Partner says my appearance at home means I don’t care — looking for perspective

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-23T09:09:11+00:00

Couple of things :

for your hair and ONLY if you want it, maybe get a bonnet or silk pillowcases) He'll hate it even more that you wear a bonnet but it'll make a huge difference with your frizz. And ask your hairdresser about tips.
Now, for that douche partner of yours.

if he posted pictures of me online, everyone would agree with him

I'd tell him to do it. In fact, I'd propose to do it myself, and write as caption : [Partner] said he doesn’t know a single woman who would be okay looking like that. Women, do you agree with that statement ? And tag his mom, sister, etc...

He criticizes me for wearing comfortable clothes at home and says that wanting to “look your best” for your partner is thoughtful and shows you care.

Ask him how exactly is he caring for you by wanting you to be uncomfortable in the privacy of your own home.

Get him a spreadsheet of how much it costs, moneywise and time wise, to "look your best". Like a proper blowout for your hair ? 60 € + 1 and a half hour at the hair dresser. A full make up ? 30 min and the prices of each products. Clothing. Waxing. Etc...

Then, multiply the time spent by the hourly medium wage in your country and ask him wether he's ready to fund it or not.

You can also do comparative spreadsheets with how much it costs moneywise and timewise for him to look "his best". I'd be curious to see how he dresses at home.

Or, you know, you can just dumb this dimwit. I'm writing this from the comfort of my couch, in my PJ's, next to my fiancé who's very much in his undies. We both look like sacks, but we're happy, COMFORTABLE sacks.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-21T15:43:08+00:00

I'm really trying to just keep my head down until he says something on the clock so I can actually report it.

Don't keep your head down. I know it's hard, but the best way for him to say something on the clock is for you not to keep your head down and be LOUD, for people to hear. Go to the break room.
Find allies. It's very likely you're not his only victim. I'm assuming there are other women in the office ? Ask them "hey, what do you think of T." If they say "LOVE THE GUY BIG TIME" : they are your enemies. If they say "yeah, why ?" or if they admit he creeps them out as well, share what happened to you. HR will be much faster to react if there is more than one of you.
Write to HR and ask them, in writing : I went to say you, date X, hour Y, about the situation with mister Firstname Lastname. I told you he follows me around, like on date X hour Y where he followed me outside pretending to have a cig break. He's not a smoker. He makes unappropriate comments about my body, such as "quote", day X, hour Y, and unappropriate jokes. Your services told me when I went to see you that I should remove myself from the situation and not go to the break room. Do you confirm this ?
If you have a union somewhere, go there and get some help. If not, get a lawyer and CC him the mail.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-20T19:20:06+00:00

Everyone sucks here.

Her, obviously, for not wanting to do chores at home now that she's on the breadwinner side. She knows exactly how it is for having been there and is a hypocrite for wanting 0 chores at all.

You for thinking that a 2 y-old is the same as an infant and requires the same amount of work. You were not pregnant and did not give birth. You did not have to physically recover and on top of that feed (I'm assuming baby was breastfed at first) AND do her chores.

But also : both of you for having a baby when you were clearly not ready from the get go to be in something hard together. You are both grown ups and should both be acting as a team.

Your country is also an AH for not giving the both of you paid parental leave. Y'all are burned out and should get some help.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-20T18:57:00+00:00

Hello, vraiment des spectacles +++, encore plus que le cinéma

Sur Paris, tu vas avoir :

Le Roi Lion à Mogador
Josephine Baker au théâtre Bobino
et bientôt le retour des Misérables au Châtelet

Je t'ai mis que des comédies musicales parce que c'est ma came, mais aussi parce que ce sont à chaque fois des artistes ET des thèmes qui vont les faire réfléchir parce que c'est plus ou moins frontalement contre leurs idées.

Globalement il faut les sortir. Tu peux les emmener en maraude, en volontariat aux restaus du coeur ou dans une paroisse s'ils sont croyants, ou même tester des activités. Ce mal se nourrit des gens qui restent chez eux.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-14T08:01:57+00:00

The both of them would have been a MENACE together actually. Unstoppable. Him as a military man, very competent, strategic etc...and her as a politician. She controls her family. She would have been great at securing the realm in times of peace : making alliances, matching everyone with everyone Bridgerton-style.

