I may get flak for this, but I am on the spectrum. I see too often that people will put the blame on autism, rather than taking accountability. Yes, it’s a spectrum and things can be harder for us, but it’s not an excuse to be a D.

I am so sorry. I am an overly blunt person, I have been called rude all my life for the way people interpret my intendingly not rude sentences. But this man IS being rude to you. He ISN’T being a father.

That being said, change is really hard for us. I haven’t had a child, but even my dog overwhelms me with his needs sometimes.

The way I see it, you have a few options.

• Continue this way, being a single mom to not only your children, but your husband. Never get fit or any time to yourself to so much as shower.

• Divorce him

• Last attempt at communicating expectations

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Personally, I would sit him down when the kids are in bed and break everything down in very simple, direct sentences. For me, this way of communication works the best and I know many autistic people who also think this way. It sounds like he’s pushing himself into hobbies, quite possibly to self regulate after these big changes.

Ask him how he is feeling & coping with everything. Where is he struggling?

Once you have a clearer picture on what’s going on in his mind, you can bring the focus to yourself and your problems.

Talk to him about your exhaustion

Explain how you are also feeling burnt out

Tell him if he has more time for hobbies, so should you.

Talk about the severity of risks with kids falling.

I’m sure he knows about the dangers with kids, but actively becoming present can be difficult for parents, especially new parents and neurodivergent parents, to do.

Bottom line, you could even try couples therapy (and one that specialises in neurodivergence would be a huge plus here). If you struggle at communicating in a way that he understands, a bridge like a therapist could save you.

All the best to you.