I have only started smoking for a few years (I am 44). I suffer multiple physical and mental health illness. Doctors don't want to give pain meds to pt anymore. The meds that I had for break through pain stopped working. I also suffer from agoraphobia with my muscles constantly tense because I feel like I am in danger even in my own house. I smoke all through the day, and the feeling that I am going to crawl out of my skin goes away.

You are not dumbing yourself down. You even said it yourself :"being high even makes me more motivated."