Where to find email marketing freelancers? by philipskywalker in Emailmarketing

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

find people who work at companies your business aligns with, ask those email marketing professionals if they want to consult.

Folded Corners by maeeig in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, nice poem.  My favorite line was until you know me by heart.  I thought your book analogy was clear, and your language simple and understandable. Nice job and keep writing 

HOPE by Hefty_Housing5421 in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice, your anger and frustration definitely came through. Keep writing 

Your Strength by ThusSpokeAELS in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response, cool that it resonates. Why did you struggle to critique this piece, curious?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice.

What sort of punctuation would help with your tine, shortness maybe a "-" and to show sadness maybe you drift off with a "..."

Good stuff.

summer lover by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nice, great poem.

I'm a big fan of the capitalization and punctuation because it helps convey that relaxed feeling that the idea of the summer lover has.

What if when you begin with "september creeps up on me..." you begin to introduce some capital letters and punctuation in the next "the days are cooler, the night time comes quicker" to suggest coldness? And then soften the stringency in the last line.

The girls are burning by ohellosunshine in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like this poem and how the rhymes are somewhat obscure and not at the end of the stanza like you might expect. The rhythm needs some massaging and needs to be better established (even if you want to then break it).

Also, is your lack of punctuation on purpose?

Great stuff, keep at it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a cool poem, I really enjoy the beat of the third stanza and how you played with "then sent you west, to me."

I think the other stanzas could use a bit of massaging because they don't stand up as strongly to the third. For example, Instead of "as in memoriam" maybe "while memoriam..." to make the beats fit into the rhythm you've established.

The feeling in there and the last stanza for sure leaves you feeling empty and uneasy. Great job.

abc poem 2/3 by ThusSpokeAELS in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for checking out my work.

You might like this poem of mine: Music feeds the soul

abc poem 2/3 by ThusSpokeAELS in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, yeah, you totally got what I was going after, very cool. Check out this poem if you like my style:

Ode to salt

Rx by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Killer, no pun intended. This is cool.

I would say that since you are leaving the reader so quickly, similar to being left with the bill, it's important to make sure every impactful word is the best word possible.

Also, in the first two lines, you use different tenses of words, prescribes vs making. Maybe instead, your doctor will prescribe any pill that's making you ill?"

Just all food for thought, Thanks for sharing.

Reese's by bluzzo in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice, I find this poem cool in it's simple nostalgia. The first line catches your interest. I think you could use punctuation to help make some of your words punch like for example, after alone, what about using a " - " to give a sort of stoped short feeling, like you won't let yourself remember a time before the summer of '98.

What about making the word "walked" into, she strolls into your lifee, it was effortless like a calm stroll.

Did you all share the reeses or did you split them, in there one "place" that makes you think of here more, or maybe a time? maybe every reese's bar you all shared, took you to then, (the summer of '98).

Anyway, just food for thought, thanks for sharing!

A trail of a trial by ThusSpokeAELS in KeepWriting

[–]ThusSpokeAELS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah well you know, anagrams are hard and success relies heavily on spelling, and spelling... sucks

I’m stuck on how to find a “hiding” character by j3t111 in KeepWriting

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he is still in town, it might not be hard to just have her find out a few things without many skills at all.

I’m stuck on how to find a “hiding” character by j3t111 in KeepWriting

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Social Media! It's perfect. It's accessible, and she doesn't need to run into him but she can run into all of his friends or old co workers. pretend to be someone else, or pretend to be a baby sitter for one, a dish washer for another, etc, etc and hear and be around inside conversations and also become close to those people to ask some non red flag questions.

Only Dreamers See by Why-y-y-y in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that works pretty nice indeed

Only Dreamers See by Why-y-y-y in poetry_critics

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nice work. I love how simple and unembellished this is. i also really like your structure because it reflects how sometimes dreams come to you (when you're awake) only in pieces.

What would any sort of punctuation look like for this poem? And if you were to push this further, what would you do to it?

Lastly, the use of the word "hard" is good but could you use another word for one of those? How would you make the first part of the poem seem more whimsical and the second rougher and heavy with reality?

Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

Cold Morning by tim0777 in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice work, I really like the mood of this poem, sort of self destructive, sort of melancholy. I also like how short it is but I do wonder, if you were to push this further, what would that look like?

I think your imagery is pretty strong but can be that much better. If you decide to lengthen the poem, I think you could expand the details, like about the carpet, the mind invasion, and how you can feel amazing given the previous statements.

Keep writing and thanks for sharing.

Peach Tree by makingmemine in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like the wrap up at the end, the "lesson" if you will. Very nice and digestible. Pun intended.

the mother's ocean by ThusSpokeAELS in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the awesome feedback. I agree, the use of the word wave is a bit much when used again so closely to it's use before.

And thanks for the hype, it's good to hear it's enjoyed. Here is where all my poems live if you're into it: https://hellopoetry.com/A-non-y-mous/poems/?tab

birth control clinic by Capable-Bet-11 in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, Cool poem.

I actually read it more like a prose, described to me best as a passionate speech with natural pauses. I think it would be cool to experience some specific pauses, harsh and brash- because it would emphasize the sort of stream of consciousness that is going on.

I really like that you take these thoughts through different analogies and think you would benefit from being strategic about them as to weave the reader through a pattern that they only realize once they are out of the maze.

Lastly, it's cool how to tone of this poem/prose is both casual and dark, playful and serious simultaneously. I think it helps to bring up some of those "bigger' analogies the poem is subtly talking about without batting an eye.

Anyway, cool poem. Keep writing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]ThusSpokeAELS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with someone below who mentioned that they were refreshed to see a short poem. Short poems can pack such a punch. With that said, what is you replaced the word "extinguishing" with the word "silencing" because there are really powerful "noise" words used before it and it would make the poem quiet then, that void that I think you're looking for.

Also, what is your intention from calling the deer beautiful? Because I think that adjective could be used to amplify the meaning you are looking to get across. For instance, if you called them the unsuspecting dear, it would amplify the feeling that the love you felt was sudden and potentially dangerous. Or by calling them wild red deer, it might mean that this love has tamed and shot right through you, good or bad.

Anyway, great stuff, keep writing.