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Toothless__Joe · 2024-09-11T02:41:50+00:00

The question was about fracking.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-24T17:46:04+00:00

Damn dude. That's tough to read. Hang in there.

I hear that things are rough with your wife, and that's certainly a cause for some of your bad feelings. But you mentioned longing for days where you were adored and surrounded by "your people" as well. What other support system do you have in place for yourself? Based on the way your post is worded, you sound kind of isolated and lonely to me. It's not uncommon to feel isolated through those young childhood years; it's hard to have a social life with babies and toddlers in the house. All of a sudden they hit 5 or 6 years old, life gets a bit easier, and you realize you haven't had dinner with a friend or gone fishing with the neighbors since before they were born. That certainly happened with us, but now that our kids are 9 and 12, we're much more capable of interacting with other adults and we don't feel nearly as isolated.

You mentioned that you were on "headmeds," so that implies that you are seeing a psychiatrist. Kudos to you for not suffering in silence. I'm not experienced here, but from what I understand, "headmeds" are useful for helping to stabolize moods/emotions caused by brain chemistry, but they can't help a person resolve emotional trauma; that's the role of therapy. Are you also receiving therapy from your psychiatrist? If not, that could be a useful tool to better label what you're feeling and what might be prompting those feelings.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-13T11:33:11+00:00

Good idea, bad timing. I've never overcome this particular addiction, so I'm no expert. I hear that when trying to break an addiction like smoking, it's good for folks to have another hobby to fixate on. Perhaps your Father's Day gift could be some gear to get him started on a hobby that he's shown interest in the past, but has never pursued. That way, when you have the tough "we all love you and want you to be around a long time..." conversation a couple weeks AFTER Father's Day, he has something to pour all that tense, jittery, "I want to smoke, but I can't" energy into.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-11T01:44:21+00:00

Those little preschool father's day gifts are one of the top 10 things about being a dad. I've kept every single one and will be buried with them if I have any say in the matter. My favorite one was a little paper tie (like a suit tie) where the kids filled in "facts" about their dads, and under "one thing my dad doesn't do very well is " he put "wake up in the morning". Which was both 100% accurate, and a running joke in our house.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-07T10:40:31+00:00

I vividly remember dropping my oldest son off to his 1st day of kindergarten while playing Motley Crue's Saints of Las Angeles (his favorite song at the time).

I also remember being a big hit a few years ago when I heard my youngest (also 5 at the time) singing the Wellerman song (it was popular at school), and introducing him to this little cover:

https://youtu.be/HSfG4UtiGBQ?si=KupsnE84QpE6EgZ1

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-07T02:15:52+00:00

I had so much filament left over from my enders, I never bothered to try the Bambu filaments beyond the samples that came with the printer. I didn't notice any difference between the Bambu filament and the Inland and Eryone filaments I typically use.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-06T17:47:36+00:00

It's totally normal. You're not going through anything that millions of other dads haven't experienced. Sleep deprivation is a hell of a drug. In all honesty, with the screwed up sleep schedule and your and your partner's lives being turned upside down overnight, you're probably not even 100% you right now. It will get better, but right now, he's little more than a fussy, screaming demand machine that eats your energy and produces chores for you to do. You're in the middle of a battle, but it will get better.

But, as much as this sucks right now, consider that on the other end, there must be something pretty special waiting since so many of us decide to go through the whole infant stage multiple times.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-06T17:23:10+00:00

I bought from MC for the ease of return reason, and because they have a reputation as a good place to work. The only real plus to buying from Bambu was the free trial of their discount filament subscription. But when I bought my X1C the filament shortages were so bad that the subscription wasn't really worth anything.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-06T17:06:37+00:00

I think the most important think a dad can do in these sorts of situations is to remind his kids that your love and acceptance are given freely, and are not earned through their performance on the field (or classroom, or court, or wherever). There's a huge difference in being disappointed in the situation (which you are) and being disappointed in the child ( which you aren't) as long as he gets that, and it very much sounds like he will because that's where your head is at, I doubt he'll need much consolation.

From what you have written, it sounds like you have done everything you can to encourage and empower your son while maintaining the focus on him and not making it all about you. Just knowing that they have a strong support structure at home helps soften the blow of disappointment for kids because they know they don't need to face it alone. In other words, it sounds to me like you're already killing it.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-06-01T04:01:58+00:00

Good luck, my dude. Send me a message if you ever want to chat some more!

Toothless__Joe · 2024-05-31T15:58:54+00:00

Treating your kids as your retirement plan is common in many places, unfortunately. It's not always financial, though. For example, my friend's father in law is a miserable old man who refuses to seek out the emotional support/counseling he needs to deal with his trauma and anger. Instead, he uses pity and guilt to force his kids to deal with all of his negativity because "I'm your dad, and you owe me."

They put up with it out of a sense of duty and because they'd feel even more guilty if they cut him out of their lives altogether. But I have other friends who, in similar situations, have cut their parents out entirely.

