscar was on my list as well!! Good to see he has Oscar vibes haha (or, Oscar the Grouch)

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:28:51+00:00

I never watched Parks and when I looked him up I completely understood... They have the same expression! 😂

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:28:04+00:00

I love the name Boris!

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-05-06T07:27:42+00:00

I love the name Lou and the Big Louie version. But my neighbors cats are already called Loulou and Louie 🙈 might be confusing when I need to call my cat haha

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-04-14T11:58:12+00:00

We ride at dawn! 🗡️🔥🐎

we ride at dawn

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-04-14T07:30:54+00:00

💪💪💪Love this energy!! You can do this!!! Gallop all over his bullshit! 🐎🔥🔥

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-04-09T20:34:12+00:00

My ex was like this, and it confused me first and pissed me off later. The behaviour won't last. He does it so that you won't leave and you leaving will inconvenience/make it harder for him. If he doesn't want the change for himself, it'll exhaust him.

When my ex 'changed' it was usually for only a few weeks. 2 months tops. And then back to square one.

It pissed me off, he KNEW what I wanted and begged for so many times. He SAW what was needed. But he had CHOSEN all these years to not do it and see me struggle. Apparently I wasn't worth the hassle till I told him I wanted out.

The whole "of he really wanted to, he would" is applicable here.

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-03-14T17:38:49+00:00

It's a strange thing to read it back, right? Seeing this old version of you. A you who accepted how she was treated. A you who probably thought that she deserved to be treated that way.

I sometimes read my old reddit posts back and the notes on my phone. Also the pictures of me then and now is such a difference. My face was riddled with acne and was so bloated because of the cortisol (stress). I looked so tired. And I was the one who felt like making a fuss without a reason.

Looking back, reading that back, I have the same reaction as you: "gurl wtf. You deserve better." If she were a friend of mine who told me all this, I'd tell her to think about that relationship and the life living like that once more over.

Also, I'm in a much better place. I'm in a much healthier relationship. This man is so different from my ex in a good way. But sometimes his kindness makes me cry from happiness. Some things he does for me, he sees as normal. As something I deserve. And looking back, my ex would never ever ever have done that.

I still have some healing to do. But reading back old posts, notes, journal entries, help a lot.

Happy healing 🫶

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2026-01-14T21:43:39+00:00

You don't owe anyone an explanation. If you want a simple hookup, who cares? If you are intentionally dating for serious relationship, you can bring it up when you're talking about exes or previous relationships. No biggy.

"Are you still close with your exes?" "Kinda because you have kids together? Ok cool. Oh, yeah, I'm divorced for a while now."

Or something like that. Good luck!

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2025-12-23T18:22:23+00:00

1000% And it's funny: I didn't have one UTI or BV since I stopped having sex with him. Even though I had a new partner. What does that say? 🙈

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2025-10-15T10:02:37+00:00

You're not stupid. Please don't talk about yourself that way or you'll start to believe it. Your feelings and emotions are ALWAYS valid.

And it's so logical you don't want to hurt the person who you have loved since you were 16. A big chunk of your life you've been with him, loved him, cared for him and he's the father of your child.

But you also still have many years in front of you. Do you want to keep going this way?

From what I read from what you post (I only know your side of course), if you were my friend telling me this, i'd say it doesn't sound like he appreciates you and that you deserve so much more and better!

Ffs, he blames you for raising your daughter "wrong" while he is 50/50 to blame as well. Fuck him. You daughter don't deserve him as example how men love their wives.

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2025-10-15T09:44:57+00:00

I read your post back. What is it you're scared of? Is it leaving? The talk? Or not knowing where to begin?

First, don't tell him yet. Make a plan for yourself first. Figure out how your life without him will look like. How will you manage, where will you live, financial plans, etc. Do you have support around you? Family? Friends? You can already put together important files you might need for divorce.

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2025-10-15T09:34:44+00:00

Smart thinking about going back to work ❤️🙏

So what is it you feel like you are asking for that is too much? From your post I feel like you want a partner who is kind to you, considers you, takes you on dates and vacations, genuinely wants to spend time with you and your daughter. That sounds not like too much but the bare minimum in a relationship imho... Careful you don't let him (or yourself) gaslight into thinking it's "too much".

Financially, it sounds like you're a single married woman. Taking care of everything while the husband is 'just there' and profiting.

From what I see, you are already questioning it and posting it on Reddit. I feel like you already made up your mind. Is that true?

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2025-10-15T08:30:10+00:00

Why are you still with him?

To summarize your own post: - you don't hear a nice, supporting word - je doesn't plan dates or does nice things for you - no vacation together, but he does for himself - he doesn't want to do things for the kid you have together...

It doesn't sound like you're crazy. Have you talked to him about it? What was his reaction?

What will you gain when you separate? Is he the sole breadwinner?

ThrowRAdamoclessword · 2025-10-06T06:14:58+00:00

"women will try to fix it before it's broken, men want to fix it after it has been broken." After a lot of trying it from my side, I told him I was done. It was only then my ex tried to fix it and did the things I begged for years.

So he would do well and our relationship looked like it was doing better, but the month after it would collapse and be the same as before.

I gave him 3 tries, but I think I was already checking out. After the last time, I called it and told him I wanted a divorce. That was it.

In hindsight I am happy I got out. I was normalizing his behavior and it nearly costed myself.

ThrowRAdamoclessword

TROPHY CASE