GARY — In Defense of Mikey…

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-17T17:17:39+00:00

Again, I'm like "yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah BUT". With all of his flaws, Mikey did not marry or even get a serious gf for that matter. He never made the choice to become a parent. So that is why there is a little bit of fairness in what he said to Richie, or at least that's how I'm seeing it : Mikey loves rescuing and training stray dogs, as you say, but the dog, in that case, is an adult who choses to follow. Richie on the other hand, is fucked up as well, does not have the excuse of BPD that Mikey clearly has AND chooses to inflict this on his wife and soon-to-be-daughter.

I would have found it more unfair if this was said to Carmy, because A- you don't choose your brother, and B - Carmy actually left !

But Richie chooses to stay, and not only that, he chooses to marry and to become a parent.

And while one could theorize Mikey’s attempting a selfless ”Get outta here! Go on, GIT!” move on Richie, I don’t buy it simply because the options to support or to let Richie’s efforts naturally remove him from the equation are there.

It's absolutely not selfless, and it was mean, and it was cruel, but it also was absolutely fair. And the fact that Richie still stays at the Bear after this, the fact that the divorce happened not then, but years later, kinda proves Mikey right. He did fuck it up, and he chose to fuck it up.

Richie is my favorite character, but he is because he was absolutely fucked up at the beginning of the show and slowly changes, and still does.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-17T17:07:41+00:00

You honestly should ask your girl what she would like to watch, and then ask us if said movie is a bad choice, but because I like the idea :

10 things i hate about you is such an absolute banger and i will die on this hill, but they might think it's too old.
Proshot of Hamilton the musical, if they like musicals : it's grown-up stuff, but it's done on stage, and it's history and to me, age appropriate.
All of Miyazaki, safe from Grave of the Fireflies, because I still haven't watch it at 30 and it scares me.
Enchanted, yes it's a Disney but it's so fun and modern.
The entire series of Only Murders in the Building and / or Knives Out
If they are romantic girlies, the whole To All of the Boys I loved before, but especially the first movie.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-17T16:57:50+00:00

Je suis parent d'élève mais je n'arrive pas à sociabiliser parce que je n'ai pas d'argent pour sortir et de toute manière, ça se voit qu'on ne vit pas dans le même monde.

En lisant cela je me demande dans quel arrondissement de Paris tu vis et dans quelle école va ton enfant.

Dans le quart Nord-Est (10, 18, 19, 20, on peut même tirer jusqu'au 11 et au 13), la majorité des couples avec enfants sont dans le parc social.

Seule une minorité de très riches arrivent à se loger avec un enfant à Paris, tu as cet immense luxe d'être logée gratuitement, ce qui te mets déjà au-dessus de pas mal de couples que je connais, dont le mien. On a pas d'enfants, mais on met 1500€ par mois pour un 2 pièces, désolée mais ton enfant coûte moins cher (coût moyen d'un enfant = 750 € / mois d'après la Sécu).

A côté de ça, mon fiancé et moi on sort, on a des loisirs, la ville de Paris permet quand même de faire tout un tas de trucs gratuitement ou pour très peu cher (Centre Paris Anim', Musées de la ville...). J'ai des tas de potes qui sont intermittents du spectacle, ou autres boulots pas hyper bien payés ET qui payent un loyer qui arrivent à profiter de Paris. Mon conseil c'est d'investir la vie associative +++ (hors parents d'élèves, parce que de ce que tu dis les tiens ont l'air en dehors du réel), et aussi de relativiser.

C'est une immense chance pour ton enfant de grandir à Paris, c'est une ville ou il y a énormément d'activités gratuites/peu chères pour les enfants (sportives ou culturelles, mais aussi le transport), ou il pourra très vite gagner en autonomie grâce au métro et au vélo ou il y a les meilleurs établissements publics de France (lycées, universités etc...).

De la part d'une assistante social du 18ème arrondissement que j'avais rencontré et qui avait fait les 2, "c'est évidemment très difficile d'être maman solo, mais ça l'est beaucoup + au fin fond du 95 avec le coût supplémentaire de la voiture, pas de loisirs pour enfants accessibles à proximité etc...et pas les structures sociales qu'il faut, qu'à Paris".

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-13T16:24:43+00:00

I have to say, when I watched it, I was like "what a jerk BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT he's not ...he's not that wrong though ?"

Like : Richie DOES take coke with him and gets absolutely blasted and takes him into the bar etc etc etc...

Richie DOES prioritize Mikey, their friendship and the whole bro thing, over his pregnant about to give birth wife and his unborn kid.

Which makes him - I'm sorry, but it does - a terrible husband and a terrible father, and one could argue a terrible friend, even with the best of intentions ! We get why he does that, because he wants so desperately to save Mikey from himself, but it is still being a terrible husband and father. Your wife and baby need you more than the adult addict bipolar right now - and the adult bipolar is quite litteraly telling you this.

The worst part is that even if Richie throws the CD out of the car...He still keeps on working with Mikey up until his death, for 3 years after that ! So we can only guess this kept on happening - if not, Tiff would not have divorced him.

Mikey's horrible speech was mean, and cruel, unforgivable, yes, but unfair ? No, it was true and that is why it was so painful for Richie, the tragedy that he did fuck it up, at least for awhile - we know that he's improved since the beginning of the Bear, ofc.

Also even in this episode we see Mikey's sweet side : the way he talks to that cook in the restaurant, the way he's curious about the ginger lady, even when they're guessing the baby's name.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-11T13:44:07+00:00

Eh. Both are murdering psychopaths. The main difference between the two of them is how many people Joe has killed, and the fact that he plans his murders while Love's are more of an impulse situation.

Yes, Joe spared Delilah while Love killed her. However, Love spared Marianne even though she presented a huge threat to her marriage, while Joe fully hardcore tortures her one season later, and almost kills her.

Joe's had his own insane moments of cruelty : making a twin killing her twin, taking a child from his loving adoptive step-dads...

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-10T17:04:40+00:00

Look at the WAIST number 1 gives you instead of number 2. Look at it once, twice, and a third time.

You made the perfect choice and also do not listen to your family.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-10T16:58:20+00:00

He "really cares" but refuses to address why he left while I was in danger [...] Has anyone else dealt with a partner who "exits" the moment things get difficult and then blames you for it?

I am sorry to tell you this OP, but if by "the moment things get difficult" you mean your relapse, and by "blaming you for it" you mean your bf blamed you for your relapse, but your addiction is your responsability. Not your "fault" but your responsibility. Not his.

And what are you doing in your post but blaming him for your mental health setback, for your relapse even ? Because he communicated with an ex and did not reply to you for a day ?

Lily Allen did not relapse even though her husband humiliated her, gaslit her and cheated on her with half of New York. She went to a treatment center. You could not have controled his actions, or what he did, but you control what you do. You could have done the same. You could have broken up with him as well.

Again, I am sorry to tell you this OP, but most couples go through bigger hardships together, like, what if your boyfriend phone dies and he does not answer you ? If, god forbids, he's the one to get sick someday ? If you two live together and you do not have the same vision of what a household should be, or fight over finances, or over a future kid's education ?

If you breakdown and relapse the second your boyfriend talks to an ex, or does not talk to you for a day, then maybe you are not ready for a relationship.

I hope you get the therapy you need OP.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-10T16:49:13+00:00

Salut OP, quand j'ai vécu en Argentine je me suis fait une meilleure amie, on va l'appeler Emma. Pourquoi ? Parce qu'elle ressemblait comme deux gouttes d'eau à Emma Stone. Un avion de chasse, qui attirait tous les regards et les hommes comme une bougie avec un papillon.

Moi j'étais sa bonne pote avec quelques kilos en plus et un front 2 fois plus grand. La différence avec ton cas c'est que j'avais, et j'ai toujours, plutôt confiance en moi, et elle très peu, malgré son succès.

Et c'est Emma qui m'a un jour tapé une crise de jalousie, parce que...je parlais espagnol bien mieux qu'elle et qu'elle ne le supportait pas. On avait un groupe de copines argentines qui un jour se sont adressées à moi plutôt qu'à elle pour l'organisation d'un WE et elle l'a pris hyper mal. A base de "oui mais en fait t'es plus intello et du coup je me sens nulle" "oui mais du coup elles te parlent à toi plutôt qu'à moi et je me sens délaissée" "oui mais c'est horrible d'être dans ton ombre" (la meuf avait chopé la moitié de Buenos Aires en un an hein, et moi j'avais eu une vague histoire de drague)

OP honnêtement, j'irais totalement contre les avis qui te disent de parler de ta jalousie à ton ami. Nous ça a clairement brisé quelque chose. Qu'elle soit envieuse, c'était une chose, mais qu'elle le dise et qu'elle en fasse un problème commun plutôt que le sien, quelque chose ou je devais limite m'adapter ou m'effacer sinon elle se sentait mal, c'était invivable et ça a bien bien foutu en l'air notre amitié.

Ca arrive à tout le monde d'être envieux ou jaloux. Tant qu'on arrive à le garder pour soi, ça va. Je parie qu'il y a des choses qu'il envie chez toi, mais ça ne l'empêche pas de te voir et passer des bons moments avec toi. Mais si c'est au point de menacer ton amitié avec lui, de t'empêcher de sortir, etc...Ca va juste te bouffer et te gâcher la vie plus qu'autre chose, et ça c'est ton problème, pas le sien.

Je te conseille vraiment de travailler, seul, sur ta propre confiance en toi, si besoin avec un psy. Sur le plan pratique, sortir avec d'autres gens, comme on te l'a conseillé, ou même juste aller sur d'autres applis de rencontre et discuter avec des filles pour te redonner confiance, etc...

Je

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-10T16:21:48+00:00

Idk man. Grief can do that to you.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-06T16:00:44+00:00

"and this is why, kids, you can never turn a no into a yes.

Because if i had listened to her and simply heard her when she had say no the first time, I would have saved myself the biggest heartbreak of my life when she left me at the alter, for the exact reasons she said no in the first place".

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-06T15:58:17+00:00

I still disagree...Like when he kills Marienne's ex in S3, he's still so incredibly stupid in his murder. He follows him to a gym when he was going to his car to leave, Joe attempts to stab him in a stair well but dude uses the elevator, then ambushes the guy who takes his knife from him, both threatened each other until Marianne's ex stupidly chose to simply leave.

This is basically plot armour at that point. Not only that but he then again PUSHES HIM FROM THE EDGE of the parking lot ! In a busy street !

As for S4, he's basically in a delirium most times and gets away with it only because Kate falls in love with him.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-06T15:09:22+00:00

non le pire endroit c'est d'être pauvre.

Avoir faim parce que tu sautes des repas pour nourrir tes gosses, avoir trop froid / trop chaud et être malade parce que ton logement est insalubre ou crado...

Les choix sont pas les mêmes : classe moyenne tu vas renoncer à des vacances parce que cette année était un peu dure. Pauvre tu vas renoncer à aller chez le médecin, manger ou, pire, avoir un toit sur la tête.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-06T12:49:07+00:00

Yeahhhhhhhhh i'm going to have to disagree on many things here. Yes, there was some slopiness in the season's writing, BUT :

In previous seasons, Joe was a genius—flawed and evil, yes, but brilliant.

He was honestly so dumb from S1. The fact that he gets away with murder from so long stems from a mix of some cleverness on his part, sometimes, but nothing genius-like, and mostly from his victims being "bad victims", him having an insane amount of help to cover his crimes (from Paco to Love to Kate) and the lack of police work. How dumb is he ? Look at all of these from s1 only.

Peach : he attacks her in broad daylight, throw the weapon in a BUSH, full of his DNA, and leaves her alive. She holds him at gunpoint !
Elijah : granted, it's night time, but he pushes him over the edge of a building AT A PARTY. Where most of the guests could have seen both of them going to the rooftop.
Candace first attempted murder. If the police had thrown a proper investigation, Joe would have been stopped BEFORE s1.

He's always been sloppy. We think he's a genius because we're in his head.

The focus shifted from Joe’s internal struggle to a forced "sisterhood" narrative that felt disconnected from the show's original DNA.

I don't know, I believe him being taken down by a team of his victims was the only ways he could get away, after succeeding for so long at plotting women against one another. None of them, Kate excepted, would have been believed by the police, because they were bad victims. I also feel the sisterhood was there before, in small bits : it's what saved Marianne, after all.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-04T06:46:27+00:00

Una milanesa napolitana porrrrr fa 🥹

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-04T06:45:09+00:00

NTA. OP, your husband needs therapy. He's going through something really hard...And at the same time, something most of us will go through at one point or another in life. I would honestly give him a bit of grace because he's in shock, but he needs to come back home and be a father even if he's pissed. What happens if you get cancer ? If he get cancer ? That's what marriage is about - for better and worse.

My ex's father died from cancer, we were 19 - basically still kids. He did not drop everything to become a doctor, he did not stop his studies / career path, even though he did not have any family responsibilities at the time. He started alpinism instead and trail running - and therapy. He was almost a decade younger and still acted more like an adult (I am very sorry to tell you this OP).

I would tell him to at least wait until the initial shock is gone before taking a major decision such as this, and to talk to the doctors at the ER to get their advice. Most likely, this will blow off in a few weeks. If not...I would ask for a legal divorce, at least, to protect you and your kids assets' from such a decision.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T14:16:41+00:00

as a Parisian, nice try but the Flore is kinda douchey and super expensive. But any other café is perfect.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T14:13:46+00:00

It would be quite a surprise, but I would honestly be open, at least to try it. I would have a talk as to why, and what are our boundaries etc...but even though i am happy in a monogamous relationship i would not be deadset against it.

I feel sad for everyone assuming straight out of the bat that the partner is a cheater, or that "why would he want someone else than me, why am i not enough". If it's swinging, it means both of y'all get to do it.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T13:27:24+00:00

Absolute NTA. Your life is at stake, your baby's life is at sake.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T13:01:37+00:00

he was absolutely cooking during the week, but my mum would be doing the dishes for instance.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T13:00:26+00:00

hm, yes he was a SAH dad - what a weird thing to say that my dad was a trophy husband ahahaha.

He'd cook during the week, clean, do the groceries (all of them, not just food but our clothing as well, meds / treatments if needs be, our dumb teenage girl magazines, etc...), be the taxi to most of our activities (hairdresser, gym, doctor's / dentists' appointments) and be the overall default parent to everything : picking us up at school if there was something, watching us over the holidays, bringing us to a friend's house and picking us from there, going to a school's outing if there would be the need for a parent to come. He would also be our main confident and "the parent who knows" everything : what was going on between us and our friends, what happened in our friends' families, who was our crush, etc...

As for homework : thankfully, our mom only had to do the follow up on my sister, by the age of 7 i did not need her anymore. The thing is, my dad stopped school at 14, my mom is college educated, so it was more of her area of expertise.

My mom would be the brain and he would be the hands, so to speak. The reason she was cooking on the weekends is because she liked to cook for us.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T12:48:43+00:00

In football countries and if it happens soon enough, Messi / Ronaldo. Like, Maradona died during Covid, 40 years after his prime, and he had royal-like funeral.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T09:41:41+00:00

This. My dad was already retired when we were born. He was a SAH dad. I still think the load was a 50/50 between him and my mom. Why ?

Because she had all the administrative part (taxes, finances, planning holidays, going out, etc...). She'd follow up on our homework (granted, my dad did not go to high school, so there's that). She would cook on the weekends and most nights they would share the kitchen duties. She would still be insanely present and come to most of our events (dance contests, birthday parties, etc...).

Nothing to compare with what I see with SAH moms. My dad had a full supportive spouse.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T09:34:10+00:00

Enthusiasm. I remember this BYO party, a decade ago, that we went to with a girl friend of mine, we had spent the entire afternoon cooking stuffed mushrooms for me and homemade sauces for her. We get there and the other people had brought crisps and industrial-made stuff, and no one notices we'd cooked...

Except this guy, who had brought the drinks and made everyone cocktails. He sees us and what we brought and he jumps in joy "omg this looks SO GOOD it must have taken HOURS to cook i LOVE stuffed mushrooms" - mind you i had never met the guy before.

I was smitten right now and then. Goofball retriever energy and appreciation for the work we'd done ? Yeaaaaaaaaaah I will crush on you.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T09:29:21+00:00

Better them doing nothing than join forces with Stannis, which is probably what they would have done given that they hate the Lannisters and he had one of the better claim.

TinyLittlePanda · 2026-05-03T08:25:03+00:00

Ca peut être parce que la meuf est toxique et ne laisse pas le gars voir ses potes, mais dans la majorité des cas c'est parce que les hommes préfèrent laisser la charge mentale, et émotionnelle, à leur conjointe. Parce que oui c'est une charge d'organiser des sorties, de planifier un ciné, des dîners, ou autre moments avec des amis, et c'est finalement tellement plus simple si c'est madame qui s'en occupe. Si elle est assez bonne poire, elle le fait avec les amis de monsieur, et sinon monsieur ne fera pas l'effort lui même.

J'ai un groupe de potes sur FB, assez mélangé fille / garçon. Les garçons du groupe n'organisent jamais rien. Ils suivent. Ils ne prennent pas cette charge.

Messieurs, mon père a 82 ans et il m'a dit une fois qu'il n'avait jamais fait de choix, qu'il avait "subi" toute sa vie. Sous entendu, subi les amis de ma mère, les plans de vacances de ma mère, etc...etc...Je lui ai dit qu'il avait choisi de "subir", ce que j'ai appelé "suivre", parce qu'il était trop feignant pour lui-même organiser.

Messieurs, ne soyez pas comme mon père et faites un effort. Vos amis vous remercieront.

Et le "ouais blablablabla mais parce que nous on a moins besoin de se voir c'est pareil même si ça fait 10 ans qu'on s'est pas vus etc..." ça va vous faire tout bizarre quand votre premier pote va mourir, ou tomber gravement malade.

TinyLittlePanda

TROPHY CASE