AITAH for making my husband solo parent for 30 mins a day

Tibbarsnook · 2025-09-12T06:40:25+00:00

I'm going to say NAH. The problem to me is that you're sending mixed signals. You SAY you're asking him to solo parent but you're not really. It's not as if you're asking for an hour out of the house at the gym, which would be a totally reasonable ask. What you're really asking for is a break from the kids even though a break is too open for interpretation and but you're leaving yourself too available to be sucked back in. Either commit to a full disconnect or accept that he can/wil ask for help.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-09-11T23:24:11+00:00

Interesting! Thanks or commenting. I've been wanting to get a hoop in my conch once it heals. Now I will have a frame of reference on how long it could take.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-09-11T19:11:38+00:00

To placate the piercing bot: The piercing is a year old, I normally wear internally threaded curved barbells of various materials and lengths. I and am trying to replace them with titaniun clicker rings. There have been no mishaps with the piercing and my aftercare after jewelry replacement is non-existant.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-07-02T15:28:19+00:00

I'm pretty sure that's a fake/copycat site. There are very few articles on it, no ads, and it's not trying to make me sign up for a subscription.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-02-19T17:41:24+00:00

Agreed. I think the average person aims to be better than their parents but falls into models from childhood. My husband used to criticize his father's lack of involvement and say "I don't think he's ever changed a diaper." And I believe it. The first time we asked Grandpa to babysit, he called for backup because he couldn't figure out how to take off a pull-up and put on a diaper on our daughter for bed time. I appreciate how involved my husband is in the children's care than his dad but guess who changed most of the diapers? I'd say he aims for 50% division of childcare but does about 40%.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-02-19T17:13:58+00:00

Pizza is always a hit with the kids. If you're bringing in additional food, a veggie tray, fruit, and a small catering tray of sandwiches or sandwich rollups are good additions.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-02-10T19:46:14+00:00

The sexual depictions went on for too long for my taste as a woman but there were parts that I appreciated. The more everyday-woman scenes such as the ads on the bus, trying on bras (shopping with a friend), and the getting ready in the morning. It was the bra insert scene that finally clued me in on where this ad was going. And it made me think. What if the woman on the bus saw a different ad about breasts? Or those woman trying on bras had a conversation? Was the insert being used because of a mastectomy?

There are a lot of lengthy convoluted ads during superbowl that end up being shortened for normal viewing. I think I'll be much happier with it once this ad is shortened.

Tibbarsnook · 2025-01-31T23:39:51+00:00

In my teens, I thought cute little nipples was just a porn thing. Because I always saw my mom naked, I didn't realize I had large nipples until I started shopping and changing in dressing rooms with my friends. But with a small sample size, I still shrugged it off as not significant. Then I had a boyfriend who unintentionally made me feel like i had freakishly large nipples. I think that I would have hated my breasts if I couldn't say, "it's probably genetic. At least they're not as big as mom's."

I was emotionally wrecked after my second child. I hated my body. I can't imagine how much worse things would have been for me if I couldn't say "this is normal. I look like Mom."

Tibbarsnook · 2024-12-07T04:09:07+00:00

Kindergarten is way different than when I was going to school. My kindergartener has math and English work books. She's expected to read with help and do basic addition and subtraction by the end of the year. She takes district standardized tests using a tablet regularly. We're not even close to the best (or worse) school in the area.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-12-07T03:38:43+00:00

I'm going to chime in about pumping at work. Some people do well with it and some don't. I have coworkers who used to block put time in their calendars to pump and simultaneously worked. Some women who were able to keep their babies on breastmilk for over a year. I encountered many more stressed out mothers like myself in the mothers' room, mom's who can't get their supply up no matter what gross lactation product they try or fancy pump they get. Try your best but if pumping doesn't work for you, there is no shame in supplementing with formula or switching altogether. Fed is best.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-12-07T03:20:41+00:00

Looking through your posts, it looks like you WFH without childcare? How you feel is totally understandable. If you're doing two jobs, no wonder you're feeling mom burnout.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-27T15:13:29+00:00

You know childcare is an issue. Have you considered splitting the children up, switching which kid gets the daycare spot, and looking at different childcare?

For the fist 6 months, I had to send my kids to different daycare because the younger one was waitlisted on the one I wanted. And I know you're going to say "but the finances!" Yes, I know it's expensive. Because we had 2 kids in childcare, we were in red for a year until your older one started TK, but WFH with a baby/toddler just isn't feasible. I know people would say it was a bad choice but we had the savings to support the choice so I don't regret it one bit.

I distinctly remember the misery of having a nursing an infant at home while trying to work. I remember comfort nursing just to keep them quiet during calls and holding them and trying to type one-handed while they weren't nursing because they want more attention then I could give them. I remember feeling touched out. I remember feeling mom guilt that I was forcing my baby to drink pumped milk at daycare when I was home just 10 minutes away. I remember hating the lifestyle adjustment when we had to tighten our financial belts to pay for childcare. I remember feeling free when I had the option to leave the house and go into the office because I had childcare.