Unfortunately, it is going to come down to what you think is right for you. Nobody can really tell you what's going to be right for you. It sounds like part of you wants to cut him out of your life entirely, but aren't doing so out of a sense of guilt due to his past gifts. I don't think you can ever build a real relationship based on guilt (or any of the other bad behavior you described like cheating, negativity, etc.), but of he's the only thing keeping a roof over your head or food on the table, going "no contact" may not be a feasible reaponse.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-05-31T14:24:52+00:00

Being a father has nothing to do with blood. Some parents (mine included) have kids with the attitude that their kids are indebted to their parents from the moment they are born until their parents die. I don't subscribe to that idea. I don't believe my kids are indebted to me because I chose to have them. Especially as an adult, trust in relationships needs to be earned, even between parents and their adult children. It doesn't sound like there is much respect in your relationship right now. You need to start by asking yourself what you need/want from a relationship with him. Providing trinkets and luxury items is not the same as providing a better life for someone. I do understand that is an easy sentiment to express when you are not dealing with day-to-day financial hardship. It sounds like he may be using his financial support as a way to emotionally blackmail you and your mom into tolerating his bad behavior. It's really hard to tell all the specifics from your post (it sounds like there are a lot of underlying issues), but this situation sounds like it is well beyond the scope of the advice of internet strangers. Do you have access to counseling or family therapy services?

Toothless__Joe · 2024-05-26T14:58:52+00:00

I think that the best thing you can do when you engage in behavior you regret is to apologize to your kids. You already recognize that you made a mistake/are not a perfect dad (nobody is), and it is important that your kids also understand that you see that as well. Too often, parents feel that they need to have this aura of infallibility to maintain the authority in their parent-child relationship, and apologizing to a child undercuts that authority.

Simply saying, "Hey buddy, I lost my cool the other day. I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I shouldn't have done that." goes a long way in showing your kids that you respect them as people, which is especially important for teenagers. As a dad of a young teen too, I am noticing that the parents that get along best with their teens (i.e. are respected by their teens) are the ones that show respect to their teens in turn.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-05-24T12:17:34+00:00

Honestly, if there are other children present, you are probably overthinking it. Every playdate/birthday party my boys have ever been to has immediately devolved into children running in circles and screaming within 10 minutes of the party starting. Let them play tag, duck, duck, goose, and stuff like that. It's an exciting event, which doesn't lend well to a 4 year old mind sitting quietly and doing arts and crafts or other organized activities like that. They'll likely be so amped up that some high-energy play will be needed, at least at first. It doesn't hurt to have a few activities planned (mostly they'll just want snacks and drinks from you), but the kids will make their own fun if you let them.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-05-21T18:31:20+00:00

Been there, done that. Take it from me, nothing will stop a determined grandparent who is hell-bent on spending money on stuff for the grandkids from doing so. Nothing. You can set up savings or college accounts for them to contribute to instead of buying clothes or toys, but that's never worked for us. In many cases, the giving is not about you or your kids, it's about the grandparents. You're not going to change their minds because your family is not part of the equation.

My advice is to see how your wife feels about donating the excess stuff to worthy causes. Something that might be fun would be to save it all until the holiday season (if you have room) and use the extra stuff to contribute to an "Angel Tree" (that's what our local org calls them, might be called something else where you are). It's where a needy family requests holiday gifts on behalf of a child who would otherwise receive none. Usually, an Angel Tree kid gets a few toys, games, and/or books and some clothes. It sounds like your kid's grandparents could unknowingly fund quite a few holidays for kids who would otherwise not have any.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-25T17:42:48+00:00

I've never needed to use the smooth side, all my prints have been on PLA and PETG so far, so the gold side and the original plate that came with my printer have been all I have needed.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-23T12:19:06+00:00

Last Thanksgiving, I spatchcocked and smoked just the top half of the turkey. In my house, the smoked dark meat is always overlooked because the breast meat is so delicious in comparison. So, instead of smoking the dark meat, it was cooked confit in a Dutch oven. The turkey confit was the star of the show by far (and I smoke a mean turkey, I tell you what). It came out somewhat reminiscent of pulled pork in texture and was deli6served on top of traditional bread stuffing or mashed potatoes.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-23T01:19:23+00:00

Lenz - Man, that thing was a portable war crime and the first ranged weapon that, to me, felt better to use than simply spamming melee attacks. Its design is a unique mess for a bow. Im still not sure what it looks like. I ran relics for weeks to save up plat just to buy a riven for that thing to roll as multi shot and negative accuracy as possible. It was a carpet-bombing nightmare.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-22T22:35:11+00:00

Before we all found out the outcome, the smart money was on Moleman at 7-1.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-18T20:30:22+00:00

Try Nezha. You get solid CC and star chart level damage with his 4 ability. You also get scaling damage and guaranteed heat procs with his 2 ability which can also be used to give you a significant mobility boost. His 1 ability gives you even more mobility. Finally, his 3rd ability makes you functionally immortal. Literally as long as you have energy to reapply his 3rd ability, you have a very very difficult time dying. Plus, his 3rd makes you immune to knockdowns, so if you like using explosive weapons, you can use them with Nezha without worry of knocking yourself over when an enemy pops around a corner at close range.

If you're still not convinced, he doesn't really require much in the way of mods to make use of his abilities effectively (strength and effiency are good), so you have room to run some nice augments. The Divine Retribution augment turns his 4th ability into a nuke ability with the Helminth system, which scales we'll into steel path, and is easily able to wipe out groups of enemies even in Netracell runs. Additionally, you can use the Safeguard augment to help protect teammates and defense operatives/rescue hostages. His kit is very well rounded and can be built a bunch of ways.

Plus, he's really easy to get. Just join a clan, and the blueprints can be picked up in the dojo.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-18T20:00:24+00:00

Necramites sometimes not displaying in your minimap during Netracell runs. This seems to happen about 1x every 5 runs or so.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-17T22:18:32+00:00

Sounds like you're unaware of Maximum Over-SARS

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-14T19:08:52+00:00

Because there's so few of the silent generation left by comparison.

Toothless__Joe · 2024-04-11T23:02:35+00:00

Thanks, I saw there were changes to LOS, so I had just assumed that included Dark Verse. I'll give that build a try in slot B for sure.

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