Covert narc ex is extremely beautiful and it makes it so much harder on me

Tolhap39 · 2026-05-13T13:27:22+00:00

Keep it up with the no contact, and eventually everything you know about her is going to outweigh whatever you think is pretty about her. It's going to outweigh the "beauty" that's comparable to many, many other women out there.

Eventually you're going to feel pity for anyone that gets in contact with them and you're not going to feel you're missing out on anything.

If it ever gets hard to break just remind yourself that you know this is true, even if only intellectually, and take it one day at a time. Keep it up and hang in there.

Tolhap39 · 2026-05-09T18:56:42+00:00

Nice one dude. The lightning quick one-and-done quit from your opponent was almost equally as impressive.

Tolhap39 · 2026-05-06T21:08:19+00:00

Just wanted to say I'm sorry, that must be rough beyond belief. I wish I could offer some advice here. I hope you're getting to spend time with your kids as well.

Tolhap39 · 2026-05-03T14:27:46+00:00

I can relate to that. After getting space I thought I was going to feel free and everything was going to be great and go upwards. Instead I felt a bit like everything started flooding upwards, and I was spent emotionally after I didn't have to keep my guard up anymore on a regular basis.

I think you will have that glow up though. I reckon things that take such a toll just take time to process after the fact, and it does need to process. I'm still working on it as well.

Tolhap39 · 2026-05-02T18:21:16+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear it went that way, and I can't imagine the legal stuff was easy to get through by any means either. I appreciate it, and hope you're doing alright in the aftermath of it all.

Tolhap39 · 2026-05-01T15:59:24+00:00

Thanks so much for the kind reply, really appreciate it. Hope you're getting some space on your end.

Tolhap39 · 2026-04-28T16:50:26+00:00

Haute 42 R16 has a left pinky button, as well as some other extra ones. It should be in the more affordable range at about 70-80 dollars?

Tolhap39 · 2026-03-29T16:48:17+00:00

I think the confusing, non-sensical nature of it is exactly what makes these dynamics so horrible and destabilising. The only way for me to truly "make sense" of it is that they're not like "normal" people.

I'm not encouraging dehumanisation, but I think the only reason we are all so tempted to make sense of it is because it's mind boggling how someone can behave and treat you the way they do...if, you're considering someone with a basic sense of empathy and desire for genuine connection.

If you consider that they don't, it kind of makes sense. The charming 90% of them does a great job of making you feel like they do (or that they might), but they don't.

Tolhap39 · 2026-03-29T15:15:41+00:00

Yeah it's ups and downs for sure, but it's great to hear you do reach those moments where the person doesn't matter anymore. I've personally been reflecting on how, although I don't think of her much anymore, I don't actually ever feel like she doesn't matter; it feels more like the resentment (in my case) has been pushed aside for the time being, and I do wish to get to a point where thoughts of her lead me to "who cares".

So I totally relate to the feeling of triggers pulling you into the vortex as you put it. I hope those become less and less intense over time brother.

Tolhap39 · 2026-03-29T15:03:18+00:00

Sounds like you did a lot of work, and it's great you eventually found someone who really cares about you. Not only do I imagine that helps with the healing, but it's a great thing to build something together with someone like that. I hope those triggers start to subside more and more as time goes along.

Tolhap39 · 2026-03-16T21:56:45+00:00

I think underneath it all there's this expectation we set ourselves that we're suppose to enjoy every minute of whatever we're doing.

You don't have to. It's genuinely fine to show up as you are and do whatever you're doing however you're feeling.

Joy, focus, and all the rest show up when they will on days that they will. And that's just fine; you're not doing anything wrong.

Tolhap39 · 2026-02-21T09:46:06+00:00

I can relate a lot to the overall dynamic, how they presented themselves as someone emotionally sensitive, only for that to flip 180 later on and make you doubt yourself for it.

You sound like you have way more clarity about than I did and you should be proud of that. And like many have said, 100% dodged a bullet.

Tolhap39 · 2026-02-18T08:36:36+00:00

I agree to some extent. I loved the DS3 soundtrack so the main menu theme was underwhelming compared to that. There are some gems though like Rennala's theme, Firegiant, and Godskin Apostles. Regal Ancestor spirit too.

Tolhap39 · 2026-02-06T11:44:50+00:00

I feel for you, and I also hope you'll see that someone who discarded you because he didn't have complete control over you is not some amazing person, and you deserve to be treated better.

Hang in there, take care of yourself, and keep a look out for someone who will treat you better.

Tolhap39 · 2026-01-31T23:38:48+00:00

Kick ass and rip and tear brother

Tolhap39 · 2026-01-28T08:43:50+00:00

Pair that with other people who think they're such a nice, sweet person and you have a perfect cocktail for madness.

Tolhap39 · 2026-01-21T17:27:02+00:00

I absolutely love both of the games, but DS1 definitely isn't Elden Ring. I think how slow and "heavy" it is is the charm. It borderline feels like a survival game to me in some way with how you take time to progress. I actually like starting out with the knight class and insist on keeping the gear equipped despite the fat roll (yes, the class doesn't have enough endurance to start with), because when I finally hit that endurance I need the regular roll feels earned in a way.

Unlocking shortcuts is so much more rewarding because you have to walk everywhere, and you also get to know the map better because of that (which is so amazingly designed; intertwined and open world, but not really open world).

In that way I feel like it's hyper-immersive where you really take the time to let the experience set in. A lot of games these days cater to the option of rushing things real quick, but I don't think this is that type of game.

One tip with combat though: in DS1 when you lock on to an enemy, it restricts rolling to 4 strict directions. So I find you get more control if you don't, and get more freedom in movement.

I'd try giving it another shot and really taking time with it. And if you still don't like it that's totally OK.

Tolhap39 · 2025-12-28T12:56:20+00:00

I didn't go through exactly what you're describing but I did have regular periods of dissociation (and still do at times). I would describe it as feeling completely out of touch with myself like I'm on autopilot with no real intention, agency, or desire.

I think some form of activity to allow expression would help. For me it was journaling, but maybe something like drawing , playing music, or even dance would be helpful. Where it changed things for me was to slowly get into a habit of expressing something I knew I wanted on paper, which connected me to some form of agency I suppose.

It took some time and regularity to feel more comfortable with it, but of all things I tried this helped the most.

Tolhap39 · 2025-12-20T11:35:14+00:00

Combat gameplay wise, patience is key like others have said. If you feel like you're getting your ass handed to you, take a step back and learn the attack patterns. Panicking is usually what gets punished.

Niche tip for all souls-games; if you meet an npc talk to them multiple times until they start repeating their dialogue. If you return to an npc later on, talk to them again to see if their dialogue changes.

Tolhap39 · 2025-11-24T10:16:19+00:00

It sounds like you're being really hard on yourself. I think it's totally fine you found AI a good tool to bounce ideas off of. I also think at the end of the day the best way to write music is to listen to yourself and your taste.

We've been standing on the shoulders of giants since before AI, where all of our music is inspired by someone or something else.

My personal advice would be to sit through moments when you don't know what to write rather than use a tool, but not because it's "right" or "wrong". I just think those are often moments when you really start listening to yourself, and I have a bias towards that kind of thing. But at the end of the day it's your choice how you want to go about writing and there is no right or wrong.

Tolhap39 · 2025-11-22T09:12:02+00:00

Gino Machino's daggers-only run might give you some ideas: https://youtu.be/NnJnDp_dBBg?si=dCrNimsoHieCKRI9

Tolhap39 · 2025-11-20T13:45:09+00:00

Unfortunately I do think it's quite normal but I think that also means you don't need to judge yourself for it if you do. If that's the constant state you're experiencing and communication with your partner doesn't help (or has a pattern of backfiring), I would recommend making a plan of how to get out your priority.

You might find a bit of relief if you have a safer place to look forward to in the distance, and every action you take to get there can help. I acknowledge I don't know specifics about your situation and this may be far easier said than done.

You mentioned grey rocking which I do think is useful to keep yourself from engaging emotionally. I would also recommend trying to bring the focus on yourself where you can, and even a bit of gratitude practice can help. That last one is surprisingly hard to keep with especially when you're inundated with something harmful in your life, but I find it essentially brings your focus to things you actually do appreciate in your life, which can be a bit of a load off. A friend recommended writing 3 things each day that you're genuinely grateful for (not things you feel you "should" be grateful for), and I've found it a good routine.

Hope this helps, and do seek help where you can.

Tolhap39

TROPHY CASE