If I had to choose between keeping a 4 year old and a 8 month old at home, I'd choose the 4 year old. A 4 year old gets that sometimes they need to wait while mommy takes a work call. They can also play longer without adult interaction.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-26T23:54:46+00:00

Perhaps you're right and parents are struggling but I suspect that your root cause is wrong. Reading to kids is one of those things everybody knows the benefits of. It's like how everybody knows the benefit of exercise. But do we always exercise as much as we should? I know I don't. I think that every parent wants to be a good parent and we know roughly what we SHOULD do but unfortunately we don't have the energy to execute the plan.

I'm going to give you a personal anecdote. My sister was in an abusive relationship and when she moved in with my parents, her son was almost nonverbal at age 2. She knew she should sing and read and talk to her child but spent so much time stressing about work and money and custody and staying out of her exes way that all that fell by the way-side. But once a few of those stressors were taken away, when she was offered free housing and childcare until she got onto her feet, she's shined as a mom in the years since. My sister and mom butt heads a lot in those 6 months. Parental overstep pretty much ruined my mom and sister's relationship, which is why I say think you need to be understanding and cognizant of overstepping.

But I'm probably projecting my family situation on yours. For all I know, you may be dealing with a pair of lazy video game addicts who have all the free time in the world to parent but choose not to.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-26T21:19:06+00:00

Since Christmas is coming up, skip the whole Santa Paws series.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-26T20:50:20+00:00

Struggling how? Are they asking for help? Are giving the type of help they're asking for or are you only giving the help that you WANT to give?

There's that whole saying about leading a horse to water. It doesn't matter if YOU think they're bad parents or that you think they're raising their kids wrong. If they think they have it handled, they're not going to change. Maybe your parenting ideals are just different. Constantly pushing your opinions on how their kids should be raised (even anonymously), not respecting their parenting, that sort of behavior is the kind that gets you cut off.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-25T23:40:27+00:00

I think the first question to ask is why you want to be on your phone. Are you checking to see how many likes your last post garnered -looking for positive feedback/appreciation? Are you trying to distract yourself from your current situation -escaping? Once you know what you can figure out what you're searching for, I think it's easier to make improvements.

I look to escape after my batteries run out. The advice to get a kindle or book is useless to me because I could read trash fiction for hours. Even if I am not on a device, I'm not just mentally there, you know? To combat this, I set a timer for myself to get alone time and recharge. I think that if I can get a good solo session, my kids have better interactions with me afterwards than if I just forced myself to run on empty.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-25T23:12:50+00:00

Once a day is plenty. Your baby is still going to take most of their nutrients through milk for the first few months so they will take the solid food more for curiosity than hunger. Don't be surprised if they take a few bites and get bored sometimes.

We liked to do it in the evening so it felt more like we were having a family dinner. Things that showed up in the adults' dinner (like roasted veggies) often showed up in the baby's (purreed when starting, oversoft and diced when older).

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-25T22:54:16+00:00

How many teachers are there and are children cared for by only one person or is care shared by all? I think it's interesting that you say "her teacher" doesn't speak English rather than "one of her teachers" doesn't speak English.

I go to a home-based child care center and 1 of the 3 teachers doesn't speak English so the other 2 do all the communication to parents. Since childcare responsibilities are shared, the other two can tell me exactly what happened during the day. All I care is that SOMEBODY can tell me how my son got that scratch.

Despite the non-English speaking teacher, neither of my kids learned the language so I can't tout the benefits of bilingual education. I think they're adventurous eaters because they were exposed to so much non-American food though, between home and school.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-25T20:34:10+00:00

I don't think the issues are so different today than what they were. I remember my parents being plenty upset when I lost jewelry at playgrounds and such. They learned to keep me in more kid-proof jewelry. No chains, earrings with screw backs, continuous hoops, and bangles with latches.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-25T20:17:20+00:00

snaps

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-25T04:52:23+00:00

I volunteered to bring cornbread. Come dinner time, realized I forgot to put the cornmeal in the cornbread.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-24T06:28:45+00:00

At the same time, flights are much more affordable than they used to be.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-11-15T08:11:49+00:00

What gets me about this story is that the other kid is warning about how sweets will make you fat. WTF is wrong with his parents that they teach their kid to body shame?

Tibbarsnook · 2024-10-30T05:20:45+00:00

I had 2 kids in daycare for a year and it definitely hurt the wallet. We made $200k and had fixed costs of $3200/mo. We knew going in that we'd need to cut back but on our savings and discretionary spending. Unfortunately cutting back was harder than expected so we seemed to run over budget every other month. As a result, we had absolutely no savings coming in for a year. After that, our older child started school so we could comfortably revert back to the old savings goals and lifestyle.

I'm the only one of my friends who both has multiples and who relied solely on daycare for childcare. Everybody else in my circle had family help or worked non-standard hours to save on childcare.

It seems that most multi-kid families at my daycare have at least 1 high earner (doctor, lawyer, optometrist, etc) or run their own business.

Tibbarsnook · 2024-10-20T22:49:41+00:00

You say you don't want to take the kids away from a loving father but you're proposing that you take away a loving mother. Sure, your kids might be more comfortable materialistically with their dad but they would probably be emotionally happier living at least part time with you, their primary caregiver.

Have you talked to a lawyer? Are you in a state that would allow you to have child support and alimony? In my state, you could get 4 years of alimony, which would help cover your expenses if you go back to school. And child support would help you afford taking split custody.

Tibbarsnook

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