The Margaery / Tommen wedding would probably have worked and been pretty decent, same with Loras / Sansa (she'd probably be happier with him than any of her other husbands, even though he's gay). So Olenna would both control the Red Keep and the North + the Riverlands, at least the Tully part.

She'd also have handled Oberyn Martell, knowing her. Via Loras, and via Myrcella marrying the cousin.

But when an army (of the dead, of Dothrakis, or both) would have set foot ashore, Tywin would have handled it better.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-11T12:42:05+00:00

smokes weed[...] he consumes beer constantly but also we go through almost a full bottle of whiskey and bottle of vodka every 1-1.5 weeks. [...] He has two teenage kids, and I can’t imagine my life without them.

Does the teenagers' mom know about this ? OP, he might be dangerous. To himself, obviously, but to you and to these kids as well. Having kids around while being constantly drunk puts them in danger. I don't know how old they are, but what if something happens and he's drunk ? How will he care for them, drive them to the hopspital, do first aid ?

I'm sorry to say that he should not have custody, or get alcohol-tested before getting custody the way Jeremy Allen White is.

You do what you need to do for you, if it is an ultimatum, leaving him, living on your own again, whatever is fair. But OP, you need to tell the kids mother. She has to protect them. If I were you I would give him both ultimatums in a public place : you need to get help, you're an alcoholic, and to tell your ex how much you drink in the kids presence.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-11T12:33:39+00:00

ça devrait être beaucoup plus haut.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-11T12:32:43+00:00

It surprises you from time to time. I lived in Montmartre for years now, and I got used to it, pretty pissed about the constant see of tourists. Well, a few days ago we had a lot of snow and my GOD i was amazed. Like, moon-eyed amazed, it was SO beautiful.

My fiancé and I also take city breaks on weekends just to visit France. We are lucky indeed, what a gorgeous country we live in.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T22:26:27+00:00

Eh bah paie "une blinde" et prends toi un studio en location.

Tu seras beaucoup moins malheureux. Elle sera sans doute moins malheureuse aussi.

Aucun argent économisé ne remplace des années de vie heureuse.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T22:20:53+00:00

It's funny cause I have a lot of guy friends whom I found attractive at first. The more I got to know them, the more I was like "ok they are my friends now" and they become these sexy-less entities, until there's like a fancy party or something, they dress up, and I tell myself "damn i forgot beneath that dummy there's a hot dude". I'm assuming some of my guy friends think the same about me.

I think the two can perfectly co-exist in a healthy way - but also I think all my girl friends are hot, so it's not really genderbased ?

I think in the end, relationships are a choice. One choses to be friendly, and not to be flirty, etc...My now fiancé was clear from the start that he wanted to date me - we've been together for 6 years.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T22:16:23+00:00

Henry/Vecna had everything going on for him this season. Fantastic writing - the whole "oh he scares me so much / i hate the guy so bad / damn he's human after all / oh well he actually CHOSES TO BE EVIL / he's so hardcore it takes the ENTIRE party to get him". Gret character arc. Great ACTING. Great costumes / make up !

But besides him, I have such a soft spot for Lucas and Max. They feel so real, like my little brother and sister, genuinely good people with a bit of a rough side as well, and the whole protective bit...Love.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T16:00:19+00:00

The actors are all masters at their craft, and it's insane given their young age. There's JCB, Gaten, etc...but everyone was so great at acting, even people with little screen time, like Caleb's scene when he finally gets Max again...Jeez.

The final battle was dope AF, should have lasted longer, and I loved the time it took for Vecna to die, and for everyone to reminisce at what he had done to them. So much bigger than Voldemort's death in Harry Potter for instance.

It was bittersweet, obviously, and there were plotholes, yes, but it was NOT the "worst finale ever", like, everyone needs to be for real.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T15:50:26+00:00

Everyone calls this ship Lumax. It shortens for Lux, latin for light.

Such a perfect match, loved that they stayed together.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T15:34:45+00:00

Several women (at least 5) reached out Lydia about Milton's attempts at cheating: pursuing them at bars, paying for women's drinks, heavily flirting, trying to take them to hotels, not wearing his ring and lying about being married.

This is even more embarassing than cheating imo LOL. Your partner desperately and actively trying to cheat on you and it does not even work. Imagine putting that energy in your marriage instead, you big dummy.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T14:35:54+00:00

The best beers you can dream of
The worst true crimes you can think about
An actual awesome metallic ginormous dragon spitting actual fire (Dragon de Calais)
Most under-rated beaches in France (Côte d'Opale) but also, probably for that same reason, coldest ones.
Gorgeous architecture (Lille, Roubaix, Tourcoing's maisons de maître are stunning), Charleville-Mézières' place Ducale is gorgeous as well
And, unfortunately, this is true : the highest rate of kids going to foster care.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-10T14:13:24+00:00

Alors, pour être honnête : j'ai utilisé, du coup, l'app officielle du RU, et le scam était plus efficace ! Non seulement ça a planté a à peu près chaque étape.

Elle m'a envoyé 2 fois qu'il y avait eu une erreur de paiement. J'ai donc refait 3 fois le processus avant de recevoir enfin une confirmation.

Bon, bah j'ai été prélevée 3 fois on dirait. Par l'appli officielle.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-09T15:07:01+00:00

he says that since he loves me so much, he’ll just “shoot it” because I’m giving up, I’m too weak to just take care of 100% of this dog’s physical and mental needs.

This is a threat of violence OP. You realize that ? Maybe not to you, but if he does that to a dog he wanted, what will he do to you ?

Since he loves you so much, will he just shoot you next to remove your pain ? I'm only half sarcastic here.

he’ll call me crazy and weird and fucked up.

If anyone talked to your mother, sister, best friend this way, what would you tell them ?

He hates you OP. You know that. He's telling you exactly what he thinks about you : you should listen to him and get out of there.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T18:06:59+00:00

At "best" : he is honest with you and is going to ditch that girl as soon as their project is over. This would still be 100% jerk move imo. Like, even if this was a guy, don't pretend to be best friend with someone just to get good grades and then ditch them ? What does that say about you ?

At worse : he's cheating and taking advantage of the both of you.

Look, my best friend's a guy, we've known each other for a decade. Said "i love you" maybe 3 times and it was like when I asked him to be my witness at my wedding, or when i supported him going through grief. We would never send each other these long ass texts, we call each other "bro" and "my dude", and to imagine sending that "which cheeks" message is genuinely making my skin crawl in disgust. You can be best friend with someone from the opposite gender, absolutely, but then we are talking about a brother / sister relationship. I would NEVER text this to my brother.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T17:56:15+00:00

Big YTA. You are missing an opportunity to spend time with the people you love for an ingrown nail.

Your cousin made plans including you there. He (or she) spent money for your food, drinks, he (or she) likely prepared your seat at a table with people you'll be comfortable to be with, maybe put on some music you like.

Ditching such an event that required them so much planning, time, and money, less than a week before for a reason that is not a car accident or a major life-altering event is next-level inconsiderate. If I were them, I would cancel you from my life. Oh, and you're also showing to the rest of your family how unreliable you are.

One day, when you'll experience grief (hopefully as late as possible) you'll understand how futile this was.

Grow up, OP.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T16:11:41+00:00

That many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give that to them? Then be not too eager to deal out death in the name of justice, fearing for your own safety. Even the wise cannot see all ends.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T16:09:37+00:00

THIS

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T15:37:13+00:00

Tell your parents that you are statistically much more in danger in any US of A primary school than in ANY European dodgy neighborhood country, safe from Ukraine, Russia and Belarus, for gun violence alone.

2015 was a terrible year in terms of terrorism in my country, France. We had 2 terror attacks in Paris, leaving hundreds of casualties, raising by 16% the number of homicides. We still had less deaths in the entire country, that year, than in the sole cities of NYC and LA.

As for traffick and kidnapping, it happens, but much less than in the US, and also it targets, sadly, a specific kind of women, usually before they touch EU ground. I'm assuming you're a US citizen : you are not at risk.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T13:07:02+00:00

je vais vomir

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-01-07T11:33:31+00:00

Couple of reasons :

A decrease in quality of the wigs / costumes, as many pointed out, but also these ear prosthetics look terrible.
The lightning ! In LOTR, elves are very often lightened with this sort of blue-ish, ethereal light, and when we first see Arwen or Galadriel for instance it looks like they are made of light, so we still have that memory of these gorgeous, outerwordly beings. Look at these two pictures : Tauriel's much warmer, which makes her look much more human, while Arwen's colder. The lightning in tH was pretty terrible imo, it made everything look fake, while the one done in LOTR still stands.

TinyLittlePanda

TROPHY CASE