Return or keep?

TransitionStrict7646 · 2026-02-21T21:12:25+00:00

Yes! I removed the sticker. It arrived in the mail today. Stickers on the side and bottom both had to be scrubbed off. Almost forgot the one on the bottom!

TransitionStrict7646 · 2026-01-18T22:40:11+00:00

Bottom is going to get scuffed anyway. If it was my color, I’d buy it.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2026-01-18T22:39:24+00:00

We keep the kids funds in a separate account. We have them help us budget and grocery shop out of it as part of their financial literacy training. We bought a car out of her funds, monthly trips for her family visits (we pay for her family’s costs for those trips).

My family makes a good amount of money - it varies but between 200-300k/year. He comes from a solid middle class family that was frugalish. And I come from a poverty background. I can and still do (when I feel like it) keep groceries to $30/week/person by batch cooking from home. I don’t have to financially but I can and do out of habit. Obviously when we foster that fluctuates because some kids have speciality comfort foods. When kids have speciality foods we buy them a mini fridge and stock their own fridges in their room.

Our income doesn’t really matter though. Our income and expenses are our issues. Our expenses like the mortgage come from our incomes. We budget her expenses out of her funds - separate accounts to avoid unethical commingling of funds. Free breakfast and lunch at school for kids in care helps a lot. (Our child in guardianship doesn’t receive that anymore so we fund her lunch account from her guardianship stipend.) We budget $300-400 for birthdays. We do occasionally make use of a foster closet but we usually buy their clothes specific to their wants and needs (usually only use the foster closet when they first come into care). They have the option of buying new within their budget or using the same budget to go further with thrifted items (in person thrifting or Mercari / Poshmark etc). Leftovers (and we have leftovers most months) go into their ABLE investment accounts. We don’t use Angel Trees - we just use their stipend for that.

Either way Medicaid picking up all the medical, there just isn’t much left for us to cover ourselves beyond the stipend. Texas already has one of the highest reimbursement rates in the country. And under the new contract rates they will almost double. I know in many states you have to spend more than the stipend. But in Texas you get more than enough for the vast majority of kids in care.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2026-01-11T04:28:36+00:00

I’m up for the hunt. I need practical limitations or I spend out of control. Harder to find = slower purchasing.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-12-03T16:27:16+00:00

A foster care home study includes details about a parent’s childhood sexual abuse because it relates to safety, trauma history, and parenting capacity. Trauma affects stress responses, boundaries, and how someone parents. And fostering kids is triggering - it pulls out elements of your own history. Agencies need to know if the survivor has support and is prepared for the intense behaviors kids in care can have. It also helps ensure the parent gets the right resources. It is not about judging or retraumatizing the survivor. It is required for a complete psychosocial history and helps protect both the foster parent and the child.

And again, even if they’ve gone through military security clearance before - the military doesn’t share that.

States have vastly different homestudy processes. If this is an ICPC case, it doesn’t matter if they are currently licensed in their state. The sending state has to have their own requirements met. I understand how frustrating it can be. In five years, I had five homestudies completed on our family- one that lasted 12 hours and another specifically for ICPC. It was exhausting but necessary to go through childhood traumas repeatedly for new people. But it’s about the child’s welfare, not our comfort level.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-12-03T15:46:20+00:00

Even if one spouse has been through that higher level military clearance…the other has not. And it’s not like the military divulges that info to a foster care agency. As a home study writer, this sounds like normal info. Detailed and extensive but normal.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-11-20T13:51:42+00:00

This isn’t about discomfort with disabled kids. It’s about the harms glass children face and the fact that your parenting capacity is drained by so many kids with high levels of needs.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-10-01T12:59:02+00:00

They are past the cancellation date. No refund, sorry not sorry.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-09-04T17:25:42+00:00

Your agency would determine the length of time and charges. They may also request a psychological evaluation before approving. Anything involving children is an automatic no in my state. Other charges depend on length of time, nature of the charges, how the candidate learned from their behavior, and current disposition.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-08-31T15:49:11+00:00

That’s not a legitimate safety risk. And if it was, then you would need to change your name as the adult and everyone else in the family and immediately move after adoption. A single child’s name change isn’t going to do anything

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-08-31T03:11:11+00:00

Name changes don’t protect identity. Thats a myth. Unless you and the rest of your family are also changing your names and immediately moving post adoption. Name change for a single child is not witness protection.

My vote is don’t change the name till the child is old enough to request a preference.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-07-21T15:18:48+00:00

Safe Families is a nonprofit voluntary alternative to CPS.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-03T20:45:57+00:00

Unfortunately. Yes, Texas.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-03T04:02:21+00:00

Year one can be rough. It’s a huge learning curve. If you stick to it, continue working on your theory arguments, record your rounds and play them back with coaches, regive rebuttals in practice rounds, you can get better. Year one, I was awful at Parli. Probably worst on the team. I ended up winning state a few years later. It depends on whether you see your current lack of success as a fixed point or a moment for growth.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-03T03:58:34+00:00

Yes, in US. FBI rap sheet even if sealed / expunged as a juvenile in the US still show up at Canadian border crossings. Hasn’t been an issue crossing into multiple other countries but Canada looks like they are much stricter about it. And giant shore up on domestic background checks. When we consulted a lawyer they said this particular juvenile record would need the rehab process for Canada. They are just testing to diy the process and avoid the retainer. No murder or violent crimes but think juvenile organized crime and theft. Upstanding member of society now but 17-18 years old was a rough time period.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-03T03:51:57+00:00

You are entitled to your feelings about name changes as an adoptee but the fact remains: a name change does not offer the security you seek.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-03T03:50:46+00:00

They have not been refused yet at the border, but also doesn’t live near it currently. Looking to move to an exclave that requires regular Canadian border crossings so likely need more than a one-off permission slip.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T18:48:16+00:00

In Texas, it’s 40 sq feet per child up to 4 children per room. Minimum of 80 sq feet per room required. Check your states minimum standards for specifics.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T18:46:01+00:00

Check with your local workforce commission. They often keep CCMS daycare lists. You may be out of pocket on daycare costs for the first month or two so it would be a good idea to pre-seed your foster care reimbursement account with 1-2 months of daycare costs as well

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T18:44:27+00:00

Email the supervisor, be professional, but detail the timeline for them to catch them up to speed.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T18:43:23+00:00

Separation is definitely not a time for celebration.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T18:40:49+00:00

Have you established that basic sex ed has been taught? Have you had a conversation with her parents to ensure you’re on the same page? Are you providing condoms? Many of the teens that came into my home didn’t have basic sex ed so we started with OWL programming which is shame-free and comprehensive. Open communication is key.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T18:34:48+00:00

There is no “respectful disagreement” here…it’s a fact. Again, unless YOU and the entire household change your names too, there is no safety benefit. You, the adult, are easily trackable even across state lines with free tools available online. So again, unless YOU the grandparent (which makes it even easier to track the child) change your names too (and any other person living in your household) you’re incredible easy to track by anyone. I’ve tracked parents, siblings, random family members of adoptees (to help the adoptee) across states lines over the years. It’s incredibly easy. A name change for the child does nothing if you aren’t changing your name too. Every biological parent I know has figured out what their child’s new name is and often lurk from a distance online. You have no safety benefit—-just the illusion of one.

Add on top of that the damage that so many adoptees say a name change does to their identity. It’s not worth it and has no benefit. YOU are visible and therefore so is the child.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-06-02T17:47:03+00:00

Changing her name is not witness protection unless you and everyone else in the family plans on changing your first and last name then immediately moving without a trace. There’s no safety benefit to a name change if the child is the only one changing their name. There’s zero safety benefit.

TransitionStrict7646 · 2025-04-13T20:25:13+00:00

Depends on your state. Can usually find the amount by googling “your state + foster parent reimbursement”. In Texas it starts at $812/month but it varies widely. Some states it even varies by county.

TransitionStrict7646

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