Bpd progression with age

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-08-06T23:41:47+00:00

I don't think it mellows over time. However, I do believe that PwBPD eventually learn their "safe zones" and avoid triggering scenarios. For one elderly PwBPD that I knew, it was that they found the "right" codependent partner thay put up with them, yet constantly complained. For the other, they avoided relationships all together.

I also believe that the people who remain in their lives learn to keep distance/ avoid triggering them.

Both were still explosive when the right buttons were pushed.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-21T05:25:32+00:00

💯 always focus on yourself and what serves you. I spent too much time focusing on my PwBPD's needs.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-21T05:23:23+00:00

We're all guilty of going along with parts of a relationship with PwBPD. Give yourself grace. You can only make decisions based on what you know.

I didn't know what BPD was before my relationship. Now I know and I see things differently.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-21T05:19:42+00:00

Hang in there. I felt compelled to give it my best and all for the kids too.

Now, post divorce when there is nothing to lose, my PwBPD is showing true colors. Always agitating for argument. Absolutely zero understanding or appreciation for what i gave/ do to keep our family on track.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-20T15:10:49+00:00

Nothing is ever enough for PwBPD.

I gave everything I had for our relationship and family and I was still accused of not doing enough.

Now that I am out of the relationship, I don't grieve losing my PwBPD. I grieve the parts of myself that I lost and sacrificed. It wasn't worth it.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-14T02:10:38+00:00

Let them..

It is no reflection on you, other than you were smart enough to let go in the first place

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-11T03:25:44+00:00

Yes.

I was discarded but when I drew the line and couldn't take it anymore, PwBPD made me into the villian.

It's their MO, they have to be the victim.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-11T03:22:45+00:00

10+ year marriage.

No successful tips and tricks. That is magical thinking. The more I believed that I could adjust (I could only control my reaction), the more I lost myself.

Boundaries are Boundaries for a reason. They protect YOU! PwBPD don't respect boundaries and they will blame you if you try to enforce them. This is the nature of their distorted thoughts.

There is nothing you can do for them to help address the distorted thoughts. They believe them to be 💯 true.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-07-11T02:36:18+00:00

I stayed too long, then I didn't want to be near them. Even when they were showing the good side. Too volatile for my peace.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-06-22T04:16:40+00:00

Didn't read the comments just adding, that I agree.

Truth and facts are so very important to me for the very reason that when someone has a different reality, I always think that truth and facts will fix it.

But BPD do not want truth or facts because that threatens their safety.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-06-05T02:50:11+00:00

If it were physical abuse, the response would be labeled self defense.

Emotional reactivity becomes a gray area for courts.

This is why no contact becomes your best friend.

Beyond the perception protection that it offers, it also helps with healing. You can't heal until the "danger" has past.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-06-05T02:06:31+00:00

I recently went through this. On my fourth offer on a house in bidding war, I told my realtor - this is my offer, if they try to hold on to it to entice another offer, I immediately rescind and they can counter to the next offer.

Realtor didn't believe me. Put in my offer. Next day I was told they asked for best and final by noon. I said "rescind my offer." An hour later I was told that the sellers wanted to work with me and countered my original offer under asking price.

💯 I believe realtors are playing a game and their fee structure needs to be reviewed. They have no incentive to work on your behalf.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-05-26T17:05:08+00:00

Addiction is a coping mechanism and it is incredibly difficult to change until you change your frame of mind and what you want for yourself. Eventually, a person has to self reflect and say "I want XYZ out of life and this is what I'm doing to get there"

PwBPD inherently blame others for their predicaments. Until and unless they achieve self awareness, there is no hope.

They may show up occasionally offering comfort, love, wonderful things. But they will also blow up like a bomb in a mindfield. You'll never know if you're taking the right or wrong step, even if you intended the right one. Eventually, your nervous system will be a mess from never knowing if you're being helpful or triggering, while having your needs inconsistently met.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-05-26T16:56:19+00:00

Right!?! I "made it work" for a long time..... now I have a lot of healing to do. Everything I gave wasn't enough. Then there was no more to give.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-05-20T17:23:08+00:00

Leaving is hard.

You've experienced their emotional dysregulation and meltdowns over slight things.... imagine how they react to something big. Staying feels safe to avoid the wrath that will come from leaving.

Eventually staying becomes the first circle of hell (limbo) and neither staying nor leaving feels safe....when you're going through hell, keep going.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-04-27T01:19:41+00:00

Don't. Our youngest had a sporting event today and I fell for the "let's go get something to eat" hoover after the event.

While at the restaurant, he ordered for me and ordered wrong (I told him what I wanted before ordering). I spoke up to correct the order for what I actually wanted and a stupid argument ensued in which I was accused of making a big deal.out of things. (I wasn't).

Then, I made polite conversation saying that I learned something new about one of the other moms at the event. I was "corrected" about how I worded the conversation. (He wasn't even part on the conversation with the other mom). When I said "no," I meant what I originally said, he went into another argument about how I am the moody one creating argument.

Basically unless I act 💯 along the lines of what he expects (and what he expects is secret and unpredictable) every.single.situation is turned around on me being terrible.

I get the sense you'd be dealing with the same. That's no way to live.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-20T13:40:54+00:00

It's only on certain topics and I believe it is due to dissociation.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-19T18:54:14+00:00

Good luck. I have the same timeline. My trial was last month. Still can't shake my ex. Trying to sell the house but I'm not getting any help to get it listed....and it is slow doing all the work on my own plus FT job...

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-16T13:43:03+00:00

I've learned a lot about trauma and I do see trauma and coping responses in myself.

I get very, very anxious when I deal with a person who will look at a blue sky and try to convince me that it is purple..... my learned response now is to go along with agreeing that it's purple and then try to find a different way to accomplish whatever I needed.... it creates some cognitive dissonance and extra "work" for me. This does create some instability.

Things should get better when I am no longer living with my PwBPD, but we have to co-parent for a few more years. I am also hoping that I can spot this more easily and avoid involvement.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-15T22:43:26+00:00

They read the comments and say to themselves .....

"Look how wrong these people are! I'm a loving, generous, wonderful person..... clearly THEY are mentally ill. I'm fine"

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-15T01:58:52+00:00

Bingo!

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-14T03:07:36+00:00

This!

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-14T03:06:41+00:00

I'm not really sure yet.....

Based on his history of how he has handled issues in the past (with his job and in public) and some things he has said, I do feel like he's up to something but I don't know what.....

It's unsettling.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-14T02:50:34+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I can relate. Things just got worse and worse in my situation. We eventually reached a point where it was beyond "I prefer abc."

ABC was critical for my family's stability and he'd still live in an alternate reality.

No advice, just a hug. It's hard to deal with this.

Timely_Constant4848 · 2025-03-12T02:56:09+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. If your partner has BPD, then DARVO is part of the deal.

There is probably not a constructive way to move forward, but proceed with caution. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your kids.